- Dad, can I ask you a question? - a young, red-haired boy spoke, tugging himself under the thin blanket in his room - And I don't just mean the one I just asked...
- Sure you can. - his father chuckled, glad that he was able to foresee one of his usual replies.
Tyrone Pines considered for a moment the issue that's been building up in his mind for the whole day, and only when his father raised an eyebrow waiting for the question, Tyrone asked.
- Well, today auntie Mabel said something about dating, and...
At once, the colour faded from Dipper's face as quickly as if someone pulled the plug, draining it all at once, though Tyrone was a bit preoccupied to spot that in the dim light of his night lamp.
- ... and I've been thinking: how did you and mom start dating?
- Oh, you meant that question. - Dipper exhaled air in an unmistakable sign of relief - Well, champ, you know that me and my sister were staying at our Grunkle Stan's for the Summer, and ever since, we pretty much came back every year, right?
Tyrone nodded, eager to hear more about his father's childhood. These were always the best stories.
- Well, I fell in love in your mom pretty much instantly. I mean - he shrugged - When you meet that special person, you just know it, you know? Or, wait, you don't know, do you?... - he pondered for a while - Anyway, Wendy needed a bit more time to see that I am her prince charming. I think it happened when I was seventeen...
Dipper sat more comfortably on the edge of his son's bed, closed his arm around him, and begun his tale.
- We've been tracking this creature, for quite a while. Me, Mabel and your mom... I think it was the somber-tooth tiger...
- You mean the saber-tooth tiger?
- No, I meant the somber one! - Dipper assured his son - Horribly dull and morose animal, it lived in its cave, never wanted to go out and play with other ones. So, one day, Mabel said that we should go and cheer him up. I think her original plan was to give him a gym membership, but we have managed to talk her out of this idea, and simply settled on walking him out every once in a while.
He chuckled.
- I mean, it was still a tiger. Mabel led us to his cave... I think she said she already gave him a present once, for the extinct species day, that's how she knew where he lived. And so, we packed, and went into the forest that day, Mabel was leading of course, and me and your mom we were right behind her.
- Were you holding hands? Auntie said that couples have to do that.
- Err, well, we weren't a couple yet... Anyway, I think I was talking about something unbelievably funny to your mom, I remember her laughing all the way... - Dipper said wistfully - When you spend so much time with the person you love, time really flies, you know. We must have been walking for at least an hour or so, but it felt like five minutes. And so, we found this mouth of an underground brook, and that's where Dave lived.
- Dave? - Tyrone asked quizzically.
- Yeah, the tiger. At least, I think that's how Mabel called him. And so, we went further and further down the tunnel... - Dipper raised and wiggled his arms to make his story a bit scarier - And, well, we arrived at the last possible moment, because it turned out that the underground river was starting to overflow the cave! We had to split up, Mabel went to rescue Dave, your mom noticed some wooden beams to support the ceiling, since it must have been an old mine of sorts, and then I saw why Dave wasn't coming out of his cave.
- What happened?
- Turned out Dave had kittens! I should call them "cubs", but that's the name Mabel insisted on. I mean, they were biting and scratching, but they were kinda cute, I guess. So, anyway, I snatched all three of them, while your mom helped to support the ceiling, and we ran toward the exit. - he continued - We were all hooked to the same rope, you know, when you're going underground it's a must, and then, out of nowhere, I heard your mom screaming!
At once, Tyrone clapped his hands over his mouth.
- I felt this sharp tug of my rope, and I realised that your mom was lying on the ground, she must have slipped. So I ran towards her, I guess I gave the kittens to Mabel, took her into my arms - Dipper mimicked moved his body to mimic his pose - And I checked her pulse. She was alive and breathing, alright, but she just wouldn't wake up! Then I remember that Mabel told me that sometimes, people do fall into an enchanted, ever-lasting sleep, and only a true love's kiss can wake them up!
Tyrone's eyes grew wider.
- And what did you do?
- Well, something I've been dreaming about for quite a while. I leaned and pressed my lips to hers, and the moment I did that, your mom woke up, and I helped her rush to the cave's exit.
Dipper sighed, staring dreamily into the ceiling.
- It was, I guess, you can say, pretty romantic. I mean, I wasn't really thinking about that mushy stuff before. - he suddenly brushed off - I was, uh, more into some manly activities, you know, but there comes the time when you gotta learn.
- What happened then?
- Uh, more kissing, as far as I remember. - Dipper's face twisted into a slight grimace, as he tried reliving that memory - I mean, after we helped Dave and his kittens escape. And we pretty much started dating ever since once we were out of that cavern.
A long, somewhat awkward silence fell in the room, interrupted only by the gentle whirring noise of the AC. Tyrone kept thinking, scratching his chin not unlike his father sometimes did, and somewhat sheepishly, he asked the question that's been lingering on his mind.
- Dad, is that all true?
- Of course it is, buddy! - Dipper chuckled - I've seen some weird things happen here in Gravity Falls, but believe me, Wendy Corduroy falling in love with me was the weirdest one of all.
He winked, and pulled his son's hair to place a soft kiss on his forehead.
- Got your dose of a bedtime story, Ty? I can read you something if you want.
- Thanks, Dad - Tyrone replied, tucking himself to sleep. - I think I'm gonna go to sleep now.
- Then sweet dreams, son. Maybe you will dream about some great adventure, huh?
And with that, his dad turned off his night lamp, and walked out of the room, taking one more look at his sleeping son, as he closed the door.
Tyrone learned very quickly that adults often mistook "closed eyes" for "sleeping", and tonight he used the same camouflage technique to be left with his thoughts alone. Has his dad really rescued his mother that way? He knew it happened in fairy tales, but then again, he has seen some fairy-tale-like creatures on his own in the woods.
For at least half an hour, he rolled back and forth, debating whether or not his dad might have done impossible and... lie to him. Ideas were battling in his mind, and once he saw his dad kissing a tiger on their front porch, he knew he was going to fall asleep soon, and before even that thought has crystallised in his brain, he was snoring loudly.
The night's rest gave Tyrone time to formulate a plan to test his father's trustworthiness next night, and he did all in his might to let his mom tuck him in bed this time. His plan worked, and after supper and bath, he was glad to see the flaming hair of his mother peeking into his room.
- You want me to read you something? - she asked, and almost automatically reached for the thick, pink book he got for Christmas last year.
- Uh-uh - he shook his head - Mom, can I ask you something?
- Sure, sweetie. - and instead of sitting, she lay next to him, gently ruffling a single strand of his hair.
- How did you and Dad start dating?
The question astonished his mom even more than his dad, but she recovered from the initial shock much quicker, as the same dreamy, warm smile he loved so much appeared once again on her face.
- Let me guess, Auntie Mabel told you something weird yesterday, huh?
- Uh-uh! - Tyrone eagerly replied - And Dad told me yesterday, but I'm not sure if that was all true.
- Oh, did he? - Wendy placed her hand under her chin and listened to his son.
- Yeah, he said that you went to some cave, and there was a tiger there, and...
- Oh, yeah...
Wendy sighed, and rolled to her back suddenly.
- I remember it now. You know, we should visit Dave some time. That old mine is like, in five minutes distance from here. He really is an interesting fella. - Wendy paused for a moment - Did your dad tell you how he tripped himself and me onto the ground?
- No... - Tyrone said slowly, looking into his mother's eyes, waiting to hear more.
- Yeah, we were rescuing him and we were all tied together, cos you know...
- ... cos you always have to have your security rope tied when you go down into the caves! - Tyrone interrupted quickly.
- Very good, Tyrone! - Wendy cheered and tickled him at his exposed neck - Anyway, we were tied together, except, it was your father, who tied ropes this time, and well, he's never really been good at it. I mean, he can babble about string and knot theories, but we, Corduroys, know string and knot practice! I was last in line, and I have redone the knots on my belt, but your dad haven't, they undid themselves and he plummeted straight onto me, almost knocking me out!
Tyrone leaped onto his knees.
- Were you alright, mom?
- Sure I was, you need more than that to break me. - she chuckled - But, yeah, I had to scold him a bit after that, and when we were rushing out of that cave, I was in charge of securing the ropes.
- Didn't that happen when you were walking out of that cave? - Tyrone scratched his head.
- Oh, no, that was right at the start. - Wendy cleared her throat and turned on her side once more. - Your dad... he was always trying to impress me, you know. And I guess I let my guard down this one time. And when we were escaping that flooded mine, well, as I said, I made sure we all came out safe and sound.
- So... there was no magical kiss or anything?
- Magic kiss?
Wendy's eyes once again opened wide, though this time they were reduced to slits once she started laughing.
- Oh, me and your father didn't kiss until, like, a year later, I don't know why Dipper would say that we kissed back then. I mean, we were tumbling on the ground together, but that hardly counts as a kiss...
- So, there were no tiger kittens to be rescued?
Upon hearing those words, Wendy suddenly stopped laughing, and though she tried to hide it, she avoided her son's eyes for a while.
- No, that was true, alright.
She turned back onto her side, and closed her arm around Tyrone, bringing him closer to her chest.
- Mabel was rescuing Dave, I found some old support beams, rotten as heck, but they had to do, and suddenly, I see Dipper dashing deeper into the cave. I didn't know what to do: the tiger roared behind me, Mabel didn't know what happened, I was keeping the planks together, and then, just before the water floods the lower levels, Dipper came out with three smaller tigers in his arms. - she spoke quietly, though her next words were even softer. - I've never noticed them. I was about to let go, but I saw your dad dash further, and I had to keep holding the ceiling.
Up until now, Tyrone wasn't sure if he was seeing correctly, but as the story progressed, he realised that the orange light of his night lamp glimmered in the his mother's eyes a bit too much.
- Yeah, not my proudest moment. - she wiped away the tears, and stared at her son, left with his mouth wide open. She immediately pulled herself together, and continued - You should have seen your dad back then. His arms bitten and scratched, his shorts all damp, he looked so miserable.
That didn't exactly cheer Tyrone up, but at least made him speak again.
- So, no magic kiss, then?
- Yeah, sorry, but no, that's not how life works. - she once again rolled to her back - We had our first kiss when he was helping me with math homework for college. I guess then we really started dating, since we spent so much time together. Cos you know, your dad has always been an egghead-
She caught herself saying that word, and immediately backed up.
- I mean, I wanted to say that he was smart. Much smarter than me at these subjects. Don't use that word, okay, it's not nice, sorry I said that.
- I know. Dad calls himself egghead too.
Wendy smiled, gave him a soft kiss, and with that, she got onto her feet.
- So, now you know how things really played out.
- Thanks, mom. - Tyrone returned the kiss his mother placed on his cheek.
- You sure you don't want me to read something, well, less touchy?
- Nah, I'm good. I'm half-Corduroy! - he cheered.
- That's my boy. -she smiled - Sleep well, honey.
His mother wasn't as easily fooled as his dad with the "closed eyes trick", and Tyrone had to pull a convincing snore to let her finally close the door to his room. He thought that his mom's story would settle things on, but instead, it opened even more cans of worms. He wasn't sure why adults said this phrase when they were troubled, but he definitely felt that way.
Now he had two versions of the story, and they didn't really match. His dad never said anything about math homework, and he wasn't sure why would he suddenly forget about this. His mom's story sounded much more believable, but there was something fishy about the way she told it. There was no way she would have missed three tiger cubs just lying on the ground. He hoped to feel relieved that his father wasn't lying to him, but now, a second, even more gruesome possibility opened up to him: were both his parents lying to him? And if so, have they done it before?
This night, it took Tyrone way more time to fell asleep, and no amount of rolling back and forth helped, until he was simply too tired to think. Before he fell asleep, he decided he needs to confront both his dad and mom tomorrow morning.
Tyrone chose the breakfast to do so, since it was a definite moment when they were all present in one room, and after hearing both sides of the story, it was now time to merge it all together to see which bits were true and which were not. Secondly, breakfast seemed a perfect time to settle important matters, as his family was currently in a week-long debate about which should be poured first: milk, or cereal. His father, as did Tyrone, opted for milk, and adding cereal later, while his mom was happy to do the opposite, both vocally expressing why their way was better.
He was about to ask his parents about their dating history, when there was a soft knock on the garden door, and the figure appeared in the doorway that suddenly pushed all matters aside.
- Auntie Mabel! - Tyrone cheered and jumped from his seat almost straight into the sweater-clad arms of his aunt, when he opened the door.
- Oh, look at you, you've grown so much since I last saw you! - she ruffled his hair, and pulled him off the ground into a tight hug.
- Mabel, you've seen him two days ago. - Dipper grunted from his over bowl, giving his sister a soft embrace, while picking his son from her.
- Oh, shush, brother. I have one nephew, and I'm gonna measure him every... Single... Time! - she punched her brother's chest punctuating each word.
Mabel unceremoniously sat at the spare chair, and joined their breakfast. She seemed to prefer neither mom's or dad's way of eating cereal; with no extra bowl, she simply poured some of the sugar-coated treats into her mouth and topped it off with the luke-warm milk, munching on the mess in her mouth.
- Don't try doing this... - she grumbled, trying to chew - Or you might choke. I am... a trained... professional!
She spoke the last words quite clearly, after she swallowed the whole soggy mess in one go, and spread her arms, almost as if she was doing a magic trick, though only Tyrone seemed to enjoy it. And as auntie Mabel was about to perform something even more ridiculous, an inspiration hit Tyrone. He hasn't heard all sides of the story: there was a third person to observe how did his parents get together!
- Auntie Mabel, I've been asking mom and dad about something, but their stories don't really add up. - he suddenly blurted out.
An ominous silence fell in the kitchen. The three adults exchanged knowing looks, but only Mabel seemed to be interested in diving into this topic, while his dad and mom seemed somewhat terrified. They have obviously talked about this at night, something Tyrone hasn't predicted. He wasn't sure what adults do at night, come to think about it.
- Yes... and what is that question?
- I wanted to know how mom and dad started dating! - Tyrone banged his spoon on the table. - Cos you said last time what "dating" means, and I wanted to know...
And, without pausing, before either of his parents could react, he re-told both versions of the story, gesturing wildly in the process, and only once he was finished, he realised that both his parents and Mabel wore a deep shade of crimson on their faces but only his aunt's was easy to understand, once she burst into laughter, releasing the air she's been holding.
- Oh, you guys have the wildest imagination. - she moved her stare from his dad to his mom, both still deeply flustered. - Alright, kiddo, I was there, with these two, and I can tell you how it really happened...
She cleared her throat, relaxed in her chair, clamped her right hand over protesting Dipper's mouth, placed a single finger of her other hand at Wendy's lips, and begun speaking.
- So yeah, we wanted to help Dave. Cos I haven't heard from him for months! And by the way brother - she turned to his dad - Yeah, that was his real name. I helped him write it on the cave, in big, shiny letters, like you couldn't have missed those! Anyway - she continued - I wanted to take him to some juice bar, or something, maybe a library, or the movies. I
forced Dipper to go with me, and I bribed him by saying we can take Wendy with us. Because of course - she rolled her eyes - Your dad was madly in love with her. Oh, he might been saying he's over her, and all of that, yadda,
yadda, yadda, but any woman who would look at him would tell: this guy's in love.
His father's attempts at correcting Mabel's story intensified, mostly by trying to reach Mabel's face, but her arm seemed just long enough to prevent his from doing anything other than banging into the table in sheer frustration.
- And so, we went to visit Dave. We took Wendy, because, let's face it, she was most skilled at cave-dwelling. And you just had to be there to listen these dorks yammering all the way. - Mabel shook her head - Because, you see, while she wouldn't ever admit it, your mom was at this point also in love with your dad!
At that revelation, another force, much fiercer than Dipper's, tried to stop Mabel, but even Wendy's power could not stop Tyrone's legendary auntie from stepping down.
- I think It's because that year your dad finally outgrew her. And if there is one way to make girl fall in love with you is to be a tall...
Wendy launched a cereal box at Mabel, but missed.
- ...kinda handsome, I guess... - she looked at his father - I mean, he was doing the stupid goatee at that point...
A wooden spoon flew over her head from Dipper's side, and a second one followed from Wendy's.
- ...and be all into adventures. So, we went into that cave. I went first, cos I've been there before. Your dad wanted to impress your mom, he did the ropes, she let him, and yeah, she fell. And Dipper did not kiss your mom, because she was perfectly fine! She just tripped and fell, but Dipper was all "oh no! The love of my life is dead now, better see if I can make her un-dead". - Mabel made an impression of his dad again. - So he ran towards her, and guess what, he tripped on the same rock, fell onto her, and I think he gave her a bump when your foreheads collided.
Almost unconsciously, both Wendy and Dipper moved their hands to their heads, massaging two invisible bruises.
- I mean, their lips might have brushed, I guess that's possible, but I think the definition of kiss is a bit more strict.
- Seriously, Dipper? That's what you told him? - Wendy scoffed, wrenching out of Mabel's restraints - I think that head bump might have messed with your dad's brain. - she chuckled.
- Hold on, sister, cos you're no better than my brother. - Mabel suddenly interrupted Wendy. - See, it was the kittens that really tied the two together.
- Kittens, or cubs? - Tyrone asked, interrupting the story.
- Neither, I think they're in college now. - Mabel replied - Anyway, your mom was so impressed that Dipper saved them, that, I guess, she finally gave in, and the two started dating.
- And what about math homework? - Tyrone pressed.
- Math? Oh, boy, your mom might not be as good as your egghead dad over here, but she's been doing your grandfather's taxes for like ten years. She didn't need homework, she just needed more Dipper.
At those words, their parents' faces were positively glowing with embarrassment.
- Oh, sure, she might call it that way, but it was just a pretence to get more smooching. Believe me, I caught them a few times, and somehow they were never calculating the roots of any parabolas there.
She finally let go of Dipper and Wendy's faces, who, perhaps due to sheer unease stopped fighting Mabel.
- See, the thing is, when you're in love, you kinda act weird. And stupid. Like a dork. Trust me, I've been through this many times myself! And your dad has already been the biggest one I've ever seen, so you can imagine what happened when he was near Wendy. And you - she pointed to his mom - You were always laid-back and cool, but once Dipper grew those few inches and his voice dropped, you started getting weak knees around him too!
A soft smile drew on Wendy's face, and as if in a mirror, another one appeared on Dipper's.
- Yeah. Love does make you a bit stupid. But that's okay, cos if that other person gets silly too, then you have someone else to help you in your life with, and you get your smarts back. - she grabbed, as forcefully as she did the cereal box, Wendy and Dipper's shoulders and moved them closer to hers - Well, kinda, in case of Dipper's.
- Hey! - his dad protested.
- And if you have a third person to help you get through this mess, - Mabel continued - Then you're in a safe hands. Am I right, guys?
- Yeah, I think - muttered Dipper, trying to wriggle out of his sister's restraints.
- Uh, sure, Mabel. - Wendy answered in a be-polite tone.
- So yeah, your parents didn't lie to you, they just remembered things differently. That happens, I guess.
- "I guess"? Mabel, you're the one who's teaching in pre-school, you should know more about psychology.
- Silence, brother, Mabel is speaking. - Mabel spoke - And I know way more stories, though! You haven't heard the best things about your parents. I can tell you how I helped them during the wedding, and when the town was flooded with soap, and what happened after you were born...
She begun listing their shared adventures on her hand, and as he was about to continue his breakfast, her words suddenly jogged something in Tyrone's memory.
- Auntie Mabel, that's right, I wanted to ask you another thing: where do babies come from?
Mabel stopped her long speech, and for a moment, she looked exactly as perplexed at other two adults in the room. Almost at the same time, they all blinked, but before Wendy or Dipper could say anything to Mabel, she sensed that, jumped from her chair, wiped her mouth with the long sleeve of her sweater, and in no time travelled the distance to the door.
- Oh, my, look at the time, I've been here so long, and I completely forgot I left Waddles plugged... and I have to water the iron... and walk the flowers... - she proclaimed loudly - Anyway, I'm sure your mom and dad will know all about it, kiddo!
She ruffled his hair once more, gave him a kiss on the cheek and waving goodbye, stormed out of their house.
Before he went to sleep that day, Tyrone opened the drawer of his night-stand, took a notebook he called "journal", and wrote down what he learned from his dad, mom and auntie, though he skipped the whole talk about where babies come from, substituting the complicated answer with a simple "Yuck".
The older Tyrone was, the weirder and more bizarre the world looked to him. There were so many things he didn't know about, and while he usually could rely on his mom and dad to help him understand those, it was utterly bizarre that a question existed which could cause adults to run away in panic. Perhaps there were more of them, some even more terrifying? That prospect might have scared other kids, but it only encouraged Tyrone more, and he knew he won't stop bugging his parents, auntie, and all their friends until he would learn the truth about everything.
And though he didn't know about it, somewhere, deep in the woods, something heard his call of knowledge, and slowly waked it back to life, lump by lump. Something more than eager to help Tyrone Pines with his goal, and utterly desperate to achieve its.
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