How To Love

by Kirishiki Sunako

Amu's mother was murdered in front of her own eyes when she was 11. Now everything has changed. Her father takes his anger and sadness on drugs and abuses her. Amu still loves her family either way. Amu has no other way to cope with her mothers loss than to do drugs,cut and try suicide. That all changes one day when Amu meets this kind boy named Tsukiyomi Ikuto

CH1 How To Love…

(Amu's P.O.V):

Pain, suffering, betrayal… this is what I feel. I'm used to this anyways… I know this feeling. In some way, I enjoy heartache, and all these emotions. Being hurt, that way I won't be vulnerable again. That way, I'll get even more stronger... You want to know why?! Then I will tell you why.

My mother, Midori Hinamori… had died when I was 11 years old. I was just graduating Elementary, and mama had taken me out to celebrate this wonderful occasion. Of course, papa had come along too. We were all a happy family, we loved each other so much. We laughed together, lived together, and nothing could separate our bonds with one another… or so I thought.

So we went to my most favorite ice cream shop. I was so young and childish, papa had to refrain me from my excitement. Haha, how stupid I was, so… immature. So like usual, we all ordered nice chocolate ice cream. We sat down on some spare seats and shared information about our lives. Mama asked me things usually girls in my school would ask. Who do you like? Or who is the meanest teacher? Should I wear this dress? Papa just sweat dropped as we giggled and gossiped. Ohoh, what can I say? Like mother like daughter.

So we had finished our ice cream by now. I skipped down the road, hand in hand with my parents… dragging them behind me. I was distracted every now and then by sceneries and butterflies… and little children of course~! Then suddenly an audible gunshot was heard… I could've swore it broke the sound barrier. "Mama, papa? What is that noise?" I whimpered in panic. Turning around, I see a man in black… pointing a gun at us.

"Kazuomi!" papa growled. I flinched and hugged mamas frail form, her grip tighten around me. Her hands were trembling. Though she was obviously scared, she managed to speak.

"What do you want from us?" she glared. The man smirked. And for no reason, he aimed the gun at papa… and pulled the trigger. But mama had saved papa… she saved his life. My eyes widen as she dropped to the ground lifelessly. Dad had fallen to his knees sobbing. I glare at the man until he vanishes very quickly.

Then I start to scream as I went to my mothers side. "MAMA! MAMA? ANSWER ME OKAA-SAN!" I cried. Silence… I spent the day in grief, crying with papa. We knew she was dead. The haze in her eyes were evident and stood as proof. Since that day… everything had changed… everything. My rainbow had turned into a wilted rose, my heart shrunk. And that was when I was determined to find out who this Kazuomi man was and why he killed my mother.

Here I am. And since mums death… papa had become a monster. That crybaby of a father had turned into an abusive monster. He would drink alcohol and smoke all day long. Every morning I awake, I see him sleeping with some random lady he had picked off from the streets. He would beat me up and use me as a tool to release all his sadness and anger on. But you think I'd hate my father… but I don't, not at all. The truth was that this was not my father. This was him who gave up. He had grown tired of coping with mamas' loss. So he gave up, and let his anger and grief get the best of him.

So my average day next, I am currently 16 years of age. People make fun of my naturally pink cotton candy hair. I even get called an emo poser. I'm not that kind of person. Why can't things go back to the way they were? Then if I'm lucky, papa is passed out on the couch when I get home. I'd lock the door and cry myself out. Then I'd blame myself for being weak, I usually cut myself in these kind of cases. I am very suicidal indeed.

I get up when the alarm rings. Groaning I roll off the bed and curse when I frail body crashes against the floor. My bones are rigged and my skin is paper white and rough. Scars run all over my body. Slowly I struggle and finally wince as I get on my feet. Monday… the worst day ever. Maybe I'll sneak some of papa's tobacco today…ne? After all I like disobeying rules.

I get ready for school, slipping on my uniform after I brush my teeth. I put my hair down and wear my pentagon necklace. My makeup is slightly gothic and it covers up the damage I had done to myself. If only people knew what I'm going through, they would stop picking on me… they would leave me to be alone.

I walk into the school building, my eyes on the floor like always. Then a group of girls laugh at me. Then the schools most popular girl, Yamabuki Sayaa struts up to me. "My, my! Well if it isn't miss pinkie," she exclaims coldly as shivers travel up my skin. I flinch as I start to walk away.

Suddenly I'm pushed up against a locker. "G-GOMENE!" I shout. She laughs out loud… a cacophony to my ears indeed.

"Girls! Help me out will you?" Sayaa smirks. The rest of her posse start to pin me on the floor and beat me up. I don't know WHAT I have ever done to them. I cry out as I am punched in the face. Then I am kicked in the stomach hardly. They continued to beat me. Then a loud shout was heard. Sayaa turned around to see a boy with cobalt blue hair and matching eyes.

Tears stream down my cheeks, cuts reopened. Oh this is normal, it happens a lot to me. Then the boy gives me a sincerely sympathetic look before punching the life out of the red head girl. She falls back in shock and clutches her cheek with both hands and her posse runs away… retreating. I barely lift myself off the ground and my legs wobble. My hair shields my eyes, I look so vulnerable. Wait what?! I thought I already was. I will always be like this.

(Ikuto's ):

That poor girl, I felt bad for her. Well she does look like she's in bad shape. I grab hold of her hand and she flinches in pain. Without hesitation, I pick her up bridal style and walk to the infirmary room. Then the nurse walks up to us. "Oh my! What happened?" she exclaims in shock. I sweat drop.

She's gotten into a fight with some other person," I state. The nurse nods before taking care of the bruised pinkette. I observe the girl closely for some reason. Her skin looks very paper pale and her bones, I can even see the shape of them poking through her skin. She had scars of course, from the fight she had with that red haired bimbo. And she had an extremely small form. She looked so thin she would snap in half. Huh, she's probably one of those creepy emo kids… I'm certain of it.

(Amu's P.O.V):

I yelp when water comes in contact with my burns. I try to pull away. "Don't worry. The aids will only sting a little ," the nurse assured me. Ms…Hinamori…? Why such formal behavior? I wonder. But right now I feel like jumping off a building. I can't live like this anymore. If I die, I won't have to live like this anymore. It would be like I never existed. Ha, nobody would notice my death… nobody cares about you bitch. You are a weak and pathetic loser. I'm sorry mama… for being weak. I-I'll be joining you soon. Just you wait! I'll be with you… okaa-san.

Teardrops spill from my eyes, cascading down my bruised cheeks. I don't care if the whole world is watching me anymore... I don't care, I've given up on myself. I cant go to school tomorrow, I can't look anyone in the eye.

(Normal P.O.V):

"You are released ," the nurse declared. Amu stares blankly at the wall in front of her. "MS .HINAMORI," she said a little louder. The startled pinkette jerks to consciousness and she stands up, but crashes to the floor immediately. "Oh, I guess you can't walk either. I guess I'll call your guardian then," miss nurse exclaims. Amu gasps loudly.

"P-please don't. I can walk on my own! Just… I'm fine really!" Amu frantically shouts. The cobalt blue haired boy and the lady raise a brow.

"Well here, wear this. I think it will help you if you really don't want to call your parents then," the lady sighs as she hands Amu a knee brace thing. ((AN:/Whatever that is XD))

Amu puts it on her injured like knee and walks out of the room, with pain in her face.

(Ikuto's P.O.V):

Why do I care about this psychic emo kid anyways? I feel like murdering that red head slut that pinkie fought with earlier. My fists ball up and I walk to class.

LUNCH TIME (Amu's P.O.V):

I put my hoodie on and walk up the stairs to my secret spot. Opening the next door, I am right in the terrace of this building. Sighing, I trudge my way out and sit on the edge of the rim, my feet dangling in the air. Closing my eyes, I finally rest my mind.

The cool spring air blows in my face, my hair flowing in the wind. Then flashbacks spark in my head. My first day of school when mama and papa filmed me and I twirled in my new dress for them. And when I learned how to swim at age 10. The time I sang a solo for the Christmas pageant and went off tune… then my mother on the concrete floor with blood pooling out her sides and hazed golden eyes. I whimper and get spring up. Why..? Why did you have to leave me mum? Don't worry, I will hunt down your murderer, and I will kill that bloody bastard, I'll stab him forty times in the chest if I must! But I dream to much.

I lean against a pillar, sobbing my broken heart out. My soul is has so many empty voids, my soul is missing a lot of happiness. My eyes are red rimmed like they usually are. I cry like this every night and I lack a lot of sleep. God, am I ugly!

(Ikuto's P.O.V):

I walk up to the terrace where I usually have my lunch. The cafeteria is such a meddling calamity nowadays…sigh. I walk in and see the pinky girl from this morning leaning to the side of the terrace. Wait, isn't that dangerous? She could fall off at any minute. She cried like hell and her one foot was slowly slipping off the edge. "BAKAAA!" I shout as I grab hold of her and pull her away from the ledge. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU COULD'VE DIED YOU IDIOT!" I screamed.

She flinched and started to sob on her knees. Maybe this was the effects of that Sayaa girl. Yes, I know her name now. "I'm sorry for screaming at you. But it isn't nice to see someone die right in front of me pinky," I retort. She covers her face.

"G-gomene…" she whispers softly but audible enough for me to hear. I want to know more about this interesting girl.

"So who are you?" I ask curiously. She sneaks a peek at me with a neutral expression.

"Hinamori Amu. You?" she says like a robot.

"Tsukiyomi Ikuto. I'm new over here so I hope we can be friends kay?" I smile.

"Hai…" she says softly.

(Amu's P.O.V):

WHAT?! He wants to be my friend. Well… he'll probably stab my back like everyone else does. But I'll enjoy this 'friendship while it lasts ne?'

Yeah and he caught me trying to commit suicide. I am so stupid…sigh. I feel like crawling into a dark hole and crying. Wow, I am also dumb to just jump off a building without a plan. Well… this day was quite eventful indeed.

(AN:/ CHAPTER ONE FINISHED! I AM GOING TO REDO ALMOST ALL MY STORIES MINNA SO I'LL BE WRITING LIKE A MATURE GIRLY KAY?!))

Amu: Wat ze fack…

Ikuto: Hey amuu we're friends~

Author: Ooh lelee

Amu: O.o

Ikuto: No even better, we're sex buddies

Amu and Author:WHATDAHELL EEEEEWWWWWW