Kari Captors
A Mystic Adventure
"I smell cologne. Cody, are you wearing cologne?" Yolei teased.
"Huh? I, well, uh, I mean, um, well, Upamon spilled a bottle of cologne and it must have got on me, yeah, that's it."
"How come you're all dressed up like that? Do you have a date or something?" T.K. pointed out.
"It's not a date!"
"Ooh, Cody's got a date!" Davis taunted.
The newer gang is in the computer room, hassling Cody cuz he's all spiffed up. And Ken is there; cuz Ken is a Digidestined now. So take that, Mister Freaky Voice-Over Guy.
"It's not a date, I'm just going for ice cream with Sakura."
"The Card Captors girl?" Kari asked. "That's so cute!"
"Isn't she two years older than you though?" Ken inquired.
"Uh, well, we can make it work! Patamon dates a bag of tossed salad."
"No, I dumped her. I'm going to ask out a can of Planters honey roasted peanuts I met the other day. She seems sweet."
"So…can we all come with you on your not-a-date date?" Gatomon asked.
"Fine. Just don't pester me. This could get me an actual girlfriend."
Just then the sound of feverish typing interrupted any snappish comebacks. The kids and digimon looked over in the corner and noticed Lia typing like a fiend.
"What are you doing?" Davis asked.
"Writing the fanfic, what's it look like I'm doing?"
"But you can't be in the fanfic and typing it at the same time, it's not possible!" Yolei cried.
"Sure it is, now get over to Card Captors before I decide to have Cody date somebody creepy, like Misty."
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
~*~
"How did we suddenly get here? I mean, weren't we just in the computer room?" Yolei asked.
I have magically transported you there because nobody wants to hear about you walking.
"How come you're writing what you say in bold now?" Kari asked.
I'm not talking to you in the fanfic, so I switched to Author Talk. Now continue.
"Grrr, she's more annoying than Matt's mullet!" Davis mumbled.
I heard that! HE DOESN'T HAVE A MULLET! And for any of you that don't know what a mullet is, get a really recent pic of Kevin from the Backstreet Boys. His hair is a mullet. Mullets were popular in the 80's and now they're just creepy. Continue or I'll hurt you.
Cody pushed the doorbell of the Avalon house and waited. Tori, Sakura's mean older brother, answered.
"Whaddya want, cuz we don't give to charities, Tiny Tim."
"Actually my name is Cody and I'm here…"
Sakura and Madison bolted down the stairwell, grabbing Cody by the wrists and shouting, "SeeyalaterToriwe'regoingoffforawhiledon'tknowwhenwe'llbebackhavefunwithoutus!"
The others stood there for a minute, dazed and confused.
"What just happened?" T.K. asked.
"I think we just witnessed Hurricane Sakura in action," Kari replied.
"Boy, Cody better know what he's getting into," Yolei muttered.
"You said it," Ken added.
"Why don't you come inside or something while Sakura's on her date?" Tori suggested. The kids nodded and trudged up to Sakura's room. Kero was in the middle of playing Death Mongoose 96 for Nintendo…the Avalon family is too cheap for PS2…when the door opened.
"AAAAAH! Who the hell are you?"
"AAAAAAAAAHHH! It's another yellow flying rodent!"
"I'm not yellow and I'm not a rodent!" Patamon cried.
"We're (pose) the Digidestined! (fanfare)"
"And we're (pose) their digimon! (fanfare)"
"Ah, the guys Pokémon ripped off. Should have known."
Davis sauntered over to the desk and opened up the drawer containing the all-specialistic Book of Clow.
"Specialistic isn't a word!" Ken shouted, reading over what was just written.
Thank you for the update, Izzy Junior.
"Don't touch that!" Kero snapped. (By the way, that is how they spell his name.)
"Sorry," Davis said testily, putting the book back in the drawer.
"Davis, if you've ever seen the show you know that that book is very important and you shouldn't go messing around with it!" T.K. stated.
"Who made you the expert, T.U.?"
"Do we have to go through another fanfic with you two squabbling?" Yolei asked.
"Yes!"
Just then T.K. got shoved into the desk by Davis, upsetting the thing and causing the Book of Clow and the Key of Clow to fall into his hands. The stuff started glowing like it usually does with Sakura, and all the Clow Cards poured out of the book in a whirlwind that took Kari, Ken and Yolei, along with all the digimon except The Pig with them out the open window. They'll be okay, don't worry.
When the Clow storm subsided, the room was in complete disarray and T.K., Davis and Patamon were very confused. Kero stared at them indignantly and began screaming at them.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE BOOK OF CLOW AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! SAKURA IS GOING TO…"
He stopped, took a good look at the guys and began laughing hysterically.
"What?" they asked in unison.
T.K. ran over to a mirror and realized he was wearing a typical Sakura Card Captor outfit consisting of a frilly pink top, pink puffy shorts, weird shoes and a frilly headpiece. Davis was sporting the less girly green robes of Li (whose last name I will butcher if I try and write it).
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Shaddup," T.K. hissed.
"Okay, here's the dilly-o," Patamon said, sounding oddly like Kero when he's in his usual businesslike manner. "You're the official Kari Captor Takeru trying to get the rest of the Digidestined back to normal and win the heart of Kari. Davis is the other Kari Captor that's going to stop at nothing until he gets his way…much like Al Gore before Bush beat him. Davis has a sword, you have a frilly key-wand do hickey, and I'm the Kero wannabe. Now that that's said, let's go."
"When this is all over I'm going to kill Matt for dating an author."
Not if I have anything to say about it!
~*~
"So Sakura, why did we get away from your brother so fast? And isn't the TCBY in the other direction?" Madison asked as they walked around.
"Well, I kinda fibbed when I said this was an ice cream get together. I needed somebody's help capturing this Clow Card and I am getting sick of Mei Lin following us around all the time. So I was hoping you'd help me, Cody."
"Sure, just one question. Don't you need the Key of Clow to capture the cards?"
"Yeah."
"Well where is it?"
Sakura facefaulted and started going through every pocket, searching for the key.
"Oh no, I left it at home!"
Cody smiled at her, one of those adorable mysterious Cody smiles. "It's okay."
"Really?"
Cody was about to say something cute and Cody-ish when all of a sudden who should appear but Li and Mei Lin?
"Hey, you're one of those Digimon brats!" Mei Lin shouted.
"Get away from my girlfriend," Li hissed. (musical innuendo)
~*~
"Lia! Hey, Almighty Author Chick! Ya wanna help me?" T.K. shouted, walking down the street in his puffy pink outfit.
Not necessarily, but what?
"I don't get it. What am I supposed to be doing here?"
I don't even know, I'm a spontaneous author. Just run with it, kiddo. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing myself.
"If you humiliate me I swear to God my brother will…"
Matt won't do anything to me; he loves me, you doofus. Now hurry up and win Kari's heart so I can make all the Takari fans happy.
"And how am I supposed to do that?"
The fic is called Kari Captors, you have all of Sakura's Card Captor stuff, you figure it out.
Just then a small blue figure in an over-elaborate costume ran by. T.K. gawked at it, then turned to Patamon to ask what that thing was. He was cut off when a single red rose flew out of nowhere and struck the ground. He turned and caught Davis standing on that huge penguin slide that makes an appearance every episode, still dressed like Li.
"Wrong show, dipstick. We're on Card Captors, not Sailor Moon."
"Don't you know anything, Takaishi? That thing is the Chibimon Card, it has the power to make anything it comes in contact with have an annoying lisp."
"Yeah? Well…I'm gonna catch it!"
"Psst, T.K., that's Pokémon," Patamon whispered.
"Whatever. Hey, do I have any cards I can use to catch this thing?"
Nope, you have to start from scratch.
"Not even the Fly Card?"
Nada.
"Darn."
Chibimon bounced over to Davis and whapped him with his stubby little arms.
"Look at thish, now I have thish ridiculous lishp and Kari will think I'm shome kind of idiot. Jusht sheal the card sho we can get thish shtory over with."
"Fine, jeez," T.K. said, trying very hard not to laugh. "Chibimon Card, return to your power confines!"
There was some light, some wind, and Chibimon pops into this stretched out baseball card, which flies into Davis's hands.
"Lia!"
What?
"Why did Davis get the Chibimon Card?"
Because Chibimon…who I refuse to call Demiveemon…is Davis's digimon. Relax; you'll get your fair share. Get going.
~*~
"Leave him alone, Li."
"Stay out of this, Sakura. This is between me and the Pokémon kid."
"I'm from Digimon."
"Whatever. Prepare to take a beating."
"Come on, Li, don't stoop to Mei Lin's level. This is ridiculous. Let's just go get some ice cream and stuff, kay?" Madison said, trying to change the subject.
"No deal. He messed with me, now he has to pay." Li pulls out his huge sword thingy. "Time for you to go back to earning gym badges."
"I'm not from Pokémon. Upamon, hand me a kendo stick!" Cody ordered, talking to his hyperactive limbless critter sitting in his backpack. Now the two of them start going "hi-ya" like a couple Power Rangers.
"This is dumb. I'll take care of it," Upamon said, jumping out of the bag. "Upamon, digivolve to…Armadillomon!"
"Don't think making your thing evolve will change anything. Just because it has more HP doesn't mean you're a better fighter."
"I'm not a pokémon! I'm a digimon!" Armadillomon cried indignantly. The girls got some popcorn from nowhere, sat on a bench and watched. Cody had his back turned for two seconds, and that's when Li smacked him with the blunt portion of the sword, causing Cody to crumple.
"That tears it! Armadillomon, digivolve to…Ankylomon!" The giant…whatever he is now picked up Cody. "I hope you know what you're doing, Lia!"
I do. Cody is all right; just go off for a while and he'll regain consciousness after the next page break thing.
"Okay."
"I hope you're happy Li," Sakura hissed.
~*~
"Gatomon Card, return to your power confines!"
Yes, now T.K. has his very own Clow Card. We can be happy.
"Patamon, look! Is that Poromon in an over-elaborate costume?"
"Yup, that's the Poromon Card, the Digimon equivalent to the Fly Card. You can use the Gatomon Card to go after it now."
T.K. shrugged and gripped his magic wand. "Okay, I can do this. Gatomon Card, release and dispel!"
More swirly special effects and Gatomon appears in her cute over-elaborate costume.
"Hey T.K. Need some help?"
"Patamon, how come Gatomon is acting all normal?"
"Because now that she's a captured Clow Card she's not screwed up anymore but she still helps you because otherwise there'd be no plot to this, not that there is one anyways."
Gatomon starts chasing after Poromon, but suddenly Exveemon appears out of nowhere.
"Exveemon?! Wait a minute, Exveemon isn't supposed to be here! That's cheating!" Gatomon cried.
"Hi Gatomon! Whaddya shay we take off and get a cappuccino after thish fic ish over?" Yes, Exveemon lisps.
"Cheater! I'll show you! Gatomon, digivolve to…Angewomon!"
"Hey, no fair, T.Y.M.C.A.!"
"Oh, look who's talking. You can't use Exveemon, you get Chibimon and only Chibimon."
Yeah, so cheat again and I'll…do something authoritative!
So Angewomon smacks Exveemon around for a couple minutes until T.K. ends it all.
"Poromon Card, return to your power confines!"
Poromon goes in his card and flies over to T.K. and Angewomon devolves and goes back in her card.
"Let's get the other couple of cards and call it a day," Patamon sighed.
~*~
"Cody, aw, come on Cody wake up!"
And like that, Cody wakes up. "Did I win? Did I make Li go away?"
"No."
Whaddya have to say now, Armadillomon who devolved because there's no point in keeping you gigantic.
"So you were right about Cody. There, happy?"
Yeah, now here comes Sakura.
"Is Cody all right?"
"I'm okay, Sakura. Are you and Madison okay?"
Sakura nodded and sat down on the bench beside him. "Cody, I came to tell you…I don't think we should see each other."
Cody's face fell. "Why? Is it because I'm from another network?"
"No, it's just that…I realized I was using you to make Li jealous. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"
"Yeah."
Sakura walked away slowly, leaving Cody alone with Armadillomon.
"Darn, and I was so close."
~*~
"Okay Patamon, we just have to capture the Ken Card and then I'm all done?"
"Sorta. You did good catching Yolei and Wormmon, and Ken is sorta the last Kari Card you need."
"What do you mean sorta? Won't everything be all set once I get Ken back to his normal aloof self with scary spider ladies who put hairs in control spires to make them come alive sneaking into his room at night?"
"Yes and no. After you catch all the Kari Cards, you still have to save Kari herself."
"And how am I supposed to do that? Wave my little sticky-wand and say 'Kari, look, I dressed up like a girl and ran around all day just to impress you?" T.K. shouted, waving his sticky-wand.
"No, more like you have to battle her like you would a normal Kari Card."
"Battle her? Are you out of your mind?"
Just then Ken, in his Emperor/Kaiser getup, ran by.
"Oops, there's the Ken Card. Get going, T.K.!" Patamon said, temporizing.
T.K. rolled his eyes and ran after Ken. "This may take two cards to stop. Yolei Card, Wormmon Card, release and dispel!"
"Wassup?" Yolei asked, sliding her glasses back up her nose.
"Did Ken go mental or is it just me?" Wormmon pointed out.
"He's under sort of this spell thing. Help me catch him and he'll go back to normal."
"Not if I can help it! Chibimon Card, release, dispel, annoy!"
"Shure, Davish!"
The three "cards" ran over to Ken.
"I'll tie him down, you talk to him," Wormmon instructed.
"Good idea!" Yolei said, giving him her "perfecto" sign.
"Sticky net!"
"Unhand me! I am the Digimon Emperor!"
"Chibi lishp!"
"Chibimon, now I'm never going to understand him!" Yolei whined.
"At least you didn't use your powers of turning people into nerds. I think Davis still has that pocket protector," Wormmon mentioned.
"Thish ish ridiculoush! Nobody doesh shtuff like thish to the Digimon Emperor!"
"Ken, you're under a spell! Hold still while T.K. deals with it!" Yolei snapped.
"Oh yeah? Ken Card, return to your power confines!" Davis hollered, putting Ken back in his card, which stayed with Davis.
"Dang. Nice job guys, return to your power confines," T.K. sighed.
Suddenly the ground began to shake violently.
"What else? We have to dress up stupid and run around town like losers, so what's an earthquake or two to round off today?" T.K. complained.
"This is it, T.K. The final Kari Card capture!" Patamon shouted.
Kari stood fifty feet above them looking very blank and standing in, you guessed it, an over-elaborate costume. Mimi should take a look at this stuff, half of it is pink.
"Quick, T.K., get out a couple of cards and get going!" Patamon ordered, flapping around.
"What?! No! I am not going to do anything to hurt Kari!"
"T.I.Q., you're such a loser! If you want to win Kari's heart you have to go all out! This is total war, man!" Davis said, trying to figure out how to get fifty feet into the air.
"No matter what anybody says I won't do anything to hurt her. Kari! Kari you have to listen to me!" T.K. shouted, pulling off the stupid pink frilly headpiece. "Hey Lia, since you are dating my older brother, how about giving me a break for once and getting me out of this lame outfit."
Because I got a ton of spiffy Christmas presents, I'm feeling generous. You can have your normal clothes back, but not the hat.
"Why?"
Cuz you look wicked cute without it.
"All right, fine." So T.K. got his usual clothes back and Davis stayed in his Li robe things cuz he's not special enough.
"Kari, c'mon! You and me, together in the Digiworld smacking the ever-loving daylights out of Archnemon and her hairy control spires! Whaddya say? Please tell me you'll be mine!" Davis pleaded.
"You remember that day when Piedmon was turning everybody into keychains and Sora made me promise I wouldn't let anything happen to you, Kari? I love you too much to let anyone or anything take you away from me! Not Myotismon, the Dark Masters, crazy undersea digimon from another dimension, Archnemon, Mummymon, or some lame Card Captors spell! I don't care anymore if you walk away from here with Davis, I just want you to know that no matter what, I will always care about you!"
Kari smiled at them. "Davis, I hate to say it, but you're a complete idiot." Davis gaped in open-mouthed shock and the "Kari Cards" spiffmatically transformed back into the others.
"Spiffmatically isn't a word either!" Ken shouted.
Author's privileges, Kenny.
Cody and Armadillomon rejoined the group at this time. "Let's go home and blow something up."
"He's depressed," Armadillomon whispered loudly.
"Dumped?" Yolei questioned. Armadillomon nodded.
"She hates me, Chibimon! I can't believe Kari hates me!"
"You're not going to get revenge are you?"
"Hey, good idea! I'll borrow something of Wizardmon's and…"
Lightning shot out of the sky and electrocuted our goggled goofball.
Another author privilege. Besides, I'm a Takari person myself and I can't stand Davis. So there.
"Thanks for rescuing me, T.K."
"Any time, Kari. Any time."
And so our brave heroes go home, where they yell at the author for putting them through this. She in turn threatens to make Jun a Digidestined, so they all shut up.
And I apologize for making this thing so long. If you skimmed it, well, that's okay just don't send flames. If you read the whole thing, kudos to you and I'll try not to make the next fic super long. Review, or else I'll put you in a pink puffy outfit with a magic sticky-wand and let you run around the city chasing guys in over-elaborate costumes!