Giving up Cassie

By StarnightSam

Summary: What really happened before Janet decided to adopt Cassie? Sam and Jack-- romantic angst. What? You know I can't write more than a one page story that's not angst! Okay, if you read it, read at it at your own risk.

Chapter One

As tears silently slid down her cheeks, Sam sat watching the sweet little girl play in the small park which only had a slide and a merry-go-round. She was so caught up in Cassandra and her new friend playing she didn't hear the Colonel come up behind her.

Cassandra had immediately found the other little girl and made friends. She was such a warm and loving child. Sam couldn't get over her openness with everyone she met, especially considering all the bad things that had happened to her lately.

It was the first time that she'd been allowed to take Cassandra out of the mountain since this whole thing started. Since her team had been placed on downtime for the coming week, she'd begged General Hammond for his permission to take the child home with her until he decided what would be the best for Cassandra's future.

Jack stood watching Sam for a while, not saying anything. He could tell from her expression and the tears that she was torn over this. He cleared his throat to announce his presence and watched as she wiped the tears from her face before moving too close.

He sat down on the bench beside Sam saying nothing, just watching Cassie, as he'd already shortened her name, and her friend laugh and play on the merry-go-round. He'd purposely come looking for Sam, they were all worried about her. After talking to Daniel, he had realized just how hard this thing with Cassandra had hit Sam.

They sat in comfortable silence for a long time, both just watching and smiling from time to time at the little girls' antics. Sam felt his gaze when it shifted from the girls to her. She knew he was wondering what to say. She still felt lucky that he'd ignored her blatant disregard of his direct order to leave this child alone in that bunker. Had it been only last week? It seemed much longer than that.

But Sam had known from the minute she'd closed the bunker door that she was going back in, no matter the consequences. She'd never be able to live with herself if she left this sweet little girl to die alone and so afraid, especially since she had been the one that the child had clung to from the beginning.

Cassandra looked toward the benches, mainly to ensure herself that Sam was still there. Sam, smiling back, waved her hand. Seeing the Colonel sitting by Sam, Cassandra squealed and ran over and hugged him.

"Colonel Jack! I'm so glad you're here!" The child squealed out.

"I'm glad too, sweetie. What are you girls doing?" He smiled at the little girl he pulled into his lap.

"We've been playing on those things." She answered pointing to the playground equipment. "They're so much fun, Colonel Jack."

"Why don't you just call me Jack, sweetie," he said smiling at her.

Cassandra looked at him with questioning look on her face, "But Aunt Sam doesn't call you Jack?" Her answer caught both Jack and Sam off guard.

Glancing from Sam back to Cassandra, "Well, then how about Uncle Jack?" A huge smile appeared on Cassandra's face.

"Okay! Uncle Jack! I like that." She squealed with excitement. They all laughed. Sam thought she'd laughed more since she'd kept Cassandra than she had in ages. The child was such a delight. It saddened Sam to think of all Cassandra had lost and then for her to be so up beat just made her heart swell with more love for this child.

"Are you ready to go, Cassandra?" Sam asked.

"Oh no! Not yet. Aunt Sam. I want to play with my new friend."

"Well then you best get to it, we don't have much longer before dinner." Sam smiled at the girl as she jumped from Jack's lap and ran back to her friend.

"She's such a delight, Carter."

"I know." Sam's voice betrayed her sadness. Jack looked back at her face, but Sam refused to meet his eyes.

"Carter? What is it?"

"Nothing, Colonel."

"Carter! Don't freeze up on me. I know what you're thinking." Sam's gaze found his and he melted. He'd known for sure that his feelings for this beautiful woman were way out of line when she refused to come up from that bunker and he'd really thought he'd lost her.

"What am I thinking, Colonel? 'Cause I'm not sure myself?" He pulled her into a hug and held her close for a few minutes before saying anything.

"I need you with me, Sam. Our team needs you." She was shocked at his willingness to put such love and feeling into those words. It almost sounded like he was speaking as more than her CO. They hadn't been a team very long, not even a year, but all four had bonds that most field teams didn't develop for years if ever.

They seemed like family. But what Sam was feeling right now in her CO's arms wasn't sisterly affection. No, not at all. And to make matters worse, she could almost swear it wasn't what her CO was feeling either.

Sam pulled her head from his chest and looked up at his face meeting his eyes. "Colonel, she's a child. She needs me. She needs a mother. How can I leave her alone and keep going off world. Taking a change that she'd end up alone again?" Tears were beginning to form in her eyes and Jack felt awful for her. He understood from experience how much it hurt to leave a child behind.

Wiping the tears that were beginning to drop from her eyes, Jack gently kept his hand on her face. "Carter, we'll find a way to protect her. We will, all of us together." His eyes held hers offering a promise and a hope. Sam suddenly realized that she wasn't the only one that wanted to keep this child.

Sam lowered herself into his hug, tugging on his shirt and pulling him closer to her. She knew in her heart that his arms, of all people's, was the last place that she needed to find comfort. After only a minute or two she pulled herself up from his hold and sat back against the bench bringing her knees up under her chin and wrapping her arms around her legs.

"I'm okay, Colonel. Thanks." She didn't know what else to say at the moment, because all of a sudden this was about more than Cassandra and she knew it. But, that was against the regs and she also knew they couldn't let themselves go there. It would mean too much loss for both of them.

They sat in silence the rest of the time just watching Cassandra play, both over thinking the little 'thing' that had just happened between them, neither knowing what to say or how to say what they needed to.

After thirty minutes Jack finally found enough of his voice to ask, "You guys want to go and get MacDonald's. I bet she hasn't been there." He asked Sam with a twinkle in his eye.

"Colonel, do we have to introduce her to junk food so soon?" Sam's reaction was exactly what Jack had expected.

"Carter! Be ashamed….. MacDonald's is not junk food! I'll have you know, its food for the gods!" He said, laughter spilling from his eyes. Sam chuckled.

"Yeah, right." Sam met his smile and her eyes twinkled. Jack knew he was a goner. He'd only known this woman a short time and he'd already give anything if she was his. Oh. Stop. Thinking. That. Way. He admonished himself silently.

"Well, then you name the place and I'll buy." He offered, regaining his self control.

"She needs something healthy, like real food. Only problem is I don't cook very well." Sam admitted to her CO.

"Oh, Carter, why didn't you just say so? I…" He paused and pointed proudly to himself, "…am a wonderful cook! Just name your pleasure, as long as it's steak or burgers or hot dogs." He grinned, his widest grin at her. She cracked up laughing.

"Colonel, I really thought you were serious." She said still laughing.

"Oh, I forgot I can cook wonderful pancakes and eggs, bacon, sausage and toast!" He added seemingly proud of himself, making Sam's laughter ring out again. He thought she had the most wonderful sound to her laughter. He could listen all day. He watched as she composed herself and turned back to him.

"Okay, pancakes and eggs it is. You wanna come to my place or do you only cook at yours?" She asks, not realizing how that question affected him.

"Either." He managed to answer, wondering suddenly if he'd done the right thing. But as long as the child was with them, he could control himself. He hoped anyway.

"Well, I don't have the ingredients to cook that, do you?" Sam asked.

"Oh, yeah. Carter, do you really think I don't ever cook for myself?" He asked, bringing his thoughts back to a lighter side.

They gathered Cassandra and moved into their own vehicles. Sam buckled Cassandra in the seat belt and after getting in; she fastened her belt and started her car. She followed the Colonel from the park to his house.

TBC