Gifted

by provencepuss

A silly Xmas story the loss of chapter divisions when uploading was beyond my control. Sorry for the inconvenience

GIFTED

It was dark, cold and damp and Hutch was fighting cramp in his leg. He couldn't see Starsky from where he was and the walkie-talkie was for emergency use only. Hutch tried every trick for the cramp; he put his weight on it, he rubbed it, he pummeled it but it would not go away.
He sneezed.
"Gezundheit" Starsky muttered in the darkness
"SSSSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Hutch went on trying to get rid of the cramp; he as quietly as possible –trying not to sneeze again.

Something moved further down the tunnel.
Hutch froze.
Starsky's whispering voice came over walkie-talkie. "OK; we might have little action coming. Wait for my signal."

The sound came closer to where Hutch was. He heard Starsky swear and then stifle a laugh. His voice came back over the waves – a whispered Cagney impersonation "It was diry rat alright; but not the one we're after."
The rat ran past Hutch and he flinched at the sight of it.

They had been staked out in the so-called Chinese Tunnels since ten that morning. Their informant had told them that they'd find it interesting to be there and had refused to give any more details.

"Hutch?"
"Yea?"
"When this is over I'll buy ya a Chinese take away."
"Ssshhhhhh!"

Someone was coming into the tunnel. From his vantage point perched on a barrel Starsky could a figure silhouetted against the daylight.

He whistled a few bars of Jingle Bells into his walkie-talkie and checked that his pistol was ready to fire. He pulled back against the wall and waited.

Hutch heard the signal over his walkie-talkie; somehow it was typical of his partner's off the wall sense of humor to choose that tune as a signal – but then they were only a week or so from Christmas.

Hutch's receiver started to crackle. Starsky was whistling a new tune "Santa Claus is coming to town."
Hutch stood up and stamped his foot to try to get rid of the cramp once and for all. He glanced to where he knew Starsky was hiding. He saw a slight movement in the shadows and knew that Starsky was already moving to intercept the target. Hutch slipped off the safety on his Magnum and started to advance.

A small figure was approaching – the guy couldn't have been more than four foot in his socks. He carried a sack. He started into the tunnel. And disappeared!

Hutch rubbed his eyes.
Starsky blinked, and swore.
"Did you see him?" Hutch said.
Starsky was staring at the ground about a yard and a half in front of the tunnel entrance. He walked forwards, his eyes fixed on the ground and Hutch joined him. Starsky stopped at the point where the guy had disappeared; he kicked the dirt and grinned at Hutch.
"Bingo!"

Starsky squatted down; back straight, weight on the balls of his feet he was perfectly balanced. He reached down and scratched at the dirt again with his hand; a man-hole cover appeared in front of him. He looked up at Hutch and smiled. Hutch stepped to one side. Starsky scratched around a bit more and raised his eyebrows. A button was glowing on the cover: he moved forward and was now crouching on the cover. He pressed the button and let out a yelp as the cover started to descend.
Hutch watched in horror as Starsky disappeared down what appeared to be a narrow shaft. "At least he can't see the outside," he thought. "The way he's scared of heights – if he has to use one of those capsule elevators he stares at the door all the way down!"

Starsky's curly head re-appeared at ground level. He was pale and looked a little shaken.
"How did you get back up here?"
"Pressed the button again!"
"So what's down there?"
Starsky grabbed him in a close bear hug; he used his foot to activate the button again and the two of them descended the shaft hugging close to fit into the narrow space.
At the bottom Starsky pushed Hutch away and grinned. "Are you ready for this?"

They walked into a brightly lit cavern; it looked like Ali Baba and Santa Claus had gone into business together. "It'll take about a month to inventory all this." Said Hutch, as they wandered around looking at the goodies.
"Hey, Hutch! Isn't this the painting got stolen from that posh gallery a coupla months ago?"
Hutch went over to where his partner was admiring a landscape. "Yes. It's a Constable."
"English cop who knows how to paint, huh!"
"Very witty, Starsky, very witty!"
Starsky stuck out his tongue. He beckoned to Hutch and put his finger to his lips.
Hutch followed Starsky over to a door that was half-open; the two of them leaned around the edge of the door to see what or who was in the room.

They withdrew as fast as they could; they both pinched their noses to stop themselves from laughing out loud. Starsky had gone red in the face and Hutch was choking trying to hold it back. They ran to the shaft and activated the button to get them back up to ground level. Raucous laughter echoed up the shaft and soon a blond head and a dark curly head appeared at ground level. Starsky and Hutch were leaning on one another helpless with laughter. They tumbled off the cover and fell onto the ground still helpless with giggles. Starsky pulled himself up onto his knees and looked at Hutch – who was struggling to so the same. They helped one another up and took deep breaths.
"Did we see what I think we saw?" said Starsky.
Hutch looked at him and as their eyes met they were off again. Each time one of them managed to get it together and stop giggling the other would snort and off they went again.
Finally Starsky leaned on the wall of the tunnel and took a deep breath.
"Are you going to call this in, or shall I?"
Hutch walked towards the tunnel entrance and made for the Torino that was shining in the late afternoon winter sun. He blinked as the sun's rays reflected off the chrome side mirror and went to open the door. He took the radio mike and started to call in.
"Zebra Three to control."
"Go ahead Zebra Three"
"We are in position at the entrance to the Chinese Tunnels and we have to report…" He broke off and tried to hold back the giggle rising in his throat.
"Go ahead Zebra Three; what do you have to report?"
Hutch took a deep breath.
"Nothing. We'll make out a written report when we get back in."
The dispatcher's voice came back "Are you OK Zebra three?"
"Yes; fine. Tell Dobey we're on our way in."
"Roger, Zebra Three; your message timed a four thirty six."

Starsky was walking towards the car shaking his head in disbelief. He opened his door and slid behind the wheel. Unfortunately he caught Hutch's eye and off they went again. It took a couple of minutes for Starsky to consider himself capable of driving; he turned the key and flipped the gear change. With a growl of the motor and a screech of tires he turned the car 180 degrees and drove to the street that led to the tunnels.
Hutch started to say something but Starsky cut him off.
"Don't make me laugh unless you want me to drive up the first lamp post."
Hutch considered the near misses they had sometimes because of the Torino's eccentric cornering and shut up.

When Starsky and Hutch arrived in the squad room they flopped into their chairs and stared at one another. Hutch went to the coffee pot and sniffed it – the coffee smelled relatively fresh and he decided to risk it. He checked two mugs for dust, then poured coffee into them and handed one to Starsky. His partner took one mouthful and reached for the sugar; 'Yuk! Who made this stuff?" The other cops in the room all seemed to suddenly find something interesting to read.
Hutch smiled. "Maybe it was one of Santa's little helpers!" The coffee went up Starsky's nose as he started to laugh in mid-sip.

Dobey chose that moment to come out of his office in search of his two best men.
"If you two would like to step into my office, I have a few questions."
Still grinning like madmen the partners followed their boss into his office.

"Now I know that I'm probably asking a lot…I mean perhaps it's nothing important…but Dispatch told me that you two had called in and then said that there was nothing to report. So excuse me if I'm prying; but what in the hell is going on?"

Starsky looked at his partner. "You tell him."
"No, you tell him"
"Why me?"
"Why not?"
Dobey followed the exchange like a spectator at a tennis game. He wiped his brow and banged his fist on the desk.
"One of you tell me!"

Starsky took a coin out of his pocket and was ready to flip when he saw the expression on Dobey's face. He sighed and made a big effort to keep his voice under control. The trouble was that the thought of what he'd seen made him want to laugh!
"Well Captain. We had a tip off that something was going down at the Chinese Tunnels. Our informant didn't say what; but he said it was important."
Dobey cut in. "A regular informant?"
Hutch replied. "No Captain. He contacted us through Fat Rolly and when we called he gave his name as 'Rudolph'." (Starsky snorted back a giggle) "But as he came through Rolly we reckoned we could trust him."
Dobey looked at Starsky. "Go on."
Starsky continued. "So we went to the tunnels and we waited and this guy appeared and then he disappeared and we went down this shaft and found a hoard of stolen goods and in the next room……." He'd somehow managed to get all this out between two breaths and now he was collapsed in helpless giggles again.
Dobey looked at Hutch; his expression said "finish it!"
Hutch took up the story.
"We looked into another room and …." He couldn't go on. He took a deep breath and clamed down just as Starsky tried again.
"There were seven of them…." He lost the battle.
Hutch took his turn. "They were preparing……………"

Dobey gave up. "Go write it down; if you can! Then get the hell out of here and stay away until you can pull yourselves together. Anyone would think you were both drunk!"

Starsky and Hutch stood up and staggered out of the room, giggling helplessly. Starsky took a deep breath and said "Fucking paper work can wait. Let's go see Huggy and see if he has any idea about what's going on."

Starsky parked right outside the entrance to the bar and the two of them ran down the steps. They couldn't wait to tell Huggy about their day and hoped that he might be able to throw some light on what they'd seen.

As they entered a heavily-built man looked at them; his red overcoat would have stood out in the crowd anywhere but in The Pits; then he put his finger to the side of his nose, winked and left by the back entrance.
Nobody could out-weird Huggy when it came to choice of clothes. "Did you see that guy's beard?" They both said it at the same time and looked at one another in amazement. Starsky tried to make sense of it. "You and I are getting a little carried away here. I mean it's the season for guys to go round in red coats and big white beards."
"You know what Starsk? I don't think that beard was a fake."
Starsky looked at him then blew into his ear. "You need more than a beer buddy!"

They went over to the bar and Huggy came to take their order.
Starsky winked and said "I'll have a coke and Blintzie here will have eggnog."
"I'll have a beer, Huggy. "
Huggy brought the glasses and looked at them carefully.
"I hear you went out on a stake out this morning."
The two cops exchanged glances.
"Wher'd'you hear that, Hug?" Starsky asked.
Huggy looked around the bar as if he was checking that no-one could hear what he had to say.
"The fat man called and said you'd been sent off on a little errand by a guy name of Rudolph. He was kinda concerned about what you might find."
Hutch looked at him. "Well Hug; we found a lot of stolen goods that our fat friend might be able to tell us about. And we uh…uh…." He lost it. Hutch started and Starsky joined in and soon both of them were giggling helplessly yet again.
Huggy's eyes got about as wide as it was possible for them to get. "You two been sampling the evidence or what?"
Starsky fought to get his breath back; he opened his mouth to tell Huggy what they'd seen but a hiccup came out instead.
Hutch finally pulled himself together and told Huggy about the scene in the back room.
"Seven of them?" Huggy raised his eyebrows. Starsky hiccupped by way of a reply.
"You know what you need to do, Starsky?" Huggy said, "Hold your breath and count to twenty. Starsky took a deep breath and held it – to six then he hiccupped again.
"No," said Hutch, "something cold down the back of the neck does the trick."
"That's for nose-bleed." Huggy told him. "They say a shock helps." Starsky glared at him – and hiccupped.
"I…hic…know what…hic…I should…hic …do…."
"What?" they chorused.

Hutch and Huggy watched as Starsky served himself with a glass of water and proceeded to lean right over the glass to take the far side of the rim between his lips. He then lowered his jaw and sucked in water keeping his head down all the time. He drank a couple of mouthfuls then stood up with a grin. He waited a few seconds and then said
"Drink out of the wrong side of the glass – works every time!" And he didn't hiccup again.
Now that he could string more than three words together, Starsky asked Huggy if he had any explanation of what the guys had seen that morning. The best Huggy could do was to promise to make a few calls.
"Don't bother calling Fatso – we're on our way over there right now."

Rolly wasn't in and none of the flakes and bozos who worked for him had any idea where he was. Hutch looked at his watch and pulled his partner out of the fence's emporium. "Come on; we're late."

They got into the car and headed towards the Ventura Freeway and out into the Valley.

The rehearsal hall was in a social center somewhere near Calabasas. This was not a dress rehearsal which was a good thing because neither Starsky nor Hutch had been fitted with their costumes yet.
Each member of the show ran through his or her lines and little by little the annual LAPD Christmas play was taking shape. Last year they'd done a version of "The Night Before Christmas" and Starsky had driven Hutch nuts by reeling off the names of Santa's reindeer. He put particular emphasis on "Blitzen" except that in Starsky's version the animal became 'Blintzen'!

This year they were doing something a bit more serious and the guys were having fun with their parts. Starsky had pulled a non-speaking role; but that didn't stop him from making every second of his time on stage count. Hutch had seen his partner do a pretty good Chaplin impersonation but he'd never imagined how good at mime Starsk was turning out to be. As for Hutch; he had one of the bigger parts and was taking it all very seriously. He paced up and down "getting into character" and was working hard on what he imagined to be the right accent.

The rehearsal over, the cast went to a local bar for a drink. Word had gotten around that Starsky and Hutch had seen something weird; but they would not talk about it.
"First off; it might interfere with our investigation if word got out. And second; neither of us can talk about it without having hysterics! So lay off; OK?" Hutch excused them as best he could.

Driving Hutch back to Venice that evening Starsky said "Do you get the feeling that we're being set up?"
Hutch looked at him. "You're serious; aren't you?"
"Think about it. We get a tip off from a guy called Rudolph. We discover Ali Baba's cave and we see Santa's little helpers making gift packages. A guy wearing a red coat and a big white beard sees us and walks out of Huggy's place. Come on Hutch; it smells and it ain't cinnamon and orange."
Hutch thought about it. "So what do we do?"
"I dunno. I'll talk to you in the morning."
Hutch watched the Torino disappear around the corner and went up to his apartment.
He opened the door and walked in. Something made him stop and listen. He was sure that someone was in the room. He walked across the room without switching on the light. There was someone in the glasshouse that Hutch used as a terrace. Hutch walked as stealthily as he could to the door and eased it open.
There was no-one there. Hutch rubbed his eyes. The only way off the terrace was straight down, and there was no fire escape. He shook his head and told himself that what he'd seen was his own reflection in the window. He made his way to the light switch and turned it on. In the middle of the floor may a brown hemp sack, it appeared to have snow falling out of it.

The 'phone rang. He picked it up.
"Hutch?" Starsky sounded nervous.
"Yea."
"Uh..I don't know how to say this…I..uh..I think someone broke into my house."
"He didn't leave a sack and a bit of snow behind by any chance?"
"Yeah…hey how did you…."
"Whoever it was dropped by my place too."
He could hear Starsky breathing at his end of the line; and Hutch could tell that his partner was trying to figure something out.
"We are being set up. Don't touch the bag or the snow; I'll be right over."

Starsky knocked at the door and Hutch let him in. His partner held a big plastic bag and Hutch could see that its contents were the same as the sack still on the floor in the middle of his room. Starsky pulled his latex gloves out of his pocket. Hutch had an allergy to the stuff and avoided having to pick up evidence. Starsky went over to the sack on the floor. He took a small phial from his pocket and his pocket knife. He scooped up a little of the 'snow' and put it into the phial – he shook it and looked meaningfully from the phial to Hutch.
"Now I know what they mean by "pure as snow"." He said. "Oh boy, are we being set up!"
He sat down heavily on the couch and Hutch joined him. They stared at the sack on the floor. Starsky sighed. "We see a guy disappear into thin air; we see seven dwarves; we see a guy who looks like Santa Claus in Huggy's place and now someone leaves pure cocaine lying around in our apartments."
"What will they do next?"
"I don't think I want to know – but I guess we'll find out."

The next morning the sky was heavy with dark clouds. Starsky dragged himself out of bed and stood under the shower still half asleep. Days like this made him depressed. He set off to collect his partner.
He and Hutch set off to try to make a little sense of yesterday.
As they drove away from Hutch's flat neither of them noticed the car that drew up in front of the door; or the two men who got out and went up to Hutch's apartment.
They went from one blank to another and finally Starsky said "Why don't we go back to my place. I've got beer and we can pick up a pizza."
Hutch agreed and it was probably because they stopped for a pizza that they didn't see the same car pull away from in front of Starsky's place.
They went up the steps and Starsky kicked a couple of dead leaves from the eucalyptus that grew up through the porch and seemed to grow through the roof of the house.
Hutch was whistling "White Christmas". Starsky opened the door and Hutch's tune turned into a long note of surprise.
The room had been turned upside down. Starsky strode through the living room and Hutch heard him swear – the bedroom and bathroom had been given the same treatment. They went into the kitchen. Pots and jars had been emptied onto the counter and Starsky's bulletin board hung askew – the list of 'phone numbers was missing.
Starsky let out a stream of obscenities that made even Hutch blush and stalked over to the 'phone. Hutch stopped his hand. "Wait; calm down and let's go over to my place. You can clear up later when you aren't so mad you might break something they forgot."
Starsky went out of the door without a word; by the time Hutch had got down the stairs his partner had started the car and was glowering over the wheel.
"Just drive carefully, OK?"
Starsky drove in silence to Hutch's place. They ran up the stairs and Hutch reached to the ledge to find the key. He opened the door. The same destructive storm had hit his apartment.
"That does it!" Starsky growled. "Let's go see Dobey and tell him we've both been done over."
Hutch couldn't think of a better idea and followed his partner back to the car.
The clouds were gathering in the sky and on their angry faces.

The storm broke in Dobey's office.

Starsky and Hutch burst in only to find that the Captain was in conference with two of their least favorite people – IA officers.
Before either of them could speak Dobey told them to sit down. The two IA men were in the chairs in front of the desk; Starsky slouched against the coat-rack and Hutch perched on a filing cabinet.

"Starsky, Hutchinson; I guess you know Stevens and Davis."
Starsky nodded and Hutch did the same.
Hutch looked at the two IA officers and then at Dobey.
"Does this have anything to do with the fact that our apartments have been ransacked?"
Dobey's reply was to mop his face with a large red and blue handkerchief.
Starsky's voice was ominously calm and even.
"I suppose it would be none of our business to know why."

Davis looked at him with distaste. The two of them had clashed once before and Starsky had come out with flying colors; and Davis had been discredited in the eyes of many colleagues.
"Of course you don't have any idea of what we were looking for; do you Detective Starsky."
Still speaking evenly but with a little more menace in every word Starsky continued.
"If I knew why you went through my house and wrecked everything in sight, I wouldn't be asking…would… I?" The last two words had extra weight.
He turned his gaze to his Captain. "Searching a place is one thing Captain; wrecking everything in sight is another. We haven't cleared up and I'm going to take photos of both apartments before we do." He turned back to the IA officers. "So when this gets out on the open…do I need to say any more?"
Stevens cut in. "When we've finished with you two; no-one will give a damn what you say."
Hutch stood up and Starsky let go of the coat-rack. Dobey knew that if he didn't stop them they'd be in even more trouble.
"Starsky! Hutchinson!"
Hutch went back to his perch and Starsky re-arranged himself between the coat-rack and the wall. He glowered at the two IA officers and said "So?"
Stevens looked at Dobey and was about to speak when the Captain stopped him.
"They are my men; I'll tell them."
He looked from Starsky to Hutch and back Starsky.
"IA received an anonymous tip that you two were stoned. They went to your apartments and found traces of…."
Starsky growled the end of the sentence "pure cocaine"
Dobey stared at him.
Hutch went over and stood between the two IA men. "Starsky and I have been known to get drunk – in the privacy of our apartments! We do not get stoned!" He turned to Dobey. "Captain we came here to show you something." He went out to the squad room and came back with the plastic bag carrying Santa's sacks. He threw them onto Stevens' lap.
"Pure coke. We both had the same gift waiting for us in our apartments last night. If you found traces, that's where they came from."
Stevens looked at his partner and stared at Hutch. "And you expect us to believe you?"
"Yes." The reply came from the coat-rack. "If you're so sure that Hutch and I were stoned yesterday why don't we both go down and give the lab something to check out?"
"Good idea" his partner said. "Hey one of you two want to come and be sure that it's our samples we give to the lab?"
Davis stood up. "Come on," said Starsky with an evil smile, "Let's piss off out of here!"

Stevens stayed in Dobey's office. "I hope for their sakes that the tests are negative."
"Not as much as I do!" said Dobey.

Starsky and Hutch led Davis into the lab. Hutch asked for a couple of sample jars and he and Starsky pulled Davis into the toilets. Starsky opened his zipper. "Ready for this Davis?" He peed into the jar and then aimed the rest at the urinal 'accidentally' splashing Davis' shoes as he did. Hutch started to undo his jeans and Davis stepped back.
When Hutch had filled his jar he too finished in the urinal. The three of them went back to the lab.
"What am I testing for?" the technician asked.
"Cocaine" the three said in unison.
"Come back in two hours, I'll have the results."
Starsky said "Just call up to Dobey's office."

The three of them went back up to Dobey's office to find Stevens and the Captain arguing. Stevens wanted Starsky and Hutch suspended and Dobey was not willing to play.

Starsky looked at his watch. "We're late for rehearsal again partner. And today we get to wear our costumes!"
They slammed the door behind them.
Stevens and Davis looked quizzically at Dobey who shrugged. "Police department Christmas show."

"Let's hope they good actors – they may need to change jobs." Stevens said wryly.
"Those two?" Davis looked at him in amazement, "They're not good looking enough to ever make it!"
They turned back to Dobey and started to discuss what they saw as their case against Starsky and Hutch. He listened to them and grunted now and then – neither in agreement or disagreement; he stayed neutral when his men were on the line with IA.

Stevens and Davis left and as he opened the door Davis turned back to Dobey. "We'll be in touch as soon as we have the lab results."

The Captain spent the next couple of hours trying to distract his mind from the allegations against his men.
Dobey called down to the lab. "Have you got the analysis for my men yet?"
The technician was not the same as the one who had taken the samples so he didn't know that the samples were provided by Dobey's men – he thought they'd brought them in for analysis – so he saw no reason to keep the results from their Captain.
"Negative Captain. No trace of any drug use in either sample."
Dobey sighed and sat back in his chair. This called for a celebration and he went out to the candy machine and selected his favorite bars.

The members of the cast for the police department show were trying on their costumes. Hutch was shrugging himself into a patched tail-coat and trying on (and rejecting) an assortment of hats. Starsky looked at him and grinned; "you look like a cross between a hobo and a penguin" he teased. The costume coordinator called him over.
"OK, Dave; let's see how this looks." She handed him a long hooded cloak which he slipped over his leather flying jacket.
"She shook her head. "Sweetheart; take off the jacket!" He did as he was told and now the cloak looked even more ridiculous because it clung to his holster.
"David!" She was losing patience. He flashed her a big lop-sided grin and took off the holster; carefully folding the straps against the gun holder, he put it down on the chair beside him. He grinned and said "Do you want me to take anything else off?"
She slapped his butt and said "Just put on the costume sweetie!"
He swirled the cloak around his shoulders and flipped the big hood up over his head. The hood was over-sized and his curls were completely hidden. He started to walk across the room; holding the cloak in front of his face with his arm he slunk up behind Hutch and said "Boo!"
The costume lady called him back. "I'm going to have to take it up a little it's trailing on the ground – the last guy who wore it was six foot three."
"No," said Hutch, "leave it long like that, he'll get used to it and it looks really spooky. Hey Starsky looks like you're just gliding along!"
A sinister laugh came from under the hood and Starsky's voice was hardly recognizable "Wooooooooo hooooooo hooooooooo!"
They all laughed.
Starsky's beeper started to scream for attention. He started to walk to the chair and caught his foot in the hem of the cloak. He stumbled and then recovered. The director of the play said "That was great – could you do it in the big scene; it might lighten things up a bit."
"I'll see what I can do" came the sinister voice from inside the hood. Hutch shook his head – Starsky couldn't resist clowning!

Starsky looked at the beeper and gathered up his jacket and holster. "Dobey wants us." He said to Hutch and his partner took off the hat he was playing with and followed him to the door. "Leave the coat, Hutch," the costume lady shouted and Hutch looked down at what he was wearing; smiled and ran back to exchange his costume for his brown leather jacket. As the two of them walked away one of the other cops remarked "Not that you'd notice the difference the way those two dress!"

Hutch looked at Starsky as if wanting reassurance and then warily opened the door to Dobey's office. The Captain was alone and grinning.
"You two are in the clear and Davis is still trying to wipe the egg of his face."
"That's not what I'd wipe off his face." Starsky said grimly.
Dobey signaled them to sit down. "Now what in the hell is all this about?"
"If we knew that Captain…" Hutch shook his head.
"We know we were not hallucinating." Starsky took up the thread of the conversation.
"We saw seven dwarves making gift packages in a room behind one of the biggest hoards of stolen goods you could imagine! Captain, it's weird; but it happened."
"What about the "snow" in your apartments?"
"We don't know." Said Hutch.

Starsky suddenly jumped up from his chair. "Come on Blintzen; let's go find the other reindeer!"
Hutch followed him out of the room leaving Dobey wondering whether he would ever understand the way their minds worked.
In the car Hutch asked Starsky where they were going.
"Fat man!"

The Torino hit the curb as Starsky swung around the corner in front of Rolly's emporium? The two of them jumped out of the car and burst into the store before anyone could hide anything.
Starsky wandered over to a vending machine; but remembering the last time he'd tried to use it he changed his mind. He wandered over to a shelf and picked up a cut glass vase. "Nice quality, Rolly." There was the hint of a smile on his lips and he gently rolled the vase from one hand to the other. Rolly watched with increasing horror as the vase moved faster and faster between Starsky's hands; then the cop started to toss it in the air and catch it first in one hand then the other, as if he was learning to juggle. He paused and turned back to the shelf and selected a china jug. He started to juggle the jug and the vase; all the while staring at Rolly.
"So Rolly, "said Hutch, "why don't you tell us where we can find Rudolph before Starsky gets bored and loses concentration?"
Rolly seemed mesmerized by the juggling act. Starsky deliberately missed a beat and the jug smashed to the floor.
"Oops!"
Rolly was squirming. Starsky started to throw the vase higher and higher.
Rolly told Hutch where Rudolph hung out; Starsky threw the vase at him and the fat man caught it more by luck than judgment.

The guys went back out to the Torino and drove away.
Starsky glanced at his watch and said to Hutch "Lookit, we're going to drop by your place and get you car then I won't have to make a detour this evening to drop you home."
"Got a date?"
"Something like that."
Hutch knew better than to ask any more.
Hutch was following the Torino when Starsky came on the radio. "Zebra three to Zebra three…"he giggled, "hey that's dumb! Hutch, listen I'm running late, you go see Rudolph and I'll catch up with you tomorrow."
"Yea, Ok Starsk. Hey; don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
"You would not be doing what I'm going to do, buddy. See ya tomorrow."
Hutch was still trying to figure it out when he arrived at the bar Rolly had indicated.

He parked in front of the door and went in. The usual array of scum and has-beens greeted him. He walked over to the bar and pulled out his badge. "I'm looking for Rudolph." The bartender gestured with his head to a booth at the side of the bar. It looked to Hutch like there was child sitting there. He turned back to the bartender; "There is a law about selling alcohol to kids you know." The guy behind the bar grinned at him and said "You tell him that; he'll appreciate it!"

Hutch went over to the booth. There were three of them. Three…no they were not dwarves but midgets; tiny versions of normal-sized people. Hutch thought of the Munchkins and wished Starsky could see this. He sat down and introduced himself. "We know who you are, cop. Where's your side-kick?"
"He has other business to attend to. So, which one of you is Rudolph?"
"We'll take you to him."
The three midgets wriggled across the bench and out of the booth. Hutch followed them out of the bar. "We'll ride in your car, cop, ok?"
Hutch opened the door and wondered whether he should help them climb in or not. Two of them wriggled their way onto the back seat and the one who had done all the talking climbed in next to Hutch. He gave the cop directions and they set off to meet Rudolph.

It was Hutch's turn to drive so he dropped by Starsky's apartment to pick up his partner.
He knocked and let himself in as usual. Starsky was whistling in the bathroom and Hutch went to wait on the couch. His attention was pulled to the window ledge. On it was the most beautiful candlestick he'd ever seen. It had nine branches but only the one on the right one held a lit candle. He was still examining it when Starsky came up behind him.
"Makes a change from a tree, huh?"
"It's beautiful, Starsk. Where did you get it; and how come there's only one candle burning?"
"It was my grandma's. She left it to me when she died; it's very old; been in the family for generations. I never really thought of using it but now…I don't know, I guess lately I see things differently."
"Tell me about it."
"I'll tell you in the car; we're late. Hey anyway you have to tell me about Rudolph."
"I think I should tell you about Rudolph before we get in the car – I'd hate to spend the holidays in the hospital!"
Starsky went into the kitchen and started making coffee, "I'm all ears."
Hutch sat on the couch and took a deep breath – how he was going to explain this one with a straight face was a problem he'd deal with as he went along.
"Well, I went to the bar that Rolly said he hangs out in and…" He could feel it coming on; laughter was welling up behind his throat threatening to choke him.
"…and?"
Hutch took another deep breath. Starsky came in and handed him a mug of hot coffee – Hutch put it down on the table to be on the safe side and something told Starsky that he'd better sit down and put his mug on the table too.
Hutch was going red in the face trying not to laugh.
"And there were three dwarves…uh…no…elves…no…midgets…waiting for me."
Starsky looked at him carefully. "Elves? Midgets? Or what?"
"They were midgets; you know like the actors in the Munchkin suits. They were the "elves" or seven dwarves we saw the other day. They work for Rudolph and his boss."
Starsky took a sip of coffee and swallowed carefully; he put the mug beck on the table and looked Hutch in the eye. There was a smile working its way round Starsky's mouth.
"They work for Rudolph and his boss; and their boss is called…?" Starsky made a little gesture with his eyes as if encouraging Hutch to finish.
"Chris!" Hutch lost his battle and leaned back against the couch while the tears of laughter poured down his face.
Starsky started to chuckle; then to laugh harder; finally the two of them were holding their sides and gasping for breath. Starsky reached for his mug – and changed his mind.
Between fits of laughter he managed to ask Hutch whether he had met 'Chris'. Hutch shook his head.
When they had finally calmed down and had finished their coffee without accidents Starsky got up. "Come on; Blintzen; we have work to do and I want to get finished early – I haven't finished my shopping yet."
Hutch's car decided to go on strike. It coughed and spluttered but refused to start – and before Starsky could say anything Hutch had flooded the motor.
Starsky got out of the car in silence and fished in his pocket for his car key.

"You still haven't told me about the candelabra. It's beautiful."
"It's a Menorah; the candleholder that we use for Hanukah – it started last night."
"Explain it to me."
"The Festival of Lights. It's an old tradition – maybe even older than Judaism according to what I've been reading. Lots of religions have similar things – even Christmas took a few of the ideas. Anyways; every night for eight nights we light a candle and there are lots of traditional prayers and stuff – but that's for being with the family I guess. I'm spending this evening with Rabbi Stern and his family; he's been a lot of help since…"
Hutch patted him on the knee. "So that's your 'listener'."
"Yeah; and I listen to him too. He's teaching me to listen to myself – and that's the hardest part!"
"So this year it's the candles and no tacky tree like last year."
Starsky grinned. "It was kinda tacky wasn't it? I did it to wind you up after all your crap about commercialism. Hey you haven't started that yet this year; changed your mind?"
Hutch was thinking of the tree that had adorned Starsky's living room the year before. It was a tinsel monstrosity with flashing reindeer and every other gee-gaw and doohickey that his partner could find – as long as it flashed in the dark Starsky put it on his tree. Instead of a star to put at the top, he'd found a toy Torino and lovingly painted it red and white; he'd rigged some kind of battery-run light inside and the whole thing flashed like the Mars light. Thinking about it Hutch found Starsky's new found interest in his religious roots a distinct improvement.
"No; I still think that it's become over commercialized but…oh never mind. When do you want your gift…I mean is there a day or will you wait for the 25th?"
"It's a holiday of giving and this year it ends on the 25th so I guess we can put the two together."
He pulled the car over in front of the bar where Hutch had met the midgets. They went in just in time to see a man in a red coat slip out of the back door. Hutch nodded to Starsky and his partner ran back to the car and drove round the block to the back entrance of the bar. The guy in the red coat was nowhere to be seen and Hutch was standing staring into space.
"He just disappeared, Starsk. And you won't believe this but…uh…no it's ridiculous."
"Try me."
"I swear I heard bells."
Starsky looked at him and shook his head. "Right now buddy, I'm willing to believe anything in this cockamamie story."

They arrived at Starsky's house around four thirty. Hutch's car seemed to have recovered and he drove off.
Starsky looked at his watch and decided he still had time to go to the nearest branch of Penney's and find gifts for the Stern family. He ran inside and changed into his cord sports jacket and a pair of tan slacks then headed for the store.

He wandered around the store looking for inspiration. Buying something for the kids was easy enough - he could spend hours in a toy department and the eldest boy shared his interest in modeling. Mrs. Stern would probably appreciate a pretty scarf – but the gift for the Rabbi stumped him. He was on his way out of the store, laden with gift-wrapped boxes, when he saw the perfect gift for his new friend and teacher; a leather-bound ring file containing diary, address book and note book, the cover had slots for calling cards or credit cards. Starsky decided that an organizer was just what the absent-minded Rabbi needed.
He piled the stuff onto the passenger seat and headed to his dinner date.

Hutch was struggling with gift wrap, scotch tape and ribbon. He'd found the perfect gift for Starsky but wrapping it was not easy.
The 'phone rang and Hutch disentangled himself from a loop of ribbon. He had bit of scotch tape on his finger and it stuck to the receiver when he picked it up.
"Hutch?" It was Huggy.
"Yea Huggy; what is it?"
"I've been told to give you a message from Chris. He says that you should leave him alone until after Christmas – he doesn't have time to talk to you."
"Is that so?"
"Hutch. Let it be, OK."
Hutch thought about this. If Huggy was trying to put them off a trail there had to be a good reason – only trouble was Hutch couldn't think what that good reason might be. He got back to his tussle with the gift wrap; and gave up. He decided to ask Edith Dobey to bail him out. He gathered up the gift and what was left of the paper and ribbon and put them on the table. He called Dobey's house and found that the Captain's wife would be only too happy to help him out. "You can even leave it here so that Starsky doesn't start trying to guess what it is, if you like." She added a supper invitation and Hutch was on his way.

The Stern family held to the traditions of Hanukah. Mrs. Stern held the Shamash (the candle used to light the others) out to her guest; Starsky took it with an embarrassed smile and turned to light the second candle on the Menorah. "I'm afraid I don't know the prayers." He said as he took it. Rabbi Stern shook his head and started the recitation.
After dinner they played all the traditional games and Starsky had a vague memory of a Hanukah in his grandmother's apartment. Nick had broken the dreidl and Eva was crying because she couldn't have her turn. Mrs. Stern's voice brought him back from long ago and far away.
"Are you and Hutch very busy at this time of year, David?"
Starsky looked around the table. "Well actually this year we have a really weird investigation." He said. He started to explain what had happened so far and the Stern family started to laugh. When he had finished he sat back and grinned. "The whole truth and nothing but the truth; so help me…".

As he had been re-telling the story of their weird case Starsky suddenly had a flash of inspiration; he glanced at his watch; it was past nine so he felt that he could leave without offending his hosts. He excused himself by explaining that he had to be on duty at six the next morning.

As he drove away from the Stern house he glanced in the mirror. Something seemed to be following him. He figured it was some kind of truck; it looked like it had one dull red lamp glowing and that must have been high on a cab because it was way above the level of the street. Starsky racked his brains to think what kind of a truck it could be – something to so with the city's maintenance department perhaps – like a trash collector. He checked the side mirror; whatever it was he couldn't see it any better in this mirror than in the rear-view. He glanced back up at the rear-view and learned the value of a split second. In the time he was looking up and not at the road ahead a car had pulled out of a driveway in front of him – he swerved in time but the rear of Torino went its own sweet way and Starsky just managed to avoid sliding sideways into a hedge. He checked the mirror again – whatever was behind him had managed to avoid crashing into him.
There was nothing there; and nothing had passed him either. He put his head out of the window to check that all was clear before turning round in the road to go back onto his chosen route. He could see the dim red lamp but now it seemed about twenty feet above the ground. He shook his head. He rubbed his eyes. He could have sworn he heard bells jingling!

Hutch's lights were all out and his car nowhere to be seen. Starsky decided to leave his buddy to whatever tom-catting he might be up to and headed home. He lit his second candle and stared at the Menorah for a while. It was a good time to call his mom; he reached for the 'phone.

Edith Dobey was doing an expert job wrapping Hutch's gift to Starsky. She grinned at her husband. "I can't wait to see David's face when he opens this!" Dobey looked at her "Neither can I." He turned to Hutch, "I hope you know what you're doing Ken!"
"Trust me Captain. I know Starsky better than anyone else here."
"I know that; I just hope you know him as well as you think you do."
Hutch was silent for a second. "So do I Captain; so do I. He's always kept a lot back; right now he's been letting his guard down a little – but in the end I only really know what he wants me to know."
Edith Dobey broke in "You have the instincts of a true friend and you two are so close that allows you a lot of insight. I think you made a good choice, Ken; I'm sure David will be very pleased that you thought of it."
She went into the kitchen; "Now you all sit at the table; dinner's ready."

As Hutch drove home that night he decided that he must have eaten too much. He wasn't aware of having indigestion and he had not been drinking but he couldn't think of any other explanation for the impression he had that he was being followed by something with only one dim red light; something that seemed to be floating about six feet off the ground. He parked outside his apartment building and got out of the car. He swore he could here those bells again.

Starsky left a message in the squad room that Hutch should join him at Huggy's place for breakfast.
When he arrived Hutch saw Starsky and Huggy in deep conversation – Starsky had a big cup of coffee in front of him and he was chewing on what Hutch thought was a cream donut. When he got to the table he saw that it was a cream-cheese filled bagel. Starsky nodded to a brown sack on the table and swallowed. "Yours is in the bag."
Hutch smiled; this was one of Starsky's breakfast habits he was happy to share. He asked Huggy for some coffee.
"I had a weird experience last night." Starsky said between mouthfuls.
"You tell me about yours and I'll tell you about mine."
Starsky told about how he was sure he'd been followed the night before – he left out the bells.
Hutch nearly choked on his bagel. "Me too! When I got of the car I thought…"
"Jingle bells?"
"Yes."
Huggy had been talking on the 'phone and now he was cleaning glasses behind the bar. The partners exchanged looks and went over to the counter.
Starsky beckoned to Huggy.
"Just what do you know about Rudolph and Chris; Hug?"
Huggy rolled his eyes and tried to look innocent – not an easy thing for him to achieve.
"All I know is that they came into town about three weeks ago and ever since, all the cocaine users in the neighborhood are as happy as they can be.
Hutch looked at Starsky. "You know what I think?"
"No; but I know what I was thinking last night. Ten'll give you twenty we're both thinking the same thing."
"Well if you were thinking last night – you go first."
"Always the gentleman!"
Huggy shrugged and went back to his glasses; once these two started bantering it could be while before they really got down to the important things.
Starsky chewed another mouthful of bagel and then took a couple of gulps of coffee.
"Those guys we saw in the tunnels – perhaps they are Santa's little helpers after all.
What we saw was a coke lab!"
"You got there first buddy. I owe you twenty bucks."
"Nah; I wasn't serious; keep it to buy my present."
They finished their breakfast in silence and said 'bye' to Huggy and set off for the tunnels.

The Torino slid around the corner into the alley leading to the entrance to the main tunnel. The tunnels had once housed the Chinese workers who built much of the city of Los Angeles back at the start of the century. There was talk that the City was going to make them into some kind of museum. Right now they were just sinister unlit tunnels where a few down and outs might spend the night.
Starsky pulled in behind a pile of cartons and barrels and killed the engine; they both got out of the car. They closed the doors as quietly as possible and started to make their way to the manhole cover.
It was already at the bottom of the shaft.
The two cops slipped further down the tunnel and waited. Hutch was muttering under his breath and Starsky could make out some of the lines his partner was supposed to have learned for the play. Personally, he knew them by heart already having rehearsed Hutch over and over while they were driving around the city working on this weird case. He nudged Hutch in the ribs and put his finger on his lips. "Sssssssshhh."
The light from the shaft was changing; indicating that the 'elevator' was on its way up.
One by one four tiny figures ran towards the tunnel entrance; each was holding a sack bulging with what looked like tiny boxes.
Starsky gestured to Hutch and they went to the 'elevator'. They stood as close to one another as possible and Starsky put his toe on the button.
The first room was now empty. They crossed and peeked into the second room. Three other tiny men were working at the far end of the room making what looked like tiny gift packages. On their left two other full-sized men were working at the lab; carefully weighing white powder and filling little boxes with each dose. One of them had a white beard; the other had the reddest nose Hutch had ever seen. Starsky was leaning on the wall hugging his stomach; he had tears streaming down his face and his body shook with silent laughter. Hutch took hold of his jacket and dragged him back to the 'elevator'. They got back up to ground level and both of them started to roar with laughter.
Starsky gasped for breath and looked at his partner's face; Hutch was still convulsed with giggles.
"Ch…Ch…Chris and R…R…Rudolph." Starsky managed to stutter it out between hiccups.
Hutch pulled himself together. "Come on; let's get back to the car and call for reinforcements. Then we'll find you another back to front glass of water!"
While Starsky sat hiccupping Hutch called into Dispatch.
"This is Zebra Three. We have uncovered a drug lab and are requesting back-up before going in." He gave their location and sat watching the tunnel entrance in the side mirror.

Two Black and Whites arrived about five minutes later. Starsky and Hutch walked over to meet the uniformed men and to give them their orders. Starsky punctuated it with hiccups. One of them looked at the dark haired detective and said "You know what you should do? Hold your breath and count to ten."
Starsky gave him an evil eye and walked to the 'elevator'
"OK…hic…we're go..hic..ing down and we'll se..hic send the thing back up…hic…for you."
He indicated which two cops should follow them and which two should wait in case the other three 'helpers' returned.

Once all four cops were down Starsky and Hutch led the way to the lab.
Starsky was trying not to hiccup and give them away – his face was so red Hutch thought he looked like he might burst any minute.
Hutch walked into the lab and announced "Police".
The two normal sized men looked up from their precision weighing.
Chris reached inside his red coat to draw his gun.
Starsky was quicker and he ordered the two of them to raise their hands; he and Hutch cuffed the docile prisoners and turned to watch the fun.
The two uniformed cops were trying to round up the other three 'helpers'; the little guys were scuttling around the room like children and slipping between the cops' legs or running under tables just as the taller men got within reach.
Hutch tackled one of them and at the same time pushed another across a chair. Starsky reached out and caught a passing belt. Using his full strength he lifted the little guy into the air so that his captive was running about a foot above the ground like something out of a Tom and Jerry cartoon. While the other two cops took the tiny prisoners back up to the waiting Black and Whites; Starsky and Hutch sat down and looked at their prisoners.
"Chris and Rudolph, I presume." Said Hutch – Starsky snorted and hiccupped again.
"Come on." Hutch grabbed Chris by the arm and Starsky followed with Rudolph.
"What about the others?" Hutch said to Starsky as they pushed their prisoners into the back of the Torino. Starsky went over to one of the uniformed cops. "You can get all of those little guys in one car. You two stay here; there are four more out there somewhere, wait and see if they come back.
He walked back to the car and the uniformed men watched his body jerk as he hiccupped again. They looked at one another and raised their eyebrows.

As the Torino pulled away with one of the Black and Whites behind it four tiny figures came around the corner. They turned to run but the cops waiting for them had longer legs and they were piled onto the back seat of the second Black and White in no time.

Christmas Eve was warm and it was raining gently as Starsky and Hutch arrived at the theater where the annual Police Department Christmas show was about to take place.
The Sterns were in the audience at Starsky's invitation. Hutch peeked between the curtains and he could see Edith and Harold Dobey and their kids sitting in the second row.

The show went smoothly enough even if Starsky did have to whisper a prompt to Hutch a couple of times. Then it was his big moment. He walked slowly onto the stage; the big cloak was trailing behind him and the hood hid his face completely. He glided over to Hutch and in reply to all the questions merely pointed his finger ahead of him. Hutch nearly fainted when he saw the hand that came out from the cloak. Starsky had covered his hand with green greasepaint and he'd talked Edith Dobey into helping him stick on the longest false nails he'd been able to buy in a store that catered for the sidewalk trade. The nails were painted black. Hutch followed the phantom across the stage and fell to his knees in front of the Styrofoam headstone.
"Spirit, tell me that this is not my tomb" he stammered. The hooded figure hiccupped loudly.

When the cast had cleaned off their makeup Starsky and Hutch went out to meet Dobey and the Sterns. They went to the table where there was a choice of drinks – alcoholic and soft. Hutch took a beer. Starsky reached over and poured a big glass of water. He grinned at the Stern and Dobey kids and said. "Betcha can't do this!" and he drank out of the back of the glass to kill his hiccups.

Starsky started to walk to their cars. "See you at the Dobey's for lunch tomorrow. I'm going to the church service with them and Edith says you should get there about twelve thirty." Hutch said. Starsky smiled; "I'm going by the Sterns' again this evening – boy after tomorrow I think I'm going on a diet!"

Hutch watched him drive off and headed home. He had promised to call his mom and check how his father was getting on in the Residential place they'd found for him in St Paul. At least Hutch knew his mom would not be alone for Christmas. For the first time in years he was going to spend Christmas Eve alone – he planned to get an early night

Christmas morning was bright and sunny - Hutch missed snow and ice on days like this. Starsky didn't; he reveled in not having to wear layers of clothes. He dressed to visit the Dobeys for lunch – loose blue shirt and his newest jeans. He put the gifts that he'd bought for them and for Hutch on the passenger seat and set off.
Hutch and the Dobeys had just got back from church and were walking up the lawn when the Torino arrived.
Edith Dobey kissed Starsky and put her arm around his waist. "I'm so glad you came, David. Christmas would seem strange without you two here every year."
Dobey grinned and nodded. Come on in and we'll have a beer while Edith finishes cooking the lunch. She let go of Starsky and hit her husband playfully "Sexist!"

Lunch was turkey and all the trimmings. Starsky and Hutch both took second helpings.
Hutch had brought a bottle of wine and Starsky went over to the paper sack that he had brought in from the car. He pulled out a bottle of champagne.
"What is that for, David?" Edith asked him.
"To celebrate having such good friends." He opened the bottle without spraying everyone while Edith found the glasses. Dobey whispered to Hutch "And he hasn't seen your gift yet!"

They went into the living room and Starsky sat cross –legged on the floor; he hauled his sack over to his side and started distributing his gifts to everyone. Hutch took the carefully wrapped package that his partner held out to him. It was wrapped in dark red paper and tied with a gold ribbon that had been curled to make a huge rosette. The package was heavy. Hutch opened it carefully and discovered the beautiful Pueblo Indian pot that he'd admired back in Santa Fe.
"Starsky; that's just lovely."
He looked at Starsky sitting on the floor and for a terrible moment he remembered that sad night when he and his partner had opened the gifts that Terri left them.
He went over to the tree and picked up the package that Edith had made for him. He sat down next to Starsky and handed him his gift. Starsky took it and looked at his partner. "He knows," Hutch thought, "oh god I hope it's not too soon."
Starsky started to open the package; carefully removing the scotch tape and the ribbon. Slowly he opened the paper. A big smile spread across his face. He pulled Ollie out of the wrapping and hugged him close to his chest. He turned to Hutch and his partner could see the tears in his eyes.
"That's the most beautiful gift you could have given me Ken. Thanks." He leaned forward and pecked Hutch on the cheek. Hutch hugged him and grinned over Starsky's shoulder at Dobey.

It was dark when Starsky and Hutch said goodbye to their hosts. Hutch drove off first and when he looked in his rearview mirror he burst out laughing. Starsky had attached the Mars light to the Torino's front grill. The radio crackled and Hutch heard Starsky singing "Rudolph the red nosed Torino, you should see how fast he goes………" as he sped past Hutch 's wreck and headed home.

Footnote

I couldn't resist a hommage to one of my favorite writers. Starsky's performance in "A Christmas Carol" owes a lot to the wonderful scene in John Irving's book "A Prayer for Owen Meany".

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