Alive Only in Memories
By: ayame
Sometimes, late at night, when Ayame lay awake in her bed, she let her thoughts drift back to the past. To the time when her, and Taisumaru, and Rikimaru were still under the training of Master Shiunsai, to become Azuma Ninjas. How much fun she'd had and how happy she was, although the training was harsh and sometimes deadly. She remembered the feelings she'd had for Taisumaru, the love that had only grew stronger, not weaker, and her heart still hurt as much now, as it had the night he'd ran his own sword through his heart.
She was 21 now, and the only thing that kept her alive day by day, was the promise she'd made to protect Princess Kiku. The adorable little princess and Rikimaru had both helped her past her grief; she didn't know how she'd have managed to stay sane without them. She had looked for romantic companionship in Rikimaru, but found she could think of him as nothing more intimate than an older brother. She'd searched until 16 for someone to fill the aching empty void in her heart and only found friends or people she didn't care for. It was then that Ayame suspected that her emotions for Taisumaru were stronger than the brotherly love she had for Rikimaru; she had gone over all her memories and analyzed her feelings, and had been emotionally rocked for days.
She loved him, and would have died for him; she resented the fact that it was Rikimaru that killed Kagami, she hated the woman with a passion the rivaled her emotions for Taisumaru. But even though she would have relished Kagami's blood on her hands, she was also happy that she was not the one to have killed her, for killing in hate was to close to what Kagami had done. But she that didn't stop her from fantasizing.
Ayame thought of the Burning Dawn, of their dream of a world ruled by ninja; and was revolted all over again. Kagami had preached of freedom, but was, consciously or unconsciously, playing the same role of those she wished to free the ninja from. And how she had used her Taisumaru when he had lost his memory made her even sicker. It may have started out as a beautiful dream, but it was made ugly by the methods she'd used to obtain it.
The remembrance of all the innocents that had died and how Taisumaru had been tricked into betraying all the vows he'd taken for Master Shiunsai, brought tears to her eyes. She let them run freely and soak her pillow as she stared up at the ceiling but saw another time and place.
Rikimaru holding Master Shiunsai's lifeless body as Kagami and Taisumaru escaped over the roof tops.
"Rikimaru" she whispered softly, and upon saying the name, was weighed down with such grief that her chest ached painfully with the effort of holding back the sobs. He had died only a few days ago, and it was increasingly hard to believe that he wasn't just out on a mission, that he wouldn't be back soon.
She rolled over onto her side and closed her eyes, the last of her tears slowly leaking from her eyes and landing on her already wet pillow. She yearned for sleep, and for once it seemed, some higher power was going to oblige her. As her eyes drifted shut and dreams reached out to her, something she'd said as a young child came back to her.
"I'm gonna marry you Taisu, and we'll live happily ever after under a great big cherry tree."
and she dreamed of a time when she, Taisumaru, and Rikimaru were still at the ninja village being trained under Azuma Shiunsai. And although in the morning she would awake to a world full of pain and loneliness, tonight, she would find happiness and peace in the comfort of those she loved. Even if they were alive only in memories.