A/N: It's been almost a month since I last posted anything...sorry :)

The other stories will be updated shortly after this so don't worry! This is just for fun and because Itachi is one of the greatest characters ever ^v^

Enjoy!

Warning: Er- OOC on the chibis half...anything else you think needs one!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot of this story :D

Itachi was a simple guy.

He woke up in the morning, threw some clothes on, and went out to the Academy to learn and become a great shinobi. Everything was going his way. He was popular, had all the other eight-year old girls after him, and was the best thing since the Hokage (in his opinion anyway). Even his parents bowed down before him- er um, loved him just like everyone else.

And then Sasuke was born.

The bane of his existence.

Things were almost normal and it seemed like nothing had changed for a while. Itachi grew up into an even more dashing thirteen year old, and Sasuke grew fatter. Yes. Things were as they should be.

And then Sasuke made a friend.

A mischevious energetic blonde with a knack for trouble. His name was Naruto- and he was a spawn of the devil. When he wasn't pranking the village, he was pranking the Uchiha Compound. And when he grew tired of that, he pranked Sasuke using ducktape and a knife (which is how they became friends).

Itachi used all of his ninja stealth to avoid the two children whenever they came near or asked him to play, because really, it was getting kind of creepy when one of them would appear in the shower with him. Everything was as it should have been, just like when he was eight.

And then his parents decided to go off on a vacation.

"Itachi we're leaving," Fugaku said over his shoulder, holding a suitcase.

"When are you coming back?" Itachi questioned in a monotone, simply because it was fun to tick people off. Like his father. Fugaku hated when he stared at him with a blank expression.

"In a few weeks."

"OK." Itachi didn't really care. He was alone most of his time anyway (inner self sulks in a corner)

Mikoto walked by, patting him on the head and going to stand beside her husband. "Make sure you watch over Sasuke, okay?"

"No."

"What was that?"

Itachi blinked. "There was something in my throat, sorry."

Mikoto pleasantly smiled. "Well have fun and take care of things!"

"..."

Thus his current situation.

Two evil children the age of eight grinning up at him in front of his room.

"Hi nii-san!"

Itachi twitched.

Day One: Play Hide-N-Seek (or try to)

"Nii-san? Nii-san? Where are you?" Sasuke called, voice echoing in the night sky.

"Shh! Do you want everyone to hear us?" Naruto asked from where they were crouched, hidden amongst some wild orchid bushes and trees.

"No but-"

"We'll find him sooner or later. He can't hide from us forever. Where's Sakura?"

"...I dunno..."

"What? You were supposed to contact her!" Naruto exclaimed, slapping a hand to his whiskered face.

"I did, I did! Don't get on my case!" Sasuke shouted back.

"Man, you're such a dud, what were you thinking-"

"I already said it wasn't my fault-"

There was a rustling in the bush beside them and a tall lithe figure emerged from the trees.

Sasuke and Naruto screamed.

"It's just me," Itachi growled, stalking out of the thick brush and pulling twigs from his hair. "I found you two so now you have to-"

"A monster!" Sasuke jumped back.

Naruto did the same, only he picked up a stick. "Back! Back! Run Sasuke, I'll take care of this!"

"Thank you Naru," Sasuke sniffed. "You were a good friend."

"Oh Sasuke...I didn't get a chance to tell Sakura how I felt," Naruto mourned.

"Don't worry," Sasuke tearfully said. "I'll tell her."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "What are you guys talking-?"

"Flee! Now's your chance!" Naruto interrupted.

Sasuke nodded. "Goodbye Naru, I'll never forget you," he said.

"Oh for goodness sake," Itachi muttered as his younger brother attempted to run but tripped over air.

"Help me! Naruto, it's all over!" Sasuke cried from his position on the ground.

Naruto threw the stick which conked Itachi on the head. "Look at what you did!" he shouted, dramatically running to his fallen friend. "Sasuke? Sasuke, are yo ualive?"

Sasuke cracked an eye open. "Just...barely..." He gripped at the blonde's shirt, head lolling. "Take care...of Sakura."

"But," Naruto shook the boy. "You were supposed to take care of her!"

Sasuke hung his head and whispered, "It's over...kill...the beast..."

"Sasuke? Sasuke! Noo! Sasuke!"

Itachi felt the nerve under his eye twitch. "Naruto, shut up."

"Die monster! I will avenge my friend!" Naruto proclaimed, leaping to his feet. "I know you know where Sakura is!"

"So stupid," Itachi growled, taking a step back. "Sasuke," he said while looking at his brother on the ground. "Get up and stop playing dead."

Sasuke sat up. "OK!"

Naruto grinned, embracing his best friend. "You're alive!"

"That's it, I'm leaving," Itachi deadpanned, turning around.

"Bye nii-san! Thanks for playing with us!" Sasuke cheerfully called, waving a hand.

"Yeah! Nice hair by the way!" Naruto said before bursting out laughing.

Itachi felt something in him snap. Possibly his sanity. His head slowly cranked towards the two boys, cracking his knuckles.

"..."

"..."

Naruto and Sasuke shared a glance.

"..."

"RUN AWAY!"

"Aargh!" Itachi smacked a hand to his forehead. "I'm not finding you little brats again!"

Day two: Going Hardcore in Sports (completely hazardous)

"Hey nii-san! Catch this!"

Itachi gracefully turned on his heel, hands ready to catch the...object that clearly wasn't a ball but a Fuuma shuriken?

"..."

"!"

"?"

Itachi stared at the weapon currently embedded in his palm and the fountain of blood coming out of it.

"Hey that's pretty neat," Sasuke said with a smile. "Will you teach me that technique too?"

"Yeah!" Naruto pumped his fists out in front of him with a smile, flinging a hand out. "The palm-catching-with-lots-of-blood-technique!"

A gust of wind blew overhead.

Itachi turned gleaming eyes onto them, slowly dying of blood loss. "Where did you get that shuriken?"

There was a long moment of silence and awkward glances.

And then-

"Oops..." Naruto grinned apologetically and then turned to Sasuke. "I guess that wasn't a spiky looking Frisbee after all."

Sasuke nodded with a devious expression. "Let's go back to Tou-san's shed and see if we can find some more!"

"Alright!"

Itachi felt lightning crack above his head, a thunderous expression on his face as he cradled his gushing hand. "YOU FOOLS-!"

He blinked.

They were already gone.

Itachi's brow suffered through a violent spasm for the rest of the day.

Day three: Going out for a Picnic (and failing)

A new day in Konohagakure and Itachi woke in a foul mood. Only two days since his parents had left and he had enough of his little brother and friend. Sitting up in bed, he glanced across to the mirror on his desk, taking in the bloodshot eyes and pale skin. They're going to be the end of me, he moodily thought before swinging out of his bed.

His nose twitched.

He sensed someone else in their house other than Sasuke. Someone all too familiar for his liking.

Itachi huffed under his breath, stalking down the halls with already building anger. His hair billowed behind him with a driving force, feet leaving holes in the floor as he stomped. With a hand bandaged and slightly forced smile, he entered their kitchen. "Why is Naruto here?"

Sasuke and Naruto looked up from where they were packing miniature baskets of bread and onigiri.

"We're going to have a picnic," Sasuke told him, passing a horribly deformed onigiri to the blonde at his side.

"Tou-san and Kaa-san aren't here," Naruto added, putting the onigiri into his mouth.

Itachi's brows quirked, a twitching smile on his face. Why are you calling my parents that? "You're having a picnic?"

"Yup!" Sasuke looked around, a look of confusion spreading onto his face. He gave Naruto an odd look. "Hey, where's all the food I've been making."

Naruto swallowed the piece of bread in his mouth, rice grains on his puffed out cheeks. "No idea," he said in a muffled voice.

Sasuke suspiciously eyed him before lunging forward and tugging on his cheeks. "You can't fool me! Now we don't have anything to eat!"

"You can always make more!" Naruto protested, trying to push the raven off of him.

"But we won't have time," Sasuke said, defeatedly sitting back.

"We have plenty of time."

"Says you. You weren't the one making them."

"Well you wouldn't let me."

"Because you would screw it up-!"

"Mine can't get much worse than yours!"

Sasuke and Naruto were rolling around on the floor, screaming insults left and right while tugging at each other's hair.

Itachi sighed, deciding to step in before his headache got any worse. "Weren't you two supposed to go on a picnic? Why are you wasting your time fighting?"

"Oh yeah!" Naruto perked up, pushing Sasuke off of him and getting to his feet. "Sasuke we can fight later. Right now we gotta go on a picnic!" He held a hand out for Sasuke to grab.

The youngest Uchiha took the hand with a smile. "You're right. Come on, let's go!"

They were halfway to the door, and still holding hands like children about to go skipping through a field, when Itachi spoke again.

"Hold it."

"What now?" Naruto said, rolling his eyes.

You little brat- Itachi glared at him, fingers twitching.

Sasuke gave him a look. "Naruto be nice. What was that nii-san?"

Itachi calmed himself down, only because he didn't want to create a scene. "You don't have any food. How are you supposed to go on a picnic?"

Naruto tugged on Sasuke's sleeve. "We can eat Itachi," he loudly whispered.

This kid...is going to die," Itachi thought, shooting dagger's into the blonde's skulls. He noticed with minute horror that Sasuke was actually contemplating Naruto's suggestion and quickly backed away.

"No," Sasuke finally said. "He doesn't look too good. I'd rather eat Shisui..."

Itachi stared at him. Apparently the Uchiha's were raising cannibals. "You two do what you want. I'm going back to bed."

Naruto snickered. "Make sure you sleep with one eye open..."

I should be saying that to you! Itachi resisted the urge to maim the child and instead stalked back to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He flopped face-first back onto his bed.

And screamed into his pillow.

Day four: Going out Shopping (never again)

"Let's go shopping," Sasuke said when he walked into the living room. Naruto was sitting next to him, drawing a picture with a lot of red and black.

"I hope you die," Itachi said, walking by.

"What?" Sasuke stared up at him with wide eyes.

"Nothing. There was something in my throat. Let's go."

Itachi couldn't help but spare his brother and idiotic best friend a glnce every so often as they walked down the crowded streets. It didn't matter if they were going to be the death of him (because one way or the other it was going to happen) or that they were the most annoying creatures to ever walk the planet. He still had a responsibility to make sure they didn't get killed. That was his job. Naruto, cheerful as ever, was babbling excitedly to Sasuke who was responding with just as much vigor.

"It was amazing! You would have loved to see it!"

"No fair! Next time bring me along, okay?"

"Sure! I wouldn't want to spend time with anyone else."

"R-Really? Thanks Naru! Me too!"

Itachi felt a part of him die. I never want to hear that again...

"Huh?" Naruto ran off upon seeing the market they were at, stooping in front of the fruit stands. "Hey Sasuke, look! Tomatoes!"

Itachi rolled his eyes, heading over to the main stands in search of a decent meal.

Sasuke beamed, jogging over next to him. "Wow! They're good ones too!"

"I know, right? This has to be a natural talent, picking out such good looking food!"

Sasuke opened his mouth to respond when he saw a flash out the corner of his eye. Huh? He walked off, curiousity at its peak.

"I think I'm a genius after all. It doesn't matter what Shikamaru says about me! He's just jealous because I can keep my eyes open longer than he can-" Naruto continued chattering energetically, oblivious to the sudden disappearance of his friend.

Itachi was too. He had picked out enough food for twenty people. One for himself, six for Sasuke, and thirteen servings for Naruto. Just how it always was. He turned round, arms loaded with bags and beckoned to Naruto who seemed to be talking to himself. "Come on Naruto. I want to get home and lock myself away."

Naruto grinned at the sound of his voice, skipping over. "OK!"

"Wait." Itachi glanced from the blonde to the stand of fruit. "Where's Sasuke?"

"What?" Naruto's head snapped to where the Uchiha's gaze was. "How mean! One minute he was there, the next he leaves me to talk all to myself!"

"That's not the point," Itachi ground out, shifting the bags in his arms as he turned around. "Where could he have..." he trailed off, eyes bugging. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Sasuke beamed over at him from where he was handing out loaves of bread to the villagers passing by on the street. "Hi nii-san! Look at all these nice people!"

Itachi gaped at him in horror. Did he not see the savage villagers who were foaming at the mouth and trying to eat him instead of the food?

Naruto laughed, flashing his best friend a thumbs up. "You're so cool Sasuke! I wanna be just like you!"

"Oh no you don't." Itachi stalked over to the mob forming around his little brother, dragging Naruto by the hand and dropping their groceries on the ground. He pushed through the throng of jostling and shoving bodies that once made of the population of Konohagakure. "Excuse me- pardon me ma'm- could you please- oh don't shove- for Kami's sake watch my eye!- get out of the way- Okay that's it! KATON: GOKAKYUU NO JUTSTU!"

"..."

Sasuke and Naruto stared in awe at the pile of roasted bodies in front of them.

"Whoa..." Naruto's eyes were wide with amazement. "That was the biggest fireball EVER!"

Sasuke watched with a flush full of pride as Itachi came from underneath the pile. "Of course. Our brother's the best!"

Itachi climbed to his feet, raising a brow. Since when am I both your brothers? He crinkled his nose. Great. Now he smelled like dead people.

Naruto and Sasuke rushed up to the older teen, hugging him around the waist and looking up at him with bright expectant eyes. "You're the best ever!" they shouted in unison.

Itachi let out a heavy sigh, for once not bothering to push them away. "How do parents do it?"

"What?" Sasuke frowned at him. "I thought you knew."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, yeah!"

Itachi smacked them over the head. "Nevermind!"

Day five: Starting a Business (why even bother?)

Itachi exhaled as lightly as possible, trying not to stare Sasuke and Naruto into oblivion. Instead he shifted in the chair he stole from the neighbor next door, impatiently tapping his fingers on the wooden surface in front of him. I can't believe I'm doing this...well it's not like I have a choice... His eye twitched.

Since he had no spare time to go on missions there was no money coming in. No money meant no food. Food was life. Once, he had tried going out on a simple scouting mission just so it wouldn't take too long and he could make sure Sasuke didn't get into too much trouble on his own.

Never again.

So with his hands full of his idiot of a brother and stupid friend (he meant it in a loving way of course), there was nothing to do but try and make some money without leaving the village.

Thus the food stand he had created with his own two hands, with decrepit wood slabs and messily painted kanji that read 'Shop'.

His eye twitched again.

Right now Sasuke and Naruto were off handing out flyers that they had made themselves.

Itachi wasn't surprised no one was coming.

"Eh? What's going on here?"

Itachi froze, body visibly stiffening. That voice...please don't let it be-

"What- no greeting for your favorite cousin?" a devious voice asked.

Itachi slowly looked to the side, almost cringing at the sight of the slightly older teen. "Shisui," he said in a tight voice.

Shisui smiled. "Good to know you haven't forgotten your best friend."

Yeah. Best pain in the ass more like it- "Of course not," Itachi politely replied. He knew his friend all to well. The moment his back was turned, he'd be running his mouth off to every nation about how the great Uchiha Itachi was working at a food stand for a living.

Shisui was quiet for a moment. Itachi thought he was going to leave. But then his cousin held a finger to his chin, thoughtfully looking at the kanji plastered above. "So you dropped out of the Hokage's services just to realize your true ambition and start a food market as a merchant why...?"

Itachi gave him a warning look, going back to tapping his fingers on the moldy surface of the stand.

Shisui ignored him, smiling ear-to-ear. "I see business is booming," he waved an arm around an otherwise barren street.

Silence.

"Well I really wouldn't want to interrupt this great shop you've got running. I guess I'll go to the Hokage and ask for a mission."

More silence filled with dark vibes.

Shisui nodded to himself. "Yep. That's sounds just about right." He turned around, waving a hand at his dear cousin. "Tell Sasuke I said hi. His new friend too!"

Itachi narrowed his eyes.

"And..." Shisui gave the younger raven a sly smirk. "I'll let the folks know how you're doing back at home. Have a nice time building a hut!"

Itachi's fingers spazzed. "MANGEKYO!"

Day six: Making Money (sometimes Itachi doesn't even know anymore...)

We're going to starve and die and kaa-san and tou-san will kill my already deceased body and no one will care because of that last food market stunt which went no where and- Itachi silenced his train of thought, taking a deep breath to calm himself. He rested his head on the kitchen table, absorbing the quietness of the room. When was the last time he had gotten any-? Where did Naruto and Sasuke go?

Itachi was suddenly alert. They told him they were going out in the backyard to plant some trees and save the planet...but that was more than three hours ago!

Itachi stood, already making preparations to kill.

Then front door opened and in stumbled his brother and best friend.

Sasuke looked up with a feverish gleam in his eyes. "Nii-san!"

"Nii-san! Did you miss us?" Naruto breathlessly asked, eyes also shining.

"No, and quit calling me that," Itachi said, whacking them both over the head. "Now put those bags down and explain yourselves. Where were you guys?"

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a glance and then turned back to him, grinning like maniacs. "We were making money for you!" Naruto said.

"Because you looked so upset when Shisui burned down the food stand," Sasuke added. "Do you want to see? Naruto-"

"Here!" Naruto lifted one of the bags with his arms shaking from the weight, handing it to Sasuke who held it in one hand with ease.

Sasuke smiled. "Thank you. Now look nii-san!" He opened it up for his older brother to see.

Itachi stared with large eyes at the massive collection of ryo and yen, unable to believe his eyes. "How-?"

"It was easy really," Naruto said with a smile.

"Yeah, we got one of Naruto's friends to help." Sasuke looked at the money and then closed the bag back up. He expectantly gazed at his brother. "Are you all cheered up now?"

"Where did you get that money?" Itachi asked, not being able to shake the suspicious feeling nagging at the back of his head.

Naruto bounced in place. "Well you see-"

"We robbed the bank!" Sasuke excitedly cut in. "And we set it on fire! Just like you did with those villagers!"

Itachi slowly clenched and unclenched his fingers, lips already formed in a twitching grin and a vein throbbing. "Y-You two..."

Day seven: Making Friends (as if things couldn't get any worse)

"Hey un."

Itachi blinked, stepped out of his bedroom, and then stepped back in. He rubbed his eyes. "Who...the hell...are you?"

The blonde sitting in the middle of his bed with his foolish little brother and devil spawn smiled up at him, his visible blue eye shining. His hair was pulled back in a hairstyle similar to the Hyuugas, long fringe covering his left eye...

Itachi violently twitched. "Sasuke, Naruto...who did you bring into my room this time without permission?" Last time it was a hobo selling straws. It was an experience he's rather not go through again.

"Oh him?" Naruto grinned, patting the blonde's knee. "This is one of my bestest friends in the world!"

"Hey!"

Naruto blinked. "Except for you of course Sasuke," he assuringly said.

Sasuke smiled at him.

"I'm Iwa Deidara un, nice to meet you," the blonde said with a smirk that told Itachi they weren't going to get along at all.

"Right. And why are you in here?" Itachi demanded to know, straight to the point.

"I helped Naru-chan and Sasu-kun make art yesterday," Deidara helpfully said.

"It was super cool nii-san!" Sasuke gushed, latching onto the older blonde's arm.

Itachi lifted a brow. "Art?"

Deidara's eye sparkled. "Yeah. It's how I blew that bank up. You wanna see it?"

"No thank you. Now please leave before I kill all three of you."

Deidara cocked his head. "What the-?"

"Okay!" Sasuke shrugged, sliding off his brother's bed and dragging Deidara with him. "Nii-san likes to sulk by himself, so you can show us how to make those bombs in the backyard."

Bombs...? Itachi stared at the three walking by, more specifically Deidara. "You a shinobi?" he rudely addressed the boy.

Deidara looked at him haughtily. "More than you'll ever be un."

Itachi felt a vein pop. "What was that?"

"Nothing. There was something in my throat hm. Let's go Sasu-kun, Naru-chan."

Even taking my own words! That little brat! Itachi didn't bother quelling his killing intent. "When you come back here-"

"Are you saying he can stay?" Sasuke asked with a gasp, obviously happy.

Itachi frowned at him. "Of course-"

Naruto bobbed his head. "Yeah! Deidara-nii is only here for a few weeks on a mission and doesn't have anywhere to go!"

"But I never-"

Itachi never got the chance to finish because suddenly Deidara was hugging him and squealing. "Thanks so much Itachi! You have no idea how much this means to me!"

Naruto and Sasuke giggled.

Deidara pulled away, but not before darkly murmuring in Itachi's ear, "I'll be sure to make your life a living hell during my stay...Uchiha-kun..."

Itachi glared.

Deidara smirked again, heading out his door and out into the hall. "Oh Sasu-kun! I don't know where anything is. Mind showing the backyard so we can create some art?"

Sasuke grinned. "H-Hai! Come on Naruto!"

Naruto grinned back and the two chased each other out after Deidara.

Itachi watched them go and then turned to the nearest wall, banging his head repeatedly. Kaa-san, tou-san, I will hate you for the rest of my life if I have to put up with this another day.

In the background he could hear the loud noise of an explosion.

Why does this always happen to me? Itachi inwardly groaned.

A/N: That was the first week for you. To continue or not...?

Anyhow, it was purely for fun. Let me know how it was for you :)