A.N. : So this is it! my very first story!!! I never thought I'd make it but here I am.I hope you will all like it and please keep in mind that english is not my first language when you review. Also I'm looking for a Beta! so please If you are interested leave me a message, I really need it. And I'm sooooo sorry!!! I had to repost this story; I had a problem with my computer when trying to edit and it deleted the story from the site so i had to do it again.
Enjoy!!!
'...' : thoughts
"...": dialogues
"...": dialogues in the past
Disclaimer: I don't own ATLA it characters they all belong to Nick and BRYKE and Idon't own the Beauty Song from House of the flying daggers, it from that japanese guy I totally forgot the name.
And yes I forgot, this is for Celine and Emmanuelle who encoraged me to finish this, I love you guyz!!!
Prologue: LULLABIES FOR THE FROZEN HEARTED
The air around them had gotten colder and dry; somehow finally announcing them that they'd long since then reached the Fire Nation frontiers and crossed them without really taking notice in the process.
The crew certainly had,he thought, for they were, after all, career sailors that had spent their entire lives on ships across the seven seas so unlike him who had just taken up on the role few months ago when he'd left his country and he seriously doubted such little time was enough to start accounting on those kind of things;'borders over water and all'.
The fact of them being in open waters, the captain had said, had certainly emphasized the climate change from what was usually the more damp, heavy and unbearably hot weather they were accustomed to; to the tropical and foreign one they were experiencing now; for on a boat, the man had added, it was easier to feel the changes in the dynamics of the airs and the winds, because they were bare and free in their movements allowing them to practically touch them with the tips of their fingers if they wanted to .
His Uncle, sacred general at his hours but otherwise light hearted and poetic in his spirit had found the explanation exiting and inspiring in the way the captain; was it Jai or Zai; Zuko had complettly forgotten- had talked about the winds as if he was actually talking about a human being. And in normal times Zuko would have smiled at his uncle zealous comments at the description and at the conversation that had followed between the two aging men; and really; if he had cared because ;he thought ; its was really just winds they were talking about, cold winds and hot air, nothing that would be worth his intrest.
Yes he would have smiled and maybe even laughed; internally that was; because it was never proper for a prince of the fire nation to laugh openly; "a sign of clumsiness and weakness undeserving of your position" the too serious royal chief educator Master Shong had scowled at a too cheerful nine years old prince Zuko back then; over exited by the return of his cousin LuTen and by the gifts he would bring from his latest campaign in the earth kingdom, such a long time ago.
"What kind of person tell a nine year old child not to laugh Zuko? that's INSANE! well I can tell you right now! That man is not coming anywhere close to any of our children! I- I mean when... wh...If we hav-ve any of those one day...when the time is right...and we're both...you know?...uh!...My point being that I like it when you laugh!...I m-mean you look different when you do...you know...not brooding and overly serious and all...Okay...jus..just forget I said anything okay!"
In normal times Zuko would have also smiled at the memory, of him raising eyebrows and of her trying to hard to hide her embarrassment , he would then, have smiled at the awkwardness of the whole situation, of two young people more children than they would have dared to admit back then, too young to be there, trying to talk about situations they should have been discussing while four or five years older.
He frowned again, not at the reminiscence in itself,really, but rather at the pointlessness of it all. The pointlessness of him standing on the bridge of his ship for hours, thinking of what had never really been in the first place and of him gazing pointedly back at the waters that held not so long ago the panoramic decorum of the most powerful nation of earth; his home; his world ,the fire nation, as if he'd left anything there, anything that worth to be mulled over.
His world. The very reason why he was brought to life for; a world to which he had given so much to... So insatiable in it desire of greatness and power that it had managed in it's wake to consume itself from within; nourishing the greed and the ambitions of it so called children for so long...but still...it wasn't enough.
More lands, more riches, more power, always more , more and more ; those were the ways of the Fire Nation for centuries until enough was too little and everything was just not sufficient yet. And so it was not enough for him either. And as his duty had demanded; Zuko had given up on everything he could have call his own for his country. He had done so at when he became Crowned Prince and in fact, now that he thought about it, even long before that, at the very moment he had realized his position heir to the throne. He had then swore his life, his soul and the very blood that coursed trough his veins so fire nation could live and grow and expand to become the fire nation Sozin; his great grandfather; had dreamed for it to be: Strong , Collosal feared and unattainable, ruling on all other nations in godlike status with nothing but Agni above; that was why he existed, that was why he fought and that was why he would probably die one day...and he had given up so much...
'Pointless' he repeated to himself before closing his eyes and relishing into the sudden gush of wind that crossed the boat, flapping in his heavy robes and caressing his face in the most tender manner.
Blue eyes...
'Katara'
His life...
His soul...
His blood...
'Pointless'
"Next time we see each other...it...I...it won't be the same anymore Zuko..."
As her words rang trough his head again and again, he couldn't help but touch the warped side of his face lightly...It still hurt under the heavy layers of bandages that his uncle and the healer had managed to put there, literally tying him up to his bed so he wouldn't hurt himself or others in the process; but not has much...not anymore...not as much as the weight of the slaughtered pride or the murdered heart that he had to carry with him from now...and for the rest of his life...or "until you return with the avatar" he had been or-donned...
"Hn..." he snorted softly
How can a man who has been stripped to the bones of his honor regain any kind of pride? or one who has seen his life torn into shreds by the ones he'd trusted as loved ones call any place home? He'd been told he could go home, but until he found the avatar and dealt with his companions...
"I'm with the avatar Zuko, one of his teachers...I teach...I help him with his water bending..."
And It hurt; so much that Zuko, was now clawing a hand over his heart; harder than he usually did; and he could feel the dizziness that he'd become now accustomed to, threatening to get control of his body and reveal the secret that he'd managed to keep so well from the people around him for so long now.
He knew that, not far behind him, his grads were standing, watching him closely, as usual waiting on their master that he'd give orders or requests for something to be executed. Or was it that they were afraid that he would put his leg over the railing and jump in the freezing cold ocean... Zuko didn't know nor he did he care but at the lights of recent events, involving him going on a delirious rant for almost three weeks,calling names of long deceased ones, asking for things that never existed and crying out to her over and over again; he didn't blame them for thinking him suicidal then; they'd probably received orders to watch his every moves from his uncle anyway. But them being there so close, even if they couldn't see the twisted expression of pain on his face, meant that they could notice the bucking of his knee or the trembling of his body, and he couldn't afford for anyone to notice; not now; not just yet.
So Zuko clutched to the railing that restricted the bridge of the boat, even harder,so much that he could see his knuckles turn white under the pressure and he couldn't feel his harms anymore; being careful not to flinch or moan or sigh too hard, something that his bodyguards would notice immediately, and attempt to investigate further. Ever so sharp of them.
'That...that...that...' by Agni I don't even know what to call her anymore...'that woman...'
His father was right he is a pathetic excuse for a human being, how could he have ever thought that he could...it could have been anything more than a pity full masquerade in which he was chosen to play the buffoon...
"I'm sorry ...this wasn't what you tought it was...it was..."
'All fake...'
And he couldn't help the dry laugh that escaped his lips then, whether was it out of self pity for the blind fool he'd been or in desperation to somehow control the unspeakable rage that twisted his guts in undemoutable sequences deepening the already unbearable pain or maybe was it out of desperation to hold on to the the last strings of sanity that hadn't been destroyed yet. Destroyed by the betrayal inflicted by the ones he had dedicated his life to, one- his betrothed and soon to be wife- burning his soul to ashes and then throwing the remnants in his face so he could wake up to the ballant lie he'd been living for almost five years of his life and the other- his own father- burning his flesh, so he could never forget...marking of him the ashamed, the banished, the unwanted...
"It doesn't matter now Zuko, it's over, this was never real...I'm sorry..."
and he laughed even harder, tightening even further his already death grip on the railing to help himself from falling, but also on a certain collar bound tightly around one of his wrist, a reminder of his own foolishness for he'd once believed he could find peace in love and love in the eyes of the enemy; the reason of his fool quest around the world for a being he may never find, for the love of a man that could never love his own children and for...
"Nephew?"
"..."
"Nephew are you well?" He hears his uncle repeat himself
'Hn! Is that even a question'
"I'm fine uncle."He replied dryly, straightening his posture swiftly, all the pain gone as per some kind of miracle, it always did.
Would it be somebody else, Zuko wouldn't even have bother to reply. And would it been somebody else, the person would have turned around and left, because Prince Zuko of the fire Nation wasn't to be talked to when he showed no interest of doing so, not if you really valued your head enough to understand, he wasn't always like that, but people change.
But this was his uncle talking to him. A man that wasn't intimidated by the young prince's cold attitude towards people, neither by the emptiness in his eyes that threatened to transform into a raging volcano at any contradicting word ; It kept people away, yes, but not his Uncle Iroh;
"Well...i just talked to Physician Jong, and he says it would be time to remove your bandages?"
"..."
"Nephew?"
"I'll be there in a minute uncle."
"Okay, we'll be waiting for you to join us then...we'll wait in your cabin"
"Uncle?"
"Yes Nephew?"
"Bring a mirror."
His uncle froze in his track, visibly startled by the unusual request and Zuko wondered just how bad his face was disfigured. He hadn't seen it yet, but his uncle and the healer had when they had to care for it and if his uncle reaction was any indication; Zuko knew he wouldn't like it.
A pregnant silence settled between the two man before the old man sighed softly and finally responded
"As you wish Prince Zuko...would that be all?"
"Yes"
From the corner of his eye,the one that was unwrapped and unhurt, Zuko could see the old man bow and retire as slowly and as quietly as he had come, without any of his usual bickering about one thing or another about what his nephew had done or should do. He had stopped trying to reach out to him weeks ago when in one of their heated arguments, Zuko thrown a fire ball at him and had threatened to send him back to Fire Nation. The expression on his uncle's face had been heart wrenching and Zuko had regretted his actions right after they'd happened, but he knew had had to react that way; because if his uncle had not stopped his daily renting about how he should give life a second chance and find solace in forgiveness, Zuko would have lost his mind, more than he already was .
Stopping short the memories that threatened to blossom once again in his mind, Zuko looked back at the ocean... And noticed how quite it had suddenly become under the stars; the perfect representation of his inner state, quietly dead or simply dead and dark...
'so quite'
'so comforting it used to be' he thought again...and he could feel again the bitter taste of hate on his tongue and the pain it brought in the pit of his stomach, adding but another brick to mausoleum it already managed to build there bringing with each brick more pain, more anger and more loath for the element in in display in front of him...
'so much...so blue...just like the depth of her eyes...'
At that he turned on his heels and followed his uncle to his quarters.
" When I was a little girl; and I had trouble sleeping on the nights of the full moon, my mother used to sit me on her lap tell me the stories. Most of them were of beautiful princesses, courageous princes and of happily ever afters over the setting sun. Most but one. One of them was of a princess named Hannah living in the northern water tribes, long before our time; an incredibly beautiful maiden whose rumors of beauty had traveled so far, that warriors and princes from all over the world would rush to the north hoping to prove themselves and somehow win her favors for marriage.
Princess Hannah was appreciated and loved by so many people who would go to unimaginable extents just to please her... but still...she felt so lonely...sure she was happy around an adoring father and the most caring people life could offer but she just couldn't shake the odd feeling of loneliness that clung to her heart...the feeling was so deep it gave her numerous sleepless night where she would sit by her window frame,stare at the moon and pray La that some day she would escape from all and live a life where she could live for herself and not only for people who couldn't see past the blue of her eyes...
When Hannah mother was alive she used to take her for long walks on the shoreline in spring when the weather was good and the sun was shining; all was still white as ever in the glacial landscape but there was no blizzard or biting cold and it would be just the two of them talking and playing in the lighter snow. She would tell her stories of far away kingdoms, nations, nomads and tribes situated far south from the one they called home.
She told of places where people who could command the ground to their will creating mountains and valleys,and ask the biggest rock to bow down to them, people that where proud and strong and undomptable like the mountains they raised from flat plains,as green as their eyes ;
others were descendent of the sun god Agni and could spit fire from their mouths and ride dragons like gods. Creators of light and warmth like their father, they were fierce,passionate and determined as their element and could live in lands where the sun would always shine and snow would never fall, she said their skin was as pale as the ivory from planktapus bear and their eyes the color of the purest gold;
then she would tell of people who lived on the top of the highest mountains, peaceful and respectful of the biggest and the tinniest living creature in the world, people living in the clouds with pure hearts and gray eyes, people who could ride on the winds like birds and walk on air as just as easily as they walked on earth;
and finally her mother would talk of a sister tribe... her tribe... on the other side of the world like them children of the moon and the ocean living in snow just like them, with skins as dark as them and eyes that matched their own and little Hannah would listen carefully to her mother and dream of traveling the world and meeting those people so different yet so close to them.
When the sun would start setting over the endless ocean; her mother would sit in the snow, cuddle her child close to her heart and sing a lullaby sung to her by her mother before her and by her grand mother before that and since generations in the southern water tribes, a song that had come form the great north to their tiny south carried by merchants to put their daughter to sleep and their lovers to smile , a song from the northern water tribes, where Hanna's mother had found a home and little Hanna was born
In the north there's a lady
Most beautiful being in the world
A glance from her overthrows a city
A second glance lives the nation in ruins
A touch dooms the empire forever
I would rather not wish to know who she is because ruination may follow
But that rare beauty is here and now...
Hannah would sing over the setting sun everyday since her mother death so many years before...and then...one day...the princess fell in love.
To her father's disappointment the one she'd fallen for wasn't one of the great princes or warriors who had come from far, bringing gold and furs, seeking her hand or her father favors... he was a sailor...Kinan...from her mother's tribe who came years ago with his own mother seeking good fortune to the north after the death of his warrior father. She had met him under the setting sun in spring as he finished the last sonata of the lullaby with her...the world had seemed so bright then and the loneliness was gone and one night under the full moon she had accepted his necklace.
But her father hadn't; so he had sent her love away...away, with the other men; to the war against the dragon riders who now wanted the world to know that Agni was the one and only god and that they where his children. So Kinan had left one day at dawn - she wasn't there...she hadn't been allowed to be-and Kinan never came back. And this time Hannah couldn't take the loneliness anymore so she had ran away; under the setting sun...she had ran and never stopped..."
When Katara finally finished telling the story to her quest companions; it was the middle of the night around the fire of their encampment somewhere north of Omashu. Sokka was already asleep by the time she finished the story and judging by the pool of drool on top of his undone sleeping bag on which he was resting his head; he'd been asleep for a while, probably from the very beginning of the story.
Suki smiled and told her it was the most beautiful and romantic story she had ever heard and that even now at twenty one she felt like a little girl all over again; then she turned to Sokka and nudged him so he could stop snoring. And just next to Katara an equally tired Avatar giggled at the ordeal...
"Come on Suki just let him sleep, we did fly all day after all and we didn't stop for him to have a proper meal..."
"Maybe we shouldn't have given him any food at all, we'd sleep peacefully tonight..."
Aang giggled again looking at Katara who smiled in return to her young boyfriend before going back to talking to Suki. Katara' eyes descended on the hand that he had delicately posed on her tight as he did so frequently now that they were officially a couple and for a second all she could see was the perfectly manicured nails over a pale large hand that looked too familiar for comfort; her breath caught in her throat at the vision and for a moment she panicked...she panicked that it could be real and that the hand posed on her thigh so lovingly could belong to him and that he'd finally managed somehow to find her. So Katara did what she did every time it happened; she closed her eyes tightly and counted to ten. When she opened her eyes again, the hallucination was gone as when she looked back she could now see the blue arrow on the equally large cream calloused hand of the Avatar still over her thigh; she sighed in relief.
As Aang and Suki continued on their theories about heavy snoring and possum chiken consumption abuse; Katara turned to Toph who had remained uncharacteristically quiet during the whole affair and noticed that the girl had apparently been watching her with a rather blank expression on her face...'uncommon from Toph'.
Usually, certainly due to her blindness, Katara thought, she'd have her eyes unfocused in front of her or to the side staring intently into emptiness. But right now, Toph milky white eyes looked liked they focused on her, not like they could see her really but rather as if they could see past her corporal envelope and see right trough her.
And Katara decided that she didn't like the sensation of nakedness it created in her, so she decided to bring Toph out of her reverie;
"Toph?" she inquired softly
"..." the younger girl just sat there still staring at Katara
"Toph? how did you like the story?"
and then she could see her snap out of whatever dream she'd been in and cloth the mask of careless demeanor herself knew just so well to wear over her features before she responded
"Bah! another sissy story"
with that she threw her hand behind her head and lied her back on the grass she'd been sitting cross legged on. Katara only smiled at the minimizing remark her friend made, even at eighteen, she thought, Toph was still same old Toph; never caring if any of her jabbing comeback could hurt anyone.
"Thanks Toph much appreciated..."she responded dismissing any feelings of hurt or disappointment that had threatened to grow in the pits of her stomach, for reasons she couldn't quite put her hands on.
" Anytime Sugar queen...anytime..."
As if sensing discomfort from his girlfriend's behavior, Aang squeezed her hand tightly in a comforting manner
"It was a beautiful story Katara."
"Thanks Aang..."
"I'm even more happy to know that wasn't us, the poor guy dying heart broken in the fire nation and the princess drowning in freezing water because she couldn't be with her lover isn't the most wanted happy ending; am glad we have better options and nobody to force or to dictate who we should love and who we shouldn't..."
"How romantically wonderful, isn't it Sugar queen?"Toph commented sarcastically gazing emptily at the sky...but Aang didn't pick up on that and only smiled wider grin before responding to the blind girl
"I know!"he replied happily
"Isn't it Katara?"
"Yes Aang it is..." she smiled just as brightly at him reassuring him that everything was fine,and he leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips before looking at Toph and yawning sheepishly
"Oomph...I think am as tired as Sokka, I should probably get some sleep...'nite Toph!"
"Sweet dreams Twinkletoes"
"'Nite Suki!" who was already sound asleep snuggled against Sokka' s side
"Nite gorgeous" he then said to Katara kissing her deeply on the lips before standing up and walking to his sleeping bag next to Toph; they always trained together first in the morning, so they slept closer, not to wake the others when they did.
"Goodnight Aang" she responded to him as he settled comfortably in his own sleeping bag.
Then it was just her and Toph who was still gazing onto the stars humming quietly to herself the lullaby Katara had sang for them while telling her story;
'So much for not liking another SISI story' Katara thought watching the girl intently
'And she actually has a nice voice, knowing where she comes from she must have had the best of teachers growing up'
She then stood up on her feet to gather her bathing supplies and before heading for the bathing place of the night, she turned to her friend
"I've seen a little stream a bit further in the woods while we were inspecting the area, I am going to refresh myself a bit, do you want to come?"
"No Sugarqueen I'm fine, I'll go at down before training with Aang" Toph responded interrupting her humming but still staring at the sky blankly.
"Suit yourself then..."
"Sugarqueen?"
"Yes?"
"That princess girl...she was stupid..."
"Why?"Katara asked , bewildered by Toph opinion on a woman who had literally lost her life trying to gain her freedom
"I mean she should have just ran off with the guy to some other country or something... he wouldn't have been sent to war and die"
"Running isn't always the best solution Toph.."
"Maybe...but in that case, it was the only choice they had don't you think?" she finished the last part softly eyes still starring into the nothingness above her and Katara stood there watching her friend quietly, Toph looked so much older now, the looked on her face was unreadable and her eyes although empty reflected a deepness that Katara had rarely seen in the girl, in anybody else for that matter,'except maybe...'
Katara turned her head to the side closing her eyes tightly and counting to ten,
"I...I don't...I don't know Toph..."
"Yeah....Nite Sugaqueen, don't stay up too late!" with that she raised her earth tent effectively restricting herself from Katara's view.
"Goodnight Toph..."
And Katara eyes lingered for a moment on the tent;
then she walked to the stream.
"The guy was just stupid" he says interrupting the lullaby she's been singing while caressing his hair.
"Why?" she inquires passively, as they're both relaxing in the private hot springs of the palace, her back leaning against the edge of the the pond savoring the warmness of the stone against it and while Zuko in front of her between her parted legs, his own back against her chest and his wet head under her chin as he absently traces small circles on one of her bended knee delicately with his fingers tips.
"I mean, he should have had just grabbed the girl and run off to some earth kingdom peasant village where nobody could ever find them or something and lay low as happy riffraff for the rest of their lives...peasants...but happy...Happy peasants!"
"Great now you talk like Sokka!"
"What do you know, stupidity tends to get contagious when you spend too much time with those who are, lets just hope it's not hereditary, I'd die if I had a child who looked like Sokka, talked like Sokka,and worse; thought like Sokka"
"Hey! I'm not Sokka you know, the fact that he's my brother doesn't mean we have exactly the same genes!"
She says exasperatedly poking him on one of his temples.
"Besides it's not like I'd wish to have Sokka's like offspring either! the world can barely handle this one, so imagine one that would rule the Fire Nation"
"Yeah bad thing...very bad thing...he'd probably invade the turtle duck pond claiming he'd heard them plotting world domination in the middle of the night!"
She laughs and snuggles him closer from behind before kissing his ear softly
"Yeah I can see Sokka do just that...but remember when we have a child it will be yours and mine, not Sokka's..."
"Thanks Agni for that..."
"Zuko!" she pushes him of her playfully but he only shudders before regaining his comfortable position against her
"What? I'm only agreeing with you!or would you rather hear me say I'd have children with your brother?"
"Just shut up Zuko...and leave Sokka alone now, I think we have more than enough talked about him for today and we are not here for that are we."
They then settle in a comfortable silence, and she can practically feel Zuko swallowing whatever comeback he has at her patronizing dismissal, she knows too well how is body goes stiff and his corporal temperature goes up when he's crossed by her and does everything not to loose his temper; she cannot see his face, but knows he must have the ugliest and deepest frown crossing his features right now.
So she holds him tighter against her bare chest once again and places small kisses on the top of his head using her bending cool the water down a bit to produce the desired soothing effect. And it's only after she ears him sigh softly and relax under her touch that she speaks again;
" You know Zuko about my story...running isn't always the solution, they might had ran away together but what of their families and friends? Could they have just left them behind worrying about them? that would had just made them miserable and guilt stricken, they wouldn't have been happy after that"
"Maybe Katara...but it was a lighter price to pay than the suffering and the death they endured in the end, so in their case; I think; running was the only way out" he responds bending over and placing a delicate kiss on the knee he's been petting.
Katara broke out of the water violently, panting hard to catch up the breath she'd been depriving herself from, while immersing her whole body under water...
'Spirits...I've been at it again!' she thought sighing exasperatedly; it had been happening a lot lately...she just wanted to relax and clear her mind but as the later her thoughts had drifted back to...'the past' she said to herself, her heart aching at the very mention of the long lost period of her life, a period she'd been trying to forget. Unsuccessfully.
And as her heart slowly regained it's normal rhythm she could finally find the strength to relax and lean back against a rock in the small stream. 'Just relax Katara, everything is going to be fine...everything is going to be just fine...' she murmured to herself before looking up to the sky...the stars were bright and beautiful tonight...and unwillingly once more, her mind took her back to a conversation she had with him;
"What so special about the sky tonight anyway?"
"Shh...Zuko! At least try and appreciate!"
"Okay..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"this is boring can't we do something more interesting"
"Arghhhhh!"
"What? You dragged me all the way from the palace to this..."
She had watched him scratch himself on the harm and the leg exasperatedly before practically shouting at her gesturing angrily to his itching limbs
"Itchy wheat field while the stars can be seen just as fine from the palace! we could at least try and do something interesting!?"
She looked at him looking at her; mouth pouting and eyes big like a little boy who'd have been trying to read her mind , trying to find out where she'd have hidden the sweet cakes jar. She then sighed softly, Zuko could be so frustrating when he wanted to,
"Oh! You know what?I GIVE UP! Come let go back!" she said throwing her harms in the air and stormed in the direction of the palace
"What?? No! Katara!?Katara wait!Katara!I was only joking!I like watching the stars with you!wait! Don't be mad!"
A soft sigh escaped her lips and she smiled sadly at the memory; they'd been so young then...'young and uncaring' she added to herself, biting her lower lip so she could restrain inside the emotions that were threatening to burst out painfully...
"Zuko..." she whispered quietly to herself; a taste of cunning sadness invading her senses and a single tear escaping one of her eyes...she was crying.
But as soon as she realized what she was doing, she wiped it quickly and roughly with the back of her hand. 'No'; she would not cry, and she would not have any regrets because she'd done the right thing; the fire nation had destroyed her life and her people; they had killed her mother and If not stopped; they would burn the whole world to the ground and step over the remains without any kind of second thoughts.
She did it for her people and she did it for Aang so he could save the world and end a war that have been going on for to long and had already taken too many lives away. She even did it for Fire Nation. They were so blinded by their lust for power and greatness that they were destroying themselves slowly but surely until they'd reach their doom; and if they could not realize what they were doing, she; Katara would do it to save them from they own madness. So no. She would not regret, and she would not cry over situations and moments that were suppose to be all fake to begin with;
'All fake' she thought 'All just an act'
But then a broken sob escaped her lips and Katara could barely contain the tears that started to pour out of her eyes involuntarily, she tried to wipe them away again but more sobs started coming out of her mouth and before she knew what was happening the sobs had turned into silent broken moans and her chest had started to hurt out of the maniacal attempts to hold back the tears that were now flowing desperately out of her eyes.
So, Katara let it go and cried. She cried brokenly and pathetically over the little girl she had once been and now was no more, she cried because she was a fool and a liar and a monster and a traitor; she cried because she was desperately missing her past in the fire nation; a past where she'd been loved, trusted and honored; a past she'd come to enjoy and love while she was not suppose to and she cried some more because it hurt so badly that not even the idea of duty to her people, to the avatar or to the world could ease the pain when she as much as thought of his eyes. She was slowly starting to fall apart and soon enough if she couldn't find a way to stop torturing herself, Katara knew for sure that nothing would be left of her.
'This world...' she thought gazing at the sky, tears still making slowly they way across her cheeks down to her exposed neck; how much more should she give for her to finally find happiness, she'd already given up everything that could had been hers and still it was not enough...she gave and gave and gave some more but it just took while never giving anything back to her...
When she closed her eyes, as always, a pair of gold amber eyes materialized behind her closed eyelids...she was starting to get delirious, the pain grew everyday, the guilt tortured her to no end and she wasn't forgetting anything from the life she'd had in the fire nation with Zuko, no matter how hard she'd tried and no matter how long she'd cried.
So she bended her knees to her chest, warped her arms around them and wished upon the stars; because 'maybe', if she wished hard enough just like her mother had told her when she was a child...very hard; everything bad,hurtful and ugly would be taken away by the kind spirits and drawn into the water... forever.
Katara clung to that, it was her last resort, the last one if she'd wanted to stay sane.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
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