Disclaimer: My God do I wish I owned them all!!!
Author's note: Everybody, clap for me!!! This is my first shounen-ai fic EVER! I was at friend's house at her party and we started talking and I got this idea and it was just too cute not to write, so here it is! I hope ya all like it and please do review it! It'd mean a lot to me… Love and big kisses (as Brazilians say)
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Deep Inside
By Lilas
The youth sighed as he flipped the channels of the television… Sundays sucked… You could never find anything good on, and all the free time inevitably made his thoughts drift back to him and his perfect smile as his hair fell wildly about his head, shaping his face perfectly. All this boredom made him recall how the boy's deep brown eyes sparkled when he was happy or enjoying himself, or how fire seemed to dance in them when his goddess or friends were threatened by a new enemy…
Another sigh escaped the youth's lips and a hand brushed a couple of stray locks away from his eyes in a wistful manner. Shun was the lucky one of them both. At least his lover returned his feelings, or didn't seem to shed him away or hate him… But his lover, his beautiful shooting star had never been his to own in the first place, and he knew that his fragile heart would only be broken as those of the others had been. He knew who was destined to be with his brown-headed god… A goddess for a god… It was the least he deserved…
The alarm of a car brought the youth back to his senses and he turned the television off as he turned his head from the sofa to watch the door creak open and the man he was just thinking of walking in the apartment, slowly shutting the door behind him. Not even acknowledging the adolescent watching him, the newcomer sighed softly and dragged his body to the adjacent room and quietly closed the door.
The teenager watched the door the boy had just closed with a surprised expression, his eyes wide and incredulous… In the few moments he had been able to see his bang-covered eyes, he had immediately realized his roommate had been shedding tears. Something deep inside him started to boil and he clenched his fists tight in order to control the increasing rage building inside of him…
Who had dared make him cry? Who had dared hurt his carefree spirit and cause those heart-wrenching tears to roll down his slightly tanned skin? The youth took in a couple of breaths to calm himself and swiftly got up and stopped in front of his friend's door, his hand ready to knock… He stopped right before his hand made contact with the wood's rough surface, hesitating, but quickly shook the feeling away and knocked twice on the door and held his breath, waiting for an answer.
"Come in," a soft, sad voice spoke from within the room.
The teen cringed at the tone, once again clenching his fists into balls, murderous thoughts on how to kill the cause of the boy's sadness swirling in his head. He sighed his frustration away and opened the door, stepping in the room quietly and closing the wooden barrier behind him. He watched in silence the figure on the bed, his arms hugging his stuffed tiger while his knees where brought as close to his chest as possible.
Watching him like that, so vulnerable, so injured made the teen just want to run up to him and hug him, comfort him in his arms and allow him to cry his restrained tears on his shoulder… Instead, it took everything he had in him just to sit down at the end of the bed and watch him as silent tears made their way down his cheeks, some dripping down to his clothes while others made their way into his mouth. He didn't talk for a long time, trying to think of a question other than the obvious 'what happened' he knew he was only going to get a lie for.
"Where were you?" was the question he settled for, unable to come up with a better one.
"Around," was the squeak he received between ragged breaths from the young man in front of him.
The youth sighed softly as he watched the boy's eyes being hid by his bangs as the tears continued to make their way down his cheeks. He growled softly at the youth's stubbornness, but then relaxed again as he recalled that it was that same stubbornness that pulled him through all the hardships he had to go through… He slowly edged close to the boy and gently placed his hands under his chin and lifted it up, his heart twisting in his chest as he stared at his tear-stricken cheeks…
"Seiya…" his voice whispered tenderly.
"Let go Jabu… Please," his voice pleaded as his eyes drifted to look downwards.
Jabu sighed softly and let go of his chin, unable to decide whether to slap him or hug him at that moment as he looked up and squinted his eyes against the tears threatening to topple over onto his face and down his cheeks. He buried his face on his tiger and small sobs racked his body as he continued to fight whatever it was eating him alive… It was too much for him and the teen encircled his arms around the boy in front of him and pulled him to his chest, stroking his hair gently as he tried to clam him down.
The boy tensed when he felt the strong arms hugging him tight, but he couldn't care less now… And as he relaxed, he let it out and allowed the pain to seep out from him in forms of tears and anguished sobs violently shaking his body. He never retuned the hug however, but instead kept tightening the hold on his tiger as he tried to draw warmth from the inanimate object he knew would never bring him the same warmth she might…
"Sei-kun… Tell me, please… What's wrong?" Jabu implored again, never letting go of Seiya's shaking frame.
"I… I wish… I wish it would just go away… Everything just go away…" he mumbled into his tiger, the tears renewing themselves and cascading down his cheeks harder than before.
"What would go away?" he asked again, coaching him through, waiting for him to be ready to talk before going on…
"Everything," the crying youth continued softly, his sobs lessening and his chest feeling freer than it had been in a long time. "The nightmares, the visions… The pain and especially the guilt… Everything…" he continued under his breath, shutting his eyes closed tightly.
"Oh, Seiya…" the teenager whispered gently, appreciating the feeling his name brought to him, desperately fighting the urge to take his lips into his own and kiss his fears away.
But he knew that thought would only remain that much… A thought, a dream, a fantasy his heart made him waltz in late at night when all was quiet and the boy in question soundly slept in his bed… He didn't even dare show one fifth of what he truly felt for him, afraid that he'd push him away from fright like he had pushed away Shaina only a couple of weeks back out of pure fear and doubt…
He knew who governed over his friend's heart, and he also knew she returned the feelings as strongly as he gave them to her, but duty and responsibility stood between them and he knew they would have to overcome their own demons before being able to share them to each other… That's why he was there.
He wanted him to be happy with whoever could bring him that happiness… And if the woman he used to love as a child but who now was stealing what he most wished to have in this cruel and heartless world could bring him the happiness he needed in his life, then so be it. Then he would help him be with her, even if it destroyed his own heart and soul in the process.
His thoughts were shattered as he realized Seiya was no longer crying or emitting any sort of noise from his arms. He pushed him back a little and smiled softly as he discovered Seiya had fallen soundly asleep while he cradled him like a child. He gently laid him down and covered him up to his chin, his smile never leaving his lips as he did so. He looked just like an innocent child when he slept with his bangs wildly falling over his closed eyes.
The boy sighed softly and pushed the bangs away from the boy's face with gentleness unseen from him even by his closest friends. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, enjoying the room's aroma as he gazed at the sleeping figure. Slowly shaking his head from side to side, he closed his eyes and smiled sadly, knowing his thoughts would never become true.
He turned around and shut the door behind himself and leaned against the rough surface, placing a hand on his forehead and flicking his bangs away from his face. He walked up to the couch and flopped down on it and turned the television on, switching to the news channel and hoping to be able to find something interesting enough to take his mind off the sleeping Seiya so near, yet so far from him…
As soon as the top story came on, he wished to the Gods he'd stayed a bit longer in Seiya's room… He doubled over, his hand in front of his mouth and bolted to the bathroom where his snack was emptied. He quickly washed his mouth and shakily walked back to the room where the television blazed the site of a car crash, the announcer repeating over and over in his head that she was in critical condition… That she might not survive.
Just then, the phone rang, and he knew who it was… And he knew whom it would be for… And for the first time since he had made his vow to Seiya, he went up to the phone and roughly disconnected it, knowing that from now on, if he didn't give him a good reason for this selfish action, Seiya would hate him forever.