Disclaimer- The characters, plot and places of Harry Potter are the property of JK Rowling.

Author's Note- I have a… soft spot for a certain werewolf, black dog, stag and a young red-headed lady… who doesn't?! .:eyes the people who don't:. :) and basically wanted to explore what might have happened over the summer that stretched between The Goblet of Fire and The Order of the Phoenix. With that in mind this fic will be rather Sirius and Remus-centric but other Order Members and a few surprises will make their appearances along the way… Oh! And angst galore…! ENJOY!

TO REMAIN BEHIND

By Templa Otmena

Chapter One- You Understand

His surroundings flew by him as Sirius bounded towards Hogsmeade. Without conscious thought in his Animagus form he leapt over logs and fallen tress and effortlessly dodged roots and any other manner of things that might have impeded his progress.

He had left the castle of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry barely ten minutes ago but he had already covered a great distance and would be within the main town in a short manner of time. His speed however did not allow the wizard any respite. There was not a moment to waste, he knew this and Dumbledore had made it abundantly clear to him as he had left. Sirius almost shuddered at the memory and the old Headmaster's insistence as he recalled the circumstances in which they had parted.

Albus Dumbledore did not easily convey any extreme emotion that might otherwise have been felt at any given time. No, Sirius corrected himself as he weaved his way through a small copse of wispy trees. Happiness, joy and pride. Those were attributes that the Headmaster constantly celebrated in his students. He was loved by many and respected by all and Sirius Black was of no exception.

It was more than a year ago since Sirius had escaped from Azkaban. He had been on the run from the Ministry of Magic and the dreaded wraith-like Dementors of the wizard prison. The times had been dark and his progress slow but even in his most hopeless of times Sirius had always had faith that in the right circumstances, were he to approach the benevolent old wizard, Dumbledore would have believed his tale.

Sirius had not betrayed his beloved friends, he had not killed Wormtail, he had not slaughtered those innocent people and he did not want to kill Harry.

Along with the promise of vengeance in his hunt for the traitor Wormtail, the promise of seeing and saving his godson and ultimately gaining his freedom, it was Sirius' belief in Dumbledore that had also kept him going. But the opportunity had never presented itself. He had no more been able to go to Albus with the truth than he had Remus, his only remaining friend. One who he had wronged and who had wronged him in return.

But Remus had believed him. He had been there and he had seen and Sirius had had no need to convince him. Vengeance, freedom and Harry had been within his grasp that fateful night but fate, in turn had cruelly ripped them from him, all barely a year ago. The light of redemption and hope was choked behind an encompassing cloud of misery and it was at this point that Sirius had almost given up, after all those long years.

But there had been no need. Dumbledore had come. He had listened and he too had believed and through his intervention and the courage of Harry and his friends Sirius had once again escaped the clutches of his dark destiny.

For a year he had tasted freedom although the circumstances had not been to the wizard's liking. He had wanted a home for he and Harry and he had wanted justice but he had been content and would constantly remind himself that things could only get better. He had kept in touch with his godson, Dumbledore and Remus as frequently as he was able and was silently overjoyed by their replies.

His restlessness however had been inflamed as Harry's new school year had dawned at Hogwarts. Death Eaters', the Dark Lord followers', had made an appearance at the Quidditch World Cup at the end of the summer where a genuine Dark Mark had been cast. Harry had been mysteriously entered as the fourth contestant in the Triwizard Cup and had been forced to partake. Sirius had dutifully raced back to Hogwarts to be there for him and offer his support, but it had not been enough. Not even Dumbledore's presence had prevented all that had happened to the boy this year and this very night and the helplessness and guilt choked the Animagus as he continued to make his way towards Hogsmeade and Buckbeak, where the loyal Hippogriff would be waiting for him.

He had seen the same gut-wrenching emotions flicker within the depths of Albus Dumbledore's fathomless eyes and it was this more than any other instinct that conveyed to Sirius how little time they had. Even now as he ran he imagined that he felt the dark tendrils of evil and despair grasping at his pounding heels. Darkness was upon them all and Sirius had had to leave immediately.

He had had to leave Harry.

'Now I have work for each of you.' Dumbledore said. 'Fudge's attitude, though not unexpected, changes everything. Sirius, I need you to set off at once. You are to alert Remus Lupin, Arabella Figg, Mundungus Fletcher- the old crowd. Lie low at Lupin's for a while, I will contact you there.'

'But-' said Harry

'You'll see me very soon, Harry,' said Sirius, turning to him. 'I promise you. But I must do what I can, you understand, don't you?'

'Yeah… yeah… of course I do.'

Sirius grasped his hand briefly, nodded to Dumbledore, transformed again into the black dog, and ran the length of the room to the door, whose handle he turned with a paw. Then he was gone.

The adrenaline had faded almost immediately and Sirius had made to turn back to the hospital wing to be with his godson as quickly as he had left it. But that vision of Dumbledore was etched in his mind and cold reason had stopped him.

He did not go back but had tried to turn his thoughts to what needed to be done but guilt was a powerful emotion and one that Sirius was all too familiar with. Once again he had been helpless in protecting and simply being there for Harry. If there was one thing that he could ever have done for Lily and James to even try and redeem himself that would have been it. But here he was, betraying them again. Harry needed him now but once again he was pursuing another person and another matter, leaving the boy bereft of his company and protection.

Bitterly did it cross Sirius' mind that Harry would be better off without him there but the black dog smiled grimly as he discarded this thought from his mind. He would eternally blame himself but he knew deep down, past the doubts and the fear that Lily and James would want him to be a part of Harry's life.

The dog whined as he trotted down the central road through the village of Hogsmeade. Somedays that thought would warm him with all that it promised. He and Harry. Remus. They would find and look after each other and Harry would know everything that he could ever want to know about his loving parents. But this night it offered Sirius no solace.

Harry had been kidnapped, tortured and almost killed at the hands of Lord Voldemort and the heavy mantle of guilt could not be so easily discarded from Sirius' shoulders. So much pain and suffering might so easily have been prevented and avoided. Sirius was not so arrogant as to claim responsibility for all that had happened but it was the small and echoing call within him that was nearly causing him to retch now as it had earlier.

James and Lily in some incantation had saved Harry yet again tonight. Their echoes, as they had emerged from Voldemort's wand during the Priori Incantatem earlier this evening, had so willingly and readily sacrificed themselves for their son's safety and beneath Sirius' joy and unspeakable relief the thought had broken his heart. Yet again through his failures his beloved friends had been placed in such a position and all Sirius could do was pick up the pieces as he was forcing himself to do now.

But he could not dwell on such matters now, no matter how much he might have readily accepted such self-incrimination. He had a duty and if Harry's suffering was ever to count for anything he had to fulfil it this night.

Sirius brutally cleared his mind as he entered the darkness of the cave that he frequented when staying for Harry in the wizard village. Buckbeak was where he had left him and the Hippogriff rapidly, if not warily gained his feet upon seeing the dog become a man. The wizard quickly gathered his few meagre possessions and erased any sign of his being there as best he could. With a last look over the small alcove Sirius gently prodded Buckbeak out into the night and mounted him.

As they gained the sky and lucidly sailed past the stars and through the clouds the Animagus allowed only one thought to possess his mind and his thoughts.

He was going to Lupin's. He had to find Remus.

To be continued…

For reference the quote used above is from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, page 618. There are a few changes that I made to the passage to make it fit more comfortably and maintain Sirius' dominant point of view.