UPDATE: okay, this is for the people who have already reviewed (thanks by the by!), and for those who may read this and ask the same question: I have intentionally left the name of the subject out of the story. It's the name of the game: figure out, or guess, or think about who could fit it. It's totally up to you. So, thanks for your input, but seeing as there's no actual set way to write a SongFic, I really don't have to put a name if I see a purpose in doing otherwise. Thanks!
Note: This was a real labour of love, and it contains my heart and soul... So please be nice! Hahaaa.
Disclaimer - I own absolutely no aspect of the amazing movie School of Rock, or the fantastical band Simple Plan. (that was a really weak Disclaimer)
Welcome to My Life
You'd think I'm okay, but I'm actually not.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
I look happy, I know I do. Most of the time it's a genuine feeling. And believe it or not, I'm a happy, content person. It's simple, really, not much bugs me. But sometimes, it's just a face I put on.
Sometimes.
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
It's hard sometimes. I'm not thick-skinned. When someone says something, it bugs me, really bad. I try to laugh it off when I hear it, like everyone else. I have to, if I want to look normal, don't I?
Do you ever wanna run away?
But it hurts. So. Badly. They say it because they think I can take it, because I act as though it doesn't bother me. And you'd think that they could pick up on it, because you call them good friends. But they don't.
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
And no one hears you screaming
I'm the type of person that needs to talk about things. I'd love to have a shrink, because you know that they'll let you talk, and they know what to say. And, if worst comes to worst, they don't listen. But at least they let you talk. Well, I think they do. Whatever. It's a spectacle compared to talking to friends. My best friend, sometimes I don't know what side she's on. Once, she finally let me talk, and I finished and she didn't say anything. That's when I found out she had been on MSN the whole time. And then she changed the subject, trying to relate her life to mine, even though she hadn't heard half of what I was saying.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
The worst part is that they all get enjoyment out of making fun of me, 'cause they all do it. And then, by some miracle, they're all closer because of it. Not only do I provide them with entertainment, but it's like I'm some sort of… Central Town Plaza.
Do you wanna be somebody else?
It's like I'm the place where they meet, and from there, they can make plans: maybe go for coffee, the mall then a movie, or instead they could all just go to Whoever's house and they can hang. I'll just be at home, doing my homework, like a good little girl. Phone me if you need an answer to some obscure Jeopardy question or something, and make sure I can hear the laughter in the background.
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
I remember this one conversation I had with a supposed friend. I actually felt bad that I was invited to something she wasn't. It was crazy: I was wanted, instead of her. But in the end, it turns out it wasn't a cool place to be. Maybe because they never saw the fun in taunting me, or using me like my friends did.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
And then I found out that plans had been made without me. Again. Except, this time, there was a problem. When I brought up the fact that we had already made plans, just the two of us, I got an "oops." "Oops." So did that mean our plans were cancelled?
Oops.
Are you sick of everyone around?
I guess I should be happy all these people are gaining friends through me. They don't know what they're doing to me. They choose to ignore the fact that they're the only friends I've ever had, and they're all together and I'm not there. When they make fun of me, they don't know each jab cuts me like a razor… They just think they're joking around with their "just kiddings" and the "lighten ups."
With the big fake smiles
And stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
People have found out over the years that I'm quite easy to push around. They can get pretty much anything from me without so much as a hesitation. They use it to their advantage, too. I guess I should give the benefit of the doubt: maybe they're just so used to getting whatever they want from me that they don't even notice anymore. But sometimes it's just so obvious that they're using me, or manipulating me, that I just want to say "no" to see their reaction.
But I could never do that.
No one ever lies straight to your face
No one ever stabs you in the back
My dad caught me crying once. He eventually got what the matter was out of me. He wasn't surprised, either. He said I was special, and that I have a good heart, and that's why I do all that stuff for people. He said if they can't realize what I'm doing for them, or how much I'm sacrificing, I can't blame myself for it.
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be okay
So, I guess being soft is actually being special, because that's essentially what I am. I build these friendships, and they're the best… I have fun, and I actually feel like they care about me, you know? It's like they want to be with me, and if I'm not there, or if I haven't given any input, than it's no good.
And then the friendship starts to slowly deteriorate. I get all sad (while covering it up, of course), until they, one day, flippantly apologize, or say they love me. Or something. I can't see through the insincerity.
To be hurt
To feel lost
I have family in Seattle. I went to visit them a couple summers ago, and it was great. I hadn't seen them for six years, but it was like I never left. On the last day, it was a big cry fest, and everyone was asking when I was going to move out west, or if I could stay for a couple more days, or something.
To be left out in the dark
Maybe they find me special, like my dad said. Maybe he wasn't just saying it. But then again, they're family. It's like their job to say stuff like that.
To be kicked when you're down
Sometimes it's just too much. All of it.
To feel like you've been pushed around
Once, I was on the phone, and my friend started talking about plans she had made with the rest of the group. Without me, naturally. I think they'd all feel awkward if I was there, like I was an unwanted guest or something.
To be on the edge of breaking down
It's like, I have friends, and I'm sure if you were to ask them, they'd be all, "Oh, yeah, she's great,"… Except I'm the one they overlook. Like I'm invisible. Like they're perfectly capable of having oodles of fun without me. Like they don't need me.
And no one's there to save you
I'm the girl who thinks she has friends. I'm the one who laughs and smiles with them, and then once those six horrible hours are over, I'm home, horrible alone. Thinking you have friends is the loneliest place on Earth.
No you don't know what it's like
And it's not part of being a normal teenager. Because no one else can explain what this feels like.
Welcome to my life.