I tried to make it through my life, in my way there's you. I tried to make it through these lies, that's all I do.
"There he is, Tamaki Suoh. The idol of Ouran the Private High School." I muttered to myself. I watched the blonde walk down the halls, waving 'hi' to everyone and giving every lady some type of compliment. "He's always so... happy. I've never seen him frown besides that time with Eclair. I know everything about his past and it seems so sad, yet how can he be so happy?" I asked himself, adjusting my glasses as the blonde walks past me.
Smiling as I walked down the hall. I wanted to make sure everyone was happy. Every person I passed, I waved to. As always, I stop in front of the ladies to compliment them, as they deserve it. "Why, Miss Ayame, your hair is as beautiful as the night sky when the stars are brightest and there's not a cloud in the sky." I tell her as I take her hand in mine and look her dead in her eyes. A pink blush spreads to her cheeks. "Tamaki-sama..." She whispers with a smile. I let her hand go and continue down the hall. I had to keep everyone smiling so I can know that they feel better than I do. No one must know the pain I go through.
Just don't deny it. Don't try to fight this and deal with it, yeah, just deal with it. You try to break me, you wanna break me...bit by bit, that's just part of it.
Sitting in the Host Club, watching Tamaki nervously scratch at his arm, I notice something's up. Pulling him out of his chair, I drag him into a different room away from Haruhi Fujioka, Mitsukuni Haninozuka, Takashi Morinozuka, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin. I immediately address him. "Tamaki, you okay? You've been scratching your arm a lot. Is it irritated?" "Whuh-what?" The blonde stutters in response as his purple eyes widen for about half a second. Now I'm for sure something's wrong. "Let me see your arm! Pull up your sleeve." The tone of my voice becomes more demanding. Tamaki flinches at the change in my voice. "It's nothing~!" He says in his usual Tamaki-like way of speaking. I shove it to the side and pursue the issue further. "Tamaki, I'm going to ask one more time. Pull. Up. Your. Sleeve." The president sighs and a low growl escapes my throat. "Tamaki!" I yell causing him to jump in surprise. When he's startled, I take his arm forcefully and pull down his sleeve. My eyes widened in shock.
My arm is really itchy, I can't help but scratch every now and then. It might be irritated or trying to heal. I wince as a shock of pain courses throughout my arm. Noticing Kyoya got up, I have a feeling he saw me wince. Suddenly, he yanked me up out of my chair and pulled me into a different room. "Tamaki, you okay? You've been scratching your arm a lot. Is it irritated?" Kyoya asks me. Yet again, he caught on all too quickly. "Whuh-what?" My eyes widen for about half a second and I couldn't help but stutter. "Let me see your arm! Pull up your sleeve." The tone of his voice got more demanding and sent shivers down my spine, which also caused me to flinch. "It's nothing~!" I tell him, smiling as I normally do and putting in my little touch of enthusiasm. "Tamaki, I'm going to ask one more time. Pull. Up. Your. Sleeve." He demands and I sigh. It was then I heard a low growl coming from him. I slowly frown at this. "Tamaki!" He yells, causing me to jump back in surprise. He then takes my arm forcefully and then pulls the sleeve down to my elbow. I froze in terror.
If you were dead or still alive, I don't care! I don't care. Just go and leave this all behind, cause I swear, I don't care.
Up and down Tamaki's arm were cuts, even some scars. I felt tears well up in my eyes. "He's been cutting himself..." My thoughts echo around as if my mind was a lonely cave. I looked up at my best friend, he was at a loss for words. "Kyoya..." He mutters softly. A tear escapes but before any more can, anger consumes me. "YOU IDIOT!" I shout at him, scowling. He freezes up. "How long have you been hurting yourself, Tamaki?!" I demand. He tries to open his mouth but nothing comes out. "How long?!" I repeat. "Ah-About.. two months." He mutters in response, his purple eyes shimmering with the tears building up in his eyes. I release his arm and growl again. "You know what Tamaki, if you hate yourself so much, go kill yourself! I don't care anymore!" I shout before heading to the door. It was then I saw everyone else at the door. I glare at them, making them all freeze up in fear. I take my leave and hear distant sobs as I leave the music room.
I watch as he examines my arm. I look at him and I can see tears in his eyes. I try to say something. "Kyoya..." It's not much, but that's all I can force out. I can't force anymore words out. "YOU IDIOT!" Kyoya breaks the silence by suddenly yelling and I freeze in place. "How long have you been hurting yourself, Tamaki?!" He demands. I try to open my mouth, but no response can leave my lips. "How long?!" He yells harsher and then I swallow hard. "Ah-About... two months." I respond, tears welling in my purple eyes. He finally releases my arm and he growls. "You know what Tamaki, if you hate yourself so much, go kill yourself! I don't care anymore!" His words were like bullets through my heart. That was my best friend and now he's telling me to go die. He walks out of the room and then I see all the other hosts, their eyes penetrating me. They watch Kyoya then freeze up as he glares at them. As I see him walking and not looking back, I fall onto the ground and start weeping. Sobbing hard, I can't believe that he wants me dead. "I-I ha-have t-to f-fix th-this!" I shout as I sob harder and harder.
I try to make you see my side, always trying to stay in line, but your eyes see right through. That's all they do.
Walking into the hall and sitting just outside the door, I can't help but think I was too hard on him. The Host Club has kept him alive, but even then, he resorts to hurting himself. I frown and then I walk back inside, forcing a smile and then I walk to Tamaki. I bend down beside him, after Honey-sempai moves out of the way, and hug him tightly. "Tamaki, you need to know that what you're doing is not the right way to go about this. It needs to stop." I try telling him. He looks up at me. "Kyoya, I tried... I can't." He mutters in-between sobs. I hate seeing him like this. It just wrenches what remains of my heart. I sigh and hug him tighter. "Tamaki Suoh, you're a strong man. You can do anything, and taking care of yourself is one thing you know how to do." I tell him. He sighs and nods slowly.
Kyoya was in the hallways now, I'm guessing. The other Hosts stared at me pitifully as I sobbed on my hands and knees on the pink tile floor. "Sempai..." Haruhi mutters as she comes closer to me. "I-I'm sure Kyoya-sempai didn't mean what he said." She forces a smile. Hikaru and Kaoru sigh. "She's right, Tono." They say in unison, hoping for a smile. "Kyo-chan is probably angry that you would hurt yourself like that. It's not good for you, Tama-chan. We all love you here and we don't want o see you get hurt." Honey-sempai says as he sits down beside me. Mori-sempai nods. "Kyoya is confused." He mutters simply. I manage to calm down a bit, I'm not sobbing as hard, but still sobbing. It hurts when your best friend tells you that he wants you dead. I hear the door click open and everyone looks in that direction. I sit up normally and watch as Kyoya comes back inside, regret and sorrow glinting in his grey eyes. Honey-sempai noticed him coming and moved out of the way. Kyoya then bends down next to me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. It's a strange warmth, but it makes me feel better. I relax as he hugs me. "Tamaki, you need to know that what you're doing is not the right way to go about this. It needs to stop." He tells me. I inhale sharply. "Kyoya, I tried... I can't." I mutter as a few more sobs escape me. "Tamaki Suoh, you're a strong man. You can do anything, and taking care of yourself is one thing you know how to do." His words of encouragement sway my mind very slightly. Giving up, I sigh and nod slowly to him.
I'm getting tired of this shit, I've got no room when it's like this, what you want of me just deal with it.
It's been a few days and Tamaki hasn't been doing any better. I've noticed new cuts and I've confiscated anything he can cut himself with. However he still found a way to hurt himself, coming to school with new cuts, or some scars. We haven't had the Host Club open in a few days, and our guests have been upset, but as far as they know we need a mini-break and will be back soon. I'm sick of helping Tamaki. I can't help but glare at him whenever I see him scratching his arm in Music Room 3. Thank God I'm home right now and won't have to deal with it until tomorrow. That's when I'll stop trying to help him, he'll be on his own.
Kyoya hates me. Maybe I went too far, but I can't help it. It just makes me feel better. "Kyoya, I'm sorry." I thought to myself as I took out a shard of glass from my pocket and set it on my bed. I rolled up the sleeve of my right arm, the one with less cuts. Slowly, I pick up the shard and then press it to my skin. The cold glass sent chills down my spine. I ignored it as I pressed harder. A moment passed before I saw some crimson-colored blood slowly peer out of the new wound. Without hesitating, I moved the glass swiftly down the remainder of the arm, parallel to my wrist. An idea pops up in my think pan. I bring the glass to the crook of my elbow. Swiftly moving it down my arm until I hit my wrist, I yelped in shock when I saw more blood has come out than I intended.
If you were dead or still alive, I don't care! I don't care! And all the things you left behind, I don't care, I don't care...
Giving in, I bring out my phone and dial Tamaki's number. I waited for him to answer, but eventually I got sent to voice mail. "That's strange. He's not busy today." I thought to myself as I redialed him. I tried two more times before giving up and throwing my phone across the room. "That idiot!" I shout as loud as I could, straining my voice as I do so. Instantly, I grab a jacket and run downstairs, grabbing the keys to my car. I'm out the door in a matter of seconds and I get in my car which is parked right in the driveway. Starting it, I buckle up and pull out of the driveway. Ignoring safety warnings, I go over the speed limit by about 15 mph. I drive as fast as I can, hoping he's not dead.
Panicking, I quickly look for a towel or some sort of bandage. However, if I left my room, my grandmother would know what I've been doing. My phone started ringing, I instantly recognize the ring tone as Kyoya's and decide to let it go to voice mail so I can save myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a towel on my door knob and throw it over my arm. The pain was slowly increasing, squeezing my eyes shut was the only way I thought I could endure it. I bit my lip, retracting a whimper. I start shaking and let out a long sigh. The pain gets worse and worse, I can't help but grimace at the fact that the towel is slowly going from an off-white to a deep red shade.
(nothing can care about, nothing can care about)
(you won't be there for me, you won't be there for me)
It takes five minutes for me to get to the Suoh residence. Parking outside their gate, I make sure it's locked before briskly walking up to the door and knocking. A servant answers the door, as expected. "Yes, is Tamaki Suoh at home?" I ask him. He nods. "Yes, Master Kyoya. Master Tamaki is home, in his room. I'm sure you've been here enough times to get there yourself. Would you like me to take your ja-" I cut the servant off. "No thanks." I mutter before quickly going up the stairs, down the hall and into the room to the right at the end of the hall. Knocking harshly, I wait for Tamaki to open. I hear no movement, only muffled whines. Thinking fast, I try the doorknob, but it's locked. I start to panic so I try to call in. "Tamaki, open up! It's Kyoya! I repeat, it's Kyoya!" I call desperately. I got no response. Throwing myself against the door as hard as I can seemed like a good idea. It took three attacks, but I managed to get it open. I gasped in terror, Tamaki Suoh was on the floor, a bleeding left arm creating blood below him. "No, no, no! Tamaki!" I shout as tears cloud my vision. "Tamaki, hold on!" I plead and look through drawers and closets for something. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" I repeat frantically. "Ky-Kyoya..." He chokes out, pain evident in his voice. "I-I'm sorry." "Don't speak, Tamaki, save your strength." I warn. "Nuh-No. I-I didn't muh-mean tuh-to do this. I-I didn't know thuh-that thuh-this would hah-happen." He tells me groaning in pain. "Tamaki, you can't die, what about the Host Club? What about the guests? What about the Hosts? What about Haruhi? What about me?" I ask him all these questions and he forces a sad smile. "I-I'm s-sorry. I-I luh-love it a-all." He says, his purple eyes start to grow darker as he loses more blood. "Ky-Kyoya. Sit wuh-with me. I already s-searched. I c-couldn't fuh-find anything." He tells me. Regret growing in me, I sit beside him, filling his last request. I ignore the growing puddle of blood to the best of my ability and just sit with him telling him stories of our vacations and crazy adventures, starting with when he was first transferred here. Slowly, he closes his eyes and gives me one last smile. I wait a few moments and then check his pulse. Tears start to power their way down my face. "Tamaki Suoh is gone..." I thought to myself, shaking as the realization hits me.
Seeing as the towel was getting too bloody, I toss it aside and that's when I hear a knocking on the door downstairs. Ignoring that fact, I look for something else, my left hand plugging up the worst part of the injury. The pain was still growing worse and worse. I sighed as I accepted defeat since I didn't see anything else that could help me. I started to feel light headed. I sit down on the floor, placing my head on the edge of my bed and whine in pain softly. That's when I hear some hard knocking, then the doorknob jiggles. "Oh no! That's probably my grandmother." I grimace in both pain and terror. "Tamaki, open up! It's Kyoya, I repeat, it's Kyoya!" I smile a bit, surprised that he came. I can't find the words to speak so I just watch the door. I hear repeated bangs as if someone was throwing themselves at the door. One. Two. The third time, they managed to get the door open. When Kyoya walks in, he gasps in absolute shock, and possibly fear as he takes in everything. "No, no, no! Tamaki!" He shouts and I spot tears forming through his glasses. "Tamaki, hold on!" I hear the pleading tone in his voice. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" He starts getting frantic as he searches my room for something that can help us. "Ky-Kyoya." I choke out, calling his name. "I-I'm sorry." I tell him, ignoring the obvious pain lingering in my voice as I talk. "Don't speak, Tamaki, save your strength." He tells me. "Nuh-No. I-I didn't muh-mean t-to do this. I-I didn't know thuh-that thuh-this would hah-happen." I confess then groan in pain. "Tamaki, you can't die, what about the Host Club? What about the guests? What about the Hosts? What about Haruhi? What about me?" I smile softly as he attacks me with questions. "I-I'm suh-sorry." I start. "I-I l-love it a-all." I take in a breath, ignoring the pain for a moment. "Ky-Kyoya. Sit wuh-with me. I already suh-searched. I cuh-couldn't f-find anything." I tell him as the pain starts to overwhelm me. I smile a bit bigger as he sits beside me, ignoring the growing puddle of blood. That's when he starts telling me stories of our insane adventures, starting from when I first moved here. If I was going to pass listening to anything, this would be it. I force out a big smile, with all my might as I close my eyes and fall into the darkness.
If you were dead or still alive. I don't care! I don't care! And all the things you left behind, I don't care, I don't care.
Two weeks have passed since then and Hikaru, Kaoru, Honey-sempai, Mori-sempai, Haruhi and I are all gathered around The King's grave. I listened as the others paid their respects. As soon as Haruhi finished, I went. "Remember when I said that I didn't care if you lived or died?" I start, tears slowly raining down from my face. "I-I never tuh-took it back... A-And I-I care. I-I ruh-really cuh-cared. I-I'm suh-sorry Tah-Tamaki." I continue on, stuttering as I went along. "I-I never ah-apologized fuh-for thuh-that and I-I can't nuh-now. Ruh-Rest I-In Puh-Peace, moh-mon ah-ami." I finish. The rest of the hosts and I engage in a group hug, missing our beloved King Tamaki.