Just a quick songfic about how Severus Snape felt as he lay dying in the Shrieking Shack. Cheerful stuff, huh? I feel for the poor guy.
The song is "Dead Man's Ballet" by the AMAZING Sixx: A.M., which was originally about Nikki Sixx's overdose on heroin.... But now it's about the Power of the Dark Side (no, not of the Force :}).
*******
"I regret it."
The cold, hard footsteps echoed away down the hall, the ever-loyal snake slithering behind them, like a living shadow. Snape felt Nagini's deadly poison crawling though his veins quicker than the curse that would surely pass though Potter's heart soon enough... He had failed his mission.
A blurred figure swam through his vision. What was Potter doing here? He had spied, surely... But no matter now. He must show him what he must do... Now more than ever. He would meet him in Hell, for that was where Snape was destined. He concentrated as best he could while the venom seared through him, letting his liquid memories flow from him. Everything. If he was to have redemption, he would take it now. "Take... it..." he croaked. Potter for once had the sense to do as he was told and started drawing it all into a flask someone else passed to him... Granger? She reminded him of Lily... Lily...
Oh no,
How could this happen to
Such an amazing young boy
I had my whole life ahead of me...
He had been such a prodigal young wizard at an early age. His mother was drunk half the time, and his father... He never had the time for Severus. But when the Evans girls were out playing, he could sit for hours and lose himself in the pretty young redhead's happiness. The other one was obviously a Muggle. Stupid, ignorant people. But Lily was a witch without a doubt. When he finally plucked up the courage to speak to her, it all went terribly wrong.
Oh God,
How could you have let this
Happen to such
A lovely young child
They made friends, and Severus found himself with a strange feeling for Lily, which he would never have for anyone else. At the time, he didn't understand it. Whenever Ellen and his father argued, which was nearly always, he would find salvation in Lily's warm, inquisitive chatter, and solace in answering her many questions on the magical world. He made slip-ups, but he got better at covering them. Then it all spiralled out of control at home.
I was their only son and I
Tried, tried, tried.....
Yeah, you,
The miserable father the one who ignored me for
Half of my life
Now, I,
I can't even look at you
Why, why, why?
He and his mother were fine. But then his father left, unable to live with the two 'freaks' he called his wife and son. Good riddance, thought Severus. Ellen stopped drinking. And then his first year at Hogwarts came around. He would be free! And he was... Until he met Potter and Black.... Bile rose up in his thoat, and his flashbacks stopped.
Don't abandon me now
I don't want to die.....
Potter was still collecting silver fluid from around him. A terrible, humane thought blazed through his mind - "Don't leave!" He needed to see those eyes... Lily's eyes...
Would, could, I have done differently
You never said there was
Anything wrong
But there had been that terrible, terrible mistake... Lily had hated him... And then he had to watch as she courted Potter. The girl he loved with his arch-enemy... He would pay. Severus signed up for the Death Eaters as soon as he left school.
Now the drugs, they give me encouragement
Why, why, why?
The Dark Lord had encouraged him, made him feel worthy... But then he ordered Lily's murder. He could live without Potter - but Lily? What was life without those calm emerald eyes, the firey red hair, the broad happy smile? Dumbledore had told him that her son lived... And he had protected him ever since. And now his time was complete.
Oh, God, tell me I'll make it
I'll give you my blood
If that's all you need
He didn't want to die. He wanted to watch Potter kill the Dark Lord, to fulfil the prophecy, to bring justice to Lily's slaughter. He hated him, but he was all he had left of Lily... Snape prayed to whoever may be listening for a few more hours of life, for any form of liberation, to reach wherever Lily was...
Just, don't,
Tell me that I'm gonna
Die, die, die.....
No. It was pointless. Death was coming for him as surely as it was for either Potter or the Dark Lord. He could feel the deep walls of blackness closing in around him. He needed one more thing, and after the past eighteen years he had looked after Potter, he deserved one favour in return.
Don't abandon me now
I don't want to die.....
Alone.....
"Look... At Me..." he burbled, and Potter's - Lily's - bright green eyes met his jet black ones. He saw Lily in them, laughing, and he felt his heart contract. Now he was free.
You cannot make me live...
Lead me home...
Why don't you celebrate...
He wished Potter well. That he would take the Dark Lord down. Make his mother proud. Watch what he'd given him and learn the truth. Snape was leaving him alone for the first time in his existence...
He was going... Going... The blackness closed in.... His body felt lighter... Gone.
La la la la la la...