My birthday present for Jess, this was entirely her idea and I merely put it into a story!
Enjoy reading and stock up on Kleenex before reading this!
"I want you back
You know it's been so long this time
Now worlds apart
Another silent morning in your arms
It's just a smile
Yeah it a wonderful wonderful lie
Just for a while
Until there's nowhere else to hide
Remember nights in Paris?
Remember shining stars in Africa
New York we had our first kiss
What did we leave behind?
Je ne sais quoi?
Je ne sais quoi."
When she had booked the flight to Paris she had hoped to finally come to terms with the past and the future she and Tony never had. She had wanted to come back to the place where they had finally given in to their feelings even though they had never talked about it afterwards.
Sitting on the plane she wasn't so sure anymore, but she really hoped that this city could heal her ache after all those years spent thinking about what could have been.
When Gibbs had sent him onto a mission in Paris he had reluctantly agreed. 5 years had passed since he had last seen Ziva and it had been even longer since they shared a room in the city of love.
He had moved on from her once he had realized that no, she wouldn't come back to him and eventually he had found someone else who could heal a part of the scars she had left behind on his heart but even after all those years he still thought about their night in Paris sometimes.
Sitting on the plane he wasn't so sure anymore if it had been the right decision to agree on doing this mission but there was no turning back now, so he closed his eyes and hoped for the best. Maybe he could guard his heart after all.
She spent the better of the afternoon unpacking the clothes she had brought along and getting comfortable in her hotel room while admiring the view she had onto the streets of Paris, her thoughts drifting off every now and then.
When the night falls over the city she decided to go out for a walk in attempt to clear her head from the heavy thoughts and to admire the city at night.
She slipped on her coat and quietly made her way through the streets, soon nearing the one place she had tried to avoid the most but her subconscious had failed her once again.
Standing on this bridge, like all those years ago but this time without him, made her walls come down and she had to close her eyes to not let the emotions drag her down like they had all those years ago after they had returned to D.C after their fateful night.
He spent the afternoon in search for a local bar after quickly throwing his clothes into the closet of his hotel room and soon found himself entering a small building where he ordered himself a beer to drown his thoughts in. After a while he called his wife to tell her that he was ok and safe and smiled when she told him how much she and their daughter already missed him.
When the night falls over the city he decided to go out for a walk to shake off that weird feeling that had settled down in him the moment Gibbs had told him about the mission.
He slipped on his coat and started making his way through the streets and before he could fully register it he found himself walking towards the one spot he had tried to ban from his memory ever since he had last visited it with her.
Nearing the bridge he saw a woman standing there, her coat tightly wrapped around her small form and long curls falling around her shoulders and he rubbed his eyes because he was sure he must be dreaming this, this couldn't possibly be her and he must be seeing things already because it was dark and there was no way to meet her here but then again when has fate ever been on his side?
He is hesitant to close the gap between him and the woman standing there, because even though he was hell bent on the fact that no, this couldn't be her he was still afraid that his suspicions may come true.
As if someone feeling his presence she instinctively turns around and when she sees him, really sees him, it takes her breath away and her legs are about to give in beneath her because she was sure her mind was playing tricks on her.
He immediately recognizes her when he scans her face and for a moment he has to stop walking so he leaves a small gap between them with neither of them saying a word, both too in shock that this was really happening.
"Ziva." It was the one word it took for him to make the feelings and memories come rushing back and hitting him with full force even though it comes out in barely above a whisper and he is surprised that she had even caught on it at all.
"Tony." It was neither a question, nor an answer; it was her trying to figure out the situation only to realize she was failing to do so.
When she realizes that he isn't about to say anything she builds up the courage to speak up again, her voice shaking and her mind wondering how this could feel like the past years never happened.
"I missed you." She stammers and for a moment he stares at her with an incredulous look on his face.
"You never called." His voice withholds a hint of bitterness but he just can't be mad at her, because hell, he had missed her too and his attempt to move on from her seems so vain now.
"I am sorry." She knows it's not enough, knows he deserves more than a simple sorry but she just can't find the right words and so she just continues to stare into his eyes, afraid if she got lost in them she would never find her way back again.
What happens next takes her by surprise because instead of saying anything he simply closes the gap between them and pulls her into a bone-crushing hug that could easily compete with one of Abby's.
"Oh Ziva." He eventually murmurs into her ear when he feels her relaxing into his still familiar touch and he knows that this is wrong on so many levels but he can't seem to stay away from her even after all the time that has passed since they had last seen each other.
She feels it before she sees it when he slightly pulls back and presses his lips onto hers, ever so gently, yet inquiring and desperate.
Soon enough they forget about their surroundings and he pushes away the guilt he feels because this was Ziva and yes, he still loved her no matter how hard he had tried to deny it.
"Come with me." He whispers as they both try to catch their breaths and she doesn't bother to contemplate his request, she simply lets him take her hand and pull her along towards the hotel and into his room.
As soon as he closes the door behind her she finds herself being pushed against it, their lips connecting again and his hands roaming over every inch of her body after their coats have been shed.
For a second she wonders if this is right, but all those years without seeing him, feeling him, had taken its effect on her and she couldn't hold back her desire any longer.
When he starts trailing hungry kisses down her neck she lets out a low and delicate moan and it only encourages him to go further until he impatiently tucks at the hem of her shirt and in one swift movement pulls it over her head, her bra joining the pool of clothes not soon after that.
Soon enough their hands are exploring every inch of each other's body and they find themselves lying on the bed and this time she doesn't mind that he is on top, at least for the moment.
The last clothes have long been shed but before he takes the final step he silently asks for her permission and when she nods ever so slightly there is no holding back anymore and they get lost into each other until they're nothing but moans and bodies and kisses and finally names being called out as he collapses onto her while she goes limp and holds onto him like a lifeline.
Without another word he rolls off of her and she instinctively cuddles up against him, her head resting on his chest and she listens as his heartbeat slowly calms down again and when it does she finds herself lulled into sleep by it while Tony was lying wide awake, wondering how this could have happened and how he would get out of this again.
He still hasn't slept when she begins to stir in his arms and slowly turns to look at him, immediately noticing the conflict in his eyes when she does.
When she asks him about it he momentarily closes his eyes because really, he doesn't want to break her heart but she needs to know the truth, everything else just wouldn't be fair.
"We shouldn't have done this Zi." His heart is aching and pain is evident in his voice as he quietly tells her about his wife and daughter waiting for him back home and he is panicking when she doesn't make a sound, when she doesn't respond and when her face becomes unreadable.
It takes seconds, minutes even, but she eventually pulls back and comes to rest against the headboard and he expects her to scream at him, hit him, freak, but neither ever happens.
She just sits there, knees drawn to her chest and then, after what feels like an eternity, she starts crying.
It's quiet at first but then sobs start to fill the room and he knows better than to touch her now but seeing her like this hurts him and he knows he deserves this, but she? She doesn't.
"Why?" Her voice sounds broken and small when she asks him after an eternity and it's the one question he doesn't have an answer for. Of course he could tell her how much he still loved her, how much he was longing for her no matter how hard he tried to forget but he can't tell her that, it would only make matters worse and so he remains silent and watches powerlessly as she stands from the bed and grabs her clothes that lie scattered across the floor before getting dressed and pulling her hair into a ponytail to prevent the unruly curls from falling into her face over and over again.
One last glance into her eyes tells him that she is heartbroken, again, and he knows that this time it's entirely his fault and there are so many things he wants to tell her but can't find the words for, can't find the time and it breaks his heart as well because she was the one he wanted, she was the one he couldn't have.
When she opens the door to his room he knows that this will be the last time he sees her, that this is over once and for all and right before the door closes he hears her whispering a weak "Goodbye Tony." And the door is long closed when he murmurs "I'm sorry Ziva, I'm sorry." But he knows a sorry will never be enough, she was gone again and he was the only one to blame.
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