Chapter 1: Heartbreak
Hermione had spent two weeks with her parents in a little chalet in the countryside. It had been a great time to relax and detach from the reality. The war had been brought to an end more than a whole year ago, but some parts just never left her conscience. She kept thinking about the ones who passed away, and she had nightmares every other day. Nevertheless, during those two weeks, she decided to take her mind off of that matter and easily managed to finish the eleven novels she had fit with difficulty in her little suitcase.
When she came back, she felt contented and calm. A couple of hours after her arrival in London with her parents, she eagerly arrived at The Burrow. On the way up to Ron's room, she was greeted by Molly, hugged by Ginny, and offered a strange colored bean by George. The Weasleys loved her, and she loved each and every one of them. She was expecting Ron to greet her warmly, but she was deceived. She felt the tense atmosphere the second a hair of hers entered the little private space he was allowed in the house. Ron was avoiding her gaze, and she knew it. She tried to ignore it at first, but he seemed distant or concerned about something. Usually, she would arrive at his house, go straight up to his room, jump into his embrace, and they would sit down on the floor, and talk, and laugh, and steal kisses from time to time until it was time to eat, or sleep.
After a couple of dozens of minutes of silence, she felt her patience stretch. She was patient, but everyone had their limits. Hermione took a deep breath and felt her heart racing as the question erupted from her lips, "Is… something wrong?"
Staring straight out the window, he answered, "Uhh… yeah… Want to go take a walk or something?" His house was way too crowded, and this isn't something he wanted to discuss with so many ears in the house.
Wanting to light up the mood, she asked, "We can bring a snack and nibble in field when we'll sit down to rest, don't you think that'd be a good idea?"
"No, no… Hermione. We just have some things to discuss I think," quickly replied Ron.
Hermione was so confused. What was happening? Her heart was trying to get free of her rib cage, "Why can't you just tell me here?"
Ron finally looked at her straight into the eyes, and said, "Fine, I'll break it to you clearly: I just don't love you anymore."
Well, that definitely brought her heart to a halt. That's not exactly how she pictured their reunion. Actually, it was probably at the top of her list of Top 10 things that won't happen today.
He looked down at his hands and continued, "I don't know… I feel like we're just too different. We don't have the same goals in life. When you were gone, I spent a lot of time thinking about all this. I've started doubting my feelings over a month ago, and I'm not sure I can continue on this path with you."
A punch would have definitely been more appreciated than this. If punches rained on her, she would have actually felt better than in this moment. Silent tears were dripping from her cheeks onto her lap. Unable to talk, she just stared at him for a couple of minutes which felt like hours. Unable to bare his silent, she apparated. She just wanted to get out, to get away.
She got to London, took the metro and used her legs which seemed to weigh a ton each to get to her parents' house. Her parents had gone grocery shopping, so she left a note on the kitchen counter saying she got home earlier than planned because she felt nauseated. She climbed up to her room and fell asleep with tears flowing from her eyes even though it was approximately three in the afternoon.
She spent the next three days in bed. She briefly told her parents what happened and they even brought her food up to her room so she would eat. They didn't ask too many questions and she felt extremely grateful her parents were who they were. She could leave the Wizarding World, she'd be able to make a life in a Muggle way….
The following day seemed like the previously for Hermione when she woke up in her bed with her eyes all puffy, but Harry was sitting on the end of her bed. She jumped and even let a little scream out. She wasn't expecting him, but he was her best friend. She should've known he would eventually get here. Now, she was ashamed he saw her in such a miserable state.
"Bloody hell, Hermione! You've got to get a grip on yourself," exclaimed Harry. She looked at peace while asleep, but she looked terrible awake. Her eyes were red, there were dried up tears were all over her cheeks and neck, her hair had not been taken care of for a few days, and used up tissues could be found everywhere in her room.
"Harry, I'm so sorry you have to see me like this," whispered Hermione.
"Ron told me about-" started Harry.
"DON'T! Please, Harry. I can't hear any more of this," snapped Hermione. Tears started rolling off her cheeks.
Harry got up, opened her drawer, took out a pair of socks, pants, shirt and underwear, put them all in a pile on Hermione's stomach and carried her out of her room. He brought her in the bathroom where he set the water of the bath and opened the curtains. He knew the sun would help. He brought her a clean towel, and got out of the bathroom.
"Take your time, Hermione," Harry said softly.
Hermione got undressed and slowly slipped in the hot water. The sun felt brightened up her mood, and after that nice little bath, she almost felt okay. She put on what Harry picked out for her expecting everything not to match, but surprisingly enough, it looked fine. She wondered if it was a coincidence while getting out of the bathroom. She heard chattering, and concluded that Harry was chatting with her parents. When she got in the kitchen, her parents and Harry smiled at her.
Mr. Granger spoke first, "Well, well, if it isn't the little madam herself."
Mrs. Granger threw a dark stare at her husband. She then smiled at Hermione and said, "You look great darling."
Hermione lowered her eyes, "Thanks mom."
"So, shall we go?" Harry asked. Hermione nodded. She didn't know where she was going, but getting out of her bedroom had had a fantastic effect on her, and getting out of the house would probably enhance that good feeling starting inside her.
Harry and Hermione spent the day walking in the streets of London. They sipped some coffee in a sweet little café, stopped at the library, ate some ice cream… They talked a lot, and mostly about the future: jobs, the Wizarding World, Hogwarts and making families.
"Yeah, well, Ginny and I obviously want kids. We talked about it already. I mean, we wouldn't have them now, Ginny is going on to 19, but eventually… You understand," explained Harry.
"Haha, yes. I understand…. And I wish I could say the same about Ron and me…. but that's over it seems, "muttered Hermione.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I didn't want to bring up that subject…. It slipped out of my mind," Harry apologized.
Hermione was lost in thoughts. It had been such a great day, and this little comment ruined her mood in a matter of seconds. She knew she should ignore it and concentrate her attention on the great and calming day she spent with her best friend, but she just couldn't. Ron was always on her mind.
"How about I bring you back home?" enquired Harry.
"Alright," said Hermione absentmindedly.
When they got home, Harry hugged her and tried to reassure her. Time would fix things, time always does. He had a date with Ginny, so he left quite quickly after that.
Hermione got in her house. She knew she had to be productive, do something, to get her mind off Ron. She started by cleaning up her room. Her mom had picked up the used up tissues and made her bed, but she felt like she needed some change.
She spent the week repainting her bedroom, shopping for new bed sheets, rearranging the positioning of her furniture, and sorting her clothes in piles which she wanted to give away. She also started baking cookies with her mother, and taking care of the flowers with her father. She was spending quality time with people whom would love her no matter what, and she slowly did feel less bitter about the Ron-thing ending so abruptly.
A week later, she received an owl from Ron:
Hermione, I want to apologize the way things occurred. Would it be possible to talk face to face?
Hermione threw the letter away. What took him so long anyway? If he wanted to talk to her, he could get out of his room, and make the effort to get to her, couldn't he? Not only had he thrown away their relationship, he threw away almost a decade of friendship. It was betrayal, that's what it was.
The next day, there was a ring at the doorbell. Her parents had gone off to work, so she was alone. She opened the door, and saw a half smiling Ron on her porch. She felt like slamming the door in his face. He would've deserved it, but since he made a little effort, she guessed she could do the same. And she still loved that guy after all.
"So… um, would you walk with me a little?" asked Ron shyly.
Ron had cut his hair, chosen clothes he knew she particularly liked, and for these little attentions, she answered, "Fine, give me a minute."
She left him in front of the door, and went inside to search for her keys. Once she found them, she got out without even glancing at him, locked the door, and stored the keys in her little beige messenger bag she had bought during the week.
Ron got down the stairs first. "So, how was your day?" Ron asked courageously.
"It's ten in the morning Ronald. I haven't had time to do much honestly," snickered Hermione.
"But I know you, you get up at seven and start getting busy the second your eyes open. You've always been like that. That's how you like it," replied Ron. She was obviously feeling defensive, and he had to understand. Harry had warned him that it might not be a good idea to visit Hermione. However, he chose to follow his inner feeling. He couldn't lie to himself, seeing her crumble under his words had hurt him more than he'd like to admit to himself. Maybe that meant, he still felt something for her.
Hermione smiled. "I guess you do know me then. I actually baked pancakes, finished an Alexandre Dumas novel, and was getting ready to water the flowers in the yard before you rang," she conceded.
The duo walked, and talked for around two hours. Hermione loosened up as time passed.
"Would you come at The Burrow for dinner? My mom is angry at me for doing what I did. She loves you and wants to make sure you are all right," babbled Ron.
Hermione felt like something was wrong. This wasn't possible. She couldn't still love Ron, but act like friends forever. It just wasn't enough. She constantly had to fight her own arm muscles which felt attracted to Ron's. "My parents let on that we were going out tonight. I can't leave today, sorry," Hermione lied. Yeah, he was going to have to work a little harder than that.
They were in front of her house now.
"Well, I should head off home then. Are you doing anything tomorrow?" questioned Ron.
"I'm always doing something. Am I not?" Hermione said smiling, "But I guess I find time for Molly."
Ron happily responded, "Thank you. See you tomorrow, Mione." He then apparated out of sight.
Hermione's head was spinning. It felt great and terrible spending time with Ron. It made her happy, but it was a constant struggle. Could she push aside her feelings to let friendship take place? He had once mentioned Lavender during their conversations… Was there still something between them? What if during her little vacation, she had visited and forced ideas into him? Was Ron really that influenceable? Was he hiding something from her? Was she just being paranoiac about the whole situation? He said he didn't love her, but he kept poking at things they did when together. Was going to The Burrow a bad idea after all? All this was confusing her, and she didn't talk to her parents that night. She was too absorbed in her own thoughts.
When she arrived at The Burrow the next day via the Floo Network, Molly ran up to her and hugged her. They started chatting. Molly told her that Ron spent the morning getting the Gnomes away, and that he was currently taking a moment to clean himself up before they ate. Ginny ran down the stairs, George followed her, and Arthur came in through the door. She always felt overwhelmed with happiness with this family. They had become her family, but Ron was ruining everything.
After their meal, Ron asked Hermione if she would go up to his room because she had left her sweater the last time. She wasn't sure she wanted to go back in that room where she crumbled last time, but she went anyway. She sat down on his bed while he started looking for it. When he found it, he sat down next to her, accidentally brushing his arm against hers. Then he turned towards her and handed her the piece of clothing that was hers.
She took it, and sighed, "What changed between us? The last two days felt like nothing ever changed, like you were still mine and I was still yours. You can't stop loving someone overnight. It just doesn't work that way. Don't you still love me?"
"What do you want to hear?" asked Ron.
"Yes," voiced Hermione.
Ron looked at her straight into the eyes. He said, "Then, yes."
"But I don't want to hear what I want to hear! I want to hear the truth, what you feel. I don't want you to play with me, Ron. You can't do that to me," exclaimed Hermione.
"I don't love you the way you want me to," Ron conceded in all honesty.
Hermione got up, her sweater in her hands, went down the stairs silently. The Weasleys were in the living room. She acted as tough as she can, demolished as she was, and wished them goodnight before leaving the Devon and returning to London.
Back at home, she fell back to tears. Being so full of emotions caused her whole body to tremble. She felt cold and sad and mad and empty and annoyed and disgusted and abandoned and tricked and used… A gazillion thoughts were running through her head. How can your mood be turned over in a fraction of seconds, the length of just a few words, barely a sentence?