Longing

by Mme Curie

A lemony flavored oneshot involving a long-haired Ratonhnhake:ton and a young woman who has found herself more than casually interested in him. Inspired by a post of a Ratonhnhake:ton with long hair by Sylsrainbow on tumblr.

He never talked much, the Indian with the long, black hair, strange tattoos and animal pelt clothing decorated with bones and feathers. When he did, he was always polite but something about him was often so distant. I'd long since given up attempting to draw him out into any prolonged conversation. Every time I tried he would stand there, staring at his feet or his clasped hands and give only the most minimal answers so I'd simply contented myself with watching him from afar and limiting our conversation to matters that concerned both of us: that of mostly mundane affairs involving what he needed from my father's small store. He would often come to us to sell his furs and things from hunting. His preferred payment was frequently in trade goods like the bullets we're supplied with from the larger towns.

I suppose I shouldn't have really taken any notice of him other than his heritage and maybe his exceptionally tall and muscular stature. Not many Indian men came to us and those who did were often ridiculed or spat upon by the local colonists of our small town. But something about this Indian was different and it wasn't just his lighter skin. He spoke English nearly perfectly and though his accent was unlike my own, he was very easy to understand. He always examined what I offered him in trade for his furs and he was never afraid to point out the quality of the items. Once he even took back his furs completely when we didn't have what he wanted. Father huffed about it but I appreciated his eye for value. I made a point of mentioning it the next time he came and was rewarded by learning his name. Ratonhnhake:ton. I had attempted to repeat it but I mispronounced it in a most embarrassing fashion. He kindly repeated it more slowly and then I had it but I refrained from using it when father was around, addressing him as Sir as I was accustomed to.

Ratonhnhake:ton was usually our last customer of the night when he would come, for at that time there would rarely be anyone else around. I always assumed it was because he wanted to avoid unnecessary confrontation with the locals. Could I blame him? Certainly not. I've always quite disliked living here. It's a rough sort that occupies this mining town and there are very few women who live here. Most who do are either the wives of the superintendents, whores who follow the workers or daughters like me with no place to go and forever doomed to be spinster, working in this cursed store for the rest of my miserable life.

Perhaps my ennui was what first caused me to take any interest in the man at all. Ever since mother had died of the flu, father had never once found anything to touch his heart or make him smile. His smiles had all faded away with mother, buried long ago in the cold ground. And I, a constant reminder of what he had lost, could never quite win his affection. I know he loves me, but I doubt he could ever show it unless he really tried. So I had taken to running the shop for father. He could tend to the crops and drink away his sorrow. We would only have to speak to one another when our paths crossed at meal times. With no one to talk to, I'd somehow chosen the one person who didn't fit in with anyone else in this place. Rather like myself, it seemed.

And so it was that I found myself looking for him, as I usually did just before locking the door to the shop to head home, on a snowy winter night. Father's homestead was a quick twenty minute walk from town and, not seeing him, I started to pull the key from my pocket. The wind blew my coat out from my body, stealing away the only bit of warmth I had remaining to me on such a blustery, stormy night. My fingers fumbled getting the key into the lock and in my haste, I dropped it. I mumbled a curse under my breath and crouched down to dig my already chilled fingers down into the snow. Just as I found the thing, I heard a commotion down the street from the direction of the bar. It was situated far enough away that most brawls that commonly spilled out into the streets came nowhere near the shop and I never had to walk past any of it to go home.

I fitted the key into the lock with nearly frozen fingers, eager to secure the place and head home with my hands tucked into my pockets. Before I could turn it, however, a soft noise off to the side of the building caught my attention. A small avalanche of snow had fallen down, caused by the very man I had been looking out for dropping to the ground from the roof of the store.

"Get inside, now!" He grabbed up a bundle of furs from the ground and strode towards me, gesturing toward the door. His face was not very much different from how it usually was- rather stoic and expressionless, but his eyes seemed to glow with a strange light. It seemed unusual that I could pick out his eyes so clearly in the descending darkness until I realized they were reflecting light. I turned to look up the street and watched with horror as the tavern began to go up in flames. Men wielding torches and pickaxes had set it on fire! I yanked the key from the lock and turned the handle. Ratonhnhake:ton was right behind me, pushing on the door as I did and crowding me into the store. As soon as we were through, he closed the door quickly, but slowing just before it would slam so he could silently seal us inside. He turned the lock.

I stood on the opposite side of the room from him, realizing the strange predicament we were now in. Father would be expecting me home soon, if he hadn't managed to drink himself into a stupor again. I reached for the lantern on the counter with the intent to light it from the embers of the wood stove in the corner. Ratonhnhake:ton turned at the sound of my hand on the lantern handle and he moved quickly toward me. He took the lantern from me and set it back on the counter.

"No light. We cannot draw attention to ourselves when there is such a level of madness out there. It is safer in darkness, though I doubt it will stop them if they want to burn the town to the ground." His softly spoken words were the most I had ever heard him utter in one stretch. Their foreboding meaning quickly overrode my surprise at hearing him speak so much.

"What's made them so violent?" I asked, as he took my elbow and led me away from the window. He tossed his bundle of furs on the floor behind the counter and sat down beside them. I stood and watched him as he looked up at me. His long, black hair fell over the front of his shoulders and the thick bear fur that covered one shoulder. His arms and torso were mostly bare aside from the leather straps and bow string that crossed them, as was his usual attire, warm, cold, rain or snow. His only concession in the cold that seemed conspicuously missing on this stormy night was his wolf skin he would wear that covered his head. Despite that lack, whatever snow had been on him had already melted in the waning warmth of the store, leaving his skin and hair with a distinct sheen. Even the dark tattoos on his face, arms and body seemed to contrast more deeply than usual.

"An uprising at the mine. I watched some of it on my way here and knew it would be bad. The workers are demanding more pay but the superintendents will not give it. Now the superintendents are dead and the men thirst for more blood now that they have tasted it. There will be more death this night before it is over."

"Shouldn't I simply go home? I've no desire to be near such a mob."

"No. There are angry men in the streets with an animal lust for violence. A woman like you would never make it three steps before being set upon. I can keep you safer here." I slid slowly down the wall to sit across from him with my back to the storage area and my hands unconsciously rubbing my arms to dispel the shivery premonition that had come over me.

Looking past me, he changed the subject.

"What is beyond that door?"

"Just storage."

"Are there any windows?"

"No." I could barely see him in the darkness of the unlit store but I heard him move toward me. He crouched beside me and opened the door just enough to slip through. Taking his bundle of furs, he disappeared. He was gone for some time and my heart pounded in my chest, making me panicky. From time to time I heard men running past and then someone tried the handle. I whispered his name into the darkness of the storage area.

"Ratonhnhake:ton! There's someone trying to get in!" A shrill quality had crept into my whisper, exposing my fear. Almost instantly, he was there. I could smell the leather of his clothing and the warm, musky scent of his skin. His large, heavy hand pressed down upon my shoulder and he spoke into my ear.

"Stay here. Remain quiet. If you scream they will know there is a woman inside." The cloudy moonlight and glow of the fires up the street glinted off the large tomahawk on his hip as he drew it from his belt and moved silently toward the door. The man on the other side had begun to kick at the wood and Ratonhnhake:ton leaned against the door. After only a few tries, the kicking stopped. I had just begun to relax, believing it was all over, when the window on the other side of the room shattered. I covered my mouth with both of my hands to hold in the scream that wanted to come from me. Even with them there, I doubt they held in all of the noises I made when a burning torch was flung through the broken window. Ratonhnhake:ton tore off the pelt that covered his shoulder and used it to put out the flames. From the newly returned darkness, I heard him make a quiet hissing sound as he did so and I wondered if he had burned himself. The smell of singed fur, scorched hide, pitch and smoke filled the room. The noises of the angry mob slowly moved past our location and I once again allowed my fears to settle slightly.

I nearly screamed again when suddenly Ratonhnhake:ton was kneeling in front of me, a shadow in the darkness. His hands covered my wrists where I sat, still clutching my mouth and trembling with fear.

"Come. There is a concealed place where you will be safe. I will keep watch for the night but I believe the danger has passed." He helped me to my feet and led me, with our left hands joined, into the blackness of the storage area. I knew the place by heart but terror made me stumble and bump into things as if I had never once walked among the many barrels and crates stored in there. I clung to his grip and reached my right hand to his forearm, finding the thick, adorned leather of the bracer he wore. My fingers moved over the lacing on the underside, tracing downwards until I felt the coolness of iron tucked under the sturdy leather. A sharp point met my finger just before I found the warm skin of his wrist. A concealed blade?

In a far corner behind some old, long forgotten crates I had always meant to have father break down and ready for firewood, Ratonhnhake:ton gently separated my hands from his. In that moment I knew he would leave me alone in the cold darkness.

"Don't go! Please stay with me!" I cried out in a whisper towards where I knew he stood. I reached my hand out through the darkness and took a blind step forward. I found nothing but air and so I took another step, sliding my foot across the dusty floorboards. He must not have moved at all, for as I put weight on my forward foot and began to extend my other hand out, my fingers fell upon the skin of his chest. With a gasp, I drew back but then reached out again for his presence. I felt him breathing under my touch and his heartbeat ricocheted beneath the fingers of my right hand. Relief flooded into me and I boldly stepped closer to raise my arms up to his shoulders and lean against him. For just a moment, Ratonhnhake:ton's body seemed to stiffen, as if he would push me away but then he relaxed. His scent was strong and I filled my nose with him, breathing in his existence. The moment he moved, I felt the muscles of his shoulders shift under his skin. He touched me, running his fingers lightly over my back until he embraced my body and held it against his.

I knew what I did was the illicit act of some brazen whore but in that moment, in that place, there was nothing I wanted more than Ratonhnhake:ton's solid, quiet presence and his arms around me. Having lacked anyone to care, anyone to talk to but him and wishing for his visitations at the close of every evening, I knew, if given the opportunity, I would take it. I'd dreamed of such a time; an unexpected meeting along the paths of the town, a secret liaison in the forest or a chance encounter someplace private. I'd wanted to touch him forever yet there had never been any real scenario that could allow it to happen. He was merely a man trading goods but oh, the world I'd created where we could be together, free of the judgment of men. It had taken over my daytime imaginings and those of the night.

Lifting my face, I pressed my mouth against the bottom of his neck, just above the strange necklace he always wore. He slid his hand up my back, over my shoulder and onto the side of my neck. His warm fingers found my skin and traced over it, as if learning my appearance by touch instead of sight. The tips of his fingers and the surface of his palm were calloused and hardened yet as he slipped them into my hair and tipped my head back with this thumb on my jaw, as gently as the brush of a feather, I yearned for the sensations he created.

The darkness seemed to explode with light behind the closed lids of my eyes as his lips found mine. His kisses were soft, his lips curious. He gently tasted of my bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth just the tiniest bit until I opened to him and he lightly ran his tongue just inside. I grasped at his shoulders and a sound escaped me. Only then did he pull back.

"Sshh." He softly hissed into the darkness. I knew he was looking at me and, after having had my eyes closed for so long, I could faintly see him. Some misty moonlight filtered in from the front of the shop, illuminating him with a pale nimbus of the most subtle white. I could see a few strands of his long hair moving about in the drafty storage area. Reaching to his hair, I took a segment of it between my fingers and followed it down its silky length all the way to his chest. Yet another thing I had always wanted to do. Never before had I seen a man wear his hair in such a way, long or short.

I lifted my hand up to his face and touched his cheek with my fingers. I traced the angular set of his jaw, followed it to his chin and then moved upward over his lip where I knew the line of ink marked his skin. I could have stopped it all then but stopping was the last thing I wanted. For too long I had fantasized about him… almost two years. He had always come to our shop, to me. His actions had clearly demonstrated that he held some kind of attraction for me and it had been made abundantly obvious when he had saved me from being attacked. Why else would he bother?

With a new hunger building in me, I began to kiss him with a kind of fury, as if to make up for lost time. He returned my kisses with equal fervor, not even pausing when I took a handful of his beautiful hair and gripped it with all my strength. My act seemed to galvanize him, for he began to walk me slowly backwards until my feet stepped onto something with give instead of the hard wood floor. The furs. Of course. He had used them to create a soft, warm place for me to hide. I knew then that I wanted to use them for a different purpose entirely. Ratonhnhake:ton knew it as well.

We almost fell onto the furs and I clung to him, unwilling to let go as he discarded his many weapons from his person. I quickly undid the buttons of my coat, struggling to free my arms from its confines. Before I could, Ratonhnhake:ton was kissing me again, using one hand to pull the cumbersome coat from my arms and toss it away. He straddled me then, leaning over me as he lowered me carefully down to the furs completely. His hands began to softly roam over me, keeping to my arms, neck and shoulders as he kissed me and then moving to my sides and stomach. I grasped at his neck and held to his shoulder. With no garment for me to grip, I was left with only his warm, warm skin and it was the most satisfying feeling I had ever experienced. He silenced my cries of ardent need with his mouth, shushing me with his lips against the skin of my neck between his burning kisses and even warmer strokes of his tongue against my flesh. One hand crept upward to the buttons of my dress and one by one he opened them, moving from one to the next with excruciating slowness and seemingly deliberate methodology. He stopped kissing me when he could reach no lower and sat up onto his knees to finish the job.

At last the final button was freed and my dress lay loose upon my body, open from neckline to hem. It was then that Ratonhnhake:ton seemed to hesitate so I sat up as well, nervous yet more sure than ever. I dragged the dress from my body, lifting my hips to pull it out from beneath me. Immediately, he touched the sheer fabric of my long sleeved shift over my shoulder, letting his hands slide down from there, over the swell of my breasts above my corset and onto the restrictive undergarment itself. That touch asked the question he didn't give voice to so I reached behind my back and pulled on the strings holding my stays closed. I looked up at him towering above me, his shoulders so wide I could see nothing beyond them.

I struggled with my stays, wanting to rid myself of them but being limited by my awkward position. I began to breathe heavily as I worked at the task with one hand while supporting myself with the other until Ratonhnhake:ton reached behind me and helped loosen them. He took a firm grip on the back of it and I raised my arms to let him pull the wicked thing from my body. With the motion, my looped bun became entangled in it and was pulled free. Ratonhnhake:ton let out a long exhale as my hair tumbled down from my head to fall about my body, disheveled and still caught up in a few pins. Taking all of it in his hand, he extricated the remaining pins and lifted my hair to his face. He smelled deeply of it and seemed to rub it against his cheek in a sweet suggestion of enjoyment.

So freed, I reached to his arm and pulled his hand downward. He dropped my hair and turned his hand so as to cup my breast. It was ecstasy. He took his time and touched me gently. Taking me with the other hand behind my back, he lowered me once again to the soft furs beneath us. I rested my hands on his knees and let my fingers wander over the leather wraps around his legs. Up on the middle of his thighs I found a button that secured the suspender and set each of them free. Twisted leather knots on the inside of each of his knees kept the hide in place there and I absently worked at them through the delightful fog of Ratonhnhake:ton's kisses and attentions.

He made his way over every bit of my neck and jaw when he had moved from my mouth, slowly, slowly moving down to the neckline of my shift. His hands roved over my body all the while, making me move in lovely tandem with his caresses. His kisses found their way onto my breasts and even further downward as his hands slid over my waist and then to my hips, where he gathered up the fabric of my skirt in handfuls of slowness and a whisper of a touch until I felt the coolness of the air touch my bared legs. Any extraneous thought was cast from my mind when his fingers wandered to between my legs, taking a circuitous path over my skin before sliding down over my most intimate place. If I were to have cried out with the exquisite sensations such a touch brought, I will never know, for Ratonhnhake:ton covered my mouth with his and stole the sounds.

He made me incapable of sense or logical thought of any kind and hushed me again, softly, sweetly, and I tried my best to contain the joys my body was experiencing under his ministrations. Covering my mouth with his, he kissed me deeply, both aiding my silence and encouraging my outcry with his clever fingers. I clutched at the material of his loosened leg wraps, pulling on it and unable to keep my body still as it became wracked with such spasms of pleasurable enjoyment as I had never experienced.

When I was quite exhausted, I lay beneath Ratonhnhake:ton quietly and listened to him move to my side. He unlaced my boots and took them from my feet as well as my stockings, which he dexterously freed from their ribbon garters just below my knees. Afterwards, he finished the job I had begun, removing the hide from his legs, discarding his boots, sash and strange loin cloth, before unlacing the extraordinarily simple pants he wore beneath. I bent my knees up and felt the soft furs beneath my feet, closing my eyes when Ratonhnhake:ton, completely unclothed, leaned down to kiss me once more. I raised my own hands to the lacing of my shift and loosened the garment as we kissed. It was growing colder in the storage area from the icy air coming in from the front and his breath misted over me when he drew back to help sit me up and pull the final piece of clothing from my body. Together, we lay back down and Ratonhnhake:ton touched and kissed me everywhere, now free to savor my skin. His hair slid over me as he travelled my body, tickling my flesh and compelling me to gather it up in my hands and loop it between my fingers.

I could bear his teasing kisses no longer and used my hold on his hair to guide him back up to me where I could whisper to him.

"Please…" It was all I could articulate but Ratonhnhake:ton needed no further guidance. Moving between my knees, he slid his hands up the length of my legs and settled them on the tops of my hips, using his thumb to stir up the exquisite sensations he had already shown me once before. It drove me to lift my feet from the furs and press the insides of them to his body, trapping him with my legs and simultaneously drawing him closer. With the utmost slowness, he took care so I wouldn't cry out from his gentle entry. I clung to his neck, pulling myself to him as he braced his arms behind me. Only when I dropped back down to the soft furs did he capture me with kisses once more. He filled me in a wonderful way and we moved as one upon our makeshift bed. My hands fell from his hair at last and he took them in his, lacing his long fingers into mine and covering my small hands with his large ones.

To my surprise, he breathed words into my ear as he continued to move slowly, methodically over me and inside me.

"I have wanted you in this way for so very long. I did not know you wanted me in return." I couldn't refrain from confessing my secret to him.

"It's been the same for me. I never knew you felt anything for me." Ratonhnhake:ton exhaled against my skin and our words left us as we took the utmost pleasure in each other. Our breaths misted out with irregularity as our passions grew and despite the cold, sweat built on our bodies, allowing the faint moonlight to illuminate our love. With our increasing intensity came an inability to contain the sounds of our lovemaking and so it was with unrestrained cries of pleasure that we both found our climaxes in the darkness of that snowy night.

Ratonhnhake:ton lowered himself down beside me afterwards and tugged a large fur over our bodies, still damp with the sweat of our passion. He held me, kissed me and whispered to me.

"I could not take my trade goods anywhere else after I found you. In a bigger city I could get a better price but then there would not be you to speak with."

"You barely spoke to me at all!"

"But you spoke to me. I liked hearing your voice and seeing your smile." I laughed softly at his admission and touched his face, tracing the lines of his captivating tattoos.

"Where do you live? Is it far from here?"

"Not so far. A walk of three days' length." I stayed silent as a thought wiggled its way into my mind. Ratonhnhake:ton seemed to know that I was withholding something.

"What do you wish to say?"

"I… want to leave with you. I hate this town. Nothing has proven it's a blight on the earth more than this night. The only good to come of it is this... us." I gestured in a way that encompassed both of us.

"What of your father?"

"He hates the sight of me. I remind him of mother."

"He loves you."

"He could try showing it from time to time."

"I see it." I sighed at his persistence. Perhaps he was right and I had simply grown accustomed to the silence between my father and I. Yet I still wanted to leave. I wanted a life of my own with a man I could actually love – not some drunken miner intent only on making money, drinking and whoring.

"That doesn't change that I want to leave here. I'd be happier with you."

"How can you know this?"

"Because I love you. I have for so very long!" Ratonhnhake:ton considered my words for some time. At last he kissed me and some of the tension left my body.

"I will take you with me – as my wife if you wish – but only if you will agree to tell your father."

"I can't! What you ask of me is impossible! He'd never give his blessing!"

"I am not asking for his 'blessing' I am asking you to simply tell him. Write it in a letter if you must, but do not let him think you dead."

"Very well. He'll come looking for me in the morning. I'll leave a note here." Ratonhnhake:ton made a noise of approval and kissed me again. Happiness filled me to overflowing and I lay wrapped in his arms until I must have drifted off to sleep.

Ratonhnhake:ton woke me with a soft kiss and a stroke of his warm hand on my cheek. Only the faintest of morning light was beginning to tint the sky but I hurriedly dressed and took some writing paper and a quill from behind the desk. The ink had frozen in the well and I had to warm it in my hands until I could write with it. I composed a short, one sentence explanation in my head but then paused before touching the quill to paper. Ratonhnhake:ton was right. My father deserved to know that I lived, that I had made a choice to leave but that I still loved him. And so I wrote of that, I spoke my heart's wishes and promised that I would send a letter from time to time so he would know that I was happy and well. I begged him not to come looking for me and I hesitated to say who it was I had left with but in the end I confessed it. He wouldn't approve of such a savage choice but I was long past caring. I knew the man I was leaving with was no savage, but a gentle, loving man who cared deeply for me.

And so I left the note, a far longer missive than I had intended, upon the counter with the inkwell as a paper weight. I took nothing from the store and I even locked the door behind me. Along the street, many buildings were but smoldering piles of rubble; the desolation of the night's folly. Yet thanks to Ratonhnhake:ton, my father's livelihood still stood. I smiled up at him and took his hand as he led me into the woods, forging a path for me to follow as we left behind the world I had always known to start over.