This isn't my first attempt at a fic...but it is the first one I've actually had the guts to post. To say I'm nervous is an understatement.
Thanks to my awesome hubs for reading through this even though he says, "it's about two dudes?!" and to my FF bestie, VixB who read this in its early stage. ;)
Warning-- this is a romance between two men. If this isn't your cup of tea then I suggest you stop reading now as there will be smexin in the future.
Chapter 1-- The Friendly Skies
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters.
"Attention, we're now boarding all first class passengers for Continental Flight 247 non-stop from Boston to Seattle."
Finally. I am ready to find my seat, down a drink and sleep the 6 hours that this flight is scheduled to take. Standing up, I take a few seconds to stretch my tired limbs before gathering my laptop bag and removing my boarding pass to hand to the flight attendant.
Seat 4F. 4F. God, I hope this is a window seat. You can never tell anymore whether F is the inside seat, the aisle seat or something depressingly in-between.
Aisle. Damn.
I sigh while stowing my bag underneath the seat in front of me and fight to keep my eyes open to wait for both the beverage service to start and my seatmate to arrive, should I have one. Despite my best efforts, my body has different ideas and I drift off for a few minutes. I am awakened by a not-so-subtle gasp followed shortly by the clearing of a throat.
Great. Must be my seatmate and this person obviously has an opinion about the way I look. I am used to it by now, naturally, but it still doesn't make it less irritating, especially when I am exhausted.
I open my eyes and prepare to offer a half smile to show this person I am not dangerous when I am momentarily stunned. It's him. I recognize him instantly—the object of all my boyhood fantasies—Jasper Whitlock. Holy fuck. I haven't seen him in ten years. Since that day in the library. He looks exactly the same. Actually, I take that back. He looks better. Way fucking better. The years have certainly been good to him. He was always the good looking guy in high school but now he is more muscular, his face is filled out and he is just….well….beautiful. He clears his voice once again and I am brought back to reality. I stare at him a few moments more and notice a brief smirk that disappears as quickly as it appears. Great—he obviously caught me staring at him. He probably thinks I am a complete weirdo. I mean, there is no way he can remember me or hell even recognize me with all the ink and metal that I have saturated my body with over the years.
"Excuse me," he says quietly, and I find myself reeling at the sound of his voice again after all these years. It's deeper but just the same cadence as in high school.
I give a short nod, in an attempt to look calm but really fearing that if I open my mouth I will say something stupid like, "I used to love to look at you in high school."
Jasper maneuvers past me to get to his seat and of course his ass is right in my line of vision as he moves in front of me. Naturally I take advantage of the fact that he can't see me and I stare unabashedly at it, momentarily fixated. It is times like right now, when I wish that life had a pause button. And just like all those years ago, it is fucking perfect in those dark wash, low-slung jeans he is wearing. I stifle a groan and the overwhelming urge to touch it to see if it is as hard and firm as it looks. This is going to be a long flight.
A few more moments pass at which point I am nowhere near tired anymore. I am painfully aware of him and his every movement in my peripheral vision. He busies himself with settling and buckling in and I find myself fighting the urge to look at him. I will myself not to because I know if I do, I won't be able to stop. And of course, that would come off as, I don't know…creepy?
Naturally, my body has its own ideas and before I can stop myself I am turning to face him only to find that he is already staring at me. And, of course, as I predicted, I am unable to break eye contact. His eyes are still that striking light blue that always hypnotized me. We stare at each other a moment longer before his perfect lips open to speak perfect words.
"Well—you look different," he says simply.
What? He remembers me? Oh my god. No. He must mistake me for someone else. My face must have betrayed the shock I felt at his comment because that smirk has returned only this time in full force. God, that is sexy. It is at this point that my brain decides to catch up and remind me that I haven't spoken yet. I need to say something.
"You remember me!?" I blurt out. And not too calmly, either. I'm an idiot.
He just continues to smirk and says, "Ah, I take it then that you remember me, too."
Uh, yeah. I only jacked off to you every Wednesday night for a whole school year. Right. Try not to blurt that shit out too.
"Well, you're kinda hard to forget." I say without thinking. Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with me? Note to self: stop saying what comes into your mind. Filter, Edward.
To this he only laughed, "Thanks. I think."
Did I just offend him? Shit.
"No, I just meant that we did spend a lot of time together. And it wasn't that long ago."
Sure, it was ten years ago but it didn't matter if it was 50 years ago. I would never forget Jasper Whitlock.
He was a senior when I was a sophomore at Forks High School in Washington where we both grew up. I was advanced for my age so that was the year that I began tutoring other kids in science and math. That was how I met Jasper. He was the god of the school. Captain of everything, friends with everyone and a new girlfriend every week it seemed. And of course, I worshiped him. It was around that age that I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I was gay and he was my first true crush. So imagine my delight and overall terror when I found out that star athlete Jasper Whitlock needed a Calculus tutor and was assigned to me. That first meeting was the best and worst day of my young life.
We were scheduled for our first session on Wednesday evening as that was usually the day that football practice ended relatively early. I had been nervous all day with the thought that I was going to be alone with him for a whole hour. What was I going to say? What if I made a fool of myself? It took all the courage I had not to switch with someone else to tutor him. I knew my desire to talk to him one-on-one outweighed any fear at being alone with him and I forced myself to go through with it. I knew that I would regret it if I didn't.
I got to the library early so I could not only calm my nerves but to watch him walk in. For some reason I was obsessed with the thought of watching him walk to me. On purpose…like a date. Even though I knew that it wasn't possible it was still nice to have the fantasy in my head.
A few minutes after I sat down and unpacked all my materials, I saw him enter the library. It was even better than I imagined. He strolled in through the main double doors only pausing to speak with Mrs. Cope, the librarian. She said something quickly and then gestured in my direction. At this I could see Jasper tilt his head up and look around until he spotted me in the back. We made eye contact for the briefest of moments and he shot me a smile that went straight to my inexperienced and nervous dick. I was mortified that he hadn't even made it to the table and I was already sporting a hard-on. This was going to be harder than I imagined—pun intended. I only had a few moments to will my boner away before he reached the table I was sitting at. Somehow I didn't think he would take too kindly to meeting me for the first time and seeing my tented pants. I only had to think of the time I walked into the restroom last year and caught Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley making out to immediately deflate my "problem". That shit was gross.
"Edward?"
"Yes?" I croaked out in a questioning voice keeping my hands under the table. He didn't motion to shake my hand but I kept them hidden just in case. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle touching him as just the sound of his smooth voice saying my name had me almost getting hard again. Ridiculous.
"Hi, I'm Jasper. Thanks for helping me." he stated as he deposited his backpack on the table and took a seat to my left.
I was immediately assaulted by his freshly showered scent. Slightly musky, with a hint of mint and as stupid as it sounds, all man. His hair was still slightly damp and stuck to his temples and it took all I had in me to not reach up and touch one of the curls hanging a little out of place on his forehead. Just the thought of touching him combined with his scent and voice made my half hard-on go "full mast". Perfect.
I hadn't realized I was still staring at him until he cleared his throat. He had asked me a question and I didn't hear it because I was fantasizing about him in the shower after practice. And he caught me staring at him. I had to say something. Something so he wouldn't think that I was hot for him. Except that I was.
"Sorry. I spaced for a second. What did you say?"
He just smirked and repeated himself, "Do you go by Edward? That's sorta a formal name. Can I call you Eddie?"
Uh, you can call me whatever the hell you want. But, wait; no…I HATED that name. And, I wanted to hear him call me Edward as much as I could.
"Uh…I, uh, well, I prefer…" I trailed off lamely as I realized that either I couldn't or didn't want to tell him no.
"Hey, no worries. Edward it is." he reassured me and smiled.
And just like that I was relaxed. He had that odd effect on people. And for the rest of the year there were no other awkward moments. Well, except when it came to the last time that I saw him.
I am broken out of my memory when I hear the flight attendant ask if we want anything from the bar. Yes, my God, I need something to take the edge off as I am wide awake now.
After placing my drink order, I take a moment to look at my surroundings. The first class cabin is empty save for three other people, Jasper and me. For some reason this makes me more at ease and helps to settle my nerves at seeing Jasper after all these years. I hear Jasper also order a whiskey coke and am glad that I am not the only one who needed liquor right now. It also pleases me that we drink the same drink. Still that pathetic boy aren't you Edward? I sigh at my internal monologue that I just want to shut the hell up.
"Are you alright?" Jasper asks while turning towards me once more.
So I guess that sigh was out loud. So far this little reunion by chance is not going well for me. I am too wound up. But I need to respond. The flight attendant appears with our drinks at that moment, giving me a chance to make something up. Once she departs I take a small breath and turn to finally look at Jasper again. Yep. Still gorgeous. And still able to leave me tongue tied. What the hell was I going to say?
"Yes. Take-offs just always make me nervous." It was the first thing that came to mind. Not exactly a lie. They did make me nervous, but it didn't help that lust personified was sitting next to me.
"Ah, yes. Me too. Hence the drink at this hour." Jasper replies as he holds up his glass.
Right. He's drinking because of the flight, not at seeing me again. Of course. I've reconnected with him for less than 15 minutes and already I'm desperate for his attention.
I am dying to ask him 100 questions about his life and what he has been up to this last decade, already wanting to know everything about him again. Instead I take a long pull off of my drink as I don't know how to start without seeming too eager. Luckily I don't have to worry about it long.
"So…do you still live in Forks?" Jasper asks.
"No. I haven't lived there since I graduated high school. I am in Boston on business but I live in San Diego right now. You? I mean, I know you haven't lived in Forks in a while, but…" I trail off. That sounded bad. Like I've been keeping track of his whereabouts over the years when I haven't. Okay, that's not the complete truth. I have tried. Believe me I've tried. But I never could find out where he had settled after all these years. He didn't need to know that though, so I tried to backtrack.
"I'm sorry if that sounded stalker-ish…I just know that you never came back after graduating."
Yeah. That's better. I inwardly roll my eyes at myself for my lack of couth.
"I-I meant—"
"I know what you meant. I didn't think it was, what did you call it? Stalker-ish?" Jasper replies with a small laugh. "And you are right. I didn't go back to Forks after graduation. I did however move to Seattle. I was in Boston for a conference and am on my way home."
"A conference? What kind?" I ask, intrigued as to what he is doing as a career. For some reason I had always envisioned him as a professional athlete or something along those lines.
A look of embarrassment crosses his handsome face and he looks away briefly before returning to look at me.
"You're gonna laugh," he chuckles lightly.
"Laugh? Why?" I start running through possible embarrassing careers. Porn film director, rodeo clown, manager of McDonald's? What could be so bad? I couldn't help myself at this point.
"Are you a phone sex operator?" I tease and am rewarded with a genuine laugh. I remember his laugh. How it used to shoot straight to my groin. Yep. Still does. I cross my legs to cover up my "condition".
"No," he says through his laughter. "Good guess though."
His easy way is infectious and I am instantly at ease. Again. Even after all this time, he could make me relax when talking to him. Isn't enough to completely relax the state in my pants though. That shit never went away when I was around Jasper.
"Sooo…" I motion forward with my hands to get him to tell me. He looks up at me through those long lashes again and I can't help but let out a huge smile. My goofy-ass crooked smile which I always hated, but always seems to come out when I am truly happy or excited.
Jasper takes a quick intake of breath and his laughter quickly dissolves. He stares at me for a moment longer before answering.
"It was—uh—a—work conference. I'm—uh—a teacher at a high school in Washington." He stumbles out softly. Now he definitely looks embarrassed. Does he think that is nerdy? It is kinda hot, actually. Suddenly images of Hot Professor Whitlock with me playing Bad Student come to mind, washing his "eraser" with my fumbling hands. Quickly clearing those thoughts I try to reassure him that he shouldn't be embarrassed.
"Really? That's impressive. What do you teach?"
Jasper quickly looks away at my question and lets out a long breath. Is he nervous? I'm confused. I don't understand his reaction to something as inane as a "what do you do" type of question.
"So you fly a lot?" Jasper asked changing the subject.
"Pardon?" I am caught off guard yet again, too wrapped up in my own head.
"You said earlier that take-offs always make you nervous. Does that mean you travel a lot?"
"Oh, yes. Yes, I travel for work pretty regularly." It is then that I realize that we are in the air. I missed the take-off by being distracted by Jasper. A welcome distraction in more ways than one. I really do hate take-offs.
"What is it that you do?" Jasper asks before taking another sip of his drink, clearly more relaxed than a few minutes ago.
I stare for a moment at his Adam's apple as he swallows. He has just the tiniest bit of five o'clock shadow coming in and I am imagining running my tongue over the rough skin there. All I have to do is lean over. Thankfully, I don't. Instead I take another drink and begin to tell him about my company, EC Books.
"I'm a Rare Books Dealer," I say watching to gauge his response. He doesn't disappoint.
Jasper gives me the standard look that most give me when I tell them that I run a successful company—they only see the tattoos that cover my arms and gauges in my ears and wonder how I have such a "regular" job and moreover how I stay in business.
"You're wondering how I work with all this?" I ask, motioning down my arms.
Now it is Jasper's turn to look uncomfortable.
He looks down at his lap and moves to brush away some invisible lint on his jeans. His cheeks are slightly colored as he struggles to say something. Is he blushing? Fucking blushing! It is exquisite and unexpected. Jasper has always had that effect on me, not the other way around. I want to see it again and again but I also don't want him to think that I am upset or offended at his natural assumption.
"It's okay." I reassure him, "I do know how I look." I smile hoping that will dispel some of his unease.
It does. He lifts his head slightly and looks at me through his eyelashes. Fuck. That was hot. Cue tight pants once more.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I don't have any prejudices against ink. I actually have a couple of my own," he offers by way of apology.
Fuck Me. Jasper Whitlock has tattoos?! If there is a God in Heaven, he would make it possible for me to see those one day. I feel my dick twitch in my pants and re-cross my legs in a lame attempt to re-arrange myself discreetly. This is getting down right uncomfortable.
"Really? Of what?" I ask before I can stop myself. If I can only get a visual in my head, I could, okay, I would be using that bit of info later, ifyouknowwhatimsaying.
Jasper just stares at me for a few moments. He doesn't look mad at my request but he sure doesn't look comfortable with it either. Shit.
"Hey, no worries. I'm sorry….ink can be personal. You don't have to tell me." I reassure him while smiling and hoping he doesn't just leave my prying ass here and switch seats.
"No. No. I mean, you're right. They can be personal but I don't mind…it's just…." He trails off.
Sensing his discomfort increasing, I try to make light of the situation.
"What? You have Tweety Bird tatted on your chest, right?? Or perhaps the standard frat-boy tribal band around your arm?" I tease while quirking an eyebrow at him.
To this he looks offended and that look alone makes me laugh out loud. I hold my hands up in an apology.
"Hey, I am sorry. You just looked weirded out and I figured it was because you have something lame."
At the mention of the word lame, all of Jasper's discomfort disappears and is replaced with a look of determination and something else I can't quite place. Excitement? No. That can't be it. What would he have to be excited about?
A few more moments go by and I realize that since mentioning his tattoos, Jasper hasn't said a word. Now I am the uncomfortable one. I am just about to suggest getting another drink and changing the subject when Jasper speaks.
"Would you like to see them?" he says in an almost challenging way.
Excuse me? Am I dreaming? This is a dream, right? I have fallen asleep or hit my head and now am having delicious hallucinations that Jasper Whitlock is offering to show me his tattoos. Tattoos that could be anywhere on his body. Holy fuck. I can't look at his hair without popping a stiffy, so how the fuck will I handle seeing his private ink?
I must have been just staring at him, with glazed eyes no doubt, because when I refocus, Jasper is looking at me with that damn smirk again.
"Edward? Hello?" he says while laughing. "Who's weirded out now?"
Oh, really? Game on.
"Let's see what you got." I returned sending the challenge back to him. His eyes widened a bit at my response and I couldn't help but smile my damn crooked smile. To say I was excited was a fucking understatement.
"Okay" Jasper nearly whispered as he poked his head around the cabin to make sure no one was paying attention. I followed his looks. Two of the three other people were sleeping and the third was typing furiously on their laptop.
Looking back over at Jasper, I wait until he makes eye contact and whisper in return, "I think the coast is clear."
He simply smiles and nods and begins to remove his shirt. At that moment, I don't give one fat fuck about keeping up appearances. Jasper Whitlock is taking off his clothes in front of me. I couldn't take my eyes off his hands right now even if the plane was going down in a fiery ball of flames.
Ever so slowly, which is both frustrating and fucking sexy as hell, Jasper unbuttons the first three buttons on his black button down shirt. He pushes the right sleeve of his shirt away and reveals a brightly colored shoulder and chest.
Fuck. Me.
The tat is a half sleeve that blends perfectly into a chest piece. It is clear that the two were at one time separate pieces, perhaps the chest piece is a cover up? The theme is now the same throughout, though—Japanese in style with two bright orange koi, vibrant blue waves with bright white caps behind them and several cherry blossoms placed throughout the whole scene. Gorgeous. And the tats aren't so bad themselves.
I quickly realize that I have been staring way too long for it to be socially acceptable and hastily look away. After all, Jasper would have no clue that I'm gay, as I didn't come out until college and this was not the way to let that little tidbit out—by ogling his chest. But what a fine fucking chest it was….of what I could see anyways. And the rest I could imagine and I would as soon as I was alone.
Finally regaining my composure, I lift my head up—to look at Jasper's face this time—only to be met with a pair of confused eyes. He has already replaced his shirt on his shoulder but still has yet to button his buttons leaving a large vee of his chest exposed. Resisting the chance to look at that strip of skin is going to drive me crazy.
Trying to break the now palpable tension, I decide to ask about the tats. "Um, those were at once separate pieces, right?" The whole sentence comes out all raspy. I need another drink and quick.
"Yes. How did you know that?" Jasper asks, still with that confused look on his face.
I just shrug my shoulders. "I've been around many shops, as you can see," motioning my hands up and down my body. "So I've learned more than my share about tattoos."
Jasper smiles at this and I find myself suddenly relieved. The tension from earlier is still there but not as thick. I need to get myself under control as this is getting to be too much for me. I am starting to read into his actions and words and that isn't good. It is like high school all over again where I would analyze every word he said in the hopes of finding out if he liked me the way I liked him.
"So, what was it?" I asked
"What was what?"
"The cover up. What was it before?"
"Oh. That. Well….uh….it was a name." he replies without meeting my eyes.
"A name?" I tease, "Don't you know the first rule of tats is 'no names'?"
To this he raises his head to me and just shrugged.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time. Lesson learned though—never again." He states flatly, almost angrily.
Not wanting him to think I am making fun of him or anything I quickly say the first thing that comes to my mind.
"My first tattoo was in fact a tribal." I shamefully admit. Thought, at this point, stumbling, stuttering and trying to hide a boner—how much shame could I have left?
Hearing this makes Jasper laugh out loud, for which I was glad. I don't want things uncomfortable for our temporary reunion and a little embarrassment on my part is well worth it.
"A tribal?!" Jasper gets out in between chuckles, "and you just gave me shit for having something lame!"
Shit? Did he just swear? Hi that's hot. Wonder if I can get him to say cock? Okay—seriously—did I just think that? What the fuck is wrong with me? I've been around plenty of hot guys before and never struggled to stay coherent. Oh that's right, this is Jasper FUCKING Whitlock.
Still smiling at Jasper's apparent enjoyment of my confession, it suddenly dawns on me what he said. It was a name. A girl's name no doubt. It was at that moment that I knew that even though I was trying to tell myself not to get my hopes up that I did anyways. And now here was proof positive that he would definitely NOT be interested in me. Ever. I let out a small sigh and decide to just take what I can get for the remaining two hours of this flight. Store up the spank material….starting….now.
"What's wrong?" Jasper asks breaking me from the crazy web of thoughts weaving around in my head.
I just smile in return—after all, it's not his fault he's straight. I need to just be friendly from here on out.
"Hey, so what was her name?" I begin in my quest to keep it light.
"Pardon? What was whose name?"
Now Jasper looks utterly confused. I guess he would be as he isn't privy to the rollercoaster of thoughts in my head that lead me to that question. Thank god for that.
"You know, the covered up tatt. What was her name?" I try to clarify while motioning towards his chest.
Jasper just stares at me. He looks like a deer caught in headlights.
Quickly looking away, he clears his throat and mumbles something I can't quite catch.
"What?" I can't help but blurt out. At this point he has returned to the invisible lint from earlier. What was he doing? Wait. What am I doing? Maybe it was a painful break-up and he is trying to tell me to mind my own fucking business but without having to say, "Mind your own dam business Creeper McStarington."
I am just about to tell him to forget it when I hear him whisper.
"Jacob."
What? Did he just say Jacob? As in a man, Jacob? As in male? With a dick?
"Wait, what?!"
And because I am a giant asshole I practically shout that question at him. I am totally confused and am pretty sure that my face shows it too.
Or not. Whatever it is that Jasper sees on my face as he quickly glances up at me makes him freeze. His earlier timidity disappears and is replaced with one of anger and determination. I know that look well. It was the same one that I use when some prick tries to call me out for being gay. But that would mean—
"My first boyfriend!" Jasper spits at me defiantly.
It was at that moment that everything slows down almost to a halt. No, scratch that. It isn't slow at all. It is like when one of those crash test cars plunges head on into a brick wall. Ten years of bottled up torment and pining over someone I never thought it was possible to have resurfaces instantly. I am once more that 15 year old kid, sitting in the library desperate for any attention from the man now sitting next to me. My face is on fire and I begin to feel my eyes get damp. Fucking great. I try to look away before he can see my almost tears and complete humiliation set in but I'm not quick enough. Jasper's anger dissolves and is instantly replaced with concern.
It is just too damn much. I need to get away. I bolt out of my seat and head straight for the airplane bathroom. I need a moment to collect myself and damn it if I'm not stuck on a fucking plane with nowhere to go! It briefly dawns on me how ridiculous my behavior is and that I will have to go back to face him eventually but at this moment I don't care. I just need a chance to process what the fuck just happened.
I lunge for the door and this time luck is on my side. The bathroom is empty. I quickly throw myself in and shut and lock the door. I just stand there for a full minute not moving and barely breathing.
He is gay. Jasper Whitlock is fucking gay. How long has he known? That I didn't know. Now there are a 100 more questions zooming around in my head. Get it the fuck together man! You won't get answers in here! What are you doing in here?!? I know that I have to return but I'm not ready yet…so I move the foot forward to the tiny sink, bending over to splash some water on my face. Man, airplane bathrooms are tiny as shit. Looking up into the mirror I take in my appearance. I look shell-shocked and yet I also can't deny the tiny bit of excitement in my eyes. This is all too incredible.
Knock. Knock.
"Edward!" Jasper was on the other side of the door whispering fiercely. "Open the door!"
I say nothing. Do nothing. I am frozen. For all my underlying excitement, I am still not ready to face him. My reaction to his revelation was too embarrassing. And yet he was telling me something that I had dreamed of hearing for 10 years now. Oh, God! What the fuck did I do? If there was ever a remote chance out there that he would ever deem to date me….well….that shit is out the window now.
"Edward, please…open the door." His whisper was softer but still urgent.
I need to fix this and despite my embarrassment, I turn around to open the door. Thank God the first class cabin is nearly empty. This whole scene would probably not go over well in a crowd. Taking a deep breath, I reach out my hand and slowly twist the latch and open the door. I keep my head down though—I can't look him in the eyes. We stand there for what seems like forever, each of us looking at each other's shoes.
And then before I can register what is happening, Jasper is suddenly in this tiny bathroom with me and he's shut the door. The moment the lock clicks shut, I realize exactly how tiny these fucking bathrooms really are. We are about an inch apart and I can hear and feel his breathing. It is as labored as mine. The air around us is electric and suddenly the tension is thick-- with anticipation this time. It is just like the last time I saw him 10 years ago…
It was the last week of school—finals week for us underclassmen. My study sessions with Jasper had long been over for about two weeks by then as I only needed to help him prepare for his final. As a senior, he was allowed to take his finals early so there wasn't a need for us to meet anymore. Despite this fact I still went to the library last Wednesday. Habit I guess. Although, if I was truly honest with myself it was because I had secretly hoped that he would just show up—and maybe tell me that he missed our study sessions—or me. But those were just the remnants of the crush that I was desperately trying to get over. Chances were very high, if not guaranteed that I would never see Jasper again now that he was set to graduate while I had two more years in this prison. And yet, here I was. Again. One final Wednesday. I knew it was pointless but what can I say? I just wanted, no needed, to know that it was over when he would fail to show up again. I glanced at the clock for the tenth time in as many minutes. 5:32pm. The library closed at 5:30. He wasn't coming. Ever again. I knew that deep down but for some reason I had this feeling. Stupid feelings. I started to pack my things slowly, and then stopped to take a moment to look around me. I could almost see him sitting in that chair, brow furrowed in concentration. Or when he looked at me all hopeful when asking if an answer was right. Or on the rare occasion that I made him laugh. God, I loved the sound of his laugh—all deep and throaty. I had it memorized and it made me fucking weak when I heard it. Those were the memories that I would never forget. It didn't matter that he was the "king" of the school. When he was here, with me, he treated me just like a regular person. Not some socially awkward geek who hardly had any friends. It was like I was saying goodbye to all my time with Jasper. Closure—I think is what it's called. But closure for what? We were never a couple...nowhere near. That was never a possibility between us and yet, he meant more to me that he would ever know. My first true crush. I let out a small sigh with that realization. I knew I should hurry since the library was technically closed but at the same time I also wasn't ready to leave this little bubble of mine. I knew that Mrs. Cope wouldn't kick me out. I was one of her favorite students here at Forks High and she actually let me stay past closing a few times as long as I remembered to pull the main door shut when I left. Sure enough at that very moment I heard her soft voice calling out to me.
"Edward? Do you need more time?"
"If you wouldn't mind Ms. Cope." I replied back, "I have a big final tomorrow that I still need to study for." It was a half truth. I did have a final tomorrow but I already knew the material and didn't need to study anymore. I just didn't think she would appreciate it if I said, "No, I just want to sit here and fantasize about Jasper Whitlock a bit…you know that hot jock that I am here with every Wednesday, right? PS, yes, I am gay." Right. Not a good idea.
"That's fine dear. Just don't forget to pull the door all the way shut, until you hear it click. It is already locked."
She said the same thing to me every time. And she would always add, "And don't let anyone else in." I mouthed the words as she said them but she was already turned from me to leave so she didn't notice.
"Goodnight Edward" she called as the door shut.
I looked at the time. 5:43pm. This was ridiculous. I needed to leave. There was nothing left to stay for. I took one more deep breath and rubbed my hands over my face quickly almost in an effort to wipe away all my silly notions and get my ass in gear.
I shoved my last few notebooks and folders in my messenger bag and then bent down so I could pick up my jacket that had fallen off the back of my chair earlier. I stood up quickly, now ready to get the hell out of there when I heard something. Startled, I looked up to see someone standing by the door.
Jasper.
I gasped at his sudden appearance.
What the fuck?
"There you are! I have been looking for you all over, man!"
Huh? Jasper was looking for me?
"Why?" That came out a bit more harshly than I intended but I was a shocked at his being there.
"What? Hey— are you okay? You don't look so good." Jasper asked as he crossed the library over to me.
Did I look that bad? Or could he tell that I had just been thinking about him coming in to this very room just like this?? Get a grip, Edward! He doesn't care what you look like and is here to tell you something! Focus!
"No…I- I am fine." I stammered out, "You just surprised me, I guess. I think my brain is fried." I tried to sound calm and not at all succeeding as my voice cracked a bit on the last word.
Jasper just smiled his trademark sexy as hell smile. Did he know how dangerous that smile was? No, probably not. Not to a guy. He wouldn't think twice about it, thinking he was only being friendly. I stood there for moment taking in that smile when it occurred to me that I still didn't know what he was doing here.
"So what's up?" I asked him as I collected my bag off the table, giving me a reason to break my gaze on him.
He must have been lost in thought because it took him a moment to respond. Shaking his head ever so slightly he seemed to refocus on me and began, "I just had to find you! I got my Calculus final grade…." He trailed off.
"And?" I was truly nervous now. Maybe he did poorly and was coming to yell at me. Not likely as he was doing much better but there was still that chance.
"I got a fucking A! An A! Can you believe it?!" he beamed at me while walking a bit closer.
"That's great Jasper! I knew you would do well!" I beamed back matching his wide smile. I was truly and sincerely proud of him. I moved a bit closer in an effort to maybe shake his hand or something. Anything. That's what guys do, right? Shake and congratulate each other. God, I was pathetic. I just wanted an excuse to touch him. But before I could dwell on it too much he started once more.
"I just had to find you to say thanks. For everything. You really helped me a lot, even when I was a pain in the ass."
If he only knew how much I didn't mind.
"You weren't a pain—"
He quickly cut me off.
"No. You gave up every Wednesday night to help me and I really, really can't thank you enough."
Oh God. Now if only he knew the ways he could thank me—and I him. And now I was full-blown staring at him. I knew I was never going to see him after this moment and I wanted to memorize every detail of him. The way his t-shirt was a bit too snug on him and showed off his lightly muscled chest. The way his damp hair hung close to his temples and the way that he was staring back at me…wait…what?
It was then that I realized that we were actually inches from each other and he was looking back at me with an odd expression on his face. I couldn't quite place it but it seemed to be one mixed with fear, shock and…amusement? He knew I was staring at him in that way. Oh god, this was embarrassing.
"Jasper—"
"Edward—"
We had both started at the same time and stopped once more, each afraid to begin again. The silence was deafening and yet it was charged too. We were too close to one another. There was too much tension in the air. Sexual on my side, surprise on his. I didn't want to hear his words of rejection and probable disgust at my orientation. I didn't think I could handle actually hearing it and yet I couldn't tear my eyes away. I noticed Jasper in my peripheral vision moving his hands a minute amount and I held my breath…wait…is he…could he be…
But I would never know. At that moment the main doors opened suddenly and effectively broke the trance that held us both. Jasper blinked and seemed to shake his head a bit. He let out a small quiet chuckle, looking up at me once more. He wished me luck on the rest of high school and turned and quickly walked out of the library. I was left bewildered and confused, barely registering that Ms. Cope was back to recover her forgotten umbrella and was currently saying something to me.
"Edward. I thought I said not to let anyone in!"
"I'm sorry, what?" I stammered.
"Edward?"
"Oh," I recovered quickly, "I am sorry about that. I was just leaving and Jasper Whitlock needed to let me know my ride was here." When did I become such a good liar? Oh, yeah, I had been lying to myself all year. I was in love with Jasper Whitlock. And I would never see him again.
Until now—our lips a mere inch away from each other.
Have you ever run into a high school crush years later??