Disclaimer: I own nothing! (Though, I wish I owned Rachel Berry...)
A/N: Rachel, Puck and Quinn are the main characters focused on in this oneshot. I apologize ahead of time if they're a little OOC. I did it on purpose. =)
Better Left Unsaid
Ridiculously, she could chalk her reason up to selfishness. She could tell herself she was only doing this because she didn't want to be out of the spotlight known as high school ridicule. If she was out of that spotlight, they wouldn't notice her. If they didn't notice her, those slushy facials they took the time to give her would cease to exist. If they didn't notice her, they would stop ridiculing her with those ridiculous nicknames one of them had actually taken the time to conjure up. They spent so much time attempting to embarrass her, threatening to knock her off her pedestal, Rachel Berry could honestly admit she was humbled over their antics. Maybe it was ridiculous, maybe she was being a diva, but if she didn't exist, they wouldn't bother taking so much time to humiliate her.
So, of course, she could tell herself she was being selfish. She could look into the beady eyes watching her and believe she was doing this for the simple reason of shining more light onto herself then was necessarily needed. But even if she could tell herself these things, they wouldn't be the truth. No one would know the truth outside of herself and him. No one would understand why she was currently - reluctantly - settled on his bed clad in her underwear. Convulsively, she swallowed, fighting with the bile rising in her throat as the smell of him engulfed her. He smelled of feet and old laundry, of body odor and deceit. Reflexively, her hand twitched the scratch her skin because it was crawling - had been ever since she'd stepped foot into his bedroom, some place she swore she would never end up no matter what he sought to blackmail her with.
"Since I'm obviously not going to complain about you lying half naked on my bed - though it'd be a much better scenario for me if you were completely naked," he paused in his words, leering lasciviously at her seemingly lounging on her bed when actually she was doing everything in her power to allow as little of her skin to touch his sheets as possible. She narrowed her eyes, biting off his thoughts with a sharp reply. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to talk." Rachel Berry was nothing if not an actress and while she could act as if nothing about this scenario was making her uneasy, she didn't want his voice accompanying whatever fantasy she was conjuring to take herself someplace other than here. He grinned, used his index finger to shove the round rimmed glasses back up his nose before wrapping his clumsy hand around the camera once more.
"Then smile for me, honey."
The petite brunette plastered on her 'nothing can bring me down' smile as she stalked through the hallway to her locker. Always one of the first to arrive, she'd given herself a brief reprise from the whispers she knew were going to be heard once the student body arrived. There was no doubt in her mind of the aftermath and she'd already braced herself for the impact of her decision. And it would be okay, because no one had to know the truth behind her actions. No one needed to understand why she'd done what she had - not that anyone would care to know. Her gut twisted painfully because she knew, absolutely understood, how much her actions could tarnish her reputation; what could be considered as her reputation, anyway. She was Rachel Berry; she'd thought about every reaction, every consequence, every minuscule detail before she'd gone through with it and while she could pretend that her decision wasn't effecting her, she knew the reason behind her decision was far more important. She'd had to remind herself of the reason more than a hundred times already and every time she did, she felt a little better and this time was no different as she managed to square her shoulders and continue on to her locker, silently dreading her day to come.
By the end of first period, Rachel was on the edge of her seat. She'd yet to receive a single derogatory comment and usually, by this time on any given day she'd already been given a slushy facial and called a handful of names she could barely keep track of how many there were anymore. There had been nothing. Not a slushy, not a name and Rachel felt slightly uneasy. "Yo, Berry, you look like you've seen a ghost." Noah Puckerman's voice shoved thickly through her thoughts, causing her eyes to snap in his direction. "What?" She inquired, her eyebrows knitting together as she briefly wondered what he was doing in class; he conveniently only ever showed up when there was a test, there was no test today - hence Rachel's confusion.
Puck didn't care about Berry. Hell, he had barely even spoken to her outside of Glee, even then he didn't speak to her much, ever since they'd spent one week together - he wouldn't even consider it dating, although the making out was hot as fuck and if she'd let him touch her boob, he had no doubt she would have gladly given up her V-card to him. At this point in his life, he cared about two things; sex and his unborn kid, and maybe his kid's mother by proxy. Beyond those two things, Puck didn't bother caring much because caring only led to disappointment. So, he didn't care why Berry was currently sitting at the edge of her sit, hands wrapped so tight around the edge of the desk her knuckles were stark white, but he was curious. "I doubt the desk is going anywhere, Berry. You can probably let go." He cracked, glancing from her face, to her knuckles and back to her face again. She'd been biting her bottom lip for the better part of a half hour and of course Puck noticed - he was prone to notice kissable lips and Berry had "fuck me" lips. He watched as her eyes shot down to her hands and the startled little gasp that left her lips while she quickly let go of the desk had his pants tightening.
The loud ringing of the bell indicating first period was over cut through anything else Puck was going to say; even more so, his words refused to exist as Berry shot out of her seat, snatched up her bag and practically ran out of the room. His eyebrow rose and Puck remained in his seat just a few seconds longer than the rest because he was momentarily stunned by the enigma that was Rachel fucking Berry.
And maybe he cared just a little.
It was between third and fourth period when it happened. With a hand protectively wrapped around her belly as she meandered through the halls to her next class, Quinn was surprised to hear the tone shout from her phone, signaling a new text message. The only people who talked to her anymore were her fellow Gleek's - her popularity had taken a heavy dive as soon as she'd been knocked up - and when the number popped up as unknown when she flipped open her phone, Quinn's curiosity snatched up the best of her. Opening the text message, Quinn momentarily paused in her trek to her next class, so as to diminish the risk of running into a non-moving object. She waited two point five seconds before the picture she received was uploaded and for the first time in a very long time, Quinn Fabray was shocked speechless. Her mouth hung open, staring heavily at the picture now gracing the screen of her cell-phone; almost unbelieving of the familiar pair of large brown eyes staring up at her from the scandalous photo.
Quickly, her gaze lifted from the screen and Quinn looked up to find nearly, if not all, the students around her mimicking her actions to the 'T'. Some of the faces conveyed the shock she felt, some conveyed humor, others portrayed lustful thoughts otherwise forbidden. Further down the hallway, Quinn saw a few of her fellow Gleek's - Kurt, Mercedes and Tina (where was Artie?, she wondered) - all gathered around the same phone, no doubt examining the very same picture Quinn had just received.
"Who knew Berry had a killer body?" Santana's voice startled her, causing her to jump and spin on the spot, turning to face the Latina standing behind her with Brittany at her side. "It's too bad she's so fucking annoying. If you taped her mouth shut, she'd probably be amazing in the sack." Santana hissed and sighed at the same time. It was no secret to Quinn that Santana had, once or twice, fantasized about feasting on the Diva they all loved to hate. But she was still surprised by the picture in its entirety. Her eyebrow's drew together and Quinn glanced down at the picture once more. "It doesn't make any sense, though. We all know Berry strives for attention, but do you think she'd stoop this low?" Quinn questioned, her mind churning. The ex-Cheerio had never been Rachel's biggest fan and there were a lot of things the girl had done that Quinn most certainly didn't agree with, but she didn't think Berry would be the type to sell her body for publicity. Rachel was a lot of things; desperate was not one of them. Why she was concerned, she didn't fucking know, but there was that clawing, protective curiosity crawling through her veins.
Santana shrugged and Brittany smiled. "She's got nice boobs, though." Quinn glanced at Brittany, almost wanting to smack the blonde upside the head. She adored the Cheerio, honestly, she did, but sometimes Quinn couldn't help wondering how many times her parents had actually dropped the girl on her head.
"Hey, has anyone seen Rachel?" Leave it to Finn to ask the one question none of them wanted to admitting to thinking about. Quinn, once again, startled by another presence sneaking up behind her, jumped and spun around - only this time, she smacked Finn in the arm for doing the same thing Santana had just moments before. "Yeah. She's right there." Brittany responded, nodding towards Quinn's camera. Well, no one had asked her if she'd seen her in person. Duh.
Finn sighed and shoved a hand through his hair, his gaze wandering down the hallway as the voices grew louder, more rambunctious. "This isn't going to end good." He muttered to himself and Quinn nodded in agreement. "Well, as much as we'd love to stay and have a 'Let's pity Rachel' party, Britt and I have better things to do. See you after school." Santana jumped in before turning on her heel to head in the other direction, blatantly unconcerned for the affect this was going to have on Rachel - and silently wondering where the otherwise noticeable diva really was.
Quinn watched Santana and Brittany leave before shifting her attention back to Finn - briefly glancing around him to find Mercedes, Kurt and Tina gone from the spot she'd seen them in moments ago. "I guess there's nothing we can do about it. Berry did this to herself." Quinn said, attempting to swallow the concern she was feeling for the brunette. She hated Rachel Berry, she did. But this - this could leave a person more vulnerable and exposed than any slushy facial or round of nicknames. Quinn had never had a half naked picture of her sent to the entire student body, but being six months pregnant was just as bad, left her feeling just as considerably vulnerable. Finn eyed the blonde, his lips twitching.
"Do you really think that, Quinn? Honestly?" Finn cared for Rachel to an extent - whether that feeling was genuine or not, Quinn was uncertain of. It hadn't been hidden from anyone when he'd played with her emotions to get her to come back to Glee several months ago, and who knew how long Finn had been leading her on since then. Quinn almost, almost, felt sorry for the diva. "I don't know, but it's not my picture or my problem." She answered, refusing to shove herself any lower on the totem pole than she already was. Shrugging her book bag higher, Quinn took a step around him and attempted to shove her way through the throngs of people still pointing and laughing and leering at the sight of Rachel Berry's lingerie clad body staring at them from the screen's of their phones.
"Berry, wait up!" Rachel couldn't fight the urge to roll her eyes as she felt his hand latch onto her arm and with a tug, he spun her around to face him. "Can I help you?" She inquired, her head held high as she watched the confusion dance across his face. "Is this really you?" Puck questioned, holding his phone up so Berry could see the picture he'd received not thirty minutes ago. He wasn't the type to study people's reactions, but Puck noticed the way her shoulder's quivered and her eyes never left his, almost refusing to look down at the picture he was presenting to her.
Rachel didn't have to look to see what picture he was talking about. She'd been hiding out in the auditorium when she'd gotten the text revealing her very lean, half nude body to prying eyes. She knew, above anything else, there was no possible way she'd been the only one to receive the text. Nor had she expected any less. She kept her eyes fixed on his face even as she felt her fingers twitch where they were wrapped around the handle of her book bag - her shoulder's shook and it was all Rachel could do not to break and explain her very reason for allowing herself to perform in such - debauchery. But she couldn't. Wouldn't. Inhaling slowly, Rachel took a half of a heartbeat to collect herself before her lips twitched into the smirk she'd practiced for hours the night before. "Of course it is. Doesn't look like RuPaul applies to me, does it?" Her eyebrow lifted with content over the confusion dancing over his features. 'Ah, Noah. I'm sorry this confuses you, but it's for the best.' Rachel thought, her gaze never wavering even as his own eyebrow rose and he shook his head in indignation.
"No, because the Rachel Berry I know wouldn't pose half nude for some... douche bag." Puck responded, his hand not releasing her arm, nor was Rachel attempting to pull it from his grasp. Rachel laughed, but it was a bitter sound and not the sweet, obnoxiousness Puck was used to.
"You don't know me at all, Noah." She whispered, loud enough for him to hear, shaking her head while gently tugging her arm out of his grasp. Rolling her shoulder's back, Rachel took another deep breath and a step backwards. Rachel didn't owe him an explanation - nor did she feel the necessary urge to give him one. "Why don't you run along and do what we both know you do best. Add the image to your so called 'spank bank'." Rachel used one hand to mimic air quotations around the last two words of her sentence, before spinning on her heel and walking away from him. She hadn't meant to sound so harsh and a part of her wanted to turn around immediately and apologize, but she had to get Noah off of her back about the damn picture. He didn't care. None of them did. But just because they didn't care, didn't mean she didn't care because her entire fucking reason for doing this was because she cared too damn much.
And that realization, above anything else, hurt so much more than every taunt or jeer or physical encounter she was going to receive by the end of the day.
He was fucking confused. Like, he'd never been more fucking confused in his life and no, he didn't care, but shit. Rachel fucking Berry didn't do shit like this. Santana, for sure, Brittany, maybe, but Rachel? Fuck. This was fucking ass backwards and Puck was determined to get to the bottom of the entire situation. Why the fuck he was bothering, he couldn't say for sure, but something about this just felt... wrong.
Absorbed in wondering who the fuck he was going to have to kill, Puck nearly bowled over the mother of his unborn child. "Quinn," Puck managed to stop just in time, his arms coming up to grip her shoulder's for lack of nowhere else to put them and for the small hope of steadying her even if he'd barely even touched her until this point. "Are you okay? How's the baby?" His voice was soft, so soft only Quinn would be able to hear the gentle words as he spoke them.
The ex-Cheerio rolled her dark blue eyes and shrugged out of his grip. "I'm fine, no thanks to you." She hissed softly, instantly feeling horrible for her choice of words, but dammit - he'd knocked her up! Of course, she knew he hadn't been the only participating party that night, but if he wasn't so beautiful and convincing and damn sinful, she never would have gone through with their one night affair to begin with. So, fuck, of course she blamed him because who the hell in the right damn mind would say no to Noah Puckerman? His eyebrow shifted and he did his best to hide the frustrated sigh, but Quinn heard it none the less. "What had you so preoccupied that you nearly bowled me over?" Quinn asked him, her arms crossing over her chest protectively as she felt awkward standing there in the middle of the hallway talking with her unborn child's father.
Puck shrugged and scratched a hand over his bare head. He missed the 'hawk. Like, for serious. "Just got a lot on my mind, Q." He answered, before deciding the answer sounded too fucking pansy. "Have you seen Berry's half naked ass?" He questioned, a smirk now raising the corner of his lips. Again, Quinn rolled her eyes and shook her head. She should have known. "Of course. Sex is all you think about, isn't it?" She tossed back harshly, before moving to shove around him, her shoulder nudging against his - harder then she'd meant to. None the less, she made to stomp away from him before his hand was latching onto her arm and pulling her to an abrupt stop. He wasn't gripping her tight enough to leave a mark, but she was sensitive! He couldn't just manhandle her like that and not expect her to be... angry.
"Let go of me." She hissed, turning her heavy gaze on him until he released her.
Reluctantly, Puck took a slight step backward - away from Quinn Fabray's menacing stare. Bitch was psycho sometimes and now as not the time Puck wanted to piss her off even more. "Look, that's hardly what this is about. You know Berry. Why the fuck would she take a half naked picture, not that she doesn't have a banging body (that he'd very much like to pursue one day, hopefully in the near future), but she's not the type." Puck explained, not wanting to be on Quinn's bad side today. While he could work without a partner on this, it'd be easier to cover more ground if he had someone working by his side. Quinn would have probably been his last choice, but she was here now, so why the hell not.
Quinn was thankful she'd learned to hide her ability to flush easily a very long time ago. Puck mentioning Rachel's banging body sent her mind reeling in a thousand directions because it wouldn't be the first time she'd thought of Berry naked. Yes, the midget was annoying more than ninety percent of the time, but that didn't mean she wasn't beautiful. Maybe if she talked less and stopped being such a drama queen, someone would be able to see past all of her obnoxious tendencies - to the person underneath, but Quinn wasn't that brave, nor was she that patient. Not to mention, Quinn wasn't a lesbian. She wasn't gay. Sure, she'd made out with Santana once upon a time, but Rachel was the only girl she'd ever had a sexual fantasy about and that scared her shitless. And what would her parents say? On top of everything else, her secret crush on Rachel Berry was not something she wanted to share - least of all with Puck. "So what? Maybe she was desperate for money? Maybe she's being a Diva? Who the hell cares, Puck?" Quinn responded, the words hurting her as she said them. If there was one common denominator between her and Puck, outside of their child, it was their uncanny worry of their star.
Neither of them could explain it. Neither of them understood why they wanted to protect her, after they'd spent so much time humiliating her, damaging her and essentially attempting to break her spirit. And still, the girl managed to push through, to stay strong and keep smiling. And it was a secret Quinn hoped Rachel would one day be able to share with her - if she ever stopped caring about what other's thought and decided to be Rachel's friend because she wanted to.
Puck didn't hit girls, but if Quinn was a dude he probably would have socked her in the face for saying what she'd just said. "I fucking care. Who the hell knows why, but I do and you do, too, otherwise you would have walked away ten seconds ago." Puck pointed out, his arms crossing his chest causing his shirt to expand over the bulging muscles of his arms. His beautiful, magical arms. Quinn narrowed her eyes. "I don't know what you're looking to get out of this." She said, worried for Rachel because what if there was a legitimate reason behind why her picture was floating around school. Maybe they weren't supposed to know and they were just supposed to accept it?
"Maybe she doesn't want anyone to know." She added, watching Puck carefully.
He shook his head and dropped his arms. "I don't know, Q, and as much as I'd be the first person to make sex jokes and do anything possible to get into Berry's pants - which will happen at some point, don't forget my badassness - something about this is just wrong." Puck didn't say much in one breath - he made it a point not to say much on an everyday occasion, so Quinn was shocked to hear so many words come out of his mouth at once. Genuine words - despite his crass interlude. "How do you know she didn't want the attention?" She'd heard a couple of girl's inquiring the very same thing during her last period and Quinn couldn't help thinking that wasn't the case. Rachel was a lot of things - posing nude to get ahead? Quinn didn't believe it herself, but who was she to go rooting around in something where she didn't belong?
Puck sounded so certain... Quinn sighed and dropped her arms. "Okay, I'll help you, but Puck, if this backfires, I'm blaming it all on you." She told him and she didn't have time to turn away from him before his arm was around her shoulder and the grin was settled on his lips as she began to inform her of their 'badass' intervention.
Rachel was home, not unusually, alone. The rest of her day had panned out exactly as she'd thought it would the moment the picture had been released. Lewd gestures, slushies, grotesque pictures on her locker - none of it surprised her. And maybe she would feel a lot less morose if the actions of her peers had surprised her, but the simple fact of the matter remained - she knew her peers. Teenagers were cruel, vile creatures willing to tear down anyone they could and Rachel Berry had been their target all these years. Why would they stop now? If anything, after this morning, they were worse.
She'd never been manhandled before and when Karofsky had made it his mission to put his hands in places they didn't belong, Rachel had begun to feel particularly unsettled. Luckily, Sue Sylvester had chosen that exact moment to make an appearance and while the woman frightened her, Rachel was completely grateful the tyrant had chosen that exact moment to appear allowing Rachel to escape Karofsky's advances. She'd left school after that incident - had gone so far as to skip Glee. Mister Schuester was probably disappointed her and her fellow Glee clubbers probably had tone to say about her disappearance, but there was only so much a person could take - and it'd only been ten hours ago that the picture had been released. Rachel still had two more years of high school left - and because Rachel always wanted everything too much, she could only hope her picture would become a careless memory in the next few months. Currently, she was ignoring every single beep from her cell, signaling a new text message. When she'd checked her phone three hours ago, she'd had thirteen messages from Finn and one from her parents explaining why they were going to be later coming home than they thought. Surprise, surprise.
Needing comfort her parents, if they were around, wouldn't know how to give her, Rachel had spent the last four hours watching and re-watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. Usually, she'd feel content watching anything with Barbara or with someone else equally amazing, but after the day she'd had, she needed that childhood amazement. She wanted to marvel at the coveted brilliance of Tim Burton (a fact of which she would not admit to agreeing with) and sing along with the songs she'd learned so many years ago when she'd first watched the dramatic tale of Jack Skellington longing to take on the Christmas Holiday as his own. Even as a child, Rachel had known what a foolish idea it'd been - who could take over Christmas other than Santa Claus? - but the foolishness didn't stop her from marveling, nor did it stop her from falling in love with the movie in it's entirety.
Rachel was stationed in the middle of the couch, her knees pulled to her chest, a blanket wrapped around her shoulder's as she held the steaming mug of tea between her hands, the cup resting on top of her left knee. Engrossed in her personal wonderland, she didn't know someone was standing outside her door until the doorbell rang harshly. Twitching, Rachel glanced over her shoulder, debating whether to open the door or not. If she did and whoever was on the other side was a threat to her, she could easily grab for the baseball bat her father's always kept by the front door. If there was no threat, Rachel wasn't sure she could deal with sympathetic eyes and demanding questions - not that she honestly believed anyone would be stopping by to check on her. She may consider her fellow glee clubbers as her friends, but that didn't mean they considered her as theirs.
Another harsh ring of the doorbell and Rachel sighed softly before she stood, letting her blanket fall to the couch and setting her cup on the coffee table. Rachel choked on the dry laugh she felt bubbling in her throat. She was hysterical.
As the bell sounded one more time, Rachel yanked open the door without looking through the peephole - as she was always prone to do. She really was out of her element. "What are you doing here?" Rachel eyed them, wondering what in the world Quinn and Puck were doing standing on her porch at eight o'clock at night. Quinn shrugged in response to her question and Puck had his signature smugness spread over his features. Damn him. Damn the both of them.
"Come on, Berry. It's about time you give it up, don't you think?" Puck had his arms crossed over his chest, while Quinn had a hand curved around her belly, her bright blue eyes glancing in Puck's direction as he spoke. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Puckerman. Please go away." Rachel responded, moving to close the door only to have Puck's hand stop it's venture. "What is wrong with you?" Rachel inquired, her voice shrilly hysterical despite telling herself to keep calm. He didn't know anything. He wasn't going to find out anything. Rachel was going to stand her ground.
Rolling her eyes, the ex-cheerio took a step forward. "He's obsessed with the idea that your scandalous pictures have more meaning behind them than they do." Quinn explained, sounding bored even if she felt anything but. She felt on edge, wary and exhausted. Worrying about Berry was weighing on her energy and since she was carrying a kid inside of her, she was going to have to stop that shit. And soon. As soon as this was over and done with and Puck's suspicions were confirmed.
"Oh for the love of..." Rachel rolled her eyes and felt her patience wearing thin. She felt out of character. She'd felt out of character all day because she'd tried so hard to keep the smile on her face, had spent so much time perfecting her show smile and by the time she'd made it home, she couldn't pretend. And pretending now was going to take as much effort as it would to get them off of her porch and at this point, achieving the second goal was far more important. "They mean nothing. Absolutely nothing, so drop it, okay. I don't even see why either of you care when it's none of your business what I do with my body and who I do it with. So stop worrying about things you need not worry about and start spending more time on each other because it's so obvious who's baby that is and it doesn't take a genius to figure it out." Rachel said in one breath, glaring at the two of them, her words having enough impact for Noah to loosen his grip on the door and for Rachel to proceed to close it.
"Berry, what the fuck?" Puck hissed, stepping forward to stop the door with his foot this time. Quinn's mouth was hanging open, Berry's words striking a chord deep within her. She'd thought they'd hidden it so well. The truth. Everyone believed Finn was her baby's father and Quinn hadn't let them believe any different. "How did you know?" She asked quietly, stopping both Puck and Berry where they stood. Puck's eyes softened, his hand reaching out to steady Quinn where she was swaying on her feet.
Rachel wasn't a moron. She could see Quinn was in shock. With a soft groan, Rachel pulled the door open and urged Puck to usher Quinn inside and over to the couch, shutting and locking the door once they were all inside. She couldn't afford to have Quinn passing out on her front porch - oh, the scandal. "I'm observant." Rachel responded to her question as Puck sat beside the blonde on the couch, taking up Rachel's previous space. "I'll go get you some water." Rachel said quietly, excusing herself from their presence to make her way into the kitchen. Just when she thought her day couldn't get any worse.
Returning to the living room, Quinn was now sitting on one end of the couch, Puck on the other. Taking a deep breath, the brunette strutted forward and held the glass of water out to the girl who'd made it her mission in life to make Rachel's a living hell. What the hell was she doing? "Have you told anyone?" Quinn asked suspiciously, eying the brunette after taking a sip of the water Rachel had gotten for her. Neither person missed the emphasis on the word 'anyone', because they all knew the anyone Quinn was talking about. "No, I haven't, because it's not my secret to tell, but you should." Rachel pointed out, standing by the coffee table with her arms crossed over her chest. Protecting herself from both of them.
Puck ran a hand over his head, sinking into the couch. "Jesus, Berry. Of course, you, of all people, would figure this shit out." He said roughly, his hand sliding to wipe over his face before his arm fell heavily into his lap. Quinn smirked slightly, because Puck was right. Shrugging her shoulders, the brunette shook her head. "Either way, I doubt anyone else knows the difference so you're secret is safe. Mind you, I still don't think it's right you're keeping the truth from Finn." Rachel stated, attempting to be the voice of reason. Nobody ever listened to her and for once, what she had to say was actually meaningful. Rachel knew she was right, even if she was doing the very same thing by keeping her own very deep, dark secret. One neither person sitting in front of her needed to find out because it would shatter them both.
Shifting awkwardly as the silence settled, Rachel wasn't sure why either of them were still sitting on her couch. Breathing softly, she let the fake yawn tear from her lips, making a show of it because she was an amazing actress. "Well, as much fun as this has been, I'm exhausted." She stated, hoping to encourage both of them with her words. Unfortunately, neither of them moved.
"Okay, Berry, so you know our secret. What's yours?" Puck questioned, leaning forward on the couch, his elbow's lifting to rest on his knees as he eyed her knowingly. She looked fucking exhausted, but he didn't really believe she would be going to sleep any time soon, so he wasn't leaving until he got some answers. Granted, he hadn't fucking expected for his own secret to be revealed and damn Rachel fucking Berry for being so observant.
Rachel blanched considerably and her knees shook slightly. Shifting, she moved slowly, taking up residence on the coffee table in front of the couch. "There is no secret, Puck. Deal with it." She bit out, unconsciously rubbing her arms as if she were cold. There was no way she could be - wearing her father's college sweatshirt over her black leggings with thick socks covering her feet, there was no way she could be cold. Quinn eyed the brunette carefully, watching her actions. "Rachel, I think we all know that's a lie." It was the first time Quinn had ever used the brunette's first name - the first time any of them could remember. Even Puck was surprised by the softness in Quinn's voice as she spoke Rachel's name.
Closing her eyes, Rachel shook her head, her wall slowly cracking. There was only so many times she could be asked. So much persistence she could take. Honestly, she hadn't expected anyone to care this much. She hadn't expected anyone to be so persistent on finding out why she'd done what she did. Hell, she'd banked on nobody caring that much, but here Quinn Fabray and Noah Puckerman sat, looking upon her with worried expressions and soft eyes. Rachel couldn't handle the looks. She couldn't because she was doing this for them.
"I can't tell you. Can't you just accept that?" Rachel questioned softly, still unsure as to how Noah and Quinn had ended up in her living, questioning her about the damn picture that was going to haunt her for as long as she lived. But as long as they didn't find out the truth, all of her humiliation would be worth it.
"I don't think we can." Quinn answered, leaning forward, mirroring Puck's position. "It's too easy, Berry. This isn't like you. I mean, hell, you wouldn't even let me touch your boobs!" Leave it to Puck to ruin a soft moment as both women turned to glare at him. But he had a point, didn't he? From behind her, Sally's haunting voice floated into the living room.
Rachel had to bite her tongue to keep the truth from spilling out. She wouldn't hurt them. She had to protect them. Neither of them would survive this. "I can't." She admitted, her voice rough, defeated, her eyes closing once more. She wouldn't be the bearer of bad news. She refused. She would keep the pictures she'd bartered off Jacob Ben Isreal with her own body and she would burn them for their sakes. If they ever found out the truth behind the pictures, it would be because they were meant to. Rachel hadn't been about to let Jacob ruin anyone else's life or slander anyone else's name the way he did hers.
Puck growled. "Goddammit, Rachel. That's bullshit. Just tell us. We won't tell anyone." His voice was heavy, laced with anger - but the anger wasn't directed toward her. His anger was the product of whatever secret she was carrying, because dammit, he wanted to fucking know. "I CAN'T!" Rachel yelled, standing up from where she sat, her eyes flying open to narrow on the boy who she continued to find incredibly irresistible. She'd never raised her voice before. Rachel wasn't the type to yell and Quinn was momentarily taken aback. Momentarily. Before she gathered her own courage and stood from the couch to face the one woman who continued to drive her absolutely insane. "Why not?" Quinn inquired, her voice loud enough to get through to the brunette who was shaking in front of them.
Rachel took a deep breath, tears falling from her eyes before she could stop them, tearing her gaze from Noah to look at Quinn. "Because sometimes the truth is better left unsaid." She said softly, her voice catching on the words before she stepped away from both of them, making her way around the couch. "Now, I would like it immeasurably if the both of you would kindly leave." Rachel said, wiping at her tears as she made her way to the door. Behind her, she could hear their shuffled footsteps following her. With a deep breath, the brunette opened the door, her eyes on her feet, not bothering to look up as they came around her and stepped outside. "Rachel, when you're ready to tell the truth, you know where to find us." Quinn said softly, her hand hovering over Rachel's shoulder briefly before deciding against actually touching her. If possible, Rachel's shoulders slumped further and her eyes watered. "Yeah, Berry. Sometimes, you don't have to deal with shit alone." Puck added, his voice soft - not surprising Rachel, but surprising Quinn, who glanced at him with awe in her eyes.
The brunette only nodded in response to their words before shutting the door slowly. Once the lock was slid into place, Rachel turned, pressing her back into the door and sliding down until she was curled in a ball. "But I am alone." She whispered to herself. Even if Puck and Quinn had given her a momentary reprieve from being alone, at the end of the day, she was utterly and inconceivably alone. And once they found out the truth, they would have no time for her because they would be too busy repairing the damage done to their family, to their sanity.
With a startling realization, Rachel knew the truth was going to come out eventually. She knew it was only a matter of time before Aviva Puckerman and Edward Fabray's affair became known. Lima, Ohio was a small town and there were only so many places the couple could sneak away to before someone found out. Look how careless they'd been just a week ago - when Jacob had managed to snag pictures of them with the intent on revealing their secret to the world. Rachel couldn't let the truth come out that way. She couldn't allow Quinn and Noah to be hurt that way - and her actions had nothing to do with her growing affection for the both of them and everything to do with keeping Glee club alive and strong.
Whatever she had to tell herself to sleep at night.
From the television, "Sally's Song" whispered hauntingly through the otherwise silent house.
Dropping her head into her arms, Rachel Berry cried.