Crazy

Chapter 1

I think I'm going crazy. Or maybe he's going crazy. How should I know anymore? First he ignores me. When I used to think about him, he would give me these death glares like he knew what I was thinking and feeling.

Then one day he started to talk to me. I was surprised by the friendly tone his voice took. Maybe that was because the previous day he had been giving me dirty looks across the cafeteria.

Now we eat lunch together everyday, much to my previous lunch buddies dismay, if you could even call them that. Then again, it didn't really seem like we made best "buddies" either. We talk about different things, like music and literature, or whatever topic is on either of our minds, but one minute we could be talking and laughing at something, and the next could be so awkward. Whenever I brought up a very personal subject, he would doge it. Not his opinions, those he was happy to share with me, but if I asked him something about his family, the conversation would dwindle.

Why do I put up with a friend who doesn't trust me and previously enjoyed giving me death glares, you might ask? Well, because he's worth it. That's my problem. No matter how many times he refuses to talk about things with me, I will always forgive him. I know that's something that comes with him. He doesn't like talking about his problems, so I don't talk about mine. He knows I'm there for him if he ever needs me. Even though we don't share everything together, he's still the closest friend I had ever had, and I am the only friend that he has in this school.

"Hey! Earth to Bella! Internal nap time's over," Edward smirked.

I quickly sat up from my slouch over the marked up cafeteria table.

That's great. I had been thinking intently to myself while staring at him. At least we can be crazy together.

"What? Oh, sorry. I must have gotten lost in thought." I said. My voice was a bit scratchy from being up all night. I had already fallen asleep in math. I don't usually have dreams, but when I do have them, they're really vivid. Needless to say, I woke up sweating and shuddering at the end of class. I think I scared the poor girl sitting beside me.

In my dream, I was walking closer and closer to the edge of a cliff where the ocean lay below. I got as close to the edge as I could, the tips of my shoes almost over, and looked to the bottom.

It wasn't the scene in my dream that made me shudder. It was the emotion that I felt in it. I needed to jump of that cliff. Nothing else had mattered to me anymore. I was totally void of emotion except pain. Pain, and longing to jump of a cliff, that is.

I'm totally not crazy.

"I'm going to stop making attempts to talk to you if you're just going to zone out every sentence," he sighed playfully.

Even though that made me smile a little bit, I felt like I needed to get that dream off my chest. I was nervous about bringing it up. Maybe when a touchy subject comes up on my side, he'll act the same as when one comes up on his side.

"Can I get your advice on something?" I said a little hesitantly.

"If it's something like what colour looks good with your eyes, you'll have to excuse me," he started, but then he saw my seriousness. "What's wrong?"

"It's just a dream, but I don't know what it was about. It really freaked me out."

His expression softened. "I'm all ears."

I blew out a breath, relieved that he didn't avoid me. "Well, I was about to jump off a cliff. It's hard to explain, but it was really confusing and scary. I was in so much pain and I didn't even jump off yet. I don't get it."

"Maybe you weren't in physical pain. Maybe your emotional pain was so intense, that you felt like you needed to end it," he said softly. "Sometimes you have dreams that you don't understand because to understand them you truly need to go through them. I hope will never understand that dream."

"Thanks," I whispered slightly surprised. I knew that he was smart, but I never knew he was so deep.

"Speaking of relief, I'm in need of some. I'll be off to the washroom," he smiled.

There was the Edward I knew.

As he passed my seat, he turned to face me and whispered, "Thank you for trusting me with that."

"I would trust you with anything, Edward." And I honestly would.