Note to world: YES, I KNOW LEAFPOOL AND CROWFEATHER ARE THE PARENTS!!!!! THIS IS JUST A 'WHAT IF' THAT MY FRIEND AND I THOUGHT UP WHEN WE WERE EATING CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!
And no, my friend and I don't own Warriors. 'Cause then Hollyleaf would be so much more eviller!! =)
We all know that Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze are not the kits of Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight, as all sane people previously believed. But whose kits are they?
Thus, this comprehensive guide, The Ancestry of the Three, has been comprised.
Part I:
It was a dark and stormy night. Squirrelflight was happily stuffing her face with catnip when Cloudtail appeared.
"What's up dude?" Cloudtail drawled, "Radical nip, man! I prefer heather, but I can quit anytime I want, HEAR?!"
"Dude, whadaya want?" Squirrelflight slurred, still high on catnip, thinking of flaming badgers doing ballet. "Those badgers are hot!" she yelled.
"I hear ya mun," Cloudtail garbled, "I saw a she-badger once…" He flicked his claw in his mouth, touched his rear end and made a hissing sound.
"When you don't know what do you want? Wo hoo! You want to rock now, rock the night 'til early in the morning light. Rock now, rock the night! Ohh! Ohh!" Squirrelflight sang, horribly off key. She strummed an invisible guitar made of cat gut, like all the other cannibals in ThunderClan. "'Cause I don't know what you want, dude." She calmed down enough to be flirty with Cloudtail.
"See, I ****** Daisy." Cloudtail said proudly. "But I think it might upset Brightheart. Would you raise the kits?"
"Dude, you bad dawwwg." Squirrelflight shook her head at the tom cat.
"Dawg, you so riiight." Cloudtail flexed, showing off his muscles. "She-cats dig the Cloudtail. He's hawt. So, could you do it for me, because I'm your… um… I'm your mom's cousin."
"Dawg, what are you talkin' about? Those kits are kittypets. WE NEED THEM IN THE CLAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!! WE NEED TO FIND SMUDGE NOW!!! Then we can take them on a patrol to go find SMUDGE!!! AND PRINCESS!!!!!" She yowled, eyes rolling back in her head as she OD'd.
"Dawg, I totally dig that." Cloudtail drawled. "So you'll do it?"
"Four words," Squirrelflight hissed. "I. H. 8. Brambleclaw! Of course I'll lie to him. You're my… um… cousin! It would be a totally different thing if it has my 'beloved' sister Leafpool. I NEVER lie for her."
"Groovy, mun." Cloudtail was slipping back and forth between the hot she badger and a fox in a tutu. "DAWG! Look at that foxy fox!"
And there's another feasible example of their ancestry. STOP SAYING THAT CRAP ABOUT LEAFPOOL ALREADY!
Feel free to review!! Well, not exactly free. REVIEW ALREADY!!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS!!! OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN TEH WHOLE 'JAYLEAFCROW' NONSENSE IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS!!!!