Cupid: Bats!

by Atomdancerrr

Cupid finds a way to drive Dr Greeley nuts when he cheerfully agrees to wear an experimental ankle monitor. Then he deals with Bats invading Tres Equis, finds a secret room full of bootleg hooch & solves a Prohibition era mystery!

Cupid; Bats!

By

Elizabeth Hensley 8-)

Barkeep! Customer!

Cupid looked up from mixing drinks and watched a bit worried as his beloved Psyche-iatrist marched into Tres Equis most amazingly several minutes early for lunch and with a big frown on her face!

Trevor Pierce, pretend Mental Patient who was really the Greco-Roman god of love (as well as the best Barkeep in all of Queens) reached under the bar and pulled out what he knew Dr Claire McCrae would be hankering for that day. He had figured out 'Claire Bear's' lunch longings mathematically. There was actually an algebraic algorithmic involved though she wasn't aware of it herself and he wondered if other Mortals or even his fellow gods had similar patterns?It was a very complex pattern but it was a pattern! Could everyone really be living in a matrix?

She wasn't aware how he was doing it. He loved to amaze her how he always knew what she wanted and wouldn't tell her the secret other than to reassure her it wasn't knowledge from his family the gods of Olympus.

But today that frown and her earliness, (a behavior right up there in impossibility with the Sun setting ten minutes sooner than expected), was very upsetting to him!

He exclaimed, "Ah oh! What did the 'Delusional Mental Patient' do this time?"

Claire still frowning shook her head.

"Oops! It's worse then! What did I not do that I should have done? I swear Claire Bear! I haven't a blessed clue!"

She shook her head. "You've been more Angel than god this week.'

Trevor stared, "Then what?!"

She kept right on frowning. "I am so upset I don't know what to say! But no. You aren't to blame. It's my over anxious Boss and HIS paranoia and crazy idea that has me upset this time, not you!"

Trevor stood behind the bar, his eyes filled with the emotion he claimed to be, the incarnation of love. "Well just tell old Cupid and I will do the best I can to help you figure out what to do. I can't solve everything but I care deeply. I'm older than I look, wiser than they give me credit for and I've got heart!"

Claire stared at him, "That's how you do it? That's how you get People to trust you? You're good! I give you credit for that! Too bad some of my fellow Doctors and Therapists don't have your patter and air of wise, ancient mystique! But Trevor I'm not being funny here! I'm serious!"

Trevor said gently. "And I'm not being funny or facetious either, Claire Bear. You are sitting at my bar. I am not sitting in the hot seat at your office. He pointed at himself and then at her, "Barkeep. Customer."

She couldn't help smiling a little at his parody of her 'Doctor! Patient!' statement she often said to remind him of his place. But her smile didn't last long. "Trevor they want to put an ankle bracelet on you!"

Trevor didn't even blink. "Really? Cool!"

She stared at him with bitter amazement, "Trevor you are losing an enormous amount of your privacy and all you have to say about it is, 'cool!'

He grinned, "I hope I don't have any privacy! I hope my family still loves me enough to be watching my every move! And if Mortals want to get in on that with your own, ever evolving 'Mortalpresence' it's a wonderful thing. You Kids are growing up!"

She stared at him.

He explained his point. "It's a form of worship, Claire. To be interested in someone, is to love them. As the PR Agents say, "there's no such thing as bad publicity!"

Dr. Claire McCrae sighed, "Usually when a Patient suspects supernatural forces are spying on them we call that paranoia, but with you it's wishful thinking!"

Trevor grinned.

Lita came over from delivering food and drinks soon enough to hear that last statement. She defended their 'crazy Barkeep.' "Dr. McCrae, I hate to agree with Trevor about anything but believing supernatural forces are watching you could just be normal religious beliefs."

Claire smiled, "I stand corrected!"

Big Brother's and Little Bats

A couple of days later Cupid took a mirror and inspected the new toy on his leg. He smiled. Both the Greek god in him and the Geek god in him loved it! Not only was he getting to experience Mortals taking some of their first fledgling, baby steps in their long evolution into the Omega Point (Lita's and Felix's God actually). But now he had a new gadget! It would be a nuisance having to wrap his leg in plastic to take a shower and to have to avoid playfully splashing in puddles the way he usually would on rainy days. But it was worth it if it let him and others live free from the mental hospital who would otherwise have to stay locked up. Dr Greeley had explained "We actually would like you to be our Guinea Pig more than you actually need one. This is an experiment. We need a Patient to try it on first and your high intelligence, tendency to cooperate and more rational behavior makes you an obvious choice." Trevor grinned. It was psychological manipulation of course, but it was successful psychological manipulation! Flattery would get almost any Mortal almost anywhere with any Greek god and he was no exception!

Cupid got into his jammies and was preparing to brush his teeth when he felt something brush across his shoulder. He looked in the mirror to see what it had been and then swung around, surprised!

Chasing after what he'd noticed he rushed out the door of his little bathroom, out the door of his room, down the hall and into the kitchen he shared with his Boss and Boss's Sister almost crashing into a food cart. The tiny being he had spied was peacefully and cheerfully hanging upside down, hugging itself with its delicate but powerful wings, no doubt thinking it's little self invisible against the white ceiling despite being black and shiny as a little lump of coal!

Cupid couldn't help smiling and thinking to himself, Cute, little Mortal! But then he frowned at the sad tragedy of all Beings on Planet Earth being forced by their biology to have to compete with one another. He knew what would have to be done! And thank the Big Guy who Mortals evolved into, this Universe is only the beta test! In the next one hopefully we can all be kind to one another all the time!

He picked up the land line phone and called his Boss.

Felix answered, *What is it Trevor? Mira and I just got out from the movies. But I know it must be important, or you wouldn't call and interrupt my own attempts to Cupid myself!*

Cupid grinned. His Boss and Friend knew him very well! Gently he explained, "It is kind of important. I don't want you or Lita or Mira freaking out if they see what I just saw, unwarned. We have Bats in our belfry, Felix, or more specifically, in our apartment."

There was only silence on the end of the phone.

Cupid said, "Felix you know I'm not hallucinating! Even if I am crazy even Claire knows I'm not that kind of crazy!"

Felix said quickly, *I didn't think you were. But I wish you were! If they swoop downstairs and get into the bar....!*

Cupid didn't have to be told. "I know, Boss. I know! Major health code violation and we'd lose Customers left and right due to to them freaking out about it. Too bad too because Bats are such cute, harmless, little creatures. It's their diseases not themselves that are nine tenths of the problem!"

Felix nodded even though Cupid could not see it over the phone. *How many did you see?*

"Only one, Boss, but Bats are never alone. If there's one, there's more!"

*Do you have any idea how they are getting in?*

Trevor frowned. "No. If only I could have my omnipresence back for three minutes. I'd find out!"

*We are going to have to find out anyway! We could just leave it to Professional Pest Controllers but if word got out....I'd rather that didn't happen! They are supposed to be discrete but word could still get out!*

Cupid nodded even though Felix could not see it. "I know! You modern Mortals are just as superstitious as ancient Mortals, just in different ways! You connect mostly harmless little Fleidermousesto evil incarnate, and to think you don't even believe in my people anymore! Actuality no North American Bats suck blood. Instead they eat the mosquitoes that do suck blood. Once you figure out what to do about their diseases, and you will, you'll start making Pets out of them. You make Pets out of everything else." Cupid smiled, "Even Greek gods, apparently! Because you didn't just adopt two strays, Pedro and Jalapeno, Felix. You adopted three. I was a dumped, unwanted stray too! Anyway Ancient Mortals knew we gods are real and they were interested when their places had Bats too, but for different, much more practical reasons. They'd have been thinking 'free meat if we can just catch them.'"

Felix made a face. *Yuck! Disgusting and dangerous!*

Cupid smiled. "Of course modern Mortals eat sensible, safe stuff instead, like sushi which would be healthy but it's full of mercury due to our toxic Planet, and you put MSG a proven neurotoxin in all your live virus vaccinations and half the convenience foods you feed your Little Ones and the 'wonderful' FDA allows it to hide in foods under 40 different names! That's such an improvement over eating the occasional Flying Mousey! No wonder Autism and learning disabilities are shooting through the roof!"

Felix grinned ruefully. *Point proved!*

Trevor said, "Anyway I"ll wait until she's asleep and slip a jar over her and then slip a piece of cardboard under that and put her outside."

Felix asked, *How do you know she's a female?*

Cupid smiled, "Male Bats are well hung in more ways than one and this one isn't."

Felix laughed. Then he hung up his cell phone. For etiquette's sake it had been set to speaker phone.

Mira asked, "That was avery weird conversation!?"

Felix explained."Trevor saw a Bat in our apartment. I see them flying around in the evening all the time so I believe him. I would anyway even if I hadn't seen them flying around. He's a weird guy, my psychotic Barkeep, but he doesn't hallucinate."

Mira was amazed. "Trevor isn't normal!? I find that hard to believe! But he doesn't hallucinate?...Then how can he be psychotic?"

Felix smiled knowing he was about to give his Girlfriend a little shock. "He thinks he's Cupid!"

Mira smiled, "Oh is that all? I know he is!"

Felix stared at her.

She explained as she nuzzled her bar owning Boyfriend. "He brought us together didn't he?"

Felix laughed.

They kissed.

Felix thought to himself, Oh 'Cupid' your craziness is glorious! Hope 'Claire Bear' never cures you!

Bats and Hooch And Paramedics

And Greek gods and Mental Patients

The next afternoon Dr. Greeley called his best Therapist. "Claire, Trevor's ankle bracelet shows he's in an elevated position right now. It is precisely fifteen feet higher than the highest floor of his apartment but he is still at the Tres Equis coordinates. That set the alarm off. So he's on the roof! Better check up on him quickly!"

Claire was amazed. "What? It records his elevation too? What kind of device is this Milton? This is no ordinary GPS bracelet!"

"No. It's experimental just as I told both you and Trevor. But it may have just saved your Patient's life which is one reason we want these. I already called 911."

Claire was shocked. "What?! You didn't! Trevor goes on the roof of Tres Equis sometimes to pray to his family. That's probably all this is."

Dr Greeley was insistent. "You can't take that chance!"

Claire was exasperated! "Milton he's survived almost six years without this much supervision and hasn't given one hint of being suicidal. Just the opposite. He's full of joie de vivre." Claire pulled out her cell phone. "But I'll call him to warn him 911 is coming!"

She did so. "Trevor where are you?"

*The roof of Tres Equis.*

"What are you praying about this time?"

*Not praying, more like cursing but I'm not actually quite doing that either, not yet anyway. I saw a Bat in my bathroom yesterday and Felix wants me to try to figure out how they are getting into our apartment.*

Without hesitation Claire said, "Oh. Check the stove pipes."

*Thanks for believing me.*

"You're welcome."

Suddenly she heard wood breaking and her patient shouting in surprise! Then there was a thumping sound, then her patient yelped and then silence.

Claire's eyes went wide and her brow wrinkled with worry. She practically shrieked into the phone! "You OK?!!!"

A few seconds later Trevor answered, sounding a bit rattled. *Well! I may not have figured out how they were getting in but I know how they can get in, NOW! I just fell through a bad place in the roof! Hey! Wow!" Then there was silence for a few moments.

"Trevor!" Claire was getting very worried!

Finally.....*I just found a stash of prohibition era, bootleg hooch! Cool! There's a secret room up here! I wonder if Felix knew about it?*

Trevor looked around some more, then reported. "I'm going to need some assistance getting out. I can't find a door and it's dark in here. I didn't think to bring a flashlight. I thought I was going to be inspecting a bright, sunny roof, not a dingy, secret store room."

Claire sighed. *Well don't worry! Thanks to my Boss and your wonderful big brother on your leg 911 has already been alerted that a Mental Patient was in a very high place. So the Calvary should come charging around the pass in full 'talk the Mental Patient down' mode any moment now. Be prepared to explain what you were doing up there, sans Bats! I'd keep quiet about the Bats. I know you don't hallucinate but they might not believe you.*

Trevor sighed. "Dr Greeley didn't!"

Claire sighed right back. *Oh yes he did! I regret it Trevor! Don't worry! I'll talk to them if it's necessary. Keep me on the line.*

Trevor commented. "I guess since my Boss sent me up here I'm not in any trouble, psychiatric or otherwise. I'm not trespassing this time and I'm certainly not suicidal. But considering that Sachs-Gordon is just across the street why aren't they here already? What if I had been.....?"

Claire explained, *Because they are coming from the fire department not the hospital! Both silly and tragic if you had been suicidal!*

Suddenly Trevor heard thumping on the roof which lasted a while as his "Rescuers" tried to figure out where he was. Suddenly a flashlight beam shown down the hole he had made right in his face. A friendly, soothing voice said, "Easy buddy! Don't hurt yourself! It's going to be alright. I promise you!"

Trevor blinked at the light and set his phone to speaker phone mode so Claire could hear too. He explained. "I am sure it will be alright. Mind not shining that right in my face? My eyes were adjusted to the darkness down here. I just need a ladder I can climb to get out of here, or a flashlight to see if there's a door down here. I fell through the roof while I was...inspecting it with orders from my Boss who knows darn well I have no inclinations towards dying a very painful death from impact with a hard piece of concrete. Or he'd never have sent me up here! I have no intention of jumping or harming myself in any way. If you don't believe me, ask my Shrink to confirm this. I have her on line right now. You can talk to her if you want to. I'll toss the cell phone up. She realized Dr Greeley overreacted and was warning me you were coming! But it's good you came anyway because I've inadvertently fell through a bad place in the roof and now I'm stuck in this secret room we didn't know about. If there's a door I haven't found it yet. So I really do need rescuing!"

The voice laughed. "OK. I'm calling for a ladder. You OK?"

"I just told you I was."

"No I mean physically. The fall didn't injure you?"

"Not a scratch. My family always used to say about me, 'like his childhood Pet Tigress, Sasha that boy always lands on his feet!'"

Trevor overheard his as yet faceless rescuer talking into his walkie talkie. "Condition is downgraded to noncritical. Subject was just doing a roof inspection for his Boss. But he's fallen into a secret room they didn't know they had with a yet undetermined exit if it even has one, so now we need a ladder up here to get him out. A short one. Fifteen feet tops I'd say. I strongly suspect we get him out of the hole he is in and he'll climb down off the roof on his own and since he seems cheerful and rational and was already in communication with his Doctor and she feels no concern about his being up here I think we can dispense with bringing him in for evaluation."

Trevor felt his stomach unknotting. He had been more worried about re-commitment than he'd realized! "I would prefer to go down the trap door back into our apartment than go down the long, scary ladder you just climbed up from the street!"

His Rescuer agreed. "We'd prefer that for you too. Less chance of you slipping."

Claire said, *Trevor I'm hanging up now. You seem to have your situation well under control and don't need your Therapist to advocate.*

Trevor said, "OK. No sweat and thanks for the heads up from the Mortals about 911!"

It was about ten minutes before the promised short ladder arrived from the fire truck down below. Trevor sat on a keg and made small talk with the two Paramedics while they waited. All three of them were Met Fans. Both Daniel and Trevor liked Star Trek though his Rescuer was only a Fringe Fan not a Fanatic like the fallen olympian.

Cupid could find something in common with any Mortal. His social skills were that good.

His Rescuers names was Robert Thomas Jr and Daniel Courbet. Daniel was happily married to a Jewish Lady from Brooklyn and lived in the Bronx. Robert's place of residence was with an elderly Aunt in the Queens just up the street. He was one of those rare Males who was willing to live up to his responsibility to take care of an elderly Relative. He was an unmatched Heterosexual and very willing to do something about that. Cupid mentally filed him in his 'responsible Male' file and started thinking of possible equally 'responsible Females.'

The awaited ladder finally arrived and as Cupid was climbing out Robert asked, "Do you mind me asking you why you are thought to be a dangerous Mental Patient? You seem so normal, Trevor! I never met any Mental Patient before who has to wear an ankle bracelet like a criminal on probation!"

Trevor smiled. "The ankle bracelet is an experiment my hospital is trying out for Outpatient Commitment Patients. They actually picked me to be the Guinea Pig just because they know I am normal enough not to feel paranoid about it. The reason I'm thought nuts is I know I'm Cupid and my pretty Lady Shrink doesn't believe me. Neither do most others modern Mortals. But I certainly do know who I am! You modern Mortals just forgot about us gods due to the Administration Change. But that didn't make us go away! We're immortal and certainly didn't go anywhere as that Star Trek episode implied. Olympus is beautiful! It's our happy home! Why would we leave? So we're still up there and pretty much driving each other nuts without enough to do anymore. My Parents and myself still have enough to do but Angels have taken most everyone else's jobs."

Robert laughed, "Wow, Trevor! Wait until I tell my Aunt I met the original Cupid. She loves romance novels and mushy movies. Can I have your autograph?"

Cupid laughed. "It's been centuries since anyone asked me for that! Sure! I'll even come visit her if she'd like!"

Robert smiled. "I'll think about it." He thought a few moments, then said, "Her heart is weak. I don't know if she could stand the excitement of meeting the original god of love."

Cupid frowned in disappointment. He realized he had just been being humored. But he stayed polite.

Robert and Daniel and the new "Ladder Day Saint" whose name was most appropriately, 'Frances' watched as Trevor went through the trap door that lead off the roof back into his apartment. Robert reported. "Patient is back inside his apartment, uninjured and not traumatized about anything current. I would say our job is done here. We are climbing back off the roof ourselves."

Trevor suddenly stuck his head back through the trap door. "It just dawned on me you nice Fellows might prefer coming in here and going down our nice, safe stairs too!"

Robert laughed. "Duh!"

Bats and Reindeer and Greek gods and Psychiatrists, Oh My!

The next day Felix and Trevor had a long conversation about Bats, hooch and Carpentry skills.

Felix explained "No Trevor I didn't know we had a secret room full of prohibition rot gut! My Father didn't know anything about it either or he'd have said something. And the previous Owner said nothing to him about it either or my Father would have told me, obviously. And I would think if the man who sold my Father the bar had known he'd have done something with it. This is valuable stuff, Trevor! I know the market value must be in the triple digits per bottle, at least! It's not legal to drink and probably not safe either. But it is very collectable!"

Trevor nodded, "You have a gold mine up there! In fact in two ways, not just one. It's a potential gold mine of publicity too! Plus we could give tours."

Felix shook his head, "No to that last one, Trevor. The liability is too high. Someone could fall. But you are right about the publicity. I know you will take care of that."

Trevor nodded, "Thanks to Maggie introducing me to several Folks from the paper before she left permanently for Ireland I have connections. I'll do another You Tube video too. But concerning tours, I didn't mean have them go up and down our apartment trap door over the roof and into the hooch room by ladder. There has to be a door so all we have to do is find it. Prohibition era alcohol sellers couldn't ooze through the walls like ghosts or pop in and out of other dimensions like Angels and fully loaded gods, now could they?"

Felix shrugged. How do I answer that Trevor? Of course there has to be a door. But only you would bring up Angels and gods in what up to then had been a sentence jam packed with common sense." He smiled. "I no longer have a bar. I have a portal to the supernatural! Or at least I do if my best promoter and worst barkeep has his way about it."

Trevor felt a little hurt. "Worst barkeep, Boss? Me?"

Felix frowned. "Yes. Because I can't even be sure you are on the job! You take off Cupiding with only a second's notice and you schmooze with the Customers more than you work! I won't fire you because most of the Customers are here because of your efforts with the PR. Plus I feel a little sorry for you. Because you are right. You are a stray. Lita even called you that shortly after you came back from across the street again. And no one but a Pushover for Strays like me would hire some really strange person and rent them a room who comes to my door late at night with absolutely no documentation and then I find out after he disappears for ninety days he thinks he's from Olympus on top of that! And you know it!"

Trevor nodded, "True Boss. I do know it and I am very grateful! But you reward is the hundreds of Customers I got you in less than twenty four hours plus all the ones I've brought you since then and the resulting still-open bar and grill that didn't die the Nine Eleven kiss of death! And I would think by now you'd have figured out I didn't get us that many Customers that quickly on my own. My family helped. They haven't completely abandoned me, so quit feeling sorry for me!"

Felix got a thoughtful look on his face. "It did seem like a miracle!"

Trevor said, "Ah! My first breakthrough in getting you to believe me! But concerning my fixing the roof, you do realize you are praying to the wrong god here? I don't know a thing about carpentry other than it uses up lots of nice Trees. Oh I've watched. Like most any god I loved work. I would watch Mortals do it for hours! But watching roof fixing being done and actually doing it are two different kettles of Fish all together. But I'm game, Boss. Most of us gods are imprinted on trying to please Mortals. You designed us that way. So I'll try!"

Felix nodded. "Plus I'm paying you overtime plus five dollars extra an hour hazard pay."

"Even so I'm way cheaper than a professional Carpenter!"

Felix pointed out, "And far from as efficient too."

Trevor nodded ruefully. "That's also true. But I have to go a bit slow to at least try and do a decent job. Remember what they say. 'You get what you pay for.'" He frowned. "I hope we both don't regret this."

Felix swallowed, and nodded "Just don't fall off."

"Thanks for realizing it would be falling not jumping. Not likely. The bad patch is far from the edge. I don't have to go anywhere near the edge and that suits me just fine." Trevor made quote marks with his fingers. "Plus being away from the edge also keeps Folks from seeing me up there and dialing 9 11, thinking 'that crazy Mental Patient who works at Tres Equis is trying to jump.'"

Trevor grabbed his brand new plastic bucket full of shiny new carpentry tools Felix had bought him, made sure he had his cell phone and that it was fully charged, made sure he had a bottle of water and tugged on the rope that pulled down the step ladder that led to the trap door in their ceiling that led to the roof. As he climbed he thought to himself. Roof fixing! Moi! What do I know about roof fixing! I'm a barkeep! What would Jesus do?

As he was climbing, Felix said, "Be careful up there 'Cupid.' I don't know if Guardian Angels watch 'the gods' the way they do us Mortals!"

Cupid said, "Don't worry, Boss. Of course they do! The Big Guy loves everybody, even us messed up, mixed up reprobates on top of Mount Olympus. But they especially guard us when we are trying so very hard to make Mortals comfortable and happy because you are His Children and He loves you even more than we can."

Trevor reached the top of the roof and closed the trap door behind him.

Felix smiled and shook his head in amazement at how weird and wonderful his life had become!

Meanwhile on the other side of the street a claxon alarm was going off on Dr Greeley's computer! Darn it! Why did they design it so loud?!" Dr Greeley put his hands over his ears and went out in the hallway. To his relief it stopped in a few moments. At least the Programmer had the sense to design it so it didn't sound off indefinitely like a stupid fire alarm! Where was Claire?"

He tried to stay calm. Well fortune or the gods or God was with him, or somethingwas! Because just right then he spied Claire as she was walking down the hall right past his office on her way to a hair appointment. "Claire come in my office a minute!"

Claire sighed. "Milton I'm late! If we Women don't keep our hair looking like Fashion Models, we can't advance professionally but all the time it takes to do that gets in the way of us doing our jobs. We can't win!"

Milton's look said it all. She went into his office and sat down, frowning.

Milton said quietly. "He's on the roof again!"

Claire said firmly, "Yes Milton. That doesn't surprise me. And he's going to be on the roof a lot for the next week or so. They have a massive roof problem and Trevor's trying to fix it plus they've got Bats getting in and a secret room full of bootleg hooch to figure out and show off. He's not the least bit depressed, but even if he were his chances of jumping are far less than the average Joe on the street. Because just like a lot of Christians believe about Christ he is absolutely certain if he jumps his family will be waiting for him on the other side of the river Styx and be very, very pissed with him! So there are nice 'rational' Doctors at Sachs-Gordon who are more of a suicide risk than he is! Religious beliefs have survival value, Milton. Even those of a Delusional who has convinced himself he's one of his own higher powers! And maybe that is all Trevor's condition is; a rather odd system of religious beliefs taken to the extreme. After all I can find you plenty of Christians sure that Jesus lives inside of them and they function just fine too."

Dr Greeley nodded"Yes Claire and at least during my stronger periods of faith I'm one of those. But why did your problem Patient pick this set of religious beliefs instead of going with something more conventional? What streak of rebellion or whatever it was, made him go against the stampede of conventional world views? Theologically speaking he's going the wrong way on the interstate! What made him do that?

Claire sighed, "Milton you know darn well if we knew that we'd be half way towards a breakthrough with him."

Milton nodded. "That's what worries me about the man, Claire. Someone this unconventional is unpredictable to the extreme and capable of most anything!"

Claire defended Trevor. "Milton, except for the ball drop prank that brought him to our attention he's been a Model Citizen, and you know it!"

"But that's probably because you are watching him so closely. But you can't watch him every second. This new monitoring system will allow us to keep a much closer eye on him."

Claire frowned. "Maybetoo close. Trevor doesn't mind it precisely because of who he thinks he is. He's thinks his family can watch his every move so we are really just playing into what I am going to have to dub his 'happy paranoia.' We 'Mortals" are acting like his family to him and he loves it! But it's going to give your average Patient the heebie-jeebies. It's not going to be therapeutic at all or help us bond with our charges. How are we Therapists supposed to help them if the treatment they are forced to undergo is so traumatic itself we have that hurdle to jump over first before we can even get to their original issues?"

Milton insisted, "But it will save a few lives too. That is why the height monitoring system is built in. The height of every building in town is programmed into the alarm system so we'll always know if an Outpatient is on any roof in

New York City and much of New Jersey. And we've forgotten the reason for my calling you in here. Please ascertain why your Patient is on the roof again!"

Claire sighed and thought what's going to stop them from just switching to pills and guns? She fished her cell phone out of her purse and set it to speaker phone so her Boss could listen in. She hit the first button on her speed dial.

Across the street on the roof of Tres Equis Trevor grabbed his out of his pocket as quickly as a gunslinger and said into it in a deep voice like Lurch. *You rang?*

Claire said calmly, "Bats, roof or hooch?"

*Roof. But concerning the hooch, come over tomorrow on your day off after you've slept in? I have an idea. As for the Bats what a shame they didn't pick Riley Hane's Church down the street instead! The Reverend would have a lot easier job getting rid of them than we will.*

"Why is that Trevor?"

*Because all he would have to do to get rid of them would be to baptize the little Beasties and make them members of his congregation. Then most of them would only come around on Christmas and Easter!*

Claire started laughing and even Dr Greeley had to choke back a guffaw so Trevor wouldn't know he was listening too. Claire exclaimed, "Oh you are sooo bad!'

*Is that an official psychiatric diagnosis, Dr Claire McCrae?*

Playfully Claire said, "Yes!"

Trevor said, *Thank you! Can I hang up now?*

"OK." Said Claire. She hung up herself and turned back to Milton. "Done. Did he sound depressed and suicidal to you?"

Dr Greeley shook his head.

She scribbled something on a piece of paper and set it down on her Boss's desk. "Here's his cell number. Next time he goes up on the roof to fix it, to figure out how the Bats are getting in or how the hooch got up there or to show it off, or even just his usual reason to pray to his family, leave me out of the loop! Call him yourself!"

Meanwhile back at the old homestead the Greco-Roman god of love inspected the hole he had inadvertently made. He started grinning. He pulled out his cell phone and called Felix. "Hey Boss it's not as bad as we thought it would be. Remember yesterday I was in 'looking for Bat holes' mode, and 'hey I just found a bunch of hooch!' mode and "I must stay calm and talk myself out of being hauled across the street again strapped down in a stretcher, mode.' I wasn't in, 'inspect the hole I just made' mode. There is no structural damage. There was just another trap door hidden under the shingles and the latch has rusted and gave way under my weight. That's all."

Felix said *That's a relief! OK. Look around some more and see if you can figure out how our little furry, flying Friends are getting in. I saw one this morning myself in the living room and chased it out with as frying pan which just happened to be the first thing I could grab. It took quite a while because he or she, whatever didn't want to leave! I must have looked like that silly Hispanic in 'Love At First Bite! who was delighted to have a 'black Cheeeken.' I'm glad you weren't up yet to see that or you'd have been cracking up!"

Trevor laughed. " I'll do that anyway just as soon as as I hang up. Thanks!'

Trevor hung up and walked around on the roof looking for holes and giggling loudly and long, seemingly at nothing but really at the mental image in his mind of 'Boss versus the Bat' and thus because of his unusual location and because there seemed to be no outward reason for his wild fit of laughter he looked quite the Lunatic he was thought to be.

Suddenly a mischievous grin crossed his face. He called Felix back. "Hey Boss I haven't found out how the Bats are getting in but while I am up here do you want me to do something about this dead Reindeer I just found?"

*Very funny! No. Just let Rudolph decompose, or is it your namesake?

Trevor pretended to be sad. "I think it was my namesake, Felix! Female you know. That's Santa's big secret. All his Reindeer are Male Impersonators. Only Female Reindeer keep their horns during the Winter. They lose theirs in the Spring and the Males keep theirs in the Summer and lose them in the Fall. So Reindeer Mortals have the same problem Human Mortals often have. My Mother and I can't seem to get both your Males and your Females horny at the same time! Do you at least want me to scrape the Reindeer doo doo off the roof? This is why poor Santa not only has to file a flight plan with the FBA for landing on the roof of almost every building in Christendom in one, 36 hour period of time but he has to file an environmental impact statement with the EPA!"

Felix was doubled over with laughter at Trevor's 'craziness.' *Oh yes, Trevor definitely scrape off the Reindeer doo doo. It's a wonder the Neighbors haven't been complaining about the smell! By the way how do you figure Santa has 36 hours to do his stuff?*

Sounding like Mr Spock Trevor said, "Simple logic, Captain. If that rather suspiciously large, jolly old Elf heads his sleigh east with the Earth rotating below him going in the same direction he is traveling and he times it just right he can stay in darkness that long and it will still be December 25th somewhere.''

*'Cupid' I sure hope you are kidding!*

Trevor's eyes twinkled. "Am I?"

The Measuring of the Bar

The next day was Wednesday which was both one of Claire's day off and her problem Patient's only full official day off though much to Felix's despair and frustration he tended to take off 'Cupiding' any time he felt the call of duty. It seemed both Drinkers and Mental Patients needed less attention on Wednesdays.

She came over to the bar and walked right up the stairs to the apartment. She knocked on Trevor's room door.

"Come in, Claire Bear!"

She let herself in and glanced at the string of pool beads. "Wow Trevor! Sixty -three of them! Keep it up 'god of love' and you'll be out of my hair in no time! What's this big idea of yours!" Claire didn't feel like trying to psychoanalyze Trevor today. It was her day off, his day off and she felt like doing something normal instead. (As if any of Trevor's ideas, wise or otherwise ever could be called 'normal')!

Trevor had been sitting in his chair next to his bed reading "The Hound of the Baskervilles" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. He grabbed something off his night stand and stood up. He held up what he had grabbed. It was a huge, Carpenter's reel tape measure. "Today what I have planned is we measure every inch of the Tres Equis building including the surrounding apartments, both inside and outside, every single room and their spacial relationship to each other and we do some simple calculations. I already obtained permission from all the Owners. Sarah Magilacuty isn't going to be home but she lent me her spare keys."

Claire exclaimed, "Wow! That's amazing! You have a general consensus from every Apartment Dweller in this building you talked to? That almost is a miracle of godlike proportions. But why? Why are we measuring everything?"

Trevor said, "Because I am hunting for secret stair cases or more secret rooms, or something, anything that will let me know why there is a secret room full of hooch right under the roof which is as far from the bar as it can be and still be in the building. Why put it there?"

Claire suggested, "maybe that was why. It was the least likely place to put a store of illegal alcohol and thus the least likely place the Fuzz or Coppers or whatever they called them back then would look for it.'

"Feds. That may be it. But there still has to be some as yet undiscovered-by-us way of that alcohol getting back and forth from up there down to the bar. It wasn't beamed. Maybe they just carried it over the roof and down our apartment trap door but I doubt that. It would have put whoever did the carrying out in the visible-open far too often. Bootleggers and the owners of speakeasys were more clever and foresighted than that. They'd have never taken the risk of being spotted."

Claire made another suggestion. "Why not get the plans from City Hall for this building? They have to be on record somewhere!"

Trevor pointed out, "Because it is kind of doubtful, don't you think, that secret stairways and hidden rooms would have been written into plans posted with city hall!'

Claire nodded, "But they'd show us something to compare reality to, wouldn't they? We may be able to spot a visible discrepancy that may be a useful clue.'

Trevor nodded, "True. If we don't find us a secret stairwell today that will be my next course of action."

Claire suggested "Why not just move the hooch? The secret door is probably hidden behind some of the crates and kegs."

Trevor said, "I'm can't for a few days yet but I'm too achy with curiosity to wait that long to solve this mystery. I have a local archeology and historical society coming to inspect it Saturday. Until then I'm leaving it just as I found it except for the keg I had to sit on while I waited to be rescued." Trevor smiled. "There are all sorts of clues about that era hidden in that room and I know better than to wreck a one of them! It really is an archeological site and a crime scene, both! There are actual finger prints of the perps still dustable! We may find out all sorts of juicy secrets like 'local town sheriff was really a bootlegger' and all sorts of fun stuff like that!"

Claire exclaimed, "Wow Trevor! I never thought of that! Amazing!" To herself she thought. Of course 'the gods' could tell us that sort of thing if you really were one of them, Trevor, but you are acting completely normal right now. I'm not about to set you off again by reminding you of your confabulations and delusions! Maybe Dr Leo is right and that's all you need; enough realfascinating and fantastic stuff for your powerful mind to chew on to keep it occupied.

They spent the day measuring stuff. Sometimes Claire held the tape measure and Trevor unwound it. Sometimes they did that in reverse. But Trevor wrote all themeasurements down on a clipboard. As the Sun was setting they finally finished. Trevor and Claire sat on the steps leading up the apartment as Trevor calculated. He smiled. "Claire Bear there is definitely a four feet discrepancy between the outside measurements and the inside measurements in the back Customer area next to the karaoke stage and the kitchen. Also Felix's office up stairs and the entire back of our apartment! There isn't just a secret stairway. There must be a hidden hallway that goes from the stairway, right past the office, past the apartment and into the hooch room!"

Claire was amazed, "How come we never realized that before?

Trevor shrugged, "I don't know, Claire Bear. Maybe because we never thought about it before. There are no windows on that side of the building because that's the alley and a window would provide us with a 'scenic vista' of the ugly backside of the building right behind us. Or so we thought that was the reason there are no windows if we bothered to think about it at all. Of coursethe real reason is because it's a false outside wall hiding the secret tunnel andstaircase."

Claire nodded. And you never noticed this when you were a god, Trevor?? It never dawned on her there were several million buildings in New York alone and only a few hundred gods and they had better things to do.

Trevor added, "You can see here how the hooch room backs up to a known-about store room in the apartments next door that are still part of this building. If anyone was going to notice a discrepancy that would be the place to notice it as it should be obvious the back of that storeroom is way too close to the front of it. But apparently no one did." Trevor handed Claire his calculations.

She started to glance at them. Then her eyes widened. "Trevor you did all this in Roman numerals!"

Trevor shrugged. "Of course. When I do math that's how I do it. I have to translate what I think about into Hindi Arabic numbers when I leave things with numbers written down for modern Mortals. I didn't one day and almost cost Lita an acting gig. She thought my II was an eleven. The only exception are telephone numbers. I do think of them in Arabic Hindi script because telephones weren't invented back when I was learning math. I learned to use telephones so to speak in English so I think of the symbols that make up their calling codes in modern numerals which are actually ancient Hindi-Arabic. I even have to translate algebra, chemistry and Geometry in my head from Roman numerals which adds another level of complexity to it. But fortunately I am smart enough to do so."

Claire stared at her patient in sad amazement, "Trevor Pierce you are one sick puppy!"

Trevor shrugged, "I am a god, Dr Claire McCrae! Of course if my family is correct I'm a god who is 'one sick puppy.' But hey! Thanks to you I'm improving!"

Claire gave him a sad look. Not much, Trevor Not much!

Trevor shrugged it off. "Anyway back to more important subjects. Our next two questions concerning our little mystery here is how did the stairway and secret passage connect with the hooch room and the bar? I don't have floor plans for what had been the speakeasy and things have sifted around considerably since those bad old days. Felix even remembers when the kitchen wasn't as big because microwaves and other modern cooking equipment hadn't been invented yet. When they remodeled the kitchen the wall was moved about five feet, and the karaoke stage used to be only more tables. So where did the stairway come out at at the bar end? And how do we get to it without messing up current walls, floors and ceilings? I doubt Felix is going to let me cut through the wall even if he did buy me all these neat carpenter tools." Trevor held up his bucket. "Look at that shiny new saw! Darn it! Is it ever tempting!"

Claire suggested, "Just say 'temptation get thee behind me.'"

Trevor quipped, "And it will say, 'it looks even better on you back here!' Don't you remember Flip Wilson?"

Claire laughed, "If you are who you say you are you'd have been on Olympus all during the sixties. So you gods liked Flip Wilson?"

Trevor smiled, "Uncle Mercury used to howl! And who do you think gave old Flip some of his best ideas? We gods can whisper you know, and occasionally Mortals actually hear! For instance 'A Midsummer Night's Dream.' That was totally my idea though admittedly some of its best lines were totally Willie's."

Claire shuttered, "I can't see anyone in any age calling William Shakespeare 'Willie."

Trevor nodded, "True. We used to call him Flappy Tongue because his was always waving."

Claire glared at Trevor.

Trevor added quickly, ' But never to his face!"

Claire's cell phone rang. She glanced at it and made a face. "Hospital." She answered it. "No. He's with me and he isn't on the roof. Now your little device is giving you false alarms!"

She glanced at Trevor's leg. "And he's still wearing it. I tell you he wouldn't try to tamper with it. He likes it!

Trevor started giggling.

She mouthed, "Did you tamper with it?"at her problem patient.

He shook his head, "no" and shrugged.

Claire insisted. "No I don't think he's lying about it. I tell you he likes it. Yes I know that's not a normal response but if he were normal he wouldn't be wearing it in the first place!"

Trevor grabbed the phone away from his Psychiatrist. He spoke into it in a musical voice, "Hey Dr Greeley! Your monitoring equipment is out of touch with reality!"

Claire tried to grab the phone back but Trevor danced away from her. Finally he stood still and let her try to grab for it but he playfully held it over his head just out of her reach. "Trevor!" she snarled.

Quickly he handed it to her.

Claire spoke into it calmly and sweetly, "As I was saying before I was so" (glaring at Trevor) "rudely interrupted. He's being a perfect Angel about that. His latest obsession is figuring out how the hooch was getting back and forth from ground floor to its secret room and I can't say I blame him one bit, either ethically or psychiatricly. That has me intrigued too. It's a very normal line of inquiry. And it's keeping him out of trouble!"

Claire walked out the door still talking on her phone. Trevor gazed after her with a besmitten, love-besotted grin on his face.

He went upstairs and into his room. He picked up his bucket of tools to move them into his closet since he wasn't going to need them to fix the roof and by so doing caused them to sift a bit in the bucket. One particular tool caught his attention. It was a huge, hand powered wood augur with a bore of about one inch in circumference. Trevor pulled it out of the bucket and looked at it. Then he looked at the wall and wheels started turning in his truly divine but truly crazy mind. If I drilled a hole under a picture who would find out any time soon? Hand drilling is fairly quiet. I can come down around two in the morning when Felix and Lita are sound asleep and drill. Then all I have to do is tape one of those little disposal flashlights to on position and stuff it through the hole or snap on one of those chemical light sticks and do the same and peek in and maybe I can see what's behind the wall. I could even put my little Dentist's mirror on a stick and poke it through to see a wider view. Oh to have my omnipresence back! But I admit doing it this way is fun!

Cupid and the Secret Staircase

Felix woke up to the strangest sound and the funniest feeling. It didn't stop. It sounded like Termites on steroids. I wonder if maybe I am just asleep and having a weird dream.

He pinched himself. I could feel that but I've pinched myself in dreams before and felt it. So that tells me nothing.

He sighed. The best way to deal with this is to act like it's real. Even if it isn't, doing that may be just enough to wake me up! So Felix got up and followed the sound. It lead out of theapartment and down the stairs. Half way down the stairs he spotted a shadowy shape near the karaoke stage and froze in fear. His fear dissipated when he realized the lump had theexact same body size and shape as his cheerfully demented friend and Barkeep. He seemed to be doing something to the wall.

It took a few moments to wake up enough to figure out the reason for Trevor's even stranger than usual behavior. When he did a reluctant smile came to his lips. He smiled ruefully. 'Cupid and the Secret Staircase.' Sounds like a Hardy Boys mystery! I should have guessed it! You claim you are thousands of years old 'Cupid' but you act exactly the age your body seems to be. Younger in fact. Well have your fun. Go ahead and drill. It'll add another colorful story to this place's history as if you haven't added enough already! Felix turned and started to sneak back up the stairs. You'll hide your hole under that picture of Don Juan and I'll surprise you tomorrow by knowing it's there! Let you think your Boss has omnipresence for a change! I'll scold you because I should. But in truth as long a you don't hit an electrical wire I don't really care.

Suddenly all the emergency lights went out and the place was plunged into total darkness!

Felix growled, "Trevor!"

Back to the Bats Again

Trevor stood outside Tres Equis in the alley at five in the morning watching Bats. There were at least a hundred of them! Felix was with him and yawning profusely. "I don't understand why we have to watch them, Trevor. We just need to find the hole where they are getting in!"

Trevor shrugged, "I looked the whole roof over several times and drove Dr Greeley nuts every time I did so. It's definitely not on the roof that they are getting in. So the hole must be on the side of the building where I can't spot it and in case you think I'm going climbing up and down the walls a looking, think again, Boss. I'm Cupid not Spiderman. So I'm letting my brains do the wall-walking instead. I'll let the Bats themselves show us where they are getting in.''

Felix pointed out. "So far only two did so we may have to wait and watch a long time before we see number three."

Trevor nodded, "True but when he or she does we can't be sure our wee flying mousey won't decide to go downstairs during happy hour."

Felix swallowed, nodded and gave Trevor a haunted look.

Trevor added, "I'm out of other ideas. I'm Cupid not Tarzan or Dr Dolittle. It's not like I can ask them, 'Little Guys and Gals, how you getting in?' and beg them 'Please be kind enough to stop so we don't get in trouble with Customers and fussy Health Inspectors!' Now let's pay attention carefully, Boss. It's getting on to sunrise when they go to roost or whatever it is you call it in English. I'd like to avoid having to do this again! I'm a barkeep and your janitor so this is way too early for the hours I have to keep!"

Felix suddenly pointed. "Look. There!"

Sure enough not just one or two but the whole 'flock' suddenly headed towards one spot in the Tres Equis back wall.

Trevor and Felix both gave out one long low whistle.

Felix exclaimed, "All of them? But how can that many Bats be inside our building and we not have noticed?"

Trevor looked at his Boss who stared back. "There is only one explanation."

They said it together.

"The secret staircase!"

Felix thought a few moments. OK, Trevor. Go drill your hole. If you drill one just a few inches to the left or right, either even with the tip of Don Juan's sword or the back of his tunic instead of where his belly button would be under all that Spanish finery you should be able to avoid more electrical wires. But when you do all we are going to have is a hole into a dark room!"

Trevor shook his head, "I have that covered, Boss. I bought a chemical light stick at the dollar store up the street. It has two vials inside of it of the same chemicals that make Fireflies glow. I bend the tube and shake it. That breaks the vials and mixes the chemicals causing that beautiful green glow. Modern Mortal Kids don't even get to see Fireflies very often due to all the darn pesticides but at least they have those!"

Felix nodded. I didn't need the Mr Spock presentation or the eco-lament. I've seen Kids wearing those at Halloween, Adults too, and Pets out on late night walkies."

Trevor nodded, "Oh but wait there's more. I have a Dentist's mirror I duck-taped to an unfolded coat hanger. I push it through the hole and we can use that to get a bigger view."

Felix nodded, "You are being crazy like a Fox, as usual. Where'd you get a Dentist's mirror?"

Trevor grinned, "Would you believe I won it playing poker with the tooth fairy?"

Felix frowned, "No I would not and even you can't be crazy enough to believe that!"

Trevor grinned, "Well I did! Well actually I won it on one of those Wednesday afternoon poker games when I go across the street voluntarily to try and cheer up my Friends who are still locked up in there. We used to play for these fake teeth but Sachs-Gordon's B wing tooth fairy is a lousy bluffer and Walter isn't invisible like he thinks and that makes him a a lousy poker player. So Superman and I won all of the tooth fairie's teeth. So now we are playing for the remains of his dental practice." Trevor frowned. "Sad really. I understand why Claire wants to cure me so. If I really had left behind a brilliant career somewhere like she thinks, it would indeed be tragic. But of course I haven't. I really am Cupid and that is that. The only career I left behind I was forced out of and I am working quickly as possible to be allowed to go back to it!" Then he grinned with a twinkle in his eye. "But anyway I have a reciprocal agreement with my fellow Mental Patients. I believe them, at least to their face and they believe me about being Cupid or that is they pretend to. So yes I did win my Dentist's mirror from the tooth fairy! So there!"

Felix laughed. So that explains that bag of teeth Lita found snooping around in his room the sixth week after he came back from Sachs!

Felix sat in one of the Customer chairs while his crazy but brilliant employee drilled a hole in the wall. "I'm through." He said.

Trevor grabbed the light stick, bent it, setting it to Firefly glowing and poked it through the hole. He tried to peek in. All he could see was a brick wall that resembled the brick on the outside of the alley.

He fed the mirror through and wiggled it around first one way and then the other. He frowned.

"Let me see." Felix asked.

Trevor handed him the end of the coat hanger.

Felix looked too. He sighed. "I guess we expected to see piles of gold coins or treasure chests or skeletons or something. All I can see is a wall and the floor and the ceiling."

Trevor nodded, "Kind of a letdown. I was anticipating with my little kid feelings not my grown up mind. Because, duh! What did I expect to find?

Felix shrugged.

But when Cupid finally gained entry to the staircase he found more than they wanted to find!

Felix sniffed, "Trevor we are going to have to do a very good job of sealing up the hole. Or our bar will soon smell like guano."

Trevor nodded, "And why doesn't our apartment smell like guano? There has to be a hole somewhere from the staircase or secret hallway into the apartment too."

Felix shrugged.

For the next two days Trevor kept begging Felix to let him cut a Cupid sized hole in the wall and Felix kept firmly telling him ,No! No No! I don't care if you are Superman not Cupid. No!"

Trevor grinned, "If I were Superman I could just see through the wall with my X ray vision! Or I could punch a Cupid size, oops excuse me, a Superman sized hole in the wall, or I could rewind time and go back to when the speakeasy used the staircase or I could..."

Felix interrupted, "Trevor didn't you tell me once your family on Mount Olympus thinks you are nuts too even though they know you are a god?"

Trevor nodded ruefully.

Felix nodded knowingly, "They're right!"

Elementary My Dear Claire Bear!

To their mutual reliefthe sabbath day came and the mind of Cupid finally rested. Because once the historical society was done with their inspecting and cataloging and hauling out of the hooch for further study, the secret room was empty and Trevor Cupid Pierce could Sherlock Holmes it to his divine heart's content.

Felix gave up hoping Trevor would actually work that Saturday and took his shift reminding him that meant he would not be paid for it, a fact his eccentric employee at least never fussed about. His value was more in promotion than actual bar keeping anyway. Plus he keeps the place spotless and he does most of our own private cooking and it's delicious.

It was a real day off for Claire so she joined Trevor in the hooch room.

Claire commented, "With the alcohol out of the way it is very clear there is no door into the rest to the building!"

Trevor was inspecting the walls very carefully, actually using a magnifying glass like the famous London Detective.

Claire thought to herself, At least he isn't wearing a deerstalker hat!

She waited patiently for her patient to come to the obvious conclusion. After all, this time reality is right in front of Trevor in the form of four very solid walls so he can't possibly confabulate about doors the way he could far off Olympus! Claire made a mental note, What if I bought plane tickets and actually took Trevor to that mountain in Greece? Would that help? No. He'd claim we were right in his old room but we 'couldn't see it because of the psychic veil.' But it would make for an interesting chapter in my book!

Trevor examined every inch of all four walls with his magnifying glass. Finally a big frown crossed his face."Claire this makes no sense. There has to be a way in and out of here other than the trap door above our heads!'

Claire said gently, "Sometimes reality doesn't make sense, Trevor. But it is what it is and we all have to live in it, even you." Poor baby. She added internally.

Trevor stared at the trap door, or maybe just at the roof the way he always did when he was thinking. Suddenly a big grin crossed his face. He exclaimed, "We've been looking in the wrong place! We know the People who did exit this room for the last time did it through the trap door, so they could hide the entrance into the rest of the building very easily! But it's not in the walls!

"How do you know that?" Claire asked, "Please don't confabulate you got a 'heads up from the gods about this!" I can never tell if those count as hallucinations or just incredible intuition and he thinks it's his family, because they do tend to come true.

Trevor shook his head. "No of course my family doesn't know. They weren't watching this particular part of Queens New York that closely 80 or so years ago. They had better things to watch and do. For instance you've been alive since the first Moon launch. So tell me Claire Bear, what color are Buzz Aldrin's eyes? What did he eat for breakfast the morning they launched? What! You don't know? But you could have! You had television giving you Mortalpresence and that information was broadcast!"

Claire nodded. "OK. You made your point. You told me once your family only has selective omnipresence, not total. They can watch whatever they want to but not everything at once. And why would they just happen to be watching this particular speakeasy? What an unbelievable coincidence it would be if they had been! So you are as usual making perfect sense within your delusional premise. So I ask again, how do you know the last Folks in here left through the trap door?"

Trevor smiled, "Elementary my dear Doctor! Oh joy! How I wanted to work that line into this conversation!" He grinned like a Canary fed Cat. "We can't find the door thus it has been covered up by....." He dramatically ripped a big piece of the rotting carpet up and flung it into the air to reveal what he thought was going to be an obvious trap door.. To his disappointment that flung a blizzard of dust into the air setting Claire and himself to coughing and it did not reveal any trap door. That wasn't the dramatic effect he'd wanted! He coughed furiously and so did Claire. But that did not curb his enthusiasm.

His now very dusty face fell as he studied the floor, a big frown on his face, his right hand on his chin. He got down on his knees and started brushing dust away.

Claire started sneezing too. She sighed. She was beyond coughing and her clothes needed dry cleaning very badly!

Then they both started sneezing. Claire thought to herself, apparently the sinus passages of Cupid are just as Mortal as the rest of him.

Finally she exclaimed, "Trevor I've had enough of this! We're going to come out of here looking like we're Oakies straight out of a Grapes of Wrath' dust storm! Or does that period of our history not interest you as much as the Roaring Twenties does?"

Trevor shook his head. "it was sad." Was all he started to say. But then he added as an afterthought. "And this was a little over a decade after the Roaring Twenties."

Claire nodded, frowning in compassion at just how out of touch with reality her patient was."Oh yes. You think you were alive that long ago and saw it!"

Trevor kept brushing dust and remains of the carpet away and inspecting the flooring underneath it with his magnifying glass. Suddenly his dirty face got its usual big grin. "Bingo! I found it!"

"What!?" Claire was incredulous!

"Look!" Trevor said gently but vehemently. His right hand moved in a square pattern as he pointed. "Look! Four cracks in the floor. It is another trap door!"

Claire got down on her knees and looked, "Well! You are correct, Trevor!" She smiled. Even the most out of touch with reality Patients could be right once in a while! Always remember that. Under certain circumstances that could save a life!"

Trevor stared at it. "There is no handle. How do we get in?"

Suddenly Claire's cell phone rang. "Hospital!"They both said it together.

Claire stared at Trevor. How did you know?"

Trevor sighed. "Who else calls you but them and me?"

Claire was indignant. "My Sisters. My Mother. My Father. My Aunt Ruthy..."

She answered the phone. "What?! How did he get up there? OK. I'm coming!"

She exclaimed as she climbed the ladder as quickly as she could. "Superman got on the roof of the hospital. I have to go talk him down!"

Trevor called up after her. "He's the one who needs the ankle monitor!"

Trevor sighed and thought to himself. For a Relationship Expert it's a tad sad that all her relationships seem to be with her Family. And it's not even that close knit a family! But when does she have time to make Friends with me keeping her hopping?

Trevor frowned considering the damage he was doing to his Best Friend. Many of her fellow Mortals even think I'm her Boyfriend because we are together so much. So real Possibilities don't even approach her and because of that pesky 'Doctor, Patient' privacy issue she can't even tell them the truth! And the fact we have chemistry makes it even harder for Folks to know she's really available! But is she really? I'd die a Mortal death if she actually found someone! But as Jim Kirk said 'Sometimes love expresses itself in sacrifice.' I ought to do my duty as the god of love and find her Someone. I really should! But itwouldbe such a painful joy to do so!

Trevor shook away that problem temporarily and considered the problem at hand. How do you get a trap door open if it has no handle and you can't get underneath it to push it up?

He picked up his cell phone and asked Felix exactly that.

Felix smiled when he realized Trevor had found his theorized entrance into the rest of the speakeasy. "Trevor I don't care if you want to finally do what you've been pesking me to do all week long up there. Go ahead. Take your shiny new bucket of tools and cut through the floor. Seewhere it leads to and may your family be with you!"

Trevor grinned his grin like the Sun rising. "Thanks Boss!"

Hidden in the Depths: The Son of Imhotep

A half an hour later the god of love came to the definitely reality-based conclusion that their Neighbor to the Northeast made it look too easy! But of course it is for HIM. He's been doing it for two thousand years!"

Trevor felt his arm muscles protesting. Exercise is so good for one! Mortals who know about such things say it helps one get in contact with one's body. By Jove! It works! I'm meeting parts of me I didn't know I had and they're all saying 'enough already!' No wonder our Neighbor has muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger's!

Finally! After another half hour of hacking, sawing and cursing in two dozen languages and several different dialects of each of those Cupidmanaged to cut a hand-sized hole in the tough oak wood. He used that as a handle and pulled the trap door open.

That was when it dawned on him! I could have just cut the hole in the easier to cut floor boards next to the trap door instead of the thicker and tougher trap door itself!

Cupid knew the equivalent of "Duh!" in one hundred and twenty three different cultures and hand signals that meant the same in five hundred more.

Progress came to a halt for about ten minutes while he expressed "duh!" in every single one of those ways!

Finally deciding that 'Stupid Cupid' had lambasted himself enough he got back to business. He reached in his tool bucket and pulled out a good, sturdy flashlight. Cupid had been given no chance as a god-kid to be a Scout but he'd watched Mortal versions of that sort of thing all through the ages. The same idea kept getting reinvented in dozens of different Mortal cultures. He had enjoyed many such a Troop of eager young Mortal Boys virtually and zen-learned the wisdom taught there by dozens of different kinds of Troop Leaders. He knew how to 'be prepared' and this often showed. He didn't just have one flashlight. Like any foresighted Spelunker (for this was similar), he had four, good, sturdy flashlights in case one burned out and left him in darkness.

Cautiously he walked down the hallway and started down the stairs praying to his family the wood that was holding his weight was still sound. He had spent several weeks in a regular (non-mental) hospital recovering from an automobile accident once. That was when he met his second Best Friend other than Felix; Dr Benjamin Leo, a very unorthodox Psychiatrist and fellow Trekker who chose to enjoy Cupid rather than try to "wreck such a psychotic work of art." They had remained friends. Cupid had worked hard and recovered from paralysis and now he was secretary for their Star Trek club. The experience had been interesting but he did not wish to do it again!

Trevor shown the beam of his flashlight before him as he went further down into the darkness like a magic light ray (which in a way it was, as all magic, even that of the very real supernatural is merely sufficient advancement in technology and biology). Down and down he went, deeper and deeper. The smell of Bat guano was overpowering to the point his eyes almost watered shut. Shit! He thought to himself. Oh yes it was! Copious amounts of it! The walls had to be lined with something to stop the smell from seeping right through them. But why? To hide the smell of the stored alcohol perhaps?

A beam of light shone through a hole in the wall to the outside alley. Holy light beam, Robin! The Bat hole!"

Cupid reached in his bucket of tools and pulled out a tube of Gorilla Glue, a foot long rectangular board and some duct tape. He smiled when he realized he would be able to reach the hole. He had been concerned he'd have to figure out some way to bring a ladder down those stairs and figure out some way to brace the base on the uneven steps. He smeared the glue around the hole, pressed the board into the glue and then taped it up with duct tape to hold it until the glue dried.

He frowned as he did so. He was a compassionate god and the thought of making all the little flying Mousies homeless hurt! But what else could he do? The Bats could find another home but it would be a whole lot harder for Felix, and Lita, and Jerry their Schizophrenic Dishwasher or himself or the other dozen or so People who worked at Tres Equis to find another job and apartment. Plus where would the Customers go? For the Regulars, Tres Equis is a Support Group.

Cupid finished his repair job. He glanced playfully at the ceiling. "Alright Jesus it isn't the nice, neat repair job You'd do and I know it! But I know you will cut me some slack because that's what you always have to do with any kind of Humans, 1.0 or 2.0! The Mortals call us 'gods' and we accept the term because that's what they made us to be far in the future. But I'm not on Your level and we both know it! They only made us. They grow up into You. Ephesians 4:15. Big Difference!"

Cupid considered his next move. He had done everything practical he needed to do. He had sealed up the hole thus solving the Bat problem, at least until they found another way in, if ever. But there was the mystery of the other end of the tunnel. Yes he was taking a risk here walking on boards that had not seen any kind of repair for almost 90 years, but the chance to solve a mystery right out of a Hardy Boy novel was just too intriguing!

(Yes. Olympus has a library :-)

Passion won over practicality as it almost always did with the god of love. Excepting a few times Claire had talked some 'sense' into him! Or his Mother had! Or even rarely Uncle Mercury had, (though usually he was gung ho to do whatever wild scheme his nephew had up his sleeve). Sometimes Cupid was glad he'd listened to the Practicals. But most times he'd come to deeply regret it!

So knowing his past experience with such made the decision easy. Cupid took out his cell phone, did the Captain Kirk maneuver with one hand which pleased him greatly that he could since cell phone hinges weren't that easy to flip open one handed and called Felix. "Boss I've found and sealed the hole."

*Good work!* Felix exclaimed. *You more than earned your extra bonus I was going to pay you to fix the roof for fixing this problem. I'll even pay you for the time you measured the place because I'm such a nice Boss and for all we knew you might have found other discrepancys leading to other hooch rooms or other treasures.*

Cupid's face lit up, "Gee Thanks, Boss!"

*You're welcome.*

Would you do me another favor?'

*I suppose so. What?*

"I am going to continue downwards to try and figure out where the tunnel would have come out at. When I come to the end of it I'm going to do, 'shave and a hair cut' where ever that is. You be my Toon and thump, 'two bits' back! That way we'll know where the tunnel ends on the Tres Equis side."

Felix said. *OK Trev. Will do.*

Cupid added, "Who knows? Maybe we can modify the bar to make us another opening."

Felix said, *Not very likely, Trevor.*

"Oh come on Boss! If nothing else it adds more floor space to the bar. You could also maybe put a couple of tables up in the hooch room and rent it out at a princely price to private groups who would pay dearly to party in a real, 1920's, speakeasy hooch room."

Felix said, *Now that is an idea I hadn't considered. OK. Go do your thumping and we'll figure out if we want to do that or not based on where we'd have to put the door. If it's the bar part, most likely. If it's the kitchen, obviously we have a problem. It isn't legal to be allowing Customers in the kitchen area, at least not officially. So we'll see.*

Cupid nodded even though his Boss could not see that and added, "Affirmative Captain! Over and out."

Cupid left his bucket of tools on the step next to the hole because he would not need it anymore. He would pick them up on the way back up.

He pocketed two of the flashlights and his water bottle and grabbed the other two flashlights in his hands. He continued downwards.

Cupid was 3006 years old even if all his current crop of Friends thought him battier than the hoard of Fleidermouses he had just made homeless.

He was a god of love and compassion. Unfortunately his father, or at least the god who was officially supposed to be his father (though most folks suspected he was really Uncle Mercury's little squirt), was the god of war.

So he had been forced to see plenty of his father's handiwork.

Which was why even though he had no omnipresence at that point in his life he knew what he was seeing in the dim light moments earlier than any of his current crop of Friends would have.

"Oh shit!" He exclaimed. We can forgive him his colorful metaphor. Because Mr Spock is right! Sometimes there is a logical time for such language.

Cupid looked Heavenward again. "I hope he was one of Yours, Fellow Carpenter!"

(Cursing and praying back to back! Oh yes the gods are Human!)

Cupid continued down the few remaining steps to his gristly discovery. He knelt down to inspect it better. Or maybe that was for the purpose of prayer too.

There he lay! The entire remains of some poor Mortal who had given up his life in the long, terrible millions-of-generations quest for brain altering chemicals that could make the powerful but often malfunctioning brains of gods and Mortals feel better! That pursuit would end up someday with mental health for everyone including his messed up family on Olympus. But in the flesh-days of this poor Mortal about all this culture had was alcohol! And while this dubious gift did facilitate social interactions (often making his own job much easier), could get rid of hallucinations and cause occasionally therapeutic amnesia, its brain damaging and family destroying side effects were terrible to behold and experience!

Sometimes he felt ashamed to be a bartender!

Trevor noticed there was a shiny something in the skeleton's hands clutched to its chest. He knew he wasn't supposed to touch a crime scene but he just had to know what it was! Gently he tugged it out of the poor Mortal's hands and examined the fragile thing. It was a heart shaped locket that opened. Trevor's hands were usually steady as rocks, so steady he could add tiny drops of flavoring to drinks just by shaking the bottles carefully without needing the usual eye droppers. But now his hands shook. Carefully as possible he opened the little locket.

It contained two pictures. One was of a blonde and blue eyed Lady almost as beautiful as his Claire Bear. The other was of a Man with skin as dark and powerful looking and shiny as a steam engine full of coal, and just as handsome and proud looking as many a Pharaoh had been. Cupid who had been following genes for millenia could see: This Mortal's facial features show this wretched Creature is a genetic Descendant of the brilliant and deep Imhotep who designed those wonderful pyramids! Offspring from him would have deeply blessed the Mortal race! This had been the kind of match I'd have been proud to make! But there were probably no Offspring. The alcohol industry has cut short this Man's thread before a single Man-seed shot true and safe!

There were far too many deaths of dearly loved Mortals in the god of love's long, long life. He would see billions more as the eons passed. Sometimes the burden of immortality, the responsibility to remember every, precious one of them forever, weighed as heavy on his soul as the entire mountain of Olympus!

Cupid wept.

Ten Days Later.

The bar was not open for the day yet. Claire used her key to let herself in and made her way up the stairs to the apartment. She knocked.

Felix answered the door, frowning.

She frowned back. "I was going to ask, 'any change?' But I don't have to! It feels like a funeral parlor in here! How's he doing it?'

Felix grimaced. You are asking me? Aren't you the Professional? I want to know, if he isn't a god, how is he doing this? And if he is a god, why isn't his family doing something for him!? They would certainly have to be aware of this! Don't they check up on him at all? It's been over a week!"

Claire shook her head, "I don't know much in that area, Felix. Trevor signed that release allowing me to talk to you about his situation so I can tell you what I do know. Trevor thinks he was sent to the Mortal realm to get help and I'm what his next door neighbors, the Fates had in mind. So his family considers it my responsibility not theirs when something like this happens." Claire frowned and stared at the ceiling. "Just in case you are real and listening to this, "thanks a lot! He needs family too you know, not just a Therapist! It's buck passing families like you who make my job triply difficult!" She turned back to Felix and shrugged at her weird behavior.

Felix shrugged back, "I've done that too; talked to his family, scolded them royally for breaking 'Cupid's' heart!" He smiled. "Maybe I'm risking a lightning bolt but...."

Claire nodded in agreement at his unspoken sentiments. Then she said, "Let's go down to the bar, Felix. I felt OK down there. The effect must lessen the further away one is from him and get thicker and harder to bare the closer one is in proximity to him "

Felix was glad to go. "You're right. Down in the bar it isn't too bad but I did have to barricade off four tables that just happen to be right underneath his room. Customers complained sitting there was giving them the heebie jeebies."

They walked down the stairs and both of them could feel their moods lifting.

As they sat down at a table Claire said, "Obviously with his ability to project his feelings to everyone around him there is evidence here that Trevor may be more than just someone confused about his past, isn't there? But here's a more mundane possible explanation. With his IQ being the highest recorded and even that having to be estimated due to the tests not being up to measuring one as high as his, who knows how much of this ability is just related to that? As for his family, delusions about being cast out of Olympus, or not Trevor doesn't have a family now that is doing him any good. So we have to be here for him as a substitute family. I appreciate it that you do try in that area. You are definitely much more than a Boss or a Roommate or a Landlord to him, or even just a Friend. You are like a Father to him, a mixture of gentle tolerance which he did not get from 'Mars,' and a role model for responsible behavior which he did not get from 'Uncle Mercury.' I think if Uncle Mercury is a real person, he felt sorry for how Trevor was being over disciplined and not loved by his father and so spoiled him in the other direction, which is what lead to the ball drop incident. I'm speaking as if Mars and Mercury are real because memories make the personality even if they are false. If Uncle Mercury is a complete confabulation I suspect he may be an older false memory than the rest because he seems like a little boy's imaginary friend; one fourth superhero one fourth compassionate and wise father figure, one forth partner in crime and one forth sacred clown which is an archetypical myth of its own, one the Greeks seemed to have neglected to tap into and just about the only one they missed. So Trevor added the one thing to Greek mythology it didn't have! Or if Uncle Mercury does turn out to be some kind of real I don't know if I want to shout at him in a very unprofessional manner for refusing to discipline and teach little Cupid more responsible ways instead of going along with every mischievous scheme Cupid could come up with and even adding some of his own! Or thank him for saving what little mental health my patient has by showing a more compassionate way to be a Male than his so called war god Father!"

Felix smiled. You describe him like you've met him!"

Claire nodded and then frowned. "Anyway when the family throws the Patient away as Trevor has been thrown away, or thinks he has, the prognosis usually isn't good and long term therapy is required which at least he has access to and is tolerating. Because the Therapist has to be not just the Therapist, but a substitute family and do a lot of self esteem boosting which you would not think was necessary with a patient with delusions of godhood. Trevor caught me completely by surprise there. I thought when I first saw his chart I was going to have to do some ego deflating not the other way around. I learned better at our first session! Our god of love is miserable about being thrown away! So Felix I am glad he has you to be a substitute family member. That's pretty much what I've had to be also; his family in proxy because the hospital board pretty much made me responsible for him beyond the usual call of duty. I don't mind, Felix. Someone like me has to be here for someone like him! I'm made it as legal as I can short of marrying him and he's cooperated signing every paper I put before him. Living wills, power of attorney. You name it, I've done it."

Felix nodded.

Claire said, "When he said seeing that skeleton was giving him flashbacks I thought we finally had a breakthrough to some real past memories. But it turned out his 'flashbacks,' Claire made quote marks with her fingers, "were to the Greco-Roman wars, the Crusades, World War I, World War II, especially Hiroshima and so forth and so on up to 911 and our current mess. He can't really have been there for most of that!" Claire frowned. "So he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from false memories. I've never seen the like!"

Felix nodded, "And what real memories is he repressing that could possibly be worse than all of that?"

Claire frowned and shook her head.

Felix pointed out. "You know, concerning his real past; maybe you ought to leave well enough alone!"

Claire nodded again and pursed her lips. "But don't tell my Boss, Dr. Greeley. I'm still supposed to be trying to cure him. I'm not. I gave up. I'm just playing the waiting game and giving him supportive therapy right now. 'Cupid' is going to get his one hundredth couple matched and then....something interesting is going to happen. I don't know what!"

Felix asked in a worried tone of voice. "What do you think will happen?"

Claire pursed her lips and shook her head, "I can't be sure. There are several possibilities. The original personality may resurface. Either 'Cupid' completing his task will have cured him which I gather from reading between the lines with Trevor, was the original idea. Or he'll be confused at suddenly finding himself in control again, miles and years from what he last remembered. Or he'll be catatonic. Meanwhile 'Cupid will go back to Olympus which exists alright. It's as real as the stars in the sky! But it exists completely inside the complicated mind of Trevor Pierce. But he'll go there and think he's home and not know any different, retreating completely inside his host's mind. Or....

Claire shook her head again, Cupid won't go anywhere. He'll still be here and he'll either be in a terrible state, confused and unhappy as anyone would be who suddenly realized all his memories had been false. Or he'll confabulate some reason why he didn't go. I know that last one would be my preference, and that's selfish of me and unprofessional because I should be doing everything possible to get the original personality back and in functional state. But I....You know."

Felix smiled, "He is our friend and we'd miss him!"

Claire nodded.

Felix smiled. "I asked him what would happen if he didn't go anywhere after his hundredth couple. He said he'd be OK, that he's just throw back his head and laugh and laugh and laugh. 'Because you and Claire Bear are here for me so I can cope with it.'"

Claire smiled, "That would be the best outcome of all!" She crossed her fingers, "Here's hoping!"

But then she frowned again. How is he functioning now despite this cloud of despair we are all sensing?"

Felix shook his head. "He functions but the joie de vivre is missing and the Customers claim something is missing from the drinks he serves! I watch him. He isn't leaving anything out, not even the alcohol he's at war with right now. It's just the joy he puts into each drink that's missing! But he's a little better when hes around his, 'beloved Mortals,' even though serving them alcohol right now is making him cringe. I'd give him more shifts but I only need so much of that. Then, when he's alone in his room this darkness descends."

Claire said, "I know! It's awful up there! Find things for him to do!'

Felix nodded. I am. He solved the guano problem by the way. He made a discrete call to a garden club. They are going to come in through the back alley next Saturday morning before the bar opens with airtight containers and help themselves. It may take several Saturdays. He also found out how the Bats were getting in this apartment and why this place isn't smelling like Bat Guano. We had still another hole in the attic that isn't connected to the hidden stairwell. That let them come in here through Trevor's air vent in his bathroom. It must be a new hole because the attic isn't full of stinky Bat shit yet. Jerry and I found the other end of the tunnel because Trevor didn't want to go near it again and Lita stopped just short of shrieking at the very idea of her going near that much bat dung. It's behind the karaoke stage. I don't know yet what I will do. Moving the karaoke stage would be easier and less expensive than messing with the kitchen but still..."

Claire said, "I'm taking him to a movie. It's unorthodox therapy alright but I've had to become unorthodox with him. And Dr Leo already has his Star Trek group hatching something to keep his big brain occupied more than usual. We Professionals are trying, Felix! Thanks for you doing your parts as tolerant Roommate, patient Landlord and accommodating Boss. If the world had more like you our jobs would be so much easier!"

She got up and started back up the stairs into the apartment and down the hall. It was like trying to walk into a suffocating cloud of despair! It got worse the closer she came to Trevor! At the door to his room she took a deep breath, swallowed and said, "Once more into the breach!"

She knocked softly.

"Come in." was all he said. Not his usual "Claire Bear!"And happy as a wiggling Puppy response.

Gently Claire walked in.

Her patient was sitting with his back to the door, staring at his bucket of tools and his Sherlock Holmes book.

Claire came and put her right hand on his left shoulder. Then she turned to face him and bent down and peered into her Patient's red rimmed eyes. "Still feeling guilty because you are in the same business that did in the Mystery Mortal?"

Trevor nodded.

Claire sat down on his bed, something she usually would not have felt comfortable doing because Trevor was usually as horny as the god of erotic love he claimed to be and fully admitted it. Freud would have been very puzzled because his usual suspect, sexual repression was not this patient's problem! But today was different. Gently she said, "forensics made a positive identification today. His name is Jack Sanders and he disappeared the day before Prohibition ended. It's almost a miracle that the Police kept records about it this long but his Wife apparently made quite a stink for a little while and then got very sick from grief and never recovered. So they were a little more motivated to hang on to the details this long."

Trevor nodded in gratitude. "It's nice to know at least the name and particulars of the Mortal who was killed by the industry I belong to! Are there any living Relatives who still wonder whathappened to him?"

Claire shook her head, "Oh, Trevor! After all this time, how could there be?"

"It's only been about ninety years, Claire Bear."

"Ah Trevor I know you think you are immortal but we ordinary Humans.."

"...have been known to live a little over a hundred years. Check with the Police, please Claire! They have access to records that aren't on the net but because of the time that has passed they might not think to check them! You have a better chance of getting them to do that than I would because they are much more likely to accommodate a Shrink than a Mental Patient. Humor me if you have too! But for pities sake, please really make sure they check! Make it honest humoring! Make absolutely certain!"

Claire nodded. "OK. If you promise to be on time or even early for your next ten sessions instead of being fashionably late in protest at being forced to do what you know darn well you love to do; talk to me."

"Cupid" nodded.

Claire kept her promise.

There were times she was so grateful she was so careful to listen to even the most out of touch with reality Patients!

Trevor had been correct!

Bringing Justice to a Ghost

Sachs-Gordon was a short term Mental Health facility that kept Folks for no longer than ninety days if that long. It was one of many places where Folks were taken from Bellview and other admitting hospitals that did not have the resources to treat Patients for longer periods than a few days. From Sachs-Gordon most Patients could be brought to a healthy enough state to be released either on their on, or to a Responsible Relative (as Claire had become Trevor's Responsible Relative in proxy), or to a halfway house. But there were still, even in these days of modern miracle psyche drugs and dozens of different kinds of other therapies including kinds of talk therapies Freud could never have conceived of (including often very effective faith based therapies), those who could not be helped sufficiently to be released in any shape or form after a mere ninety days. For many of these, their fate was dire. There just were not enough long term facilities to go around even for those who were willing to stay locked up. Plus legal issues had made it easy for any Patient who wanted to, to get out one way or another and since most incurable Mentally Ill had no more insight than Trevor as to their need for help and most were not anywhere near as cheerfully cooperative. So most Long Term Incurables ended up living on the mean streets.

But a few met a kinder fate either due to lack of desire to fight their confinement, or pure luck, or family wealth, or forces beyond Mortal ken or combinations of all or some of these.

Mrs Thelma Sanders was one of these "lucky ones." And she was one hundred and six years old!

She lived in one of the few private hospitals that still took in long term Incurables. It was a gorgeous piece of Nature, right in the middle of Manhattan, appearing as an anachronistic Dinosaur of a mental hospital with the stereotypically, tall-stone-walled, green lawned, fountained garden; a piece of psychiatric paradise left over from the bad old days when long term confinement had been the norm and not the rare exception. (But with much more modern and effective treatments and compassion). It was called the Manhattan Psychiatric Institute. It was small. It only housed about 700 Patients. It was a research facility that only took the Sickest of the Sick and sometimes they worked miracles.

But other than she was safe and off the streets and had been so for almost ninety years there had been no miracle for Mrs Thelma Sanders.

Claire had read the Director of the facilities series of books called 'K-PAX' after the fictional or possibly not-so-fictional paradise-like Planet that one of MPI's longest Residents claimed to have come from: A Man with a Multiple Personality similar to Trevor who had eventually either been cured or did what Trevor did, faked being cured and won a release based on his ability to function normally even though he could not think normally. Claire approved very much of Dr Gene Brewer! Despite his being the head of a hospital that tested some of the most experimental of psyche drugs the Man was not adverse to good old talking to a Patient to see if that would help. And sometimes it did. Or more often a combination of medication and talking helped. Claire kind of wished the Man had time to take on Trevor. But it was doubtful he had time or that Trevor would cooperate. Their therapeutic bond was good, too good. Even Dr Greeley knew it was all that was keeping Trevor as cooperative as he was. Try to switch him to another Therapist and it was highly likely he would leave the area!

The nice side effect of that was it made her practically unfireable despite their strong and often bitter words stemming from their major philosophical differences about the over-use of medication to control Patients! Dr Greeley was horrified of what Trevor might do unsupervised and that it could have legal repercussions for the hospital. He was very much aware only she was keeping him under any kind of control!Claire's Boss was also very much aware Trevor had such charisma and had developed such a following any attempt to recommit him against his will would end up with the hospital under legal siege from dozens of pro bono Lawyers who would use Trevor as a "Civil rights issue" to further their own political ambitions! It had taken a few years for Trevor to establish dominance and for several years his danger of being recommitted and severely chemical strait jacketed had been dire! But Claire had managed to talk Dr Greeley out of it every time! Then in a few years her 'psychotic' Mental Patient with his deliberately harmless but Hitler-like ability to get an Audience in the palm of his hands and inspire in them any emotion he desired had managed to get the hospital between a rock and a hard place! Just as he could have been with many different kinds of projectiles or marshal arts, if Trevor had wanted to be politically dangerous he could have been very severely politically dangerous! The ability was there just not the ambition!

Because fortunately despite his superior abilities he was simply kind hearted and easily contented.

But enough of that. Claire made one phone call to the head of the Manhattan Psychiatric Facility and with with refreshing lack of over-credence to legalities she had immediately received permission to see its longest living Patient.

The room in MPI's disturbed ward was richly furnished and neat as a pin. Up until a few months ago when her last living Relative had died, that Person, a Nephew had done his best to keep his Great Aunt's environment cheerful and MPS had encouraged him to do so in a way that put Sachs-Gordon to shame. But the room's inhabitant never touched her pretty things.

Not even though she was trapped in her room. Due to her self destructive proclivities she was never allowed out of it.

She just sat there. The Nurses and Orderlies could get her to eat and go to the bathroom by herself out of her desire not to be a bother. But that was the extent of her remaining ability towards self care.

She had been that way for decades. She had fallen into this sad state precisely one year from the day her beloved Husband had not come home from work one day and no one ever heard from him ever again!

Dr Claire McCrae knocked on the door of Thelma's room. After all she was not a Nurse, not an Attendant. She wasn't a Regular to this science forsaken corner of the hospital. They were Strangers to each other. In fact even the Doctors who worked at MPI mostly were.

For there was no drug and no therapy that had helped, not even electroconvulsive therapy and the hospital was filled with more Patients who could be helped than they had time to help. For Hopeless Cases like Thelma Sanders there was only palliative care and a Psychiatrist was not needed to administer that.

No Stranger had the right to walk into anyone's dwelling place without permission.

The Nurse unlocked the door and Claire peeked in "May I come in?" Claire asked gently. Come into your secret world? Come into you life? 'Behold I knock!...Open that you might have life and have it more abundantly!' Was this what that had been about? Trevor thought so. To the 'gods' their "Neighbor to the Northwest was a Doctor sent to enter the operating systems of willing Mortals and heal their souls.

To her amazement and relief Thelma gave a little nod. Claire still hadn't figured out what she would have done if Thelma had refused. Write her a letter perhaps?

Claire walked in and pulled up a foot stool. She sat down before this ancient Living Relic from the Snake pit era. Gently she said, "Mrs Sanders I have some very shocking news. I don't know any other way to say it so I am just going to say it. We finally found out what happened to your Husband. He didn't abandon you. It is very clear he loved you to his dying breath! Another Patient of mine found his remains a week ago, Thelma. It took forensics this long to make a positive identification. But what was left of his hands were clasped around this locket." Claire handed it to Thelma. "It has your picture and his in it. That is how forensics made their preliminary identification but dental records confirmed it."

Thelma reached out both her boney hands and took the locket, clenching it to her chest, to her heart.

Claire continued, "Do you realize what this means? He didn't abandon you! He just died, Thelma! But he died showing his love for you the only way he could, by holding the locket with his and your picture in it up to his heart just as you are dong right now!"

Tears started running down Thelma's cheeks. Claire felt relief. If she was still all- there enough to cry she could still be helped!"

Then for the first time anyone currently working at the hospital had heard her, Thelma spoke. "He didn't abandon me! I knew he didn't! His ghost comes to see me sometimes. I don't dare speak to him out loud. You all think I'm nuts! They locked me up here because I kept insisting his spirit was still with me. My family kept insisting I was wrong, that he'd ran off to Mexico with this bar floozy. But I knew he just felt sorry for Mary. That's why he kept talking to her. He didn't run off. When the Police came to question the speakeasy owner he was just a few feet away all that time! And the owner knew! He knew where my Husband was and he didn't tell anyone! He didn't want to get in trouble for his murder! But Jack told me! He did! Or that is his ghost did! He was shot in the secret stairway up to the storeroom and because prohibition was going to be over the very next day they just sealed his body in there to rot and went back to serving legal liquor that could be stored openly. They abandoned the secret stairway and the storeroom completely and the Police never knew it was there so everyone forgot about my Husband. But I didn't! I knew what happened but no one would believe me because they refused to believe in ghosts!"

Claire said, How could she possibly know these details?! "I'll believe you Thelma. You can tell me!'

And so Thelma did.

The words poured out of her like a torrent!

After years of not speaking it was amazing how fluently this ancient, almost catatonic, 'Ward 3,

'Hopeless Case' could speak!

Thelma talked and talked and talked! She told about how her Husband and her had met, how they had fallen in love, how they had married even though her family did not approve because he was a "Negro" and she was far too young. And how he had managed to support her without any help whatsoever financial or emotional from her family who was considerably well off for the age. Her Uncle had been a Mortician and even in that economic down time Folks were always dying for his services. So unlike many around them her family always had enough to eat. Her Uncle could even have hired her new Husband. He always needed a Stable Hand. It wouldn't have been a great job but it would have been an honest, relatively safe one and it would have put food on the table and paid the rent.

But her spiteful, bigoted Uncle kept giving that job to a long series of ne'er do wells instead.

Forced by the bigotry of he day which was aimed with special force and venom at any Mixed Race Couple but especially at one where the Wife was White and so very young and the Husband was a 'Negro' he was forced to make a living for his brand new Child Bride any way he could. Thelma's Husband ended up taking a job with the mob. It paid fairly well buthis soul was in danger of going to Hell! Word got back to her he was showing interest in one of the Prostitutes that frequented the place.

And then one day they both were gone. Thelma never saw her Husband in the flesh again but his Ghost had told her what had really happened! They had bothbeen murdered! Her Husband because he could not take what he saw any more and was going to the Police and the mob had figured that out and Mary the Prostitute to cover their tracks by making it look likehe'd skipped town with her!

Mary had made it to Heaven/John's Cube because her sins was merely due to having no other way to make a living and she had asked Christ for forgiveness before she died. He had not because he could have made other choices if he'd used a bit more faith and tried a bit harder and he had neglected to ask God and others for help to do that, and for forgiveness. Failure to ask for help when one needs it from either God or Man, that is the worst sin of all, for it causes all the rest!

Instead his Ghost haunted his former Wife and tried to comfort her as best he could. Like all Ghosts he would exist pain free but not free of regret for a very, very long time until the Sun went nova. Then with no nova-proof 'keeps' to protect them such as John's Cube or Olympus, ghosts would be in a great deal of trouble!

No one would ever believe Thelma that her Husband still communicated and tried to comfort her. After one solid year of being disbelieved and ridiculed she had simply quit talking completely. It was easier than being continually made fun of for her faith in her Beloved. But that washow she ended up confined to a continuing string of mental institutions.

Thelma finally came to the end of her long tale of woe. She stared at Dr Claire McCrae.

It was the first time she had looked anyone in the eye in decades. "So now that I admit I 'hallucinate' are you going to stuff me full of dope?"

Claire shook her head. "It's not dope. It helps a lot of distressed Patients no longer see or hear what bothers them. But for you, your Husband's Ghost brings you comfort and it would not be therapeutic to cut you off from that part of your mind that brings him to you in whatever form that really is. Plus what do we Scientists really know yet? Maybe you are seeing and hearing his ghost and some of our other Patients are seeing and hearing demons and what the medicine does is dull their brain's ability to sense such things. No. it seems to me your worst problem is how reality has been treating you not the supernatural, real or not. I used to think all Patients needed to be brought back fully to my conventional concept of reality but I've had a very special patient teach me differently. He functions just fine even though he's so out of touch with what I think of is reality he had to lie about what he thinks reality is to be released. So many thought he'd be back in psychiatric confinement in a week. But instead years later he's still just as out of touch with reality as ever or at least we think he is, but also still living outside in the real world wild and free. And he's helped so many other People! I think, Mrs Sanders MPI can release you into their general population of Patients on their harmless Ward if you will keep talking to us. I promise they'll believe you about your Husband's Ghost now or at least not think it's pathological you think you sense him. I'll talk to Dr Brewer myself and make sure of that because you do know details you couldn't possibly have known any other way! In time maybe you can even leave here. Would you like that?"

Thelma nodded.

Claire smiled. There were days it was wonderful to be a Therapist! Merely dispensing drugs would have made her much more money and yes they could help many Patients when they were used correctly. But after her own terrible and lonely childhood her heart wasn't in that. She prescribed them when they would help but she also wanted to talk to her Patients even though that meant she had time for fewer of them and thus made much less money! Even in the Twenty First century there was still a desperate need for simple Human interaction!

And for more cold case files to be solved!

Then she had an epiphany! She looked at Thelma pleadingly. "Mrs Sanders the man who found your Husband's remains is a barkeep, a legal one who just does it because he wants a job where he can help People fall in love just as you and Jack are still so very much in love. Alcohol is legal today and Barkeeps are strongly encouraged to cut a Customer off if he or she shows signs of having a problem with alcohol or is too drunk, and they are legally responsible for making sure their Customers don't drive home in an impaired state. Most drunk drivers just go and buy alcohol on their own. This man takes his responsibilities not to harm Folks by serving them too much to drink, to heart. And he gives Folks wise advice and has a kind and listening ear. He's a better Therapist than most of the ones who have licenses to practice therapy at my hospital! But he also knows when he's over his head and has referred some of his more disturbed Customers to me. In at least two cases I think this saved their lives! He's pretty shook up right now about having found your Husband's remains and is blaming the whole alcohol industry for it and feels guilty by association. He's usually so full of joie de vivre he lights up a room just entering it but now he's so sad and angry he's bringing everyone down! It's like his brainwaves get picked up by everyone around him or something. Would you do this man a favor, (all of us actually) and talk to him, make him feel it is all right to do what he does so wonderfully! Because it's like the gods or God actually called this very old soul to be a Barkeep and right now he's doubting himself! The World and Queens in particular needs him as a Barkeep a whole lot more than it needs some of us as Doctors! Please?"

Thelma nodded like she had been talking and functioning normally for decades instead of almost catatonic. "Of course dear. Bring him to see me. I'll have him fit as a fiddle in no time!"

And so Claire did. No one knew what Thelma said to Trevor because they both demanded complete privacy and Trevor wouldn't tell. But he came out of her room back to being his old, crazy but cheerful and completely functional self.

Except he still cheerfully had his new toy fastened to his left leg. He had taken to talking to it convinced it had a recording device. Claire wasn't too happy about Trevor's new "Soccer ball." (See the movie Castaway or at least consult Wikipedia). But he pointed out the tiny, microphone-like holes in it. So what else was Dr Greeley hiding? Her cheerfully paranoid patient could be right about this one!

But Trevor's new habit of talking to his ankle bracelet when he thought no one else was listening (often incorrectly) wasn't helping him look any more normal!

Claire pursed her lips and thought and thought and thought. How do you talk an adult with an estimated IQ over 300 out of a security blanket and Imaginary Friend? And even if Trevor could be talked out of it how did she convince Dr Greeley to give up on this sick experiment? Because only 'crazy Trevor' was going to enjoy being spied on like this!"

Bingo! That was her angle with Trevor! As much as he liked his new 'friend" his compassion towards the plight of his fellow Mental Patients could be used to get him on her side. And once he was on her side let him figure out how to change Dr Greeley's opinion!

She knew he would! She had no idea how but no one could resist Trevor's persuasiveness, not even a Man who was terrified he'd bring a lawsuit down on their heads, or several!

How to Drive a Psychiatrist crazy.

Dr Greeley frowned."Claire that blasted alarm goes off every few minutes it seems. What is your Patient doing? Living on the roof?"

Claire smiled. "He likes his bracelet but he realizes most Patients won't and will consider it a horrible invasion of privacy. So he's doing what lots of Folks do when they have no other way to change things. He's resorted to praying about it. But because he thinks he's a god and the gods pray to us Mortals sometimes because prayer goes in both directions he's praying to you that you will change your mind about putting ankle bracelets on his fellow Mental Patients. He goes on the roof for privacy. This is Queens, Milton, the most densely populated place in the United States. But the roof and the hooch room is pretty much private so he's using that as a sort of chapel. It really isn't every few minutes except on his days off. On his work days it's just during his breaks and lunch hour and in the mornings before work. It's not his fault that just happens to be when you like to do your paper work. And he keeps going down stairs again back and forth every few minutes to check up on the food he cooks for everybody in the morning. He cooks it and puts it in the fridge so it's ready for Felix and Lita and himself to eat later when they are too busy to cook. That's why the alarm keeps going off every few minutes in the morning. Every time your alarm goes off you are being prayed to." She grinned mischievously "How does it feel?"

Dr Greeley was exasperated! (Good!)"Like a blasted migraine! Does he have to be so devout!?"

Claire laughed, "Milton, duh! This is Trevor we are talking about. Remember Trevor? Has delusions he's the god of erotic love? You know. That Trevor!"

Milton sighed. "OK. Go tell him this Mortal has granted

'the god of erotic love'

his prayer. I'll take the confounded thing off myself! Then I shall soak it in gasoline and light it on fire! He could have drowned it himself you know! "

"Ah Milton! That brings up another thing. What would have stopped other Patients from doing just exactly that? Most of them wouldn't do the honorable thing and simply pray about it. They'd just drown the blasted things. What could we do? Recommit them for doing a perfectly normal act? Few courts would allow re-commitment under that circumstance. I know I wouldn't!"

Dr Greeley sighed. "We were planning on making them waterproof."

Claire just tried one of Trevor's tricks. She stared Dr Milton Greeley down. It worked!

He growled. "I said I'd take the blasted thing off myself and I will! Send him over here, pronto. I don't want that alarm to go off ever again!

BERRRRRRRINNNNG.

Claire laughed as she put her hands over her ears. "Too late!' Then she asked, "what about other Patients? If you don't agree to not ever put a bracelet on any other Patients, Trevor won't agree to letting you take his off and it's his. You gave it to him so he has a legal right to keep it. Unless he lets you take it off of him he could have you arrested for stealing and he just might! He likes it too much."

Dr. Greeley sighed. "I know you put him up to that. But you and your very weird god-patient win! I won't put any more of these on any other Patients ever! It's not that they weren't a great idea. It's just we don't have the Man power to monitor them properly so they could drive us crazy!

He glared at her, "I could have just turned it off at my end you know!"

It just happened to be starting to Spring-rain that afternoon. Or was that really a coincidence? Trevor looked at his suddenly very naked feeling left ankle as he stood at the crosswalk to get back across the street to his beloved bar. He had seen Claire's point and the need to pursue it. But he frowned. He was missing his little electronic friend!

But then when the rain started to fall like silver kisses from his family, suddenly a grin crossed his face. He put his face to the wet Heavens enjoying the feel of fresh, clean, cool Heaven-water on his warm skin.

Then he went skipping up the street. The G O D 's face looked as happy as the D O Gs Future Mortals had based much of his personality on. He was the god of love after all and even billions of years in the future when the Building Mortals granted all their Fictional Characters the gift of self awareness Humanity would still know no greater love than that of Jesus and Dogs. So Those both had been his operating system's template. D O G's and G O D's mirrored one another's love for Mortals just as their names did.

Because he was almost always full of love the god of love was almost always truly happy!

Despite loss of his little electronic friend this was one of those times, because...

….There would soon be puddles to splash in and now without the sacred, Mortal-granted responsibility of the ankle bracelet to protect and cherish, he could splash in them again!

Cupid ran down the street whooping with joy, one with the spring rains and with another of his friends; Aeolus the wind god!

From her office Claire watched Trevor run whooping and dancing down the street and she smiled.

Who was normal? Who was crazy?

And who really cared? Trevor 'Cupid' Pierce was happy again and so for her all was right with the world again, temporarily at least!