Disclaimer: Here's wishing it is mine. But not so.
"Crap." Lorelai mutters to herself as she peeks into Luke's Diner. It's been three days since the Dragonfly Inn's test run. That's three days since Luke gave her flowers, since Rory lost her virginity, since Luke first kissed her.
She hasn't spoken to Luke since that night, when she went back to the Inn with Rory. She had waited for Rory to drift off to sleep, then knocked on Luke's door – Lucky Number Seven.
"Lorelai, hi." Luke said when he opened the door and immediately assumed a concerned look on his face. "Is everything alright?"
"Can I come in for a minute?" Lorelai felt tired. She wanted to get this over with and return to comforting her daughter, even if it was only in their dreams.
She walked in and stood in the middle of the room, careful to put some space between them. She was afraid she would just collapse right into his arms – maybe from exhaustion, maybe from something else. She couldn't allow herself that luxury. Not then.
"Luke, something's happened tonight. Don't ask me what it is, I can't tell you. I wish I could, but I can't. Tonight has been crazy," Lorelai let it out in one breath. "Crazy bad and crazy good," she had to add. He was just across the room and all Lorelai wanted to do was close that gap between them. He felt so far away and she didn't like that feeling. She wanted to run into his arms, which felt so right wrapped around her just a few hours ago. But the lack of expression on his face stopped her.
"No movie tomorrow night then," Luke stated, not questioned. She couldn't read him at all. What are you thinking? Tell me! She didn't think it was possible, but she felt more tired.
"Just postponed. I'll explain when I can." She knew she didn't sound encouraging. "Trust me?" she said softly with pleading eyes.
"No problem," he said, and opened the door. "Good night."
He took it so well, maybe too well. But she was preoccupied at the time – her daughter needed her more.
Now he's in his diner, just like always. He's taking orders, wearing the same blue hat backwards and the same flannel-shirt-and-jeans outfit. It's the same Luke. And yet, it wasn't. Why is this so hard?
Forget it? Who needs his coffee anyway? Who needs him? She walks away from the diner. After a few steps, she turns around and walks back towards the diner.
"Crappity crap crap!" she exclaims again, a little louder. She has to face him again at some point. Why not today?
"Lorelai?"
"Gah!" Lorelai turns around at a dizzying speed. Man, I need coffee!
"Oh, hi Taylor. Wow, I'm going to have to remember to borrow that invisibility cloak of yours one day! Um... How's it going?"
Taylor looks at her suspiciously. "Well, I'm not too crazy about you swearing in public, Lorelai. But other than that, I'm doing well thank you."
"Oh good. Good! I'm super glad to hear that!" Lorelai exclaims a bit more enthusiastically than she had meant to. She steals another peek into Luke's Diner.
"Is something going on at Luke's?" Taylor asks as he follows her gaze.
No, just Luke. Being there.
"Actually, yes, the aliens have come to take back their people. Aren't you excited to be finally going home? I sure am!" Lorelai retorts as her eyes wander yet again to Luke, who seemed too busy with the breakfast rush to notice her tango moves in front of his diner.
"Uh-huh. Well, while you're here, I would just like to congratulate you again on a job well done at your inn. I must say, apart from the few hairline cracks I found on the bathtub, the place looked fabulous. Not perfect, mind you, but it definitely has great potential. Did you get through the comment cards I handed in?"
What am I going to say? Hey nice kissing, let's do it again? About that movie, still want to go? Ugh.
"Huh? Oh, well... Taylor, you need to give me some time here. It's only been a couple of days and we have a mountain of comment cards to go through. It's like climbing the Alps in my office! But I can assure, you we are on it!"
Taylor is not convinced.
"Hmm... Just be sure to get through them. I made some very good suggestions on how to fold the extra towels on the shelves. Oh, and I suggested that the soap..."
Okay, I'm going in. It's now or never. I have to just be gung-ho about this!
"Taylor, I really really appreciate all of it. Really. I'm just desperate to get some Luke..." Oops. Dirty? Lorelai blushes. "...'s coffee! I mean, you know he serves the best in town. But don't tell Sookie!" Just go Lorelai! "Heh. Anyway, I'm going in – for coffee! Excuse me."
I'm a disaster! Lorelai turns around and takes a deep breath.
The bell on the door announces her entrance to the diner and she takes a deep breath. She loves that smell – the bacon, the pancakes, the blueberry muffins, and the glorious coffee. She realizes she missed this place. She looks at Luke and realizes that she's missed him more.
Luke is on the other side of the diner, serving Kirk his eggs. Kirk looks up at him adoringly; Luke looks down at him annoyed before he looks up and meets Lorelai's eyes. Lorelai gives him a half-smile before walking over to an empty stool by the counter. Just be cool. Think the Fonz!
Luke comes back behind the counter and faces her. "Hey."
"Hey back." She smiles at him and gives a little sigh. My god, he's got nice eyes. Before she knows it, she's got a mug-full of coffee in front of her.
"I haven't seen you in a few days. Things at the Inn must be hectic." Luke says. How can he be so normal, like nothing's happened?
"Yeah, they are. But it's all looking good. I'm feeling confident about the opening, since the test run went so well." Lorelai replies. Then she realizes that she had just brought up the test run when they kissed. Twice. She stares at the coffee and takes a deep breath. Okay, diving in.
"Luke..." Lorelai starts.
"Well, you should. So, what will you have today?" Luke interrupts before Lorelai could say anything else. She looked at him with a quick perplexed look.
"Oh... uh... Just coffee today, thanks. I should head to the Inn anyway. Cletus and Desdemona – they miss me so." Lorelai jokes.
"Ok." Luke nods and walks away.
Lorelai follows him with her eyes again. She frowns, grabs her purse and leaves. Guess we can forget about the kissing. Rats!
"Mom, where have you been?" Rory asks Lorelai as she walks into the Dragonfly Inn.
"Just grabbed some coffee, hon. Miss me?"
"Always. But Sookie and Michel need you more. They're about to commence WrestleMania V in the kitchen. You might want to go in there and break up the party. Wait. Does you getting coffee mean you talked to Luke?" Rory asks Lorelai with a hopeful look.
"Hm? Well, briefly, nothing significant. Just a "hey what's up" kind of conversation," Lorelai replies lightly as she starts to leaf through the papers on the reception desk.
"Mom, talk to him. Tell him!"
"Hey, aren't you late to meet up with Lane? Go! You should be out there, having fun, drinking kegs of beer and chain-smoking!" Lorelai exclaims, practically pushing Rory out the door.
"Well, I'm glad I have your blessing," Rory resignedly says as she grabs her purse.
"Hey," Lorelai calls out before she walks out the door. Her daughter still looks a bit pale, and Lorelai feels a slight ache in her heart. "How you doing, sweets? You okay?" Lorelai asks. If only I could make the earth turn backwards for you.
"I'll be okay, really. Don't worry about me." Rory tells her mom earnestly.
"Worrying incessantly is on my to-do list. I had the thing notarized and sent to the whole town so there's no mystery if I'm carted off to the loony bin."
"Call me if they need someone to sign the commitment papers. Bye Mom." Rory says as she closes the door behind her.
Lorelai thanks the stars that Dean decided to leave town. Rory didn't go too in-depth about the conversation she had with Dean before he left two days ago.
"He's gone. He left Lindsay and told me he loves me. He asked me if I love him, and I told him that I honestly don't know. All I know is that we shouldn't have done what we did and I need some time to think, away from him. He then decided he's going to go away for a while and think about things. And I told him that that's probably a good idea. So he's gone," Rory told Lorelai in a monotone voice.
Lorelai didn't say so, but she was glad of Rory's decision. The last thing she wanted was for her beloved daughter to be involved with a married man, separated or not.
The day was going by pretty fast. Next thing Lorelai knows, it's time for dinner and she's desperate for a cheeseburger and fries. But she couldn't bring herself to go to the one place she wanted to.
With a loud sigh, she walks into the Inn kitchen where Sookie is engrossed on a list.
"What's wrong chickadee?" Sookie asks without looking up.
"Grumpy. Hungry. Tired." Lorelai pouts as she sits on a stool next to Sookie.
"Decided to do away with full sentences, huh?" Sookie looks up at her and hesitates before saying, "Did you talk to him yet?"
"Absolutely, and he said – Welcome to heaven Lorelai. Here are your wings and the music to sing when you join the angelic choir," Lorelai replies.
"Well, I never thought of Luke as God, but okay..."
"I went to the diner for coffee this morning," Lorelai says as she tries to concentrate on the list in front of Sookie. "You're ordering five kinds of cutting boards?"
"And? What did he say?" Sookie ignores her last question.
Lorelai finally looks at her and rolls her eyes. "And... nothing! It wasn't the current topic of conversation. He's acting completely normal!" Lorelai was surprised by the frustration in her own voice.
"And normal is never good in your world. Did you try bringing it up?"
"No, I stood there and made ug-ug sounds."
Sookie just looks at her.
"I couldn't. He didn't really let me. He was busy. Maybe he didn't mean for it to happen. He was suffering from temporary insanity at the time after having a weird reaction from your salad. He would've kissed a fish if it spoke to him. But don't worry, he's all better now."
"Talk to him!"
"But I threw away my fish mask!"
Sookie gives her another look.
"He won't even look at me long enough for me to bring it up."
"You've only tried once. Try again."
"And what do I say? Hey, Luke, remember when we kissed? No? Oh, it must have been my imagination. Silly me!"
"I highly doubt he's forgotten. Just ask him to re-schedule the movie date then."
"I don't think he wants to."
"Of course he wants to! Don't be crazy."
"Uh, hello! A little late for that, don't you think?"
"Lorelai," Sookie says to her in a serious tone. "If you don't talk to him about this, you'll regret it."
Yeah, but who's to say I won't regret it if I do bring it up with him?
"You might lose him in your life, Lorelai." Sookie says matter-of-factly.
Lorelai gives Sookie an incredulous look. She almost tells Sookie she's the one being crazy. Then it dawns on her that she might be right.
Lorelai lies in bed awake, twirling her hair, trying to organize the thoughts that are swimming all over her already muddled head.
You're being ridiculous. You won't lose him. He's always been there for you all these years.
Yeah, but that's before you kissed. That's before you canceled your date.
So? Just because you canceled a date with him doesn't mean he stops being your friend.
But you have crossed the boundaries of friendship.
The boundaries of friendship. Hmph. Who sets those?
Thinking back, Lorelai realizes that she and Luke have always had very fuzzy boundaries to their friendship. They've flirted, verbally sparred, argued, and even full-on fought. But there were those moments of awkwardness that hinted at more than friendship. She couldn't look at him in the eye for too long then; the feelings were too overwhelming. They had talked about finding the right person, having kids, getting the whole package. And she could hear the confidence in his voice when he assured her that she will have the whole package...
Lorelai suddenly sits up from bed, her eyes widened.
"Whoa."
She leaps out of bed and grabs the first pair of jeans she could find and a t-shirt off the floor. She runs out of the house with her purse and keys. When she finds herself in front of the closed diner, she takes out her cell phone and dials.
"Hello?" a disgruntled-sounding Luke answers.
"Luke? It's Lorelai. Open the door. I wanna talk."
"What? Where are you?"
"Siberia. Come downstairs!"
Luke audibly sighs and mumbles something that sounded like "crazy lady..."
Lorelai watches as the light goes on by the stairs. She sees Luke's silhouette walking towards the diner door.
"What are you doing here?" he asks as he opens the door.
"I've been thinking a lot. About us." Lorelai says as she walks into the diner. Luke closes the door but stays rooted to the spot. Lorelai turns to face him and studies him for a minute. He didn't look half-asleep. In fact, he looked pretty alert in his long-sleeved shirt and pajamas. He was watching her intently. Was that longing in his eyes? She blinked and it was gone, but she couldn't stop now.
"Hey, do you remember those kisses? Because I sure do. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. And I've also been thinking that, maybe, you've been trying to forget about it all. I mean, I don't know. I haven't been able to figure out what you're thinking or feeling. I'm so confused. And I hate not being able to talk to you. I hate not coming into the diner and I miss your coffee and your food... Damn it, Luke, I miss you!" Lorelai realizes she's babbling. But she knew if she said it too slowly, the words might disappear into oblivion. And she refuses to let that happen now. She refuses to lose him.
"You asked to postpone it," Luke says to her calmly, crossing his arms on his chest.
"Huh?"
"You asked me to wait. You said you'd tell me what happened when you can. So here I am, waiting."
Lorelai's stunned. He's right. She did ask him to trust her. How could she have forgotten? Here she was, freaking out about losing him in her life. Meanwhile, he's been waiting for her to come to him.
"But when I came in this morning, you went all Ice Queen on me," Lorelai accuses.
"Don't call me a queen. And did you really want to have that discussion in front of the whole town?" Luke asks incredulously.
"But you could've given me a sign! A wink, a certain smile, something!"
"Right, because those are things that I do. I wink, I smile seductively - let me work on that James Dean haircut and get back to you," Luke answers exasperatedly.
"So I've been walking back and forth to your diner like an idiot, and all that time, you've just been waiting for me? You're the guy – you're supposed to come to me!"
"You asked me to wait! After the wedding invitation, the waltz, the flowers, the kiss..." Luke pauses and sighs. "You know what I want. But I didn't want to push too hard. I know how you are."
Silence. Lorelai shakes her head and chuckles.
"Yeah, you do," she looks at him and smiles. "You are one amazing person, Luke. Did you know that?"
A slow smile starts to appear on Luke's face. "Why, because I put up with you and your crazy ways?"
"Hmm, no. It's more because you bring it out in me."
"Well, you're not so bad yourself," Luke takes a slow step towards her. "So what did happen that night?"
"Rory needed me."
Luke nodded, as if she had confirmed his thoughts. "Dean?" he asks.
"How...?"
"I've had my suspicions. He came by before he left and said something about being separated and never getting over someone. He seemed really sad. It wasn't very hard to guess."
"Yeah, well... be glad he's just sad and not weighed down with a ball and chain on the bottom of the Atlantic like I had been imagining..." Lorelai says bitterly.
"Ah well, I can't help feeling sorry for the guy. It's very hard to rid the system of the Gilmore mystique," Luke sardonically interjects.
"Mystique?" Lorelai smiles slyly at Luke, raising one eyebrow.
Luke just smiles and shakes his head. He takes another slow step towards her.
"Is she okay though? I didn't want to ask her. I figure she wouldn't want to talk about it," his expression turns serious again, as another slow step is taken.
"Yeah, I'm a little worried. But I think she'll be fine. She's made of stronger stuff than you'd think." Lorelai replies quietly, taking her own step towards him.
"I don't doubt that. If she's anything like her mother..." Luke takes one last step that brings his face inches away from hers.
They gaze into each other's eyes. It's all so familiar, yet excitingly new. Luke's hands find their way to her waist and Lorelai's travel towards his neck. And as their lips meet for that long-awaited third kiss, Lorelai's crazy thoughts were put to rest. For now, at least.