Chocolate

July 1996

Remus Lupin stumbled across the uneven ground. The air was thick and oppressive, mist clinging to his skin and clothing. His face and robes were streaked with blood and dirt, but he hardly seemed to notice as he frantically scanned the faces of the lifeless bodies surrounding him, searching for the familiar features of two young wizards and a witch. He felt a wrench in his gut as he recognised a few faces; people he had taught this year, still only children, so young and full of promise. He stumbled, screwing his eyes shut, and willed back the tears that threatened to cloud his vision. He stood again and forced himself onwards, constantly searching.

The final battle. Everyone had fought who was capable of doing so, and few had returned. Harry, Ron and Hermione had been among those who had not. Remus had immediately volunteered to look for survivors, desperately clinging to the hope that they weren't dead. The three of them had gone off to find Voldemort. Harry had insisted on going alone, but Ron and Hermione had followed, unwilling to let him face anything without them.

Remus looked around him. He could vaguely make out shadowy figures through the swirling mists. They were mainly Aurors, people searching for survivors, like him. He saw red sparks rising high above his head; they had found someone then. More sparks went off somewhere to his left and he heard voices shouting. He ran towards the sound, avoiding the splayed limbs of the bloody corpses that littered the field.

He reached a small mound, on top of which stood two cloaked figures. They turned upon hearing his footsteps and he recognised Nymphadora Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt. At their feet lay three bodies, their hands outstretched towards each other. The boy with the scar and the broken glasses lay a short distance away from the other two. The girl's hair was tangled and tossed across her face, and the boy with red hair lay on his back, eyes wide and staring.

But the girl... was that movement, or had he simply imagined it? Remus rushed to her side and dropped down in the mud next to her. He placed two fingers on the pale skin of her throat. A pulse! Without thinking, he raised his wand and sent up red sparks to call a Healer, shouting over his shoulder to Tonks and Kingsley. He carefully rolled her over. Her face and hair was splattered with mud and under that her skin was very pale. He rested her head on his knees and lowered his cheek to her mouth to check whether or not she was breathing. Nothing. Damn.

He looked up and saw Tonks watching him, her face pale and worried and looked down again at the pale face resting in his lap. Time was running out, so he just did the only thing he could. Gently laying her flat on her back, he carefully tilted her head back, and, pinching her nose between thumb and forefinger, lowered his mouth to hers.

He fought down the urge to laugh hysterically as he breathed into the pale girl, reminding himself of the situation he was in, and that anyone would be doing the same in his position. Images rose in his mind of the two boys, her best friends, lying dead only feet away from where he was kneeling, but he quickly forced those thoughts down. He pulled back a little and saw the girl's eyelids flutter and gently lifted her head as she gasped and began to cough.

He held onto her as her coughing subsided, supporting her shoulders and helping her to sit up. She looked over at Harry and Ron's lifeless bodies, and then up at him and he could see the question in her eyes. He just nodded and put his arms around her as her body was wracked with uncontrollable sobs. She clung helplessly to the front of his stained robes, burying her face in his shoulder.

Remus looked up as two Healers hurried towards them, checking Harry and Ron's bodies but finding no signs of life. One of them took a step towards him and Hermione but he just shook his head. The wizard nodded, his expression grim and motioned to his partner for them to leave. Remus looked up at Tonks and saw the tears forming in her eyes. He had never seen her cry before.

July 1999

Hermione sat at a table at the window of the little café, sipping her tea. She watched the rain falling from the darkened sky and splashing in the puddles in the street outside. She glanced down at the Daily Prophet spread across the table in front of her 'MEMORIAL PLANNED FOR HARRY POTTER' she shook her head to clear the images that rose to the front of her mind at seeing that name again.

She folded up the paper and gazed out of the window again. It was three years to the day since they had fought Voldemort. So many of her friends had died that day, died to protect their friends and family. She had stood and fought with them, and found it cruel that they had all been snatched away from her, while she had been spared.

She didn't remember much about that last battle, but she remembered waking up afterwards, seeing Harry and Ron's dead bodies lying so close, and looking up to see a concerned Professor Lupin leaning over her. She remembered the way he had held her while she cried, not speaking, just being there. She closed her eyes before more of the memories returned. Some of them were too painful to think about. She sipped her tea again and opened the newspaper to the crossword at the back, which she then started to fill in.

-----

Remus walked along the cobbled street, head bowed against the rain, heedlessly splashing through the mucky puddles. He suddenly realised it had been three years, three years since the battle. Three years since the defeat of Voldemort. Three years since the death of Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and so many others.

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind as the memories rose- a mist- covered field, scattered with bodies, empty white masks, familiar faces staring up at him, a dark-haired boy with his glasses knocked askew, a red- headed boy with staring eyes, and a pale girl with mud on her face.

He glanced up and saw a café just ahead, thin light streaming out through the blurry windows and onto the street outside. He walked towards the sheltered doorway, taking off his cloak and shaking the rainwater from it. He pushed open the door and went inside.

-----

Hermione looked up from her crossword as the bell over the door tinkled and someone entered. It was a man, but he had his back to her so she couldn't see who it was. She picked up her cup of tea and sipped at it slowly, looking back down at her newspaper. She almost spilt her tea when she heard a familiar voice,

"Excuse me, but is this seat free? I don't mean to interrupt you, but everywhere else is taken."

She looked up, carelessly slamming her cup down on the table. Remus looked taken aback, he obviously hadn't realised who she was until he saw her face.

"P... Professor Lupin," stammered Hermione, "what are you doing here?"

He chuckled at this "Well, it's pouring out there, so being inside seemed very appealing."

She blushed and looked down at her lap where she was anxiously twisting her hands together. He cleared his throat.

"Uhm, perhaps I should go."

"Oh no! No, I'm sorry, please sit down," said Hermione, looking up quickly.

He smiled and sat down in the chair opposite her. "Can I get you another drink?" He asked, glancing at her spilled tea.

"Oh, no thank you," she replied, sounding surprised, "I've almost finished anyway, but it's very kind of you to offer."

He nodded and then turned to a waitress walking past to order a drink for himself. Hermione glanced down at the table, where her newspaper was slowly soaking up her spilt drink.

"Oh damn," she muttered, reaching into her bag for her wand to clear up the mess. "Scourgify."

"So, how've you been?" Remus asked, looking up as the waitress arrived, placing his drink on the table. "I haven't seen you since you left Hogwarts."

"Well, I got a position at St. Mungo's, training to be a Healer."

"Oh that's fantastic, I'm so glad you got in," replied Remus, smiling broadly. "Not that I was in any doubt that you would of course."

Hermione laughed. "The entrance exams were really tough, I was so worried."

"Knowing you, I bet you got full marks anyway," he said, jokingly, and Hermione blushed. "You did? Wow, I'm impressed."

"How about you?" asked Hermione. "Are you still at Hogwarts?"

"Oh yes, I love teaching there, and even if I left, I wouldn't have anywhere else to go. Hogwarts is pretty much all I have left." As he said this, he looked up, meeting her gaze.

"Oh, Professor Lupin, I..."

"Please, call me Remus," he said earnestly. Hermione looked down at her lap again, and then around the bustling café. "Have you seen much of the Weasleys recently?"

She hooked onto the change of topic "Well, I still see Ginny now and then, but I think it would be hard for Molly to see me, knowing that I survived while Harry and Ron..."

"Is it Molly you're really worried about, or you?" asked Remus. He always had been perceptive, she thought.

"Well, to be honest, I think the sight of all that red hair would be a bit much. Well, not so much of it these days of course. Both Fred and Percy were killed too. I don't like to think what it must have been like for George." She shivered a little, despite the stifling warmth in the café.

She looked up and found that Remus was staring at her "It's good to see you again Hermione," he said softly then, sensing her awkwardness, asked "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"Oh, but it's raining."

"I like the rain," he replied, grinning at her.

She smiled back and nodded. Remus finished his hot chocolate and she stood, swinging her bag over her shoulder and placing a small pile of coins on the table to pay for her drink. Remus did the same, pulling his heavy cloak on over his robes and then turning to face her.

"Ready?" She nodded in response and he walked to the door and held it open for her. "After you."

October 1996

It was three months since the final battle. It had happened at the end of sixth year, and the depleted numbers of fifth, sixth and seventh years had returned in September, weighed down with the thoughts of those that had not returned.

Hermione was sleeping a little better at last. For the first two months since the battle, she had woken up every night, drenched in sweat, her mind filled with images of that death-ridden field, the faces of her friends, cold and inanimate.

She had become very withdrawn from those around her, moving between her lessons like a zombie. Her parents had been reluctant to let her return to Hogwarts but, as she pointed out, the danger was passed now. What she didn't tell them was that she felt she owed it to Harry and Ron to keep going, to keep remembering them, and she wasn't going to do that by avoiding magic and the life she knew at Hogwarts.

At first the pain that came with walking the familiar corridors and sitting at their table in the library had almost been too much. At every moment, she expected to see them walk round the corner, arguing good-naturedly about Quidditch. But of course she knew they were gone.

It was a Wednesday in late October, and Professor Lupin had asked her to stay behind after her DADA lesson. He came around and stood in front of his desk. She stood a few feet away, head bowed. She waited for him to say something, but he just stood there looking at her.

"Was there a problem with my essay, Professor?" she asked timidly. She looked up and saw that he was surprised.

"No of course not, full marks as usual." When he spoke again, his voice was very gentle "I know what it's like."

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him. She wasn't the only one who had lost her closest friends "Oh, Professor Lupin. I'm sorry, I never thought..."

He shook his head "Please, don't apologise. I just wanted you to know that I understand. And, well, if you ever need to talk..."

She nodded, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "I need to talk," she said quietly, not quite trusting herself to speak.

He smiled faintly, then walked around to the other side of his desk and took something out of one of the drawers. It was a bar of chocolate. He broke off a couple of squares and handed them to her. She took them and looked up at him questioningly.

"It really helps you know," he said softly, and she smiled at him. It was the first time she had smiled in three months.

July 1999

Hermione stepped out of the door to the small café, and sighed contentedly as the heavy raindrops splashed on her upturned face. Remus followed, carefully shutting the door behind him and coming to stand beside her. She turned to him and smiled faintly when he offered his arm to her. She took it after a moment's hesitation, shifting her bag on her other shoulder with her free hand.

They began to walk slowly along the cobbled street, talking easily about Hogwarts and Remus's students, and Hermione's tutors and companions on the training course. Remus smiled as he glanced sidelong at the girl walking beside him, her hair turning into wet, straggly tendrils as she talked animatedly, her cheeks and nose bitten pink by the cold.

Raindrops caught on her lips and eyelashes, making her face sparkle in the soft light from the streetlamps. She turned to him, her eyes curious and he realised she had asked him a question. She laughed as he stumbled over his words, attempting to form a coherent answer.

She began to speak again, regaling him with some anecdote from a lecture. His attention drifted as he thought about how much she had changed. He remembered her three years ago, at the beginning of her seventh year, eyes sunken from lack of sleep, skin pale and waxy, burying herself in her schoolwork while moving from class to class as if in a daze.

He thought back to the Christmas of that year, when she had come to his office the night before going home. Most years she stayed at Hogwarts, but without Harry and Ron, he supposed she had nothing to stay for. He remembered hearing the careful knock at the door to his office, and his surprise at seeing her there. Yes, he remembered that night very well.

December 1996

Remus sat in his office. It was a few days before Christmas and he had decorated the small room with tiny gold orbs that hung in the air, giving off a soft, warm glow. He was reading through his fourth year students' essays on vampires, sighing as he marked each one repeatedly with red ink, pointing out to one particularly unintelligent Hufflepuff student that vampires did not live in trees, neither were they widely known to feed on Flobberworms.

He heard a knock at the door to his office and called for the visitor to come in. He looked up and saw Hermione standing just inside the door, her eyes bright and the gold orbs catching highlights in her hair. He mentally shook himself, setting aside the essays and his quill, and motioning her to come forward.

"Can I help you Miss Granger?" he asked in what he hoped was a neutral tone, "Won't you sit down?"

She came over and sat in the chair on the other side of his desk. "I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas," she said, smiling shyly. She reached into her robes and pulled out a small, carefully wrapped gift.

Remus' eyes widened. "Oh, I really can't accept a gift from you," he said quickly but she just shook her head and pushed it towards him across the desk.

"It's nothing much, I just wanted to say thank you."

He nodded. "Would you like me to open it now?"

She shook her head. "No, not now." She stood up again. "I should get back to the common room." She walked over to the door and pulled it open. "Merry Christmas, Professor."

Remus smiled at her, "Merry Christmas Miss Granger, and thank you." She returned his smile, and then walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. He looked down at the slender, oblong package on the desk and began to unwrap it slowly. He laughed as the last of the wrapping paper fell away, revealing a bar of Honeydukes chocolate. He thought again of her standing by the door, her face lit up like he hadn't seen it in months, and her hair shining in the soft light, though incomparable to the brightness of her smile.

He shook his head. What on earth was he thinking? She was a student! He tried to rid his mind of her image, but it refused to dissipate, filling him with the need to take her in his arms and chase away the sorrow that still hid behind those intelligent eyes.

What had he got himself into?

July 1999

Hermione laughed as Remus stumbled over a question she had asked him, teasing him that he wasn't paying attention to her. He smiled and she began telling him about some friends of hers who had turned up to a lecture wearing only their underwear and had been threatened with expulsion from the course.

She was amazed at how easy it was to talk to him. She would have expected a lot of tension and awkwardness between them, given the nature of their last meeting. But it was as if nothing had ever happened, and they were conversing as easily as old friends.

Hermione looked around the deserted street as the rain eased a little. She glanced up at Remus and saw that his face was splashed with rain and soggy locks of hair were plastered to his forehead. He had hardly changed since she had last seen him. He looked exactly as she remembered; his expressions and gestures were so familiar.

The sky suddenly decided on a downpour, and from the gentle rain they had been walking in, they were suddenly bombarded with the biggest, wettest raindrops they had ever experienced. They ran towards a darkened doorway, huddling away from the sheets of water that blurred and distorted the street. They leaned against the rough stone walls, clutching at their sides and laughing breathlessly.

Hermione looked up at Remus. His cheeks were flushed with the cold and laughter. He had regained his composure, though he was still breathing heavily. She felt a familiar tug at her stomach as his eyes met hers. She didn't know how long they stood just looking at each other when she suddenly became aware of how close they were and looked away quickly, out into the street again.

The rain had eased off once more, so she stepped out of the doorway, allowing the soft raindrops to cool her burning cheeks. Ever since she left Hogwarts, she had felt lost, confused, but seeing Remus again was like coming home. She heard him clear his throat behind her and, gathering her courage asked him a question.

"Would you like to have a drink with me?" she asked quickly, turning towards him.

Remus started, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth to reply but Hermione interrupted him.

"As friends, of course!" She bowed her head, blushing furiously. "I'm sorry, it was inappropriate of me to ask."

"I'd love to," he said, and she looked up to find him smiling down at her. He offered his arm to her again and she took it, grinning.

February 1997

Hermione knocked softly on the door to Remus's office. There was no answer, so she knocked again a little louder. There was still no response, so she tried the handle, meaning to leave a note on his desk. The door swung open and she saw her Professor at his desk, his arms folded on the surface of it and his head resting on his arms. He was breathing softly and his eyes were closed, his hair falling into them. Of course, it had been the full moon last night, so he would be more tired than usual.

She hesitated, unsure whether to leave or wake him. She closed the door carefully behind her, and walked forward slowly. She pulled a piece of parchment out of her pocket and quickly scribbled a note, saying she wanted to talk to him about an essay. She laid it down and stood by the desk, looking down at her Professor.

Pale winter light spilled through the window and onto his face, casting shadows across his features. She reached a hand out and brushed the hair from his face, smiling as his eyelashes fluttered against her fingertips. Suddenly aware of what she was doing, she jerked her hand back. She looked up and caught her reflection in the mirror on the wall. She looked shocked, her face was pale, but colour burned across her cheekbones.

She looked down at his face again, his features seemed so much softer when he was sleeping, and his expressions free of the burdens he usually carried. She resisted the urge to reach out and stroke his hair again; it had felt so soft on her fingers. She turned and hurried from the room, carelessly allowing the door to bang shut.

Remus jerked awake and was surprised to find a note on his desk in front of him. Hermione. He read the note and tried to shake the strange feeling of cool fingers on his face.

July 1999

Remus picked up the drinks from the bar, and slowly walked over to the little booth near the back, where Hermione was seated. She smiled up at him as he reached the table, reaching out for her drink and taking a couple of sips.

Remus sat down opposite Hermione. Her hair was damp, the light from the candles reflecting off the raindrops still caught in it, and her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the pub. She looked more beautiful than he remembered. They chatted for a while, finishing their drinks slowly. Eventually Remus decided he had to say it.

"Hermione, I want to apologise," he said solemnly.

"No, don't apologise. I should be the one apologising," she replied.

He stared at her in disbelief. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I was very unfair to you. I was young, and looking back, you probably made the right decision. It wouldn't have been appropriate," she said. She had obviously rehearsed this speech in her head many times over.

"You're right, you were young. Compared to me you still are, but that doesn't mean I made the right decision." She looked up quickly. Her expression was guarded but there was something in her eyes, a faint glimmer of hope, or expectation, he wasn't sure exactly.

"It wasn't an easy decision for me to make, not by any stretch of the imagination. I hated myself for it afterwards, hated myself for the way you looked at me before you left. As if you couldn't stand to be near me." He looked down at his empty glass as he said this. Hermione reached over and took his hand that was resting on the table.

Remus looked up, surprised, but she just smiled. He returned the smile and twined his fingers with hers, fighting the urge to leap up from his seat and sweep her up in his arms. Surely she was only being friendly. She couldn't still harbour feelings for him after all these years, could she? Her eyes were dark in the flickering light, and difficult to read, but he thought he recognised the expression in them. It was the way she had looked at him, the last time he had seen her. Like he was the only thing in the world. He remembered looking into those eyes two years ago, and fearing it would be for the last time.

July 1997

It was the last day of the summer term and Remus was packing his bags ready to leave. He had sat at the head table the night before as Dumbledore gave his end-of-term speech. His heart was heavy as he watched a seventh-year Gryffindor girl, clapping and cheering with everyone else at their winning the House Cup.

Most would think her unremarkable, apart from her academic ability. But she wasn't unremarkable, she was quite the opposite. She was intelligent, passionate, brave, and incredibly kind. She was also, in his eyes, very beautiful. But of course he knew that he was being foolish. She was twenty years younger than him, and she was his student. It was stupid of him to think that he would ever be allowed to love her.

He waved his wand and his clothes folded themselves, settling neatly into his trunk. He turned to look out of the window, at the students running around on the grounds below, when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called. He put some papers in his desk, and looked up to see Hermione standing in the doorway.

"Hermione," he said, smiling, "do come in."

She walked over to where he was standing. "I wanted to come and say goodbye."

He felt a huge weight settle in his stomach. Hermione was leaving. He looked away from her, unable to meet her gaze.

She turned away "I wanted to thank you for helping me through this year. For being there for me." He looked up and saw that she was facing him. There were tears in her eyes and he longed to put his arms around her, but knew that he couldn't.

"What is it Hermione? What's wrong?" he asked anxiously, taking a step towards her.

She shook her head. "It's nothing. I'm just sad to finally be leaving Hogwarts. It's like leaving a part of me behind."

Remus nodded, then reached into his pocket, drawing out a bar of chocolate. It was the same make as the one that Hermione had given to him for Christmas. He broke off a square and held it out to her. She looked up at him, and opened her mouth a little.

He was surprised, but he placed the square of chocolate gently in her mouth and watched as she slowly chewed it and then swallowed, licking her lips. He realised his mouth was dry and he swallowed as well. She took the chocolate out of his unresisting hand and broke off a square, lifting her hand and gently touching the chocolate against his bottom lip.

Suddenly devoid of the ability for rational thought, he just opened his mouth and allowed her to push the chocolate between his lips, brushing them with the tips of her fingers. She watched him as he let it melt in his mouth, and then slide down his throat. She raised her fingers to his lips again and, standing on tiptoe, gently pressed her lips to his.

Without thinking about it, he caught at her elbows, steadying her. She slid her hands up, resting them on his shoulders. His hands went around her waist, holding onto her lightly. She slid one hand into his hair, tangling her fingers in the fine strands, and stroked the nape of his neck with the other.

She ran her tongue along his bottom lip and he willingly opened his mouth a little. Remus could taste the chocolate on her tongue and couldn't help a moan escaping his throat as she slid her tongue into his mouth, kissing him more deeply.

He pulled her closer to him, one arm round her waist, the other sliding up her back, stroking her hair, cupping her cheek as he explored her beautiful mouth with his tongue, gently nipping at her bottom lip.

"Professor Lupin..." she whispered into his mouth, and that broke the spell. He pulled away abruptly, shocked at his own lack of will and the fact that Hermione had kissed him.

She looked up at him, her expression hurt and confused. He could still taste her on his lips, a mixture of chocolate and vanilla and something unrecognisable. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were wide and bright. He longed to kiss her again and never stop but he knew that he couldn't, shouldn't.

"We can't," He said hoarsely. "You're my student."

She shook her head "No, not any more. I've finished now. But if you don't feel the same way about me..."

He dug the balls of his hands into his eyes "Hermione, I wish it were that simple. But I'm so much older than you."

At this she ran forwards and grabbed hold of his hands "I don't care. I don't care! You're the only person I have left and I.... I think I'm..."

"No," he interrupted her "No, don't say it."

Remus closed his eyes as she reached up and gently stroked his cheek with her hand. She brushed the hair out of his eyes, and he put his arms round her, pulling her to him. She buried her face against his chest and he kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, releasing her and standing back.

"I know you're sorry. I'm sorry too," she said, her voice growing harsh "Sorry for allowing myself to care for you. Don't worry, I won't bother you again."

With that she stormed out of his office, slamming the door behind her. He sank into the chair by his desk and put his head in his hands. Had that really just happened? More importantly, had he made the right choice? He had been struggling with his feelings for her for months, but having a relationship with her... it wouldn't be fair. At least, that's what he told himself. He walked over to the window and looked out at the now-empty grounds surrounding the castle.

July 1999

Hermione and Remus stepped out into the street once more, the rain still falling softly. Remus turned to Hermione. Raindrops were settling in their hair and on their shoulders. Hermione was smiling, her eyes lit by the streetlamps and her cheeks tinged pink. It was so good to see her happy again.

As he watched, she took a bar of chocolate out of her pocket and broke off a small square. She held it up to his lips. Her fingers are trembling, he noted. He smiled and quickly closed the distance between them, capturing her mouth with his. Her arms wound around his neck, the chocolate forgotten and discarded into a puddle. He slid his hands up her back, while her hands wound into his hair and her tongue touched his, just as sweetly as he remembered.

She ran her hands across his chest, moving them under his cloak and touching him through the thin fabric of his robes. He pulled her closer to him and, as she wrapped her arms around him, he tangled one hand in her damp hair and with the other fumbled at the clasp on her cloak. She pulled back and her eyes were alight with passion.

"Are you sure?" he asked unsteadily.

She nodded, smiling up at him as he held her face in his hands and leaned to kiss her again, more softly this time. He still couldn't believe that he was being allowed to kiss her at all, couldn't understand why she wanted him, but he wasn't going to let her go this time. Then she pulled away, biting her lip.

"Do you want to..." he began, averting his eyes as the colour rose in his cheeks "I mean, my flat is only a short walk, that is, if you'd like to..."

She placed her fingertips on his lips, just like she had two years ago. "I'd love to," she whispered, kissing him softly. His face lit up as he took her hand in his and walked along with her, basking in sunshine though, curiously, it was still raining.