It was afternoon when Sister Julienne entered the Nonnatus´chapel. Lately, she was praying more than before. She needed it, and she had more free time.
God had put obstacles throughout her life but this was one of the worst. She knew she had a vow that forced her to swallow her pride, but with each day it was more difficult to accept. She was relegated by someone she barely knew and that person made drastic changes in the harmony of Nonnatus. She felt a mixture of anger and sadness.
She gulped and put her hands together, focusing on prayer without tears but it was so hard. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she moved away. She didn´t want someone saw her like this. She sighed in relief when she saw Shelagh. She was the only one who had previously seen her in that state, without strength and with tears in her eyes.
She stood up to greet Shelagh.
"Sorry Sister, I don´t want to interrupt you"
"You never interrupt" She forced a smile and Shelagh slid a hand to meet hers.
"Sister, this is very hard. You don´t deserve this and I know my thoughts are uncharitable but the truth is I hate Sister Ursula."
"Shelagh, don´t say that!" Julienne sat and looked into the Shelagh's eyes and she saw the look of everyone: frustration and disagreement about the changes in their work and in their lives.
"Sorry Sister" Shelagh looked down and sighed.
"We need patience and love. Sister Ursula is...someone hard to love, but she´s my sister. But if I did something wrong, I should be paying for that, not you or the nurses. Don´t worry for me."
Shelagh nodded slowly and pressed the Julienne´s hand.
"Shelagh is something wrong?"
"Yes."
Julienne observed her and remembered another chapel and another Shelagh, but holding hands in the same way. She prayed to God for nothing wrong happen again.
"I´m pregnant."
She expected anything except that. It was as if she was hit by lightning.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Three months." A tear ran down her cheek and Julienne felt more puzzled than ever.
"Shelagh are you not happy?"
"I don´t know and I hate myself for feeling that way. I´m so afraid, you know I could not for the TB and now...perhaps everything goes wrong. Besides what can I do? I don´t want to stop working, Patrick needs me but how I do with three children?"
"Always you can ask for help, dear, and that will not make you a bad mother. You know we are here for you, Shelagh. And you can continue with your job, like Chummy. Your work is very necessary and you can with everything. "
"Yes, Sister"
"You have something more, don´t you?" Julienne smiled and Shelagh nodded.
"I´m worry about Angela. How will she feel when she grows up? She will feel different, she will think I don´t love her"
"Shelagh, listen to me. Angela knows you love her. She knows now and she will know always. She´s your daughter no matter if you gave birth or not, and no matter if you have another baby. She came to heal you when you were hurt and now this baby comes to heal you and your husband with this horrible situation of thalidomide. And this baby will heal us after Sister Evangelina. Come here, dear." She hugged her tightly. She never thought that girl who broken her heart when she left the Order would give her so many joys.
"Thank you Sister. I don´t know why I felt this way but now I know I can. Thank you for everything" They both smiled with tears in their eyes."I want to tell to Sister Monica Joan, she needs a joy and she will be happy for knit a lot of blankets and dolls"
"Yes, I think she has a lot of poems for you, too." Julienne laughed.
"Sister...I suppose you accept to be my midwife. Please?
"Of course. I want to be there, with you, giving you my strength. My dear Shelagh, God doesn´t stop blessing you and you don´t know how happy I am for that!"