"..Like when someone commits suicide, they wouldn't ever go through with it if they could see another possible path in the road. See an end in sight to their pain."
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Prologue:
I sat on the bus staring out of the dirty window, watching all of the skyscrapers pass by rapidly as I thought over the past few days. Everything had happened in a whirlwind too fast for me to realize that my whole life would be changed in an instant. It had all started innocently enough, when had things gone so wrong? He had gone too far yesterday and I finally realized that I couldn't take the abuse anymore. If I stayed in this situation any longer I was going to lose it all. My comfort zone was no longer my comfort zone but now some kind of cruel and unusual punishment. I'd have to be some sick kind of person to want to stay even if it was my home…
I had made the biggest mistake in awhile. It had become apparent to me that sleeping was dangerous. Sleeping was dangerous. It entailed leaving myself completely defenseless and unable to protect myself from any intruders that came in, although I knew that truthfully there was only one intruder I was worried about.
I had stayed up late that night waiting until he fell asleep before I could relax enough to finally lie down. But still, I couldn't sleep the hours passed until finally I was too tired to count and fell asleep.
I was lying in my bed sleeping peacefully, dreaming of nothing really. Suddenly a hard body landed on my bed and hands grabbed my wrists pinning me down. Frantically, I turned my head away from the lips I knew were surely heading towards mine. I writhed in his grasp, struggling as much as I could even though I knew that if he had really decided that today was the day he was going to take me, there was nothing I could do to stop him.
"Megumi, Stop! We both need this." He said roughly as he tried once again to kiss me. I looked around for a weak point, anything to distract him long enough to get away. I suddenly spotted that his arm had moved closer to my face while he fought to keep his grasp on me, and bit down on his arm as hard as I could. I could feel the adrenaline rushing through me as he jumped away from me hissing and rubbed his forearm. This was it.
"I don't need or want anything from you" and before he could say anything else or reach over to grab me again, I jumped and ran into my bathroom locking the door behind me as tears threatened to pour from my eyes.
And that was when it all became clear.
It had all started out as playful touching when I was too young to really understand what was going on. But now I'm an adult and if I didn't leave soon he was going to rape me.
The revelation swirled around in my head pushing me severely close to having a mental breakdown. Things had gotten worse since I had come back home. He was becoming more forceful. Sneaking in my room at night or the wee hours of the morning, trying to cop a feel every time I walked past him, and his filthy comments about all of the things he would love to do to me if I gave him a chance… about the things he was sure my body needed. I scoffed at the thought. If anything he was destroying every fiber of my being.
And I'm not sure exactly was it was, maybe the panic from the most recent attack or my instincts clawing for self-preservation but I realized that I had to leave…before I completely lost control of myself.
It was hard to finally wrap my head around the idea of leaving, but I knew it had to be done. I had money saved up from my college fund and I could get a job and find a place, I was definitely old enough. Really, all I had to do now was build up the courage to finally leave…
--The bus ran over a large pothole jostling Megumi and pulling her out of her thoughts.--
It's a scary feeling to be out on your own for the first time. Even when I had been taking my medical classes, I always knew that if things went wrong I could go home. That my mom would take care of me…even thought she had no idea what was really going on. I shook my head at those thoughts, no need to be negative. My days would be hard enough without worrying about what he was doing. I knew that he would take care of my mom. He always had even though he was constantly trying to mess around with me.
With those worries pushed to the back of my mind, I noticed that I had finally arrived. Today I would be walking around trying to get a feel of the city. I knew that I wouldn't actually be able to live so close to all of the sights and the nightlife, but it wouldn't hurt to look and dream, right?
You see, music had always been a major passion of mine. I had always been fascinated by the range of musical instruments and all of the ways it was possible to express yourself. It was such an easy medium to work with and I found myself running to is as a refuge in my darkest moments. My parents, my mom especially, had always wanted me to be a doctor after my father and grandfather before him. After 5 years of making mediocre grades I realized that no matter how much I wanted to do it to make my parents proud, if the passion wasn't there I would never truly get better at it and just end up being stuck with a job I would never really enjoy for the rest of my life. It was a noble thought helping the sick to become healthy again and generally making people's lives better, but if I was truly honest with myself I knew that that wasn't really what I wanted. I had always tried to convince myself that music was just another hobby, but as my classes became harder and harder I found myself running to my guitar more and more often. One of my roommates heard me one day and asked me why I was going to become a doctor when I was always singing and playing my guitar instead of studying.
And why was I? To please my dead father and the grand father I hadn't seen since I was 5? What about my dreams, was I supposed to just pretend they didn't exist?
Those thoughts weighed heavily on that night and influenced my decision to drop out of college, a decision which horrified my mother who thought I was going to become a bum, and come back home.
But now, here, my dreams seemed so much more tangible. As I walked around spotting familiar sights I had only heard of or seen on today I realized that I had finally arrived. All of the great stars had been here, so many people had been discovered and celebrated their fame here, and this was my chance to become one of them. I just had to get my foot in the door...
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A/N: I know I said I would wait but time is pressing at the moment, and I need to get as much done as I can. Anywho, this is probably the most unpleasant part of the story; things should pick up from here.
