A/N: This story is technically a TESOW sequel and the story isn't finished yet, but it's V-day and I couldn't resist. Just know that this takes place after the 07 movie, Megatron is the only one dead, and that Thundercracker and Skywarp are on Earth.

I promise, I'll try to the other sequels funnier. I'm going to go mope because this holiday depresses me.

Kankuro: *sighs* Looks like I have to find her some chocolate. She doesn't own anything.

Behind Closed Doors

It was Valentine's Day at the Decepticon base, but seeing that almost everyone living at the base was single, a mech, and not that desperate, everyone was just sitting in the living room watching a new episode of Deadliest Warrior (How romantic.).

Now this was hardly an appropriate environment for newlyweds Starscream and Mrs. Bennett. The two barely had any alone time together and it was getting annoying.

But while the two watched the show with their roommates, Starscream gave Mrs. Bennett a suggestive smirk. She blushed and shook her head. Not yet, she mouthed.

"Hey Mrs. Bennett," said Blackout. "Who do you think is going to win?"

"The Spartan; there's no way a ninja could get an attack through while the Spartan has that shield," she answered. "And I've told you before my name is-"

"Primus! Did you see what spear did?! Makes me glad we're not organic, no offense Mrs. Bennett," said Barricade.

Mrs. Bennett sighed. "It's no problem." She turned to Starscream and gave him a look that said I've had enough. Take me.

The Seeker smirked and gave her a slight bow. Your wish is my command, he mouthed back. He then picked her up and headed toward their bedroom.

"They are so going to do it aren't they?," commented Barricade.

"Yup," replied Thundercracker.

Everyone remained silent for about a minute when Blackout spoke. "How about we spy on them?"

Thundercracker looked disgusted. "Why? That's perverted."

"Come on, don't tell me you guys aren't curious about how it even works with the giant metal Dorito and the organic."

Starscream stuck his head out of the room and threw a lamp at Blackout's head. "I am not a Dorito!"

After he slammed the door shut, Thundercracker said, "See, he heard you; now he knows what you're planning to do. There's no point."

"Ah, but you forget Thundercracker, Starscream's room is soundproof and the only reason he knew that I called him a Dorito is because his senses tell him when someone in close proximity insults him."

Thundercracker face palmed. "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. Don't forget, a lot of slag happened when we left Cybertron, Thundercracker," said Blackout. He turned to the others and asked, "Who wants to help me?"

Barricade, Frenzy, and Scorponok all rose their servos, or in Scorponok's case, his tail.

Thundercracker rolled his optics. "Whatever. I'm not going to help you pervs spy on my trinemate."

"Skywarp's a perv, he would help us. Where is he anyways?," asked Blackout.

Thundercracker looked embarrassed. "Um, he said something about needing some alone time with a certain femme and locked the door to our room."

"A femme! Where in the Pit did he find one of those?," asked Barricade enviously.

"In one of his magazines," muttered Thundercracker.

"Oh. Oh."

"I didn't need to know that," said Barricade. "But out of curiosity, exactly how many of those magazines does he have."

"Lots."

"I-I d-don't get it!," complained Frenzy and Scorponok looked confused as well.

"Soundwave will tell you when he comes," said Barricade.

"B-but that c-could be y-years!"

"Exactly."

xxx

Scorponok used his tail to make a small peephole in the wall. Once done, he took a look inside.

Inside Starscream was lying on his berth, looking impatient, but Mrs. Bennett was no where to be seen.

"Do you see anything?," asked Blackout.

The metallic scorpion shook his helm.

"Let me see," insisted Blackout.

Scorponok moved out of the way and Blackout peeped inside.

"Come on," moaned Starscream. "How long does it take to get ready? It's not like you have to do anything special."

The Seeker smirked and said seductively, "You already know what I like and you do it well."

"I know," called out Mrs. Bennett from the walk-in closet. "But it's been so long since we've done this and I don't want my being out practice to ruin this."

"Oh yes," said Blackout excitedly. "They're so going to do it!"

"Really, let me see," said Barricade, trying to shove the copter out of his way.

"Stop it," said Blackout as he shoved the cop car back.

"Come on."

"No!."

"Jerk!"

"Doughnut eater!"

"Parasite lover!"

"Don't bring Scorponok into this! Like you should talk; you have Frenzy."

"At least I can get rid of Frenzy whenever I want!"

"Yeah, well…Uh, you stink?"

"That was lame."

"Aw, go shove it up your exhaust."

Blackout looked into the peephole and suddenly he felt like his optic was on fire.

"AAAHHH!!!," he screamed in pain. He pulled away from the hole and looked at it with his good optic. Sticking out was a dusty brown claw.

"Go peep on someone else!," cackled the Seeker.

xxx

After convincing Bonecrusher to fix his optic, Blackout went back to the group with a new plan.

"Okay, since now they know what we're doing, we have to spy on them from somewhere they would never expect us."

"And that is…?" asked Barricade.

"From above. We make a peephole on roof and they'll never notice us."

"H-how are w-we g-getting on the r-roof?," asked Frenzy.

"Simple, we climb the tree in the back," answered Blackout.

"Wait a minute. Why can't you just fly us up there?," pointed out Barricade.

"If I flew, Starscream would hear us and we would get caught. Duh."

xxx

"Okay Barricade, I give you a boost and you grab the branch," said Blackout.

Barricade cycled his vents; he was starting to regret agreeing to this. Blackout intertwined his servos and Barricade stepped on. Once he was close to the branch, Barricade grabbed onto the branch and pulled himself up.

Surprisingly, the branch supported his weight and he was within close range of the roof. This could actually work, he thought.

But alas, Fate could be so cruel.

As he edged towards the roof, he heard a cracking noise. Barricade looked down. The branch was breaking.

"Creator-interfacer," he cursed.

The branch broke and he fell.

On top of Blackout, Scorponok, and Frenzy.

xxx

The four mechs quickly recovered from the fall.

"How about we just peep in through a window?," groaned Blackout as he pulled Scorponok's tail out of his aft.

Barricade was pissed. "Why didn't you suggest that before?!"

"Heh, it slipped my mind?"

"I hate you so much right now."

Then they all walked over to Starscream's window, but found curtains blocking their view.

"Well, that was the last plan I had," shrugged Blackout.

All that for nothing. Barricade was pissed.

On impulse, Barricade picked up a rock and just threw at Starscream's window.

The window shattered and Starscream immediately screeched, "You Pit-spawn! I swear to Primus if you four don't stop it, I'm going to raise your rent!"

"O-oh s-slag!," yelled Frenzy, "cheese it!"

The others didn't need to be told twice.

xxx

"Idiots," muttered Starscream as he returned to Mrs. Bennett, who was waiting in the walk-in closet. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay."

Before he made another move, he said, "I love you D-"

"Love you too. Now hurry up and unpause the game. We only have an hour to get through the maze and defeat Tabuu in intense."

"Why an hour?"

"Because that's when The Tyra Show starts."

Starscream cycled his vents. "I really don't understand why you like that dumb show."

"Why don't watch with me and find out."

"Fine, I will."

"Good. Now shut up and watch my back. There are a bunch of Lazerbeak wannabes attacking."

A/N: We may never know Mrs. Bennett's first name. And yes, Starscream is the landlord. If it weren't for Mrs. Bennett, he would have used that as an excuse to make everyone call him Lord Starscream.

The game they're playing, if you don't know already, is Super Smash Bros. Brawl. The reason why they are playing in their closet is because no one else knows that they own a Wii and the others have to share a Nintendo 64. If they found out about the Wii, Starscream and Mrs. Bennett would never have the chance to play.

If you are wondering how they knew about the peeping attempts, TC told them. And if you're wondering where TC went, he went to a bar.

Kibble Beast, if you are reading this, now you know how Starscream was introduced to The Tyra Show.

Hope you enjoyed this cheap laugh. Happy *bleep*ing V-day.