Birthday Wish

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yugioh

I can smell the scent of cherry blossoms and your cologne in the air.

You regard me with that unreadable expression you have on for the board. I want to clear the air between us. There's something you want to tell me. I can read you; reasonably, at least, by virtue of being near you enough. I don't prompt, and you don't say. I wish we can stop with these silly games.

Perhaps you are going to America and never coming back. Now there's some food for thought. You are in a white suit today. It's hard to tell what you are thinking, hard to know what white represents, on today of all days.

You've aged perfectly, and I'm just as clumsy as always. I wish I have inherited your grace. I cannot measure up to your greatness.

You push your reading glasses up the bridge of your nose, and then run your fingers through your hair. You are as immaculate as ever, but the sharp edges of your frame have blended away with time. I smile at you with saddened eyes. You really are getting old, Nisama.

You are staring at me again, and I feel my cheeks heat up, looking back onto your handsome face. Your eyes are alight with blue fire. I think my breath is going to catch. I know what you want, and you know what I need. Can we just get the formalities over with? I'm tired of treading on eggshells.

You let out a breath of air as I break eye contact to pour us some champagne. I clink our glasses together. You are still invincible, Seto, as hard as glass and just as brittle. But I no longer have the luxury to look up to you with open adoration.

I have to make sure you don't crack any further.

I long to hold you, long to let my touch tell what I cannot say to your ear. Why do you look at me with such eyes, beckoning me closer yet with a hint of doubt, as if you do not trust that I can keep my hands to myself? Do you worry that we are both too haywire upstairs?

So what if we are screwed in the head, we still have heart, and that is infinitely better than some of the people we know.

I remember my childhood birthdays with nostalgia, candlelight proven to be better than any cake and present combined. I guess I'm too old to be wishing for kisses from Nisama.

I am turning eighteen today.

I still want to take your hand and trail behind you, to see my picture locket around your neck, to fall asleep to the sound of your voice; I still want you to shampoo my hair, to beat me at chess, to protect me from evil, powerful men; I still want to be selfish, just this once, forbid you to marry, and keep you all to myself, until time stops, the world has ended... and even then, I will stay by you.

As I tell you this, you down your champagne and close your eyes in resignation.

I cannot help it. I love you so much it hurts.

You tip my chin and crush your mouth unto mine. My eyes widen in shock but quickly flutter close as I try to press my lips against you. Your kiss is forceful, and I have the fleeting thought that I will probably be bruised, but I no longer care. I kiss you back with the same fervour. It's as if my life depends on it, and my heart feels like it's going to burst.

We break apart for air. You rest your forehead gently against mine. I am shaking and dizzy with desire.

I wrap my arms around your neck and bite down onto your left shoulder. I suck and lap at the skin, marking you. Now that I have you, I will never let you go again. I want to hear you say that you will never leave me or get sick of me or give me away to someone else.

Your breath hitches and I suddenly realize that I am hurting you. I look up at you with teary eyes, fumbling with an apology. I have dreamed of this moment for so long, have tried so hard to convince myself that one day it will become real...

I search your face for any signs of regret and find none. You wait for me to calm down, before caressing my cheek and brushing away my tears. I hold onto you helplessly as you whisper reassurances into my ear. It is as if I am a small child again.

You place my hand upon your breast, and smile at me for the first time in a long while. I understand what you have been trying to tell me all along.

Seasons change, but your heart... has not changed.