The Diary of Joseph the Cucco

Day one of King Ganondorf's reign

Location – Heading towards a "Ranch"

7:40 On a trailer, heading towards a "Ranch." Ah well, beggars can't be choosers. We have to go to this place because King Ganondorf unleashed a bunch of undead things upon the city and turned the castle, once so beautiful, into a house of evil. He is a most unfriendly chap, but admirable none the less. I wonder whether he'd consider letting me on as an apprentice.. I'm house trained.

8:10 We finally arrive. It's rather much further away from the Castle Town than I anticipated – I hope I don't get homesick. Still. When we get out, I take a good look at my fellow cuccos for the first time since arriving here. There's a rather odd one, one with shifty eyes, and two angry/miserable. One is male and one is female. I can't help but feel I should have made myself a little more presentable. If cuccos could blush, I would be doing so right now.

8:20 A girl with red hair comes out of the barn. I expect – if this is anything like a farm – she would have been taking the animals out. She doesn't appear tired, but has dark circles under her bright blue eyes. Must look further into this. The man who brought us here, started demanding payment. The girl said that that wasn't part of their deal. A whole ruckus is started up – during which he yells, "I'm putting my foot down!" And he does. Right on me. I let out a cry of surprise and agony, (For after all, what sort of man wears high heels?) and my fellow birds came to aid me. The man excused himself quickly, saying he would let himself out. The girl then looks at us and says, "Looks like I got myself some free cuccos."

8:25 I have five fellow cuccos with me. One is named Mike. He's okay, I guess, and just broke up with his lady caller, Sylvia. Sylvia is very beautiful. Mike must be heart broken. The other one is Sam. He's a little bit more placid than Mike, and he is firmly convinced the sky is falling. I can't help but wonder why. My final acquaintance is Richard. He's an intelligent and witty cock, but has his head filled with world domination and other such nonsense – I wonder how he can sleep at night.

8:30 Richard begins his rant about how we are better than other races.

16:19: Richard finishes rant. He then says we have to "Break free from this immoral and unfair dictatorship." Sam asked what immoral meant. Richard told him to shut up.

16:20 Richard tells us we're heading for Kakariko Village, where Anju the Cucco Lady lives. This means we have to cross Hyrule Field. And it's almost night time. Oh dear.

19:00 We encounter the stalchildren around halfway across. They're nice people, but they can be a bit… Rambunctious. One tried to eat Sam. No one really cared.

19:14 Settle down to have a few pints with the new friends. I sit next to one called Bob, who'd recently separated from his lady friend. I advised him to get over it, and told him there were plenty more fish in the sea. For some reason, this only made him cry into his beer. Oh dear.

21:00 We decide to leave. The stalchildren tease us for being "Lightweights".

21:01 I see a large beetle. Sam eats it.

An: This is short, but it's just a prologue. If you like it, review, and if you don't like it, review anyway.