Author's Note: I know I disappeared again- but I'm still recovering from my writer's block (and school and batman:tdk fics haha). Ah- tear, but fear no more! I will return with more chapters! Well till then- here's a oneshot.
My first attempt at a Mokuba and Seto pairing. What I really have to say is: Respect to all the authors that write this pairing. I believe this was the most obscure challenge yet. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed.
In Mind
If there is one thing I despise, it would have to be discomfort.
Though reaching for that state of mind is very difficult simply because I am an apathetic man, but once I pass such limit, I am in a place I no longer can escape.
He's a beautiful boy.
No more of a boy but no less than a man- slowly becoming my equal.
His younger features soon fade and his older features start to define him into a similar image of sadly, myself. Such eyes with wonder and curiosity are now grim and serious. I hate to think I was the one to blame, but nonetheless, the truth always hurts. Here I thought I would protect him, keep him the incorruptible image of perhaps Madonna herself, and leave him pristine and striking for all to gaze. But I simply failed only because of me.
In misery I watched him, the discomfort crawling up to me slowly and threateningly.
He was too beautiful- more than I can stand. Dark hair that always remained long because I told him to, grey eyes that stole away my azure hue at my reflection, thin lips that fail to smile in my presence- not only was he becoming me, he was becoming everything I wanted.
"Seto," He no longer calls me brother, for a reason I can not fathom. "I'm off."
I hear the door push a little more, revealing his profile against the small opening of the entrance. I put down my novel in response and with such consent, Mokuba enters quietly.
"Please, take care of yourself. No more drinking every night, no more nightmares,"
His voice is fragile. So much for that façade you built against me, little brother.
"no more tears."
I stand and lean against his cheek to whisper. My head finds no need to fall anymore. His height was only several inches away from me now.
"Go."
Go. Before I distort you into my insanity.
He looks at me and I look back at him, my own flesh and blood- my own reflection, my own relation. I can already see it in his eyes. He was hurt and angry, and he didn't want to prove it as much as I didn't want to either.
"Good bye, Seto."
His words were curt, walking away into the darkness.
I was a mess, that much I knew.
Wanting to hold him and to embrace every inch of his body, I knew this was wrong. I was a sick fuck, despaired and jaded.
But I was also desperate.
I ran after him and forced his thin body into my arms. He let go his luggage and stood wordlessly in shock. But it only took him a few more seconds to respond, holding me firmly into his grasp.
We pull each other off just to look into each other's expression because we're both inquisitive and sentimental, in the sick, sick way. I didn't want to do this to him- I didn't want to kiss him and taste every edge of his mouth, I didn't want him to kiss me back and groan in it either.
As we part lightly to breathe, I hear him whisper into my ear.
"Took you long enough." He growled and I glared.
"What do you mean, Mokuba?"
"I'm not blind, Seto. I'm not the innocent boy you think I am- I never was. I will never be the perfect image you see in me, I will never be what you want me to be."
"You don't understand. You already are what I want- more than ever."
"You're the one who's blind, Seto. I am the trash you despise, I am the discomfort you loathe, and I am the corrupt and the lies!"
His voice shaking, ah- it breaks my heart.
"Tell me, Mokuba," I let go. "What do I want?"
"You want me complete, whole, and faultless. You want me-"
"That's right. You're absolutely right, and that I can not deny."
He watches me and I notice his innocence is back again.
His purity and sense- all amiable to my notice has returned to him again.
He closes his eyes and a tear falls to my palm.
"I'll see you in a couple of years, Seto."
He drops down to grab his luggage carelessly thrown onto the floor. He rises, hating the feel of inferiority and looks at me one, last time.
I smile.
"Still so naive as ever,"
He looks at me in bitter confusion.
"I could care less if you're broken and guilty. I could care less if you're tainted with blood. If you're filthy and weary- Mokuba, I,"
He cries harder.
"I want you."
I clash my lips onto his in this desperation I'll never admit.
He was my weakness, my yearning, and my aspiration.
"Seto?" The boy enters my room, his luggage in hand.
"Hmm?"
"I'm off."
"Mokuba, you don't have to go-"
"I know. But I want to Seto. I want to get out of Domino for a while. Find my purpose in life and other useless things you hate me doing."
"Mokuba,"
"I'm off. I'll call you when I arrive." His warm arms cover my cold soul. "Bye nii-san."
The door closes and his footsteps turn emptier in the lost echoes.
My weakness, my yearning, my aspiration-
My one desire I can only have,
In my mind.
Author's Note: I always enjoyed this pairing. But I perfectly know incest is rather- a difficult situation and I wanted Seto to know that also. Which is why the ending was so confusing. So this whole fic is just Seto's thoughts and imagination of confronting Mokuba the way he truly wanted to, before Mokuba leaves- but all is shattered by reality and Mokuba's final decision to depart.
I would like to dedicate this to Jade, but I kind of this it's inadequate so maybe an other story would rather suffice. But with Mokuba and Seto pairing of course.
Note to my beta: I hope you're still waiting for me and sorry I got this up without emaling you anything- I kind of thought you might be uncomfortable. But I'm still alive and I'll email you new chapters soon! Thanks, love!
Readers, beloveds, I hope you enjoy and please review me comments/thoughts/etc.