About You Now
It was so easy that night.
Should've been strong, yeah I lied.
Nobody gets me like you.
Couldn't keep hold of you then,
How could i know what you meant,
There was nothing to compare to.
"I'm going to get her, Summer. There's no other choice here. I was so stupid !"
It was the morning after the bonfire, the morning after Alex left and the morning Marissa realised what a huge mistake she had made.
"How could I just let her walk away? I mean, what sort of person does that?"
Summer watched as her best friend since...well, forever, frantically move around her room, grabbing clothes and stuffing them into a Prada luggage bag.
"Marissa, honey, you were scared. She'll understand that. I'm sure she went through exactly the same thing when she had her first relationship with a girl. She'll forgive you."
"No, Summer. You didn't see her face. She was broken...I broke her. I won't forgive myself for hurting her like that. So I don't expect her to. I just want to try and make things right...if I can."
Summer, who was sitting on the edge of Marissa's bed, stood up and gave her friend a hug and a kiss on the cheek, "Well what are you waiting for? Go get your girl!"
Marissa gave a nod and walked out of the house with a set jaw and determined look on her face.
*This has to work, I've got to get her back.* She thought as she threw her bag into the backseat.
She started up her car and began the drive to L.A. Something inside told her Alex had drove straight there after they broke up the night before. Straight into the awaiting arms of Jodie. That thought made Marissa clutch the steering wheel in a death grip.
*If that bitch has touched Alex I'll kill her.*
That was one thing Marissa had found out whilst dating Alex; she got jealose. Never before had she felt jealosy with anyone she had went out with. Though she knew with Alex she knew things ran much deeper than just 'going out' with other. Much deeper. She only wished it hadn't taken them breaking up for her to realise that.
I know everything changes, all the cities and faces.
But i know how i feel about you.
There's a mountain between us,
But there's conflict i'm sure of,
how i feel about you.
A few hours later she pulled up to the familiar dwelling of the pretty latina.
*Otherwise known as whore-face. Back to the brothel we go.*
She saw Alex's Jeep parked down the street and knew her suspicions were correct. Alex was indeed here.
As she walked up the few steps she noticed she was shaking. She had never been so nervous in her life. She knocked the door and waited with baited breath.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Newport Barbie. Here I was thinking Alex would be the one to break your heart but you go and switch up the roles." Jodie leant against the doorframe and took a swig of the beer she had loosely gripped between her fingers, "Didn't think you had it in you, Princess." She smirked.
"Is Alex here?" Marissa coldly asked, in no mood for Jodie's remarks.
"Maybe, what's it to you? I doubt she'll want to see you anyway."
"Let her make up her own mind, Jodie. You don't answer for her anymore."
"Neither do you, it would seem." Jodie was determined to get Alex back and Marissa showing up was complicating things. The fact Alex had ran striaght to her when things went sour with the brunette surely meant something...didn't it?
Marissa, tired of this charade decided to get Alex's attention herself, "ALEX! IF YOU'RE IN THERE I'D REALLY LIKE TO TALK TO YOU!" She yelled over Jodie's shoulder as the other girl cringed at the girls raised voice. Marissa gave a plastic smile as the latina scowled at her.
All her bravado dissapeared when Alex came walking around the corner. She lookd gorgeous, but you could tell she had been crying.
"What do want, Marissa?" She sounded tired. In more ways than one, she was. She was physically drained from the events of the last 24 hours. Never had she wanted to believe Marissa would actually break up with her, but, here they were. And she was dying inside. But most of all she was tired of loving someone who didn't love her back. It was heart-breaking.
"Can I talk to you? Please? Will you let me talk to you for ten minutes?" The girl sounded so desperate Alex couldn't say no. Plus, she would be lying if she said she wasn't curious as to why Marissa was here. She felt that flutter in her heart when she heard her voice from the guest bedroom, as much as she hated it she still couldn't say no to Marissa. She loved her, after all. Even if she thought it was only one sided.
"Okay, ten minutes." She relented, hearing Jodie scoff and mutter something as she walked passed her, closing the door so herself and Marissa could have some privacy.
The blonde leant her back against the wall of the house as Marissa stood facing her on the top step.
"I know you must hate me, Alex. All I can say is how sorry I am. I don't know what was going through my head last night. I don't want to lose you." She looked into Alex's eyes. For the first time since she had met the blonde her eyes seemed guarded. Not cold or hardened, just closed off. And Marissa knew she was the reason for that.
Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.
Alex stayed silent.
"I just...I thought about what happened and it makes no sense...I want you in my life Alex. I don't want you to have to fit into it...you are my life. Everything else has to fit around you, not the other way around." Marissa was gesturing wildly with her hands, a nervous trait that seemed to be in overdrive tonight.
"I didn't think about what I was saying, I was so scared Alex. I didn't know how to handle the feelings I had towards you. They were overpowering. I meant what I said when I told you I really wanted us to work. I still do. I want to make it work, Alex. I know we can make it." Marissa looked towards the still silent girl and tried to figure out what she was thinking.
All that it takes, one more chance.
Don't let our last kiss be our last.
Give me tonight and i'll show you.
I know everything changes, i dont care where it takes us.
Cause i know how i feel about you.
Alex uncrossed her arms and continued to look at the girl closely. She put her hands in her pockets. She couldn't decide what to do. Should she throw her arms around Marissa and tell her she forgives her? That everything will be alright and they can go back to way things were? No, she didn't want things to go back to the way they were. Something obviously wasn't working if this was the situation they were in now.
She gave a shuddering sigh, "Go home Marissa, you dont want me."
Marissa's heart dropped. Alex had given up.
"Go back to Ryan and be happy with him. You dont a life with me, it's too complicated. Just stick to what's expected. It's easier for everyone that way. You've got to move on." Alex was lying through her teeth. She wanted Marissa more than anything, she just couldn't quite forget all the times she was brushed off for Ryan. The last thing she wanted was for Marissa to be with him and not her, but she thought Marissa would be happier that way.
"No, Alex, that's not what I want. I want you, not Ryan."
Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.
Not a day passed me by, not a day passed me by.
When i dont think about you.
And theres no moving on, cause i know you're the one.
And i can't be without you.
"If we were meant to be together, Marissa, none of this would of happened. We'd be in my apartment watching some stupid old black and white movie. If we were meant to be then we wouldn't have to fight for it, it should just fall into place."
"That's bullshit Alex and you know it. Love's not worth a damn if you aren't willing to fight for it. And that's what I'm doing right now, I'm here to fight for us. For you. I'm finally ready to tell you how I feel about you now." Marissa wasn't backing down, she knew Alex was saying these things because she thought that was what Marissa wanted.
"However you feel about me certaintly isn't the way you feel about Ryan. And I can't keep competing with him. It's devastating to know I don't measure up."
"You're right Alex, what I feel for you is nowhere near how I feel about Ryan." Marissa softly said.
Alex felt her heart-breaking all over again. This was it, where Marissa finally admitted she loved Ryan, she wanted Ryan. She tried to brace herself but knew that really, once Marissa told her that she would be lost to the world.
"I love Ryan the way I love Summer. They're my best-friends, nothing more. But I'm in love with you, Alex. Don't you get it? You're the only one I've ever fought for. The only one worth putting myself on the line for. I know it's long overdue, but I'm here now."
Alex was frozen. Did Marissa really just say that she was in love with her?
"I don't expect you to forgive me for hurting you the way I did. And I'm not just talking about the bonfire, I know I didn't treat you the way I should have, the way you deserved. But I want to try, Alex. Because without you...I can't breath. I need you."
Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.
Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.
Marissa nervously awaited some sort of reaction from the blonde. Slowly Alex walked towards the brunette.
"What did you say?" She whispered, just loud enough for Marissa to hear. She was gazing at the brunette with something akin to a sense of wonderment.
"I need you Alex." Marissa reapeated.
Alex shook her head, "Before that."
Marissa smiled very softly, "I love you. I'm in love with you, Alex Kelly."
Marissa finally saw Alex look at her the way she did before. Not guarded any longer, the blonde looked towards her with a loving gaze.
"I love you too, Marissa." She let out with a happy laugh.
Marissa squealed and grabbed Alex in a fierce hug. They stood like that for a while, enjoying the simple pleasure of holding each other again, after all, they both thought those days were long gone.
"So you're not in love with Ryan?" Alex felt the need to clarify, finding this all too good to be true. She pulled away slightly but kept contact with Marissa, holding onto her hands and intertwining their fingers.
"Why would I even look at Ryan, never mind be in love with him when I've got you?" Marissa asked, "You're the only one that really understands me, Alex. Nobody gets me like you. I'm just so sorry it took me nearly losing you to realise what we had. But I know how I feel about you now, and for that I'm thankful. You're the love of my life, Miss Kelly."
"Love of your life, huh?" Alex smirked.
"Yup, but don't go getting a big head." Marissa said pulling her in for a tender kiss, "I love you." Now that she said it, she couldn't seem to stop.
"I love you." Alex happily sighed, "Can we go home now?"
"I actually booked a hotel room for the night. I wasn't sure how things would turn out. Worst case scenario; you wouldn't take me back, I couldn't of driven home in hysterics. Best case scenario; you would be joining me." Marissa gave a hopeful look, "Unless you want to stay with Jodie." Marissa was speaking through a clenched jaw for the last part. She didn't want to have a throw down with Jodie, not when her and Alex had just sorted everything out.
Alex looked at Marissa with an amused expression, "Jealose, are we? Of course I'm coming with you. I'm only here because I didn't lift my purse last night. I was somewhat distraught." She rolled her eyes.
"Thank God for that. Well, go and get your stuff, then. Our hotel room awaits." Marissa said saucily.
"Yes, ma'am!"
Marissa watched on with a relieved smile. She realised how lucky she was that Alex wanted to be with her again. She thanked whoever it was watching over her and waited on her girl.
Alex emerged a few minutes later with an agitated look on her face.
"Everything okay, Al?" Marissa asked concerned.
"Yeah, no. I don't know. Jodie's being a bitch, but what's new?"
"Did she try anything?" A dark tone overshadowed Marissa.
"Sort of. She seemed to think that me coming here meant something else. That I wanted to be with her again or something." Alex said dissmissively.
"You want me to kick her ass?"
Alex laughed, "No, it's okay, Rocky. I just want to get to the hotel and ravish you."
"Works for me." Marissa grinned and took Alex's hand, " Can we take your car? I'll pick up mine tomorrow, I don't want you to have to deal with that psycho-ex."
"Okay." Alex softly agreed. At first the girl didn't want to believe what Marissa was saying, but she realised the girl was being sincere and it overjoyed the blonde. Finally, Marissa had said the three little words Alex needed to hear to let her know everything would be alright. That they'd get through this and any other bump on the road. And most importantly that they'd always be together.
Both girls were ecstatic and excited at the prospect of this new beginning for them. And they were eager to get started with making up.
"Race you to the car?" Alex challenged with a smile, "On three, one, two-"
Marissa shot off towards the car.
"HEY! No fair, Cooper!" Alex giggled and ran after the girl and across the street.
She caught up to her and wrapped her arms around the girls slim waist, pressing her against the car and kissing her passionately.
"I love you." She said breathlessly.
"Not as much as I love you." Marissa smiled.
But i know how i feel about you now
Yeah i know how i feel about you now..
The End.
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