The death of a loved one is always hard to overcome. Depression and grief become your constant companions. There is no relief from their presence. It is even worse when the loved one is more than a friend, more than a sibling, more than a brother. Fred was gone. That was the first thought that crossed my mind every morning and the last thing that hit me before sleep. I felt half full. Part of my heart left me and I thought it could never come back.
The first few weeks after the war passed the same. I would lay in bed watching the ceiling and waiting for him to come bursting back into our old room at the Burrow with a new scheme for us to do. After a while, I would get up, get dressed, and grab something to eat on my way to the garden to take out my anger and sadness on the gnomes. Sometimes Ginny would come join me, we would talk about Quidditch or another random thing, but never about Fred. I think that is what she thought I wanted. That is what the whole family did. Whenever I was around the subject of Fred was avoided like the plague. After dinner, I would go up stairs and listen to Hermione and Ron bicker as they went up the stairs and Harry and Ginny whisper and giggle as they stood outside her door. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to enjoy life. The war was over, I deserved it, everyone did, but I didn't know how to do it.
One morning, I woke up and did my normal routine. I was outside throwing gnomes when a particularly feisty one grabbed my watch of my wrist as he flew out of my hands. I automatically ran after him. It was coming of age present; I did not want it to fall into the hands of the gnomes. I ran across the yard, into the woods and up a hill. I saw him turn a corner, but that's where I lost him. I searched for him but with no results. When I finally emerged out of the woods into the sun on the top of the hill, I wanted to cry. The watch was identical to the one Fred had been buried with. It was a tie that I felt that I still had to him. As I sat down on the grass, ready to cry, a dreamy voice filled my ears.
"Hello George. What brings you here?"
I looked up from my hands to see none other than Luna Lovegood. Her blonde hair flowing behind her, her wand tucked behind her ear. Her Muggle shirt made her blue eyes sparkle and her jeans fit her perfectly. She looked curiously at me as she sat down next to me.
"George?" Luna said again, worry starting to fill her eyes.
"Sorry Lu, I must have spaced out," I replied brought back out of the unexpected trance that she had caused me to enter, "I was chasing a gnome. He stole my watch," I held up my naked wrist.
"Oh dear, I met a gnome down the lane some way. He was running very fast and is most likely very far away by now," Luna said, sadness filling her features.
Her statement caused tears to fall from my eyes. The gnome was not the only thing far away.
"George," Luna said as she sat down next to me, "this isn't about the watch and the gnome is it?"
She ran her hand up and down my upper back. I was glad that she had spent that time with our family while we were in hiding. Luna had not only gotten close to Dean, but to me and Fred as well. Her keen observations were always right on target and I knew she was right now as well. Without waiting for me to speak she continued.
"When mum died, I thought that I would never be able to enjoy anything again. My father and I stopped our animal hunts for sometime. I even went as far as to put the radish earrings that she had made for me in a trunk under my bed. I had decided that since she had created them by experimenting, that they must be bad. Then one day, when I least expected it, I realized that I was going about it the wrong way. My mum was passed away doing something she loved, something she was passionate about. How would she have liked to look down and see me avoiding my life? She had lived hers to the fullest and would want me to do that same."
I looked at Luna through blurry eyes and spoke in a soft but firm voice, "but Fred didn't die doing what he loved, he died fighting evil. I should have been there with him. I should have been by his side. It should have been me."
"If it would have been you, George, would you want Fred to go on like this, in this half state of life?" Luna asked in a gentle way her hands clasping mine.
After a long silence, Luna placed my hand back on my leg and kissed the top of my head.
"I will see you soon George," she said as she floated back to her house.
I knew she was right. If it would have been me that passed, I would have kicked Fred for going on about like I had been.