Confessions on an Elevator, a castle fanfic

A/N: Tumblr prompt at the end. This is my story for #CastleFanficMonday. Post 47 Seconds. For the purposes of this fic, The Limey never happened. (Though I really did like that episode!) Enjoy!

Confessions on an Elevator

"You told a suspect, Kate!" He was so angry he couldn't see straight. "You as good as told a damned suspect that you didn't love me! What the hell am I still doing here? What the hell am I waiting for?"

15 minutes earlier

Beckett and Castle reached the elevator at the same time. Kate glanced warily over at him, thinking he might take the stairs, instead.

Without looking over at her, Castle said, "Oh, come now, Detective. We should be able to ride the elevator together. We're adults right?" He looked over at her with a smile that thinly disguised a sneer.

"I don't know, Castle. The way you've been acting I wonder."

"The way I've…?" Castle sputtered.

The bell dinged on the elevator and the doors opened.

"Forget it, Castle," said Kate, walking through the doors. "I'm too tired to try to figure out what the hell's wrong with you."

Castle followed with a scowl, muttering; "wrong with me? Look in the mirror."

Kate stared dumbfounded for a second, then pushed the down button, not saying another word.

They rode down in silence, the tension so thick it would take a chainsaw to cut it. Kate longed to talk to Castle, but he had shot her down every time she tried. She just didn't know what to say anymore.

Rick for his part, was still licking his own wounds. He always had hidden behind the armor of humor, but he hadn't felt like hurting back like this since….Kyra.

'Just goes to show,' he thought, 'don't go for anything real. Bimbos hurt less.'

Suddenly the elevator lurched to a stop. Castle and Beckett stumbled, Kate nearly falling.

"What the hell?"

They looked at each other, Kate seeing the old Rick for a second before the contempt slammed back in like a door right in her face. She turned away to push the emergency intercom button, completely dejected.

"Hi…this is Detective Kate Beckett, badge number 41319; I'm stuck in the elevator with Richard Castle. What's going on?"

The intercom crackled.

"Not sure, Detective," the voice said. Kate thought it was Roberts at the front desk. "I didn't even realize it was stuck. Lemme call maintenance." He hung up.

"Please hurry," Castle said under his breath, though Kate could hear him. "Some of us need to be elsewhere."

Kate felt like she'd just been slapped. Tears threatened to spill over, then made good on that threat. He really was over her.

Roberts' voice came back on the intercom.

"Hey, Detective Beckett?" He hesitated. "Maintenance says it'll be about 20 minutes to get you guys out of there."

Oh, God. 20 minutes of being ignored by the man she loved. And that was the best case scenario. Hurtful sarcasm would be much worse.

"Maybe you should have taken the stairs, Castle," she said, trying her best to keep the quaver out of her voice. She wasn't sure she succeeded.

"Well, you know what they say about hindsight," he replied, studying the ceiling intently. If he had noticed her tears, he wasn't going to comment on it.

Kate slumped to the floor. Sarcasm it was.

Castle remained standing, pulling his phone out and sending a text.

"Telling Alexis?" she asked.

"What's it to you?" he replied shortly.

Her jaw dropped.

"My God, Castle. What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

"What did you..? Oh, please, Beckett, don't pretend. Haven't you insulted my intelligence enough?"

"I'm not pretending, Castle! I don't know what's going on!"

"Fine," he said with venom. "You want the story, I'll tell you. And I'll start with the conversation we had about 6 months ago on the swings."

Kate remembered that conversation. She had thought they'd come to an understanding. They did come to an understanding. So what had happened to change that?

Rick began pacing, which wasn't easy to do in such a small space.

"I watched you die, Kate! I told you that when you showed up for that book signing. And you didn't say anything. You remembered then, and said nothing. You 'needed the wall to come down', and that was okay…if you had just told me you remembered. I still would have waited. But no. You've been lying this whole time."

"I didn't lie at the hospital, Castle. Rick, I wasn't that far out of surgery. I was still so groggy, I probably couldn't have recited the alphabet without missing a few letters. I didn't lie to you then."

"Then," he snapped. "But you never bothered to tell me when you did remember. I told you I loved you that day you were shot, because I really didn't know if I'd ever get the chance again. I wanted to tell you so many times. That first kiss outside where the boys were being tortured? I wanted to tell you then, but I knew it wasn't the right time. There never was a right time, Kate. You were with Josh. I've been cheated on, I'm not about to come on to someone who's already in a relationship. And then to find out you remembered? You're the detective, do you have any clue what that did to me? How I feel like such an utter fool to have waited?"

Kate just watched him pace, speechless. How did he find out? No one knew—except Dr. Burke, and he didn't even know Castle.

Castle answered her unasked question.

The walls of the elevator closed in around her. He'd heard her tell a suspect? When? She wracked her brain. Oh God. The bombing case. Bobby Lopez. How could she possibly fix this?

"Castle…" she began.

He cut her off.

"I'm not sure I even want to know."

Now Kate was getting annoyed.

"Oh, so yours is the only story that matters? It's never occurred to you that there might be more to it on my side?

He might as well have been made of ice, he was so cold.

"I think your side is pretty clear."

"Really? And the fact that you're an author of fiction, also known as someone who gets paid to make stuff up, doesn't make you wonder if you've done the same thing here?

Castle just looked stubbornly at the elevator door.

Kate looked up at him from where she was sitting.

"Do you have any idea how broken I am?"

He scoffed.

"Don't you dare, Castle! You want to revisit old conversations? Fine we'll do that. I told you before and I'll tell you now. You don't know me. You think you do, but you don't. I wasn't in a place to respond to you when you told me you loved me. You know that—"

"Of course I know that, Beckett—"

"Uh-uh, Castle," Kate glared. "My turn to tell the story."

He glared back, but remained silent. At least he was looking at her now.

"My memory started coming back about a week after you left," she continued. "Not completely, but enough to remember that you knocked me off the pedestal. I knew you said…something…but every time I almost remembered, Josh came in and it went away. It wasn't until I was released from the hospital and moving up to my dad's cabin that it all came back. That's when I broke up with Josh. It wasn't fair to him—or to you—to stay with him any longer."

She studied the paneling on the elevator walls.

"I passed my psych eval with flying colors. I know the PTSD was there, but I pushed it down. What you saw with the sniper case was me not being able to hold it in any more. I went back to my psychiatrist, Castle. I've been in therapy since I came back from the cabin. So while you're busy taking your pound of flesh—I'm still healing, Castle. And I make no apologies for that."

Castle had the decency to look a little chastened.

"Nor should you," he said. "But, Kate, why did you tell a suspect? Why couldn't you tell me you didn't love me?"

"I wasn't ready to talk about it, Castle!" she cried. "I couldn't deal with everything. It's more than physical healing that has to happen, it's emotional as well. I'd been shot. You told me you loved me, Josh told me he loved me. I didn't know what to do then."

She paused, thinking.

"Telling Bobby Lopez I remembered the shooting was interrogation 101, Castle. I'm not above telling a suspect less than the whole truth about certain things that don't really matter in the long run, you know that…but what the hell makes you think I don't love you?"

Castle's voice cracked as he spoke.

"You told Lopez you remembered…not me. I assumed—and don't tell me I shouldn't have. It's obvious, or you would have said something earlier."

Now it was Kate's turn to look chastened.

"Maybe I could have 'remembered' sooner," she said slowly. "But Rick, I'm still not where I want to be. We still don't know who had my mom killed, or who shot me. I need these answers before I can be with you. That's why I never told you. I love you, and I want to be better for you. I want to be someone that deserves you. And I don't. Not right now."

Castle was dumbfounded. He sat down next to her.

"Kate, you're the most perfect person in the universe, why do you think you don't deserve me? Why do you think you're too broken for me?"

"I want to be more than who I am…" she began.

"Don't we all?" he asked. "Why can't we be more together? As long as we have each other we can do anything. I just want to be with you and love you."

"Castle, I'm not—"

"You are good enough. You've always been good enough. Anything more is a bonus. But let me in. Please."

Static suddenly burst from the intercom.

"Detective?"

Kate jumped up and pushed the button.

"Yes, we're here."

"Maintenance just finished. You'll be down soon."

As soon as Roberts cut off, the elevator began moving again.

Kate hastily wiped her eyes, trying to pull herself together; Castle also standing and wiping dust off of his jacket.

"Where do we go from here, Kate?" he asked.

"I don't know, Castle. I'm not sure where to begin."

"Remy's is a good place to start."

She smiled.

"You can never go wrong with burgers and shakes."

The elevator dinged and the doors opened.

"Shall we?" asked Castle, crooking his arm in invitation.

She placed her arm through his.

"Let's go."

Tumblr prompt: C&B stuck on an elevator together after they've had a fight. Pre-couple, after 47 Seconds.

A/N: I deviated a little from the prompt and put the fight on the elevator. I hope it still works. I'd love to hear what you think!