Author's note: For those who don't know, Pokédollars are based on Japanese Yen, so the exchange rate is a bit strange. One hundred yen equates (VERY roughly) to one American dollar, so a price like four hundred yen is more like four dollars. I don't know the exchange rate for other currency, though, so you guys would have to look that up...or just trust me when I tell you I'm using realistic prices here, lol.
"Don't worry, Raichu, we're almost there," Volkner chided, reassuring his lagging Pokémon. "Just a little further."
The orange mouse let out a lazy squeak and lumbered behind his trainer. It was the last day of vacation before the new semester at Volkner's university, so the two had gotten a lot of extra training done that day. Volkner was proud of him. The battling had been tough; Raichu had taken out a Kingdra, a Roserade, and an Aggron all on his own. MagDonald's wasn't the healthiest restaurant around, but it was better for Pokémon than it was for humans, and he felt Raichu deserved a little treat. Volkner was starving, too, so the issue had been settled quickly.
The hungry pair arrived at the restaurant at last. The luminous plastic sign featured the restaurant's signature Magby mascots using Ember to create two flaming orange arches. Before entering, Volkner brought Raichu over to a bench beside the door. Volkner knew this was Raichu's favorite part, even more so than the food. On the bench sat a colorful plastic model of a clown wearing a yellow jumpsuit and giant red shoes. The MagDonald's mascot, dubbed Donald MagRonald, was topped with a red afro and plentiful makeup on its friendly, smiling face. As Raichu hopped onto the bench and started nuzzling its side, Volkner wondered not for the first time if his silly companion thought it was a real person. He shook his head and brought Raichu in for food once he was done saying hello to his fake friend.
When they approached the counter, Volkner lifted his hefty Raichu up into his arms with a bit of effort so he could see the menu (whenever anyone questioned the Pokémon's health, Volkner assured them the extra weight was pure muscle. It wouldn't do to make Raichu self-conscious, even if he was a bit chubbier than most of his species).
"What do you want, Raichu? You can have anything you want, buddy. You worked hard today." Raichu paused and frowned indecisively, scratching his chin with a paw.
"Hi, I'm Flint! Welcome to MagDonald's! May I take your order please?" Volkner was startled by an overly excited voice. He looked up to see a cute, perky young man with a silly grin. He wore the typical yellow MagDonald's uniform shirt and a nametag that read, "My name is FLINT. It's burger time!"
What caught Volkner's attention the most, however, was the red afro, which was big and bright enough to overpower the man's visor. With that hair and the yellow shirt, he looked almost like...
Raichu seemed to have noticed the man as well, because he looked up with a shocked expression and did a double take. His brown eyes flicked back and forth between the employee and the door of the restaurant in confusion, but his face then lit up, and he started squirming, trying to get Volkner to let him down.
"Ugh...Raichu, cut it out! He's just a normal dude. He's not the guy from the bench, so calm down." Raichu turned to give his owner a skeptical stare and a quizzical whine. "Yes, Raichu, of course I'm sure," Volkner answered, looking back up when he heard giddy chuckling.
"Don't worry, it happens all the time," the employee assured him. "Innocent mistake," he said, bending down and leaning his chin onto his elbow on the counter to address the electric mouse. "What do you feel like today, Raichu?"
The friendly cashier's mannerisms cheered Raichu back up, and he pointed a pudgy paw at one of the display cases, which held a stack of fresh, warm Lava Cookies.
"Oo, good choice," Flint enthused, praising the Pokémon. "How many?"
"Just one," Volkner cut in. Treats were nice, but one had to stop somewhere. "And we'll also have a milk and a double cheeseburger."
Flint nodded, still grinning that warm smile. "One Lava Cookie, a double cheeseburger, and a milk. Oh, did you want a drink as well, sir?" Flint asked Volkner.
Volkner shook his head and smiled back at the friendly employee. "Nah, just two straws."
"Oh, you guys share?" he questioned, seeming surprised.
Volkner turned defensive. "Yeah. There's nothing wrong with sharing with your Pokémon!"
Flint just giggled and waved off the tension with a flamboyant, limp-wristed gesture. "No, not at all! I just think it's cute!" He cocked his hip and pressed a few buttons on his cash register. "Your total comes to four hundred Pokédollars."
After Volkner paid, the employee zipped off to take care of other business, so he brought Raichu over to watch through the window to the kitchen.
"Oh, you guys can sit down. I'll bring your food out to you," Flint offered when he returned. Volkner shook his head.
"Raichu likes watching the Magbys cook the burgers. We'll just wait for it here."
Flint's eyebrows rose. "Oh, okay! That's fine!" He leaned on the counter again to converse with Volkner. "This little guy must really like it here, huh?"
A Magby ignited the meat for Volkner's double cheeseburger, cooking it to perfection, and Raichu kicked his feet in excitement. "You could say that," Volkner laughed. "I actually considered getting a job working in the kitchens here, but my Magby evolved, so I couldn't get hired."
"Oh, really? Pichu and Magby both evolve by happiness, so you must be really good to your Pokémon," Flint gushed.
Once the order was filled, Flint gathered the food onto a tray. "Here we go! One double cheeseburger, a milk with two straws, and a Lava Cookie." He leaned down to Raichu conspiratorially and stage-whispered, "I got the biggest one just for you, buddy." Raichu's tail slapped against Volkner's shin as the Pokémon wagged it happily. "Here you go. We hope to see you again," Flint said with a flirty wink and a wave.
As Raichu was saying his goodbyes to his plastic friend on the bench, Volkner made a mental note to come to MagDonald's more often.
The next day, Volkner dragged his feet along with the throngs of people through the science building at Sinnoh University until he reached room 204. He lumbered to a desk at the back of the room and flopped down into a chair. He slung his backpack off and took out Raichu's Pokéball, releasing the electric mouse onto the desk in front of him.
"Raichu, this class is very important to both of us. Remember when I talked to you about Advanced Thermodynamics?" His Pokémon nodded seriously. "Well, this is it. It's essential that we both pay attention here if we want to become good electrical engineers, so I'm leaving you outside of your Poké ball this time. Got it?"
Raichu gave a determined squeak, and the two high-fived. Volkner checked his phone, noted that class was set to begin in five minutes, and donned his reading glasses.
He hadn't taken particular note of any of the other students until one in particular caught his eye. A familiar mop of red hair came into the room. The hair was highlighted by a bright yellow shirt. Flint had just entered. He appeared to be conversing with the Infernape at his side.
Volkner's gaze immediately flicked to his Raichu, and his arms shot out to restrain him before he could race forward to say hello. "Remember, Raichu, he's not Donald MagRonald. He's just Flint, the guy who works behind the counter. Remember? The cashier?" Raichu wiggled a bit in Volkner's arms for a moment, still pointing at Flint excitedly. Thankfully, Volkner managed to calm him down before the lesson began. He placed Raichu on one side of the desk so he could take notes on the other side.
Unfortunately, the trouble caused by Flint's presence didn't stop there. Raichu's stomach grumbled throughout the entire lesson, and when Volkner dared to look up from the complex problem on the board, he was dismayed to find that Raichu was drooling. They'd just eaten an hour ago! How was Raichu hungry again already?!
Curious, Volkner followed his Pokémon's gaze, only to find that he was still staring at Flint. He jabbed Raichu with his pencil's eraser and looked pointedly at the board. Pay attention! he mouthed silently. Raichu flinched and snapped his attention back to the board. He did pay attention for the remainder of the lesson, but his stomach continued to rumble.
When the professor let them go for the day, Volkner sighed. "What's wrong, Raichu? We just ate. Are you really hungry again?" Raichu pouted apologetically and nodded. "Ugh. Okay, we'll get a snack. Just a snack, though!"
A shadow above them prompted Volkner to look up and see Flint standing over them with a hand on his hip, still accompanied by his Infernape. "Hey, I remember you!" Flint said with a happy grin of recognition. "Mister Good Trainer, am I right?"
He smiled sheepishly at the nickname. "Ah, yeah. You can just call me Volkner, though," he said cordially. "How are you?"
Flint sat on the edge of Volkner's desk and crossed his legs. "I'm doing great! Nothing like a new semester, huh?" he said with a peppy tone. Volkner wasn't quite as enthused about school as he was, but he got the feeling Flint probably got excited over just about anything, so he nodded in agreement. "I didn't know you wore glasses, though. They look cute on you!" Flint piped happily.
"What-? Oh, uh, thanks. They're just for reading. I forgot to take them off," Volkner muttered. Even after the compliment, he always felt self-conscious getting caught wearing glasses. "I didn't know you went to Sinnoh U, though. What's your major?"
They chatted for a while longer as they left the building, and Volkner learned that Flint was taking Advanced Thermodynamics for his major. He tried his best to hide his surprise that Flint was a physics major; it was rather difficult to picture the man in any remotely serious field. In turn, Flint seemed impressed that Volkner was going into electrical engineering. Volkner and Raichu were also introduced to Infernape, who Flint claimed helped him with welding and heating chemicals in his lab work. The Fire-type also seemed to get along well with Raichu (who, as Volkner explained, helped him out with his electrical work). They eventually separated so Flint could go home and Volkner could get a snack for Raichu, whose stomach growled with a vengeance. Again, Flint waved goodbye with a flamboyant wink, and Volkner was left smiling at his antics when they parted.
Advanced Thermodynamics only met every other day, so Volkner didn't see Flint again until Wednesday. This time, he'd made sure to feed Raichu as soon as possible before the lesson so the stomach-grumbling issue wouldn't repeat itself.
Unfortunately, his efforts were in vain. Flint walked in and sat down next to Volkner to be sociable, and a loud grumble came from Raichu once again as the Pokémon hopped happily in recognition of his new friend. Volkner looked over in disbelief.
"Really, Raichu? We just ate. Did you not get enough?" The Electric-type hid his face behind his paws and squeaked sadly in apology. Volkner sighed. "Okay, okay, we'll go get something to eat after this."
The class went about the same way as it had on Monday. Volkner was surprised at just how focused Flint was about the subject matter; he'd giggled once at Raichu's hungry rumbles, but his eyes never left the board after that.
Once again, he chatted with the man after class until they had to separate. Their concentrations were similar, so they had plenty to talk about. It didn't take too long for Volkner to realize what a unique guy Flint was; he'd never seen someone so passionate about their major before. His eyes lit up whenever he mentioned physics, and he would talk a mile a minute. It made Volkner feel fired up about his own schoolwork.
When he got home, Volkner couldn't stop thinking about Flint and their conversations. The man was interesting and made him happy, and he considered asking him out. He knew for a fact that Flint was gay, even if he hadn't said so; he was about as camp as a man could get. He didn't seem to be making a move, though; it didn't help that Volkner himself passed as straight, so Flint probably wouldn't know he was gay unless he dropped a massive hint. He had never been good at taking the initiative, though, so he wasn't sure how to go about it. He'd have to figure something out.
Volkner found himself anticipating Friday's Advanced Thermodynamics class more than he should have. He'd given up on trying to stop Raichu from being hungry for it, having accepted his fate. They hadn't eaten for three hours. Surprisingly, Raichu didn't seem to mind...until Flint walked in and sat down with a jolly greeting. The rumbling began immediately.
Wait. Don't tell me...
Volkner's eyes widened. That was it.
Having realized the problem, Volkner formulated a plan.
The end of class rolled around, and Volkner addressed Flint with a new attitude.
"Flint, I have a problem, and it's all your fault."
Flint looked alarmed. "What? What's wrong?"
"Hold out your hands," Volkner commanded.
"Uh...okay," Flint said skeptically. Volkner picked up Raichu and deposited him in Flint's arms, and the man's eyes bugged out of his skull as he slumped down about two feet from the weight. "UGH! Uh...wow, buddy, you're...healthy," he grunted with pained effort. Raichu didn't seem to mind the new location; he squeaked happily and nuzzled Flint's chest affectionately. Flint ran his eyes over Volkner's arms with a strained grin. "Man, you must be hiding some pipes under there," he complimented, nodding at the sleeves of his jacket.
Volkner tried to ignore the compliment and stay on topic, though he knew a light pink blush had spread across his cheeks. "As you can tell, Raichu is very muscular," he commented with emphasis, "so it can be hard to keep up with his healthy appetite. Due to the resemblance you share with a certain restaurant mascot, Raichu seems to associate you with food and gets hungry whenever he sees you," he said sternly.
Flint shifted the plump Pokémon in his arms to try and get a better grip. He chuckled in slight embarrassment. "Heh, whoops. Sorry about th—"
"Money doesn't grow on trees," Volkner interrupted, "so I need you to take responsibility. You're costing me money, and I expect you to do something about it." He frowned in mock seriousness.
Flint cocked his head and started to sweat (whether it was from the exertion or his accusation, Volkner wasn't sure). "So...uh...you want me to pay you or something?"
Volkner shook his head. "No. The punishment must fit the crime, so I expect you to buy him food whenever he sees you. Oh, and since I usually eat when he does, I expect you to pay for my meal as well," he said, finally letting out a smile. Flint's eyes lit up as he got the idea.
"Oh, I see. So I'm going to have to take you out for lunch, then?" he said with a smirk. Infernape, who'd been listening to the conversation from his place on the floor by Flint's feet, snickered as he figured out the situation as well.
Volkner nodded. "It's only fair, right?" Taking pity on Flint's arms, Volkner took Raichu back, holding him in one arm and brushing the fingers on his other hand against Flint's.
A relieved Flint stood back up straight (at least as straight as he usually did, not that there was much straight about him in any respect) and took the hint, interlocking his fingers with Volkner's so they could hold hands on their way out the door. "I guess I have no choice," he laughed lightly.
"Just don't take us to MagDonald's, okay?" Raichu let out a disappointed squeak, and Volkner, Flint, and Infernape all laughed.
And that was how Volkner killed two Delibirds with one stone.
Alternate title: Pavlov's Raichu.
I always depict these two carrying Raichus around effortlessly in their arms or on their heads, but Raichu is supposed to be 66.1 lbs (30 kgs)! For reference, that's roughly the weight of 13 bricks. Well, Flint lifts Volkner's easily in the anime, so I think I'm allowed some artistic license here.