This idea popped in my head as I was listening to one of my favorite songs from Brandy, entitled 'Scared of Beautiful.'
This story is the about the thoughts that run through Sharon's head and why she is afraid of allowing herself to be loved. It takes place during Acting Out, after the first conversation Nicole.
As usual I don't own these wonderful characters, I just enjoy taking them for a joyride every now and then.
SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR
You're so terrified of beautiful
Scared of the good
More than the evil
Scared of the light
More than the dark
Scared of a truth so much more than a lie
I'm scared for me
I'm scared of me
Scared of beautiful
SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR
Nicole thinks that Andy and I dating! Wow! How did she get this impression? Who am I kidding I know exactly how she got it. But why was it so shocking for me to hear her say aloud? I don't think I'm dating Andy, no scratch that I know I'm not dating Andy. Am I? How can I possibly be dating someone and not be abreast to it? It is impossible! Isn't it?
I'm not that naive, am I? Everyone seems to have some type of idea of what is happening between Andy and I, except me. I appreciate his friendship. I enjoy the time we spend together. He makes me laugh. He cheers me up when I'm sad. He knows what to say at the right time. He knows what makes me happy and what makes me sad. He can gage my mood without even having to speak to me. Maybe, I am that naive.
No, I'm not naive, I am scared.
But why?
I shouldn't be scared of the truth at my age. I shouldn't be scared of the truth due to my career. I shouldn't be scared of anything. I have given birth to two children, with no medication. I have stared down the barrel of a gun. I have suffered more loss than I knew was possible. I have survived a heartbreaking and useless marriage.
I'm not afraid of the dark, or a lie, but yet I'm more afraid of the light and the truth.
But why?
I shouldn't be afraid of a damn thing. I should want to embrace the truth. I should want to embrace the light.
I just don't understand why I am afraid of the beautiful aspect of life, but I can handle the ugly parts.
Every time I look in the mirror, I see the beauty that lies above and below the surface, but yet I am afraid.
All this beauty has ever given me is a reason for some beautiful lies.
Wow, beautiful lies!
A lot of them!
All those beautiful lies that I was told by Jack.
All those beautiful lies I believed!
I don't understand why the mirror is so unfair to all of the beautiful ones. What did we ever do, to not deserve the truth? Why do we have to be scared of beautiful?
Jack told me I was beautiful, yet he hurt me, multiple times. He never once looked back, and understood the pain that he inflicted upon me.
I always assumed that my beauty was the reason I got hurt. Not just my outer beauty, but my inner beauty, too. My heart was to kind to him. I wanted to believe that everything that glittered was gold. But oh how I learned, that everything sweet isn't sugar-coated.
Maybe that is why I'd rather be afraid, than embrace the truth of my beauty.
Somehow, I equated the truth with Jack. I equated my beauty with him. So when he walked out over and over again, I just knew it was my beauty's fault.
I wanted so badly for that not to be case, but I couldn't make myself believe it. I still can't make myself believe it!
So, now here comes a man, who sees my beauty, but I don't see it anymore.
Why can't I see my beauty anymore?
I want to so badly. I need to so badly.
I can't be scared for the rest of my life.
Yet, as I say this, and look in the mirror all I can see and feel is fear.
One of these days, I am going to stop being scared.
When? I don't know.
Maybe someday soon…
SRSRSRSRSRSRSR
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all
Mirror mirror oh your so
Unfair to all of the beautiful ones
SRSRSRSRSRSR
As always, I love reviews, so please let me know what you think, of my little ditty!