Mah little disclaimer: THIS AIN'T MINE. Oh, my M-S is, of course, but whatever fandoms I choose to have her invade aren't. Examples: Naruto, Discworld, LotR, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Hercules the Legendary Journeys, Justice League, Batman, Superman, Spiderman, etc.

Me: C'mon, read it! Please?

George: Likely. Not.

Me: I hate you.

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Chapter One: The Mary-Sue Who Wanted To Be Normal.

Crystalline Obsidian Butterfly Sunshine Moonshadow Trenton sighed. Again.

The breath escaped her perfectly formed crimson lips, flipping up her perfectly shaped eyebrows and fluttering her luscious, thick, lacy lashes.

She was pissed, to say the least. Nowhere in all the fanfiction she could get her hands on was a Mary-Sue who didn't make her feel like barfing. A lot.

Why are we all such ignorant cows? she thought. And don't me started on our male counterparts. She shuddered.

Crystalline Obsidian Butterfly Sunshine Moonshadow Trenton scowled as she clicked the Internet off and shoved herself roughly away from the computer desk.

Several men, and some women, staggered up to help her. Politely declining all offers of assistance, she managed to get out of the library with only a few hastily written phone numbers.

She hitched up her trenchcoat in an effort to hide her disastrously perfect face. It was disastrous because it had caused her nothing but trouble since her parents first laid eyes on it.

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A couple who had just had their first baby were not fit recipients of such terrible news.

"I am so sorry," the doctor said, presenting her to them. "She's a--she's a Mary-Sue."

Her mother snatched her up and clutched the newborn to her chest. "B-but," she cried. "There was no glitter or rainbows! No unicorns, or-or magic birds or spontaneous singing. And I'm pretty sure I'd remember being ravaged by a demon and angel and a god or goddess!"

The doctor frowned. "Yes, her birth was unusual, for one of her kind," he admitted. "But look at her! No blood, so pale, so perfect! How could people who look like you produce that?"

There was a sound akin to a huge slab of meat being dropped on a marble table. Basically, THWOCK!!

When the doctor woke up, the parents were gone. "We've got a code MS," he said into a walkie-talkie as he struggled up from the floor. "The parents made off with her. Back up required."

The parents were unsuccessful in hiding her away. Where are you supposed to hide a Mary-Sue? In the trash?(a)

So, after only a few months with her parents, Crystalline Obsidian Butterfly Sunshine Moonshadow Trenton was placed in front of a Mary-Sue orphanage with the name Christine Opal Beatrice Emma Stacey Trenton(b) written on a note pinned to her blankie.

The Mary-Sues who ran the place had sneered at the name. Way too normal. So the moniker that the author refuses to type again was given to the poor baby.

She was placed in a bed in a row of others. As she grew up, perfectly, she was the only one who didn't cry whenever something didn't go her way. She kept her bed neat, orderly, and read all the books in the place. Her teddy bear went with her everywhere.

The things that really set her apart from the others were her hair and eye color. The Mother-Sues could never get the kinked, tangled mop to lay flat or even bounce. It was curly and wavy, yes, but all that did was make it even harder to manage.

And her eyes weren't silvery. They weren't midnight dark. They weren't even bright. All you could give them was that a glare from them could freeze you. Pitch colored orbs in a pale face.

Add the wild red-orange hair and height and you got one freaky lookin' chica. But her Mary-Sue genes shone through brightest in her ability to annoy everybody. A small child who asks constant questions with a glare and a tone of voice that had 'You're stoopid' written all over was not endearing, even if she was clutching a bear and raggedy blanket to her chest.

However, Mary-Sues are what they are, so people loved her anyway, and treated the rational emotion of hatred as if it didn't exist. And she hated herself.

Because how was a Mary-Sue supposed to find someone to love her for her, if they loved her automatically?

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She walked through the streets, confident that the only reason she'd get attacked was if someone wanted to be her sex slave. Unappealing thought, but she liked that better than getting mugged.

Suddenly, she felt a tug in her stomach area and groaned. She rushed into an alley and leaned into a corner.

Shit. Not again! I just got back from before! She took a deep breath and let herself be pulled away from the alley, her eyes squeezed shut. Mary-Sues were taught at young ages the hard way to never open their eyes when they were being taken.(c)

When strange noises filtered in her ears and an awful smell invaded her nose, she opened her eyes.

Chris, as she called herself, hurriedly rushed to the other wall and threw up. Naturally, it was beautiful, and thankfully, didn't smell too bad. At least I'm not like poor Beka, she thought, wiping her mouth as she thought of her only friend. Hers always smelled like flowers and food.

A hand over her disabused tummy, she walked out of the alley way and into fresh air. The streets weren't paved, but there weren't that many animals around. So, I'm in the past again. But in a city, maybe?

She ducked her head down, hoping to pass through without anyone talking to her. Or falling in love with her. As she walked along, she could feel the local language start to accumulate in her brain. Pictures flickered and she learned the language like a native.

"--just do it!" whined a voice. "Come on! How 'bout I pay you this time?"

"Fine, you pervert," said a young, gruff voice. "But this is the LAST time, got that?!"

"Of course, of course," the whiny voice said, satisfied and not sincere at all.

Chris sighed. "Guys are so stupid," she muttered, stepping off the side walk-like dirt to cross the street. Just then, two people rushed by, knocking her down.

"You ass!" shouted a pink-haired girl. "I told you not to call me that!"

"But you are a hag!" the pasty guy with short black hair said calmly, like he was stating a fact. "What happened to me telling the truth?"

Her gloved fist contacted his face and sent him flying. "Ever heard of diplomacy?" she snarled. "Learn it, before every girl in this town kills you!"

Chris' mouth hung open. She was usually sucked into some weird version of her own world, and managed to get out before she was noticed and snapped up, but this world was strange.

She was sure the people had been speaking Japanese, but Japan didn't have towns like this anymore. At least, ones that people still actually lived in. The wind picked up and she squinted at the sky.

"Don't you dare," she warned whoever was up there. "This trenchcoat is staying, and you can't make it fly off to reveal my true beauty or whatever."

"Why are you talking to the sky?" asked the gruff voice from before. "Do you need help up?"

Chris sprung to her feet, and started walking quickly. "No, I'm fine!" she said loudly. "No need to help, perfectly fine!!"

"You don't sound fine," the voice said, keeping up with her. "What's your name?"

"Uh, nothing. I don't have one," she said, hoping the stupidity of the answer would make the voice go away.

"Well, Miss No-name, I'm Naruto," the voice's hand gripped her shoulder. "Uzumaki Naruto. And I'm pretty sure you're gonna have to come with me. The Hokage doesn't like strangers in long coats, and neither do I."

Awww, shit, she thought. This is Naruto?! I am never going to be able to watch this show again. I really hope I don't run into Jiraiya. I'll be doomed then, for sure.

As Chris fumed about her lack of luck, Naruto glanced at what little of her face he could see. A grin broke out on his face, and he thought, with much enjoyment, I'll take her to Pervy Sage first. Then he'll leave me alone!

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Jiraiya almost cried. "Naruto, how could you?!" he asked. "She's not anything to look at at all!"

Chris snorted. If only he knew. "If this is your Hokage, I feel sorry for you," she told Naruto. "This guy's an idiot."

Jiraiya glared at her frizzy hair. "Shut up, Mizz Frizz," he said. She gasped.

In truth, Chris would be happy to be ugly as a very ugly thing, but her pride as a girl and Mary-Sue interfered. And for once they agreed on the same thing.

'Did you HEAR that?' Inner Mary-Sue asked. 'Hell, even I'm dumb enough to think I'm ugly!'

'That jackass!' her pride shouted. 'Let's prove him wrong!'

Oh, no you don't! Chris thought, gripping her coat tightly. I am not proving anything! Mary-Sues are hated transuniversally! Or have you forgotten that?!

The inner-whatevers shut up.

Jiraiya eyed her. "Why are you grabbing your coat?" he asked suspiciously. "Do you have something to hide?"

His now serious tone scared her. "Uh, no," she said, "not really. Just, you know, I don't want to get recognized. My parents disowned me, and started saying I killed their, uh, cows, even though I didn't, and I don't wanna get arrested! Please, I'm too young to rot in jail for the rest of my life!!"

Naruto glared at her. "And we're supposed to believe that?" he asked.

"Um, yes," she said. "Yes you are."

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:D o-o Oo; TT.TT :o (: YoY D: :B O.O ): o3o D:

FOOTNOTES!! :D

(a) They'd tried that. But people kept finding themselves drawn towards the gross receptacle. The parents moved on after the twentieth person attempted to dig through their garbage.

(b) The parents named her after family members and friends. They tried their best Mary-Sue name, but sadly failed.

(c) It was during those first few times that she felt any sympathy towards her fellows. They couldn't help it, and weren't weird, like her. And the things in between were…awful.

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A/N: I'm a horrible person. I wrote a Mary-Sue who hates Mary-Sues.

-throws self off bridge-

I hope you like it, and don't hate me forever. Reviewers, pay attention! If you review, I'm writing you in as an OC. You'll have your own chapter and everything. And if you feel like giving me an idea as to what goes on, just write that too.

Besides, Chris needs to go to fandoms I haven't even heard of before. So clue me in, peoples.

signed,

onewhowatches :3

P.S. I'll update soon, so get them reviews out there! :D

P.P.S Critics are welcome, but flamers shall be beaten with fire extinguishers and covered in fire retardant.

Maybe THAT'LL cool yer tempers D: