Hi y'all. It's been a while since I wrote one of these... I miss it! I've been really busy lately, and I have three long running stories to keep up. So, here I am, back in the place I feel most comfortable... my world of one-shots! I really hope you like it. Really, I do. This one... I just worked really hard on it. So enjoy. Harry's POV, right after Sirius' death.

WARNING: OotP spoilers.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

NOTICE: This is dedicated to pain and suffering... And you will soon find out why.

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Happiness.

It's what we all want. To not feel an ounce of pain. Have no suffering. Have no tears. But we're wrong. Every single one of us is wrong. To not have misery would be a bad thing.

Misery.

It's what we all hate. To feel pain and have suffering. To have tears. But we're wrong. Every single one of us is wrong. To have misery is a good thing.

Because, without misery, how would we know happiness?

There would be no difference. If all we ever felt was happiness, how could we be grateful for it? If we breathed smiles, how could we cry? Right now... all I want to do is cry. Run away. The pain I feel is unimaginable.

Pulsing through my veins. Weaving in and out of my mind. Inhaled into my lungs. It is all pain. So fierce... Every time I wake up in the morning, I just want to go back to sleep. I would like to sleep forever. Never wake up.

But I can't. And I know I can't. There's a force. A force that I cannot control. A force called love. But is love supposed to do this? Is it supposed to be driving me to the edge? I loved him. He was like my father. But everyone I get close to dies. Why do they do that? Did I do something wrong? Or maybe...

Maybe it's because I'm not happy enough. Because the more pain I feel... the more happy I'll be after the pain is over. Maybe I just need to be happy.

But happy is impossible. Gone for good. Happy died along with Sirius. Something else died that day too... my spirit. My soul. My will to smile.

Now all I feel is hurt. I eat, breath, and sleep hurt. I'm hurting. Bad.

The moon was so pretty. That night. When he died. So pretty. I remember thinking that clearer than anything. Because it made me happy. I was plagued with worry, but looking at that clear, white orb in the sky made me smile. An image of me, flying away in the moonlight, on an invisible animal... it made me smile.

But that joy was wiped away. In a dark room with no windows. Where the milky glow of the moon couldn't reach me, and I was trapped in a room of nightmares... With nothing to take that away. But I was determined. To save Sirius. Who wasn't even there... And that image, of him falling, no light to illuminate his face, into a world of darkness... it haunts me...

I want to be happy. I know that if I get over this, I will be happier than ever before. But I don't know if I can get over it... Maybe this is just a dream. I know it's not...

But I can hope... that one day, I'll awake from this icy dream, and float away. Because, the beauty of that night was thrown away. But I know, tomorrow, I can go towards a more beautiful night. The moon, casting the same curse of happiness upon me.

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Okay, I don't know about you, but I really liked this one! R&R, and remember flames are for arsonists!