Ok the stuff in brackets is the stuff I was thinking at the time and wrote without realising it. It is NOT part of the actual story! It's silly but I thought I'd put it in anyway. That way, you can have more of an idea of what I was thinking when I wrote this! You can either ignore it or look at it, blink, and wonder just how strange I really am.
Hope you enjoy my little story, it took me lots of classes and games lessons to write! And it's not meant to be silly but it'll probably tune out to be so. Dammit. *^_^*
Trowa listened to the beautiful violin music, smiling as he watched Quatre silently from the doorway. Quatre was sat serenely on his desk, with his feet on the chair and his eyes closed, practising happily. He would pause thoughtfully, hum quietly to himself for a moment and then resume playing. He did this now, tapping his bow gently against his leg as he hummed a familiar tune – it was a tune Trowa and he had played in duet not so long ago. Quatre lifted the bow to his violin again, but a frown had appeared on his face and he bit his lip and did not play. Opening his eyes, he frowned harder and flung his bow to the floor and his precious violin across the room to the bed, where it landed silently.
Trowa frowned too as he watched Quatre stand up, press his hands together and stare around the room, shaking his head in a frustrated manner.
There was a crashing sound of breaking china. Quatre had thrown one of his numerous little white cups, complete with saucer, against the wall. (it didn't really matter, because he had a lot)
"Quatre?"
Quatre whirled around.
"What!?!" he shouted, glaring until he saw who it was.
"Trowa!"
His face relaxed, then his eyes widened before he frowned once again.
"I'm so sorry," he said guiltily. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout, or be rude, or, it's just, oh, I'm sorry Trowa…"
"That's fine," Trowa said slowly. "It's OK, but… Quatre, what's wrong? What is it?"
"Nothing," Quatre said not very convincingly, smiling briefly and even less convincingly. He seemed wary almost, Trowa thought.
"Quatre…"
Trowa walked over to Quatre and raised a hand to put on his blond friend's shoulder, but Quatre backed away. Blushing, he stared up at a bewildered Trowa for a long moment before mumbling something that ended in "sorry" and hurrying out of the room.
Trowa picked Quatre's violin bow up off the floor. Still holding it he stood and stared, wide-eyed, at the door that Quatre had just run out of.
*
Quatre sighed. He made himself some coffee, then sat down in the kitchen and stared at it.
All he could think about, all he'd been thinking about all day and all evening, was Trowa. Trowa, so kind, so gentle and so beautiful. Trowa, the person he cared about most in the world, his beautiful best friend who would surely hate him for wanting more.
Quatre closed his eyes.
"Oh Trowa," he whispered.
He'd never want me
"Q-man! Hey, Quatre!"
Quatre opened his eyes to see Duo sitting opposite, his elbows on the table and face in his hands, grinning manically at him.
"Oh, you ARE alive then! Hey, doesn't that hurt?"
Quatre realised he was stirring his hot coffee with his finger.
"Ow! Itai! Yes! Ow!"
He removed his finger from the coffee cup and sucked it, pretending to glare at a laughing Duo. (and wishing Trowa was there to suck it for him *^_^*)
"What were you thinking about?" Duo asked, standing up and proceeding to make himself a chocolate spread sandwich, chattering happily away over his shoulder. "Eh? Cause you were really out of it, I mean, you didn't even notice when you burned your finger, I mean, who sticks their fingers in coffee anyway and you had your eyes closed, I thought maybe you were dead but I'm not stupid so I knew you weren't dead and then you sighed and I thought you might cry and you said… Quatre? Quatre, you're not listening, Quatre you're doing it again!" Duo, complete with sandwich, sat back down. "Oi! Wake up!"
"I…what? You huh?"
"Quatre, you're lost in your own little world! Whatcha thinking about? Oh, oh, I know, I know! Let me guess, it begins in T…"
Duo paused, shrugged his shoulders at Quatre's silence and continued.
"…and ends in rrrrrrrrrrrrowa!" he finished proudly. "I'm right aren't I?!!"
"No, I, I, um, I wasn't, er, thinking about, uh, Trowa…" Quatre knew he was blushing furiously.
"Course you were. We all are, we're all worried about him too, you know. Besides, you said oh Trowa." Duo stuffed half the sandwich in his mouth.
"I said oh Trowa?" Quatre felt himself blush even more but then what Duo had said sunk in. "Worried? Why? What's wrong with my, er, with, Trowa, him that is. Is he alright? I, oh, oh no, where is he, is he…"
Quatre stood up.
"Don't tell me you haven't noticed?!" Duo said, surprised. "He's been moping around, practically in tears all day! He won't say anything at all to anyone, well, that's pretty normal but he's saying nothing in a sad-lonely kinda way instead of an I'm-Trowa-and-it's-a-normal-day way but maybe he'll talk to you, Q-man, you're his favourite person in the whole universe…"
Quatre had long ago hurried off to find Trowa. Duo just sat and rambled on to himself in between mouthfuls of sandwich.
*
Trowa lay on his side on Quatre's bed, feeling thoroughly miserable and hugging one of Quatre's pink pillows (as you know, all pillows are evil – this one happened to be particularly vicious even for it's kind) to him. He had only one thing on his mind – Quatre. He was worried about him, he hadn't been himself lately but worse than that was the pain he felt when he remembered this morning. Trowa tried so hard not to be selfish, to worry about Quatre and not himself but it hurt so much to think of how Quatre had shouted at him, backed away from his touch and run from the room, obviously unwilling to be with him.
Trowa was completely devoted to the little blond space-heart and loved him with all his own heart. He loved his kindness and tender nature, his intelligence, his cute face and worried smile, his unexpected sense of humour. It ached how much he wanted him physically. Trowa loved everything about him, absolutely everything.
"I love you Quatre," he whispered.
But why would he want me?
Trowa prayed, as he had done so many times today, that he hadn't done anything to make Quatre upset. He would die sooner than hurt the Arab boy in any way.
Part of him said he was being stupid, that he should forget today, that he should forget about loving Quatre and move on. His best friend didn't even seem to like him at the moment, but it was impossible for him to forget. He needed Quatre, his friendship at the very least.
You don't deserve him anyway, Trowa Barton
I don't deserve him…because he's perfect
He'll never love me
A single tear rolled down Trowa's face and fell on to the pink pillow as he willed himself into unconsciousness, into sleep.
*
Quatre had looked everywhere he could think of. Everywhere that Trowa might be. And then everywhere that Trowa would probably not be. The only place he hadn't looked was where Trowa was, and since he had no idea where that could be, he decided to give up and go to bed. He was almost out of his mind with worry for his friend but he knew there was nothing he could do now, so he determined he'd speak to Trowa tomorrow.
He realised there was no chance of him sleeping at the moment but headed to his room anyway, with the intention of practising the violin for a while. Then maybe he'd search for Trowa some more.
Quatre pushed his door open and gasped quietly as he saw Trowa asleep on his bed.
He was here the whole time! The one place I didn't look
Maybe he came to see me!
Why would he do that? You were so horrible to him
"Oh god, I'm sorry Trowa," Quatre said quietly, kneeling down by the bed. "I didn't want to be…like that, but, you see, I have to because…" He trailed off. Trowa looked so sweet in sleep but pain seemed to shadow his face. Quatre reacted out and touched his pale cheek gently. He seemed to relax slightly, or was Quatre imagining it? He stroked Trowa's smooth skin, and felt like crying. He ached to kiss Trowa, to really touch him, just to hold him…
Without thinking, Quatre leaned his face close to Trowas and touched his lips to Trowa's cheek, almost overwhelmed by the desire to put his arms around him, to comfort him and tell him that whatever was wrong, it would be alright…
"Quatre," Trowa muttered quietly.
Quatre practically fell over in shock, but Trowa was still sleeping. He stirred for a moment but settled again, clinging to Quatre's (evil) pink pillow as if it were all he had in the universe.
Quatre watched Trowa sleep for a while, wondering what he was dreaming about. He had just decided to leave him be and take a walk when the door banged open and the original braided baka (tm – get your own braided baka tm only £2.99 in all good retailers now! a/n – hee hee, sorry, I had to… The evil pillow made me do it)
"Hey! Quatre no baka! You in here?" Duo said none-too-quietly.
"Shhh!" Quatre reprimanded him.
"O" Duo mouthed as he noticed Trowa's sleeping form. Then he grabbed Quatre's arm, pulled him to his feet and dragged him out of the room. Quatre took one last look at Trowa as he closed the door as quietly as he could.
"What?" he demanded of Duo semi-crossly.
"I need to talk to you," Duo said. "Come on, let's walk. Now, I'm worried about you, and I know we're all meant to be concerned for clown-boy back there, and I am, believe me, did he tell you what's up with him by the way, but, where was I, oh yah, I'm worried 'bout you too, cause of earlier, you were being weird and all sad and you haven't really been very, well, Quatre-ish-like hey I made up a word for the last few days and if you need help I'll help you if I can which I can cause I'm great and so can you tell me what it is cause you can tell me what it is you know cause I'm great but just cause I'm great doesn't mean I can read minds so if you want me to help which you do cause I'm great you'll have to tell me so tell me Quatre. Quatre you weren't listening Quatre, Quatre? QUATRE!"
Normally by this point Quatre would be wondering how Duo could talk so fast and so much and still keep up his perpetual grin. However, he was currently thinking of Trowa. (what? oh my god, he wasn't, was he? really? well, I'm surprised but actually no, I'm not really cause I wrote this *^_^*) More precisely, he was imagining (a naked) Trowa pushing back his hair and kissing him, running his hands down his back and then whispering in his ear, I love you, I love you Quatre, Quatre, Quatre I love you
"QUATRE! You're doing it again!"
How Duo managed to look genuinely concerned and still grin no-one had ever been able to understand, and most likely no-one ever would.
"Quatre, what's wrong?"
"Uh? I, oh, Duo, I can't, uh, er, I, well, you see I'm, I, oh god, Duo, I'm… But you wouldn't understand…"
Duo was no longer grinning.
"Q, come on, you can tell me anything, you know that. I'm really worried, please Quatre. I'll do anything I can to help…"
Deciding he'd been serious for just that bit too long, Duo resumed his grinning. Quatre was sinking back into his own thoughts. (Quatre's fantasies – starring Trowa! rated 18)
"Quatre, dammit man, don't zone out on me again! You did this earlier…earlier, when…" Duo stopped. "Earlier!" he proclaimed. (proudly to the universe) "I got it! I got it! Well, I almost got it… Earlier, you were thinking about Trowa! It's got something to do with him, hasn't it, huh?" Duo saw Quatre's face fall. "Quatre… Hey man, don't look so down… Quatre what's going on? What is there between you and Trowa?"
To Duo's amazement and intense dismay, Quatre sank to the floor, buried his face in his hands and started sobbing his (space)heart out.
"Quatre, oh god I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to… What is it, Quatre, PLEASE tell me… Maybe I can help? What's wrong?"
Quatre mumbled something incoherent then pulled up his knees and curled up into a ball, wailing.
"What?" Duo put an arm round his shaking friend, on the verge of tears himself now.
Quatre lifted his head and looked at Duo, something in his shining eyes so intense…
"I love him."
He leaned back against the wall, covered his face and wept desolately.
Duo was puzzled. (this was a fairly everyday occurrence, but) He just could not see why Quatre being in love with Trowa was a bad thing.
"Quatre, man that's cool. That's alright, that's cool, why are you crying, don't cry, Q-man why are you crying?"
"Because I want him so much," Quatre sobbed. "I want him so much and I can't have him and I can't stop thinking about him. I have to push him away, not get too close, and it hurts and I hate it and he thinks I hate him, but I don't, I love him, so much, so much. And now he's upset and I can't help and he won't tell me why and I hate myself and I was so horrible to him. I want to hold him and tell him it's OK but I can't 'cause I love him and I can't get too close to him. And he'd never, ever, love me…"
(Duo was speechless. Quatre seemed to be competing with him for the much-coveted trophy that was awarded each year to the ramble-on-er of the universe. the only other competitor was me and although I was in with a big chance Duo was fairly confident)
"Quatre, I don't know what to say! Look, you don't have to push him away, or anything, I mean, I don't know do I but who's to say he wouldn't love you, I mean, you're lovable aren't you, and you're like, the person he cares about more than anyone, and you two are like, bestest friends ever…"
"Yeah, but Duo we're FRIENDS that's IT, and I really don't want to ruin that but, I can't live without him. I mean, I'm happier than any other time when he's around, I smile when he smiles, I cry when he cries, I feel like I'd die without him around and I can't get him out of my head. Why would he want me anyway? He'd want someone better looking than me, like, like you, or Heero, or, or even Wu-man, and he could HAVE anyone, he's so kind and lovely and he's so attractive and I don't deserve him. I can't let myself go near him, because I just want to kiss him, I need to ouch him and I can't because if I do it'll be worse…"
"Quatre, calm down. It's alright, don't worry, OK, you're perfectly attractive too, and sweet so don't even THINK that you're not, k? I know, it's hard to be near him, it's exactly like that with me and (Duo's eyes glaze over slightly and he starts fantasising over Heero. Duo's fantasies - starring Heero - subtitled: attack of the killer nosebleeds), well, you know, never mind that now, but don't push him away. Don't. You never know… Look, he might…he might love you too, you'll never know if you don't. Hey, I don't know what went on with you two earlier, but did you consider he might be upset cause of that?"
Quatre stared up at him, looking slightly hopeful, (and awwwwww SO kawaii) but soon dissolved into tears once more.
"But then I will have hurt him!" he moaned. "And I'll never forgive myself! Oh god Duo I want him…SO much, but I can't… be…be near him because it make me want him… more and…it hurts, it actually…it makes me ache and…I've always loved him, but I can't…I can't stop it now, can't….control my feelings, and I hate it….and, and I…I love it, I love…wanting him and I love him so much…"
Quatre sobbed into Duo's chest. Duo tried to comfort him but he wouldn't be consoled and his tears didn't even stop when he eventually drifted into fitful slumber. Duo picked him up and carried him to Trowa's empty room (where Trowa wasn't, because the evil pillow of doom had him under its control and had told him he belonged in Quatre's bed. incidentally, it was right)
"Baka," he said fondly as he put Quatre down and covered him with Trowa's blankets. (the blankets were also quite evil, they just lacked the ambition they would need in order to become serious bad-guy-blankets)
Wondering vaguely where Heero was, Duo wandered off.
"Ay me," he quoted, "the course of true love never did run smooth!" He frowned slightly, and looked back at the room in which he'd just left Quatre. Then, grinning to himself, he headed in the direction of Quatre's own room, muttering something involving "great" and "happy". And then, "teddybears" and "some new headphones" and "I am the coleslaw queen, am I not?" Well, you know, it was late. And it was Duo.
*
"Quatre…Quatre, Quatre…" Trowa moaned fitfully.
"Ok, Barton-boy, it's time I woke you up, we need to talk!" Duo whispered cheerily, and touched Trowa's shoulder gently.
"Trowa?"
Duo shook him slightly.
"Trowa, wake up! Wake thee up, thou knave! Hast thou no honour? Awaken thyself!"
Duo shook his head.
Fine then. You asked for it…
(well actually he didn't, but hey, who cares. Duo was good at translating silences *^_^* I said nothing about correctly. did I say correctly?)"TROWA!"
"Quatre?"
Trowa squeezed his eyes closed. He didn't want to wake up, not yet.
"Do you have ANY idea how many times you've said that name in the last hour? (actually, it was nine thousand eight hundred and sixty three, but neither of them were to know that) I mean, honestly, Quatre Quatre Quatre, oh Quatre I'm so sorry Quatre Quatre Quatre and there was I waiting patiently for you to wake up but oh no, cause you were busy dreaming about Quatre, werentcha werentcha werentcha, huh, huh?"
"Duo Maxwell you talk SO fast," Trowa commented sleepily. "What are you on about? Go 'way. Sleep…"
"No! Get up get up! Up up up, ha ha ha!" Duo sang happily, bouncing on the end of the bed.
Trowa relented and opened his eyes.
"Duo, it's the middle of the night!"
"Actually, it's four o clock in the morning! Anyway, I had to come, cause Quatre's looking for you!"
"He is?" Trowa's face lit up.
"No!" Duo said, grinning. I just wanted to see what your reaction would be, if you'd be happy like I thought and you were oh you were!!"
Trowa stared, bewildered. Perhaps he was dreaming.
"No, Trowa, I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions. And you're gonna answer 'em, k?
"Duo, can't we do this later? I'm tired…" Trowa grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his head. ("and I was having SUCH a nice dream," he added as an afterthought – a/n – I always wanted to say afterthought in a sentence where it had any relevance whatsoever)
"No! It's too important. Now, I'm gonna ask you all the questions then you're gonna talk to me, tall me all the answers, got that, ok so firstly, why were you all upset yesterday slash today secondly do you hate Quatre third how do you feel about Quatre number four, who's the most beautiful guy you know, fifth, uh, if either you or the Q-man had to self-destruct to save the planet and all the colonies, well, let's make that the universe who would you want it to be sixth who do you care about most in the whole universe, that is the one you would be trying to save if number five was not one of those questions with a silly name starting with h oh yeah hypothetical seventh how do you make your hair do that eighth why do you make your hair do that ninth why did you come in here last night question ten who makes you ache because you want them so much eleven is he blond, twelve do you think he loves you too thirteen you are though aren't you fourteenth you do, I know you do so don't lie or I'll shine a bright light in your eyes, uh, eye, uh, next question I've lost count so where was I, nextly, hey I made up another word, uh, where was I again, oh yah, who cares where I was anyway, and the final question is I'm stopping now so come on, come on, am I right, am I right, am I, am I huh, I am I know I am so don't lie or I'll steal your hair gel."
Trowa stared at him. The only word of that he'd caught was "uh".
"Uh?" he said.
"Dammit Trowa, do you love him or not?"
Trowa fell back onto the bad.
"You came to ask me if I was in love," he stated flatly.
"Yeah yeah, but are you in love with HIM? Space-heart-boy, Winner, Blondie, QUATRE!"
"…………."
"………….?"
(Trowa also was good at translating silences. together they could probably have got the gold medal in the olympic team silence-translating. if only it existed)
"Of course I am," Trowa said quietly.
Duo grinned triumphantly.
"…but he…he doesn't love me…"
"Oh, no, no no no don't YOU cry on me!" Duo said as tears coursed down Trowa's face, but he could hardly help a small smile.
I knew it! I knew it I knew it!
he thought gleefully. I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it!!!" He doesn't even like me anymore," Trowa continued, sobbing into the (evil) pink pillow. (incidentally it had added of doom to it's title by this point and it is only fitting that we acknowledge and respect that) "I don't know what I did but I didn't mean to hurt him… I don't deserve him…"
"Look, uh, don't cry, (Relena Peacecrappy might look good soaked in tears [she'd look better drowning in 'em, he he he] but I don't, Duo thought) and don't go away, I'll be back, don't cry, er, no, don't cry, er, bye…?"
With that Duo sprinted off. Trowa hugged the (evil) pink pillow (of doom) to him (making it feel loved and like it was actually worth something and consequently preventing it from trying to kill itself. not that, being a pillow, it could have died anyway) breathing in Quatre's scent (try our brand new perfume, Essence de Quatre, for FREE!) and sobbing so hard that he didn't hear Duo's joyful laughing from outside the door.
*
Quatre sat calmly on Trowa's bed, holding Trowa's half-mask in both hands and just staring at it.
"It's like this," he said as Duo came in, not even looking up. "Half of me…" He held the mask to his face. "… is him…"
"Yeah, uh, yeah Quatre, come on, come with. Come on, now!"
Quatre stood up slowly, putting the mask down carefully on the bed.
"What? Where? Why?"
"Well," Duo started and grinned broadly, "it's cause, you know how you say half of you's him? Well it would seem that half of him's you too!"
Before Quatre could respond or even get his head around what had been said, Duo had steered him out of the door and they were on their way to Quatre's room.
"What?" Quatre said, dazed and hopefully smiling. "You mean…he…he, he can't though, can he? And, I mean, how…"
"I annoyed him till he told me!" Duo said happily.
"Duo!"
"Yah, sorry, blah blah but listen, you GOTTA tell him how you feel. I swear it, you have to. Trust me. You know, I might run and hide but (what was it again? he thought. I might run and hide but…. Dammit, it's just gone…oh yeah, I remember it, it's I don't really like pie) I never tell a lie, and I'm not lying when I say you gotta TELL HIM!"
"But what if…did he really…"
"Yeah yeah, he said it but hang on, he was REALLY upset when I left him, he thinks he's done something to hurt you, and he was sobbing his heart out 'cause he doesn't deserve you, apparently…"
WHAT!?! My Trowa!!" Quatre shouted, pulled away from Duo and ran off.
"Yeah. Yeah, your Trowa," Duo said, smiling.
*
"Trowa?"
Quatre pushed open the door to his room. Trowa was lying on the bed, staring vacantly up at the ceiling.
"Trowa, it's me, it's Quatre. Trow, are you OK?"
Trowa sat up. His eyes lit up momentarily but then his face fell again.
"Quatre, I…"
"Trowa, you've been crying! What's wrong? I want… I want… (you) I want…to, to help, I really do…"
"Quatre, I'm sorry. I, uh, yesterday, I thought you, er, didn't like me." he coughed slightly. "And I'm sorry, for whatever, uh, for, uh, making you upset I swear, I swear that I didn't mean…"
No, no, no you didn't, Trowa, and I er, didn't want you to think I was upset with you but, I, I…"
have to keep my distance
. Mustn't go too close he thought wryly, sitting on the edge of the bed.Quatre looked at Trowa, and thought he saw something in his eyes. He thought back to what Duo had said…
He told me
he'd said. Yeah, he said it…Could it be…
"I know we're friends," he went on nervously, "and this'll sound really weird, but I need to explain why, why…why I've been acting, so, uh, so strange, you see it's, I er, uh, I…"
You have to tell him,
Duo had said. I never tell a lie… You gotta tell him how you feel."I…"
"I've got something to tell you aswell," Trowa said unexpectedly. "You'll find out soon anyway, stupid Duo's probably telling everyone he can find right now…"
Quatre held his breath. Could Trowa mean…
"Quatre, I…"
"…love you,"
"WHAT!"
"What?"
Quatre jumped to his feet and stared at Trowa.
"What? You love me? Really?"
Trowa nodded slowly, not taking his emerald eye off Quatre's face.
"But why would YOU love ME," he was musing quietly. "I don't deserve you, I don't…"
This can't be happening
Quatre thought, giddy with happiness. He sat down by Trowa."You deserve anything!" he said. "You deserve everything! And I… I love you." He smiled but tears were running down Trowa's cheeks once more. "Trowa, no, don't cry…"
Quatre reached up and gently brushed the tears from Trowa's cheeks, making him smile. Trowa touched Quatre's cheek too, and Quatre bit his lip, loving his touch.
"I can't believe…I'm so happy… I'm so…" Trowa smiled down at him. "I love you so much…"
Quatre put his arms around Trowa's waist.
"So you see, I was being strange because I couldn't stop thinking about you but I couldn't get too close, because if I did I wanted…"
"This," Trowa finished.
Quatre nodded. He pushed Trowa gently back on to the bed. Trowa wrapped his arms around him, pulling him down too, and they kissed passionately.
*
An hour or so later, Duo looked into the room. Trowa was sound asleep with Quatre in his arms.
He grinned and closed the door.
"Love, love is such a crazy thing," he sang quietly to himself as he wandered away.
~fin~
Not too good, I know, but I'd really appreciate reviews, even flames – I could toast some marshmallows with them, you know, it works like a charm…