"The Healing"
by: DTroi57
Disclaimer:
Paramount owns the STTNG characters, but the plot and storyline belong exclusively to me. This story is intended as a sequel to my earlier story..."The Waiting". Read and enjoy...however, please do not reproduce or share without my permission. Email comments to DTroi57@aol.com.
Aboard the U.S.S.Discovery.....
"Personal log....Captain William T. Riker,U.S.S.Discovery, Stardate XXXXX
"I cannot describe the feeling of peace that I've felt for the last eleven months. Ever since going to Betazed to be with Deanna when her mother, passed away. The need to be there was all consuming...I knew that she needed me, that she was in pain. So...I went. Luck was with me though...the "Discovery" was having serious subspace emitter problems, which forced her return to Federation space...otherwise I might not have arrived in time to be of any help.
"Deanna. My imzadi. I remember thinking how very small and lost she looked that day...very brave...holding all of her grief inside. As I held her close, while she released the agony she'd been feeling, I felt my love for her growing, swelling, encompassing the two of us. It was the realization that she was unable to share her innermost pain with anyone else but me, that stripped away any doubts I had about whether or not we should be together. We needed one another...not just as friends...or lovers...but on a much deeper psychological and empathic level. I am as much a part of her as she is of me. Denying that need had been the source of internal conflict for both of us for a very long time. Now that we are together...those conflicts have disappeared.
Our small private wedding ceremony 8 months ago...was a release that I cannot describe, except to say that my soul is complete. She looks so happy...so relaxed, so beautiful. More beautiful than ever, to me, since she's 5 months pregnant with our first child.
We've been so involved in the daily life aboard "our" ship, so caught up rediscovering one another that, the events of those few days last year have faded into a painful memory. I can't speak for my wife, but I don't think of them often, unless something happens to jar the memory and bring it back full force. A holoplay that was Lwaxana's favorite, a diplomatic event, Deanna herself. We don't usually dwell on the sad memories, but now...we are on our way back to Betazed for the "First Rememberance", of Lwaxana's death. Deanna hasn't said much...she doesn't need to, I feel what she feels...and I can see it. A sad faraway look that comes over her face when she thinks I don't see, she isn't sleeping well...last night I heard her crying in the bath. I want to help...I.."
Bridge to Captain Riker.
Will Riker closed his log, and straightened in his chair.
Riker Here. What is it Harris?
Commander Neil Harris, was his First Officer, and good friend. He had come aboard at the same time as his new captain, and the two men had hit it off immediately. Both loved jazz, were avid skiers, and loved outdoor sports. And both were accomplished pilots. Harris had just missed beating Will's flight scores at the academy. A fact he enjoyed reminding Will of, every chance he got.
You asked to be reminded of the time, sir. It's 18:30 hours.
On my way. Thanks Number One.
Will exited his ready room, to find his bridge running quietly and efficiently. Commander Harris got to his feet to greet him.
"Also, we'll be rendezvousing with the Enterprise in thirty six hours."
Will grinned at his exec, who stood eye to eye with him, "Again thanks, Neil." He turned to check ship's status as the computer toned...
"Alpha shift completed, Beta shift report to duty stations. The time is 18:30 hours." The lights dimmed, signaling the beginning of ship's evening.
The two men paused as their bridge replacements filed from the lift. Then Will turned to Harris and nodded towards it.
"I'd better get a move on, Deanna doesn't appreciate having to wait for her dinner these days. She probably will have eaten half of her dinner by now."
Harris chuckled...
"I know exactly what you mean, when my mother was expecting we all knew before Dad. She literally ate her way through the entire nine months. Believe me, sir. Being the oldest of ten, I have nine brothers and sisters, and it was the same each and every time. Dad would just double the amount he prepared at every meal."
Will's eyebrows rose and he smiled,
"Well, this being our first baby, it's taken a little getting used to. Don't ever tell her I told you, but she eats as much as I do."
Now it was Harris' turn to be amazed, at the thought of the captain's tiny wife eating as much as her husband, who stood 6' 4". He chuckled and shook his head.
"Yup, that's the way Mom was, after the first month. It's amazing watch."
The lift stopped on Deck 8, and then two men got off. Riker headed to the left, Harris to the left...
"Good night sir, say hello to the counselor for me."
"Will do Neil...good night."
Will continued on to the quarters he shared with Deanna, looking foward to a quiet evening with his wife. They had planned to discuss names for their baby tonight. The door to his quarters opened at his approach. Deanna was nowhere in sight, though the table was set for dinner. Two covered dishes sat on the beautifully set table. One of Deanna's touches, was china and crystal at dinner each night. Will really liked it, it made each meal special.
~~~Dee? Where are you?
No response...Will smiled...she must be napping...and then he felt a wave of sadness, the pain of loss. He knew where it came from, and moved to find her.
He headed for their bedroom, and then into the nursery beyond when she wasn't there in the master suite. He found her standing before the viewport, holding a light brown teddy bear to her chest. her back was to the door.
~~~Dee, honey are you all right?
She jumped...
~~~Oh! Yes...I'm fine.
Will heard the slightest quaver in her voice and knew she was anything but fine.
~~~Deanna.
She turned then and the pain in her eyes took Will's breath away. Her eyes were huge, and glittering with unshed tears. Will went to her immediately, and held out his arms. Deanna looked up at him, her lower lip trembling, her face crumpling into a mask of grief, as she walked blindly into the haven of his embrace.
He didn't speak, just held her, his own eyes stinging as she cried silently for a few moments. Gradually she calmed and stepped back, wiping her eyes and cheeks with the back of one hand. Will pulled a tissue from a box on the baby's dresser, and handed it to her. Deanna smiled a watery smile.
"Thanks."
Willed smiled slightly...
"What happened sweetheart? Did something or someone upset you?"
"I felt the baby move." She looked up at him again...a look of amazement and joy mixed with tears. Will's own eyes widened...
"You mean really move? You could feel it from outside?" His grin widened as she nodded...
"But Deanna that's wonderful news...But I'm a little confused...why did feeling the baby move make you cry?" He watched as tears welled up again...
"I...was standing...here, folding some of the new clothes...you know the things that I bought on our last shore leave?" Will nodded, taking her hand and walking back out to the dining area.
"Well as I stood there, I felt a kick, a really strong one. I put my hand to the spot and waited...and.....I felt it again...a tiny thump against my hand." Will waited, as she paused to wipe her eyes, and catch her breath...
"Go on...is that when you got upset?" Will reached out and brushed stray hairs from her cheeks.
Deanna sniffled softly and shook her head...
"No...when I felt the kicking, I got so excited. My first thought aside from telling you was...that I couldn't...wait...to...tell...my...
mother." She dissolved into tears once more, and Will pulled her gently back into his arms again.
"Shhh, I'm sorry that I wasn't here. Take it easy, Dee. I know how hard this has been, how much you miss her."
"I'm...sorry..I'm being...silly."
Will took her face between his hands and tipped it so that she was looking at him again.
"No. never. You loved your mother very much. It's only natural that you'd feel this way. This is your first pregnancy, of course you miss having her here to share it with you. That's not silly, it's normal and so are you...ok?"
Deanna smiled a small smile and hugged him tightly.
"OK." He hugged her close again, then released her.
"Now...are you hungry Mama? Because I'm hungry enough to eat a Klingon targ! Let's see what you whipped up for our dinner."
Later that night, when Deanna lay asleep, her body curled against him, Will felt the strain of the day slowly ebbing away. The rest of their evening had been subdued, only brightening when Deanna had stretched out on the couch, and he'd laid a gentle hand on the rounding of her abdomen, and felt their baby kicking vigorously. Soft butterfly kicks under the palm of his hand. He'd looked up into her wide black eyes with tears in his. A tremendous rush of love for her and the tiny life they had created from that love had closed his throat.
~~~~Imzadi, I love you more than you could possibly know. Thank you for this.
Her eyes sparkled too,
~~~~I do know, imzadi. And thank you for our little miracle.
Will had gotten to his knees then and kissed her gently but very thoroughly. They had chatted quietly then about a name for the baby...and not being able to decide, had gone to bed.
He sighed then and eased Deanna closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. In the moments before he fell asleep, Will focused all his love and tenderness on her, and relaxed completely as sleep overtook him.
Thirty six hours later...Will and Deanna were standing in the "Discovery's" main transporter room, waiting to beam over to the Enterprise.
When the First Officer had notified them that the Enterprise had arrived and was holding station off the port bow, Will had spent a few long moments looking out the viewport, at the "E". It was leaner and somewhat smaller than the Galaxy class, Discovery, but it had more than twice the armament and could do warp 10. While he stared in awe, at their former ship, Deanna had been flying around their cabin, putting the finishing touches on herself and on him, until he finally made her sit down for five minutes. She taken great care with her appearance, wearing her newest maternity outfit, a beautifully embroidered burgundy tunic dress. It was a soft supple knit that had a wide band that clung to her bare shoulders, and caressed her rounded figure. Low heeled burgundy suede pumps hugged her slender feet. She'd brushed her hair into a shining twist at the back of her head, with bangs and stray curls escaping at her ears and the back of her neck. She looked absolutely lovely, though somewhat rounder than the last time they saw her.
Now that the time for them to beam over to them Enterprise had come, she was fairly vibrating with excitement and anticipation.
They materialised in the Enterprise's main transporter, and the Picard's were there to greet them. Beverly looking as lovely as ever, and the captain, cradling his tiny daughter. He looked so happy and proud...that Will caught Deanna's eye...
~~~Marriage and fatherhood has agreed with him.
~~~I always knew that it would. I can't wait to see the baby.
Will and Jean Luc shook hands and Will looked down into the sleeping face of what had to be the prettiest baby he'd ever seen. Chloe Marguerite was exquisite, from her roses and cream complexion to her burnished auburn curls. He turned to see Deanna in Beverly's embrace, she had her back towards him, but Beverly's face was streaked with tears, and Deanna was trembling.
"Has it been difficult for her Will?"
Picard spoke in a hushed whisper.
"Captain...at first it was hell. When she first came over from the Enterprise, she didn't sleep well, barely ate..." He paused, "Then we began to renew our relationship, and she opened up to me again. It took a while, but slowly she began to return to her self. The wedding was a real turning point...though she missed having you and Beverly there." Picard nodded throughout Will's words...he knew what the grieving process was like...having had first hand experience.
"The ceremony isn't going to be easy...These things never are...and being pregnant, makes it worse."
Will nodded, "Yes it does...she's more emotional than ever." Picard nodded knowingly...
"It doesn't get any better after the birth either...trust me." Will grinned...as Picard continued.. "What is a "First remembrance"?
"The "First Remembrance" is a Betazoid tradition, that involves a brief ceremony at the gravesite...and then a huge reception afterwards...a celebration actually. Homn arranged everything...he still maintains the Troi estate in the city, and of course...the beach house. Lwaxana bequeathed the carriage house on the grounds to him...and he told Deanna that he will care for her family home for as long as he is able. Now that the actual ceremony is only a few days away, Deanna has been more subdued, but she's holding up well."
Picard smiled...
"Is she still working? She looks more beautiful than I've ever seen her, pregnancy agrees with her." He looked his former Exec up and down, "And with you too."
Will nodded and grinned down at Picard....
"No, Deanna decided to go on maternity leave about a month ago. She was just too tired. And yes sir, as much as marriage and fatherhood agrees with you." The two friends shared a hearty chuckle, and turned back to their wives.
By now, the women had separated and were wiping their eyes...Beverly was patting Deanna's belly affectionately...telling her how lovely she looked. Deanna turned to Picard as he handed Beverly their daughter, and smiled, reaching out to hug him. Picard responded immediately taking her into a warm embrace, whispering something into her ear, that brought a spate of fresh tears...she broke away, wiping her eyes...as she turned to admire Chloe. Beverly gently placed the sleeping infant in Deanna's arms.
~~~Dee, are you all right?
~~~Yes, Will. I'm just fine...better than that...now.
He smiled at her over Picard's shoulder. Having their old friends with them would help her get through the next few days...Will was more grateful to the Picards than they knew.
"Personal Log, Captain William T. Riker, U.S.S. Discovery, Stardate XXXXX
"We are approaching orbit around Betazed. I dread the thought of beaming down tomorrow...We're planning to spend three days at the estate... in the mansion. I have to admit, that I'm concerned about whether it's good for Deanna to spend so much time there, I think she'll have difficulty having all of her mother's things around her...but it has to be her decision. Afterwards, we'll go out to the beach house and stay there for the remainder of our stay. I can feel the pain, and grief she's feeling...it's very strong at times...I don't think she realizes that she's projecting. I'm concerned for her."
"Personal Log...Counselor Deanna Riker, U.S.S. Discovery, Stardate XXXXX,
"It's 3 a.m., and I find that I can't sleep. Will, thanks the gods, didn't awaken when I got out of bed. He's asleep...
We are orbiting Betazed...and as I look through the viewport at it's blue green loveliness, I realize that I no longer see it as ...home. Isn't that strange??? Now that Mother is gone...there is little there for me. I do plan to teach our child about it's Betazoid heritage...and visit Betazed as a family as often as possible...but...right now all that I seem to be able to focus on is the intense feeling of loss...sadness...I don't really want to beam down in the morning...I feel as though I'll lose myself...I have to go...I need to go....but I'm afraid to go...."
The following morning...
Betazed....it seemed like years since they'd last been here. It was as lush and exotic as he remembered. Deanna was tense...and quiet.
They first stopped at the Troi mansion, planning to stay a few days. But in the end...the four of them stayed only one night in the huge house. Deanna put on a brave front, but that first evening, when she and Will were alone in the privacy of their bedroom, she'd broken down into tears. Will went and sat beside her.
"Talk to me Deanna...tell me what you're feeling." Deanna curled her feet beneath her on the window seat in her childhood room. She was dressed in her nightgown, with a yellow velour robe wrapped around her. She tried to speak...but couldn't...as she drew up her knees and put her fisted hands over her eyes.
*Be patient, Will. She needs time to collect herself.* He thought to himself as he listened to the sound of her grief. He hated to see her cry at all, and lately she was more emotional then ever. He knew that her pregnancy was at least partly responsible, but it still made him feel helpless.
"I can't...stay here. There's too much....of...Mother...I went..into ...her room. It's exactly the same. Her fragrance is still in the air. I feel as ..though...I'm losing....myself...I feel as though .....my emotions .....are .....out of control."
The words were muffled by the robe, but Will got the message just the same.
"We'll go to the beach house tomorrow...right after breakfast. We can stay there until the "First Rememberance", OK?"
"Yes...thank you...I know it's a chore to repack and all." Will pulled her against him then, and hugged her tight...
"If it will make you feel better...I'll do anything..." Will felt his heart aching at the sight of her sad face...
"Now let's get some sleep...we have a big day tomorrow...We promised Chandra a visit too, remember?"
Deanna nodded and allowed him to help her to her feet. He led her to the bed, slipped the robe from her shoulders, and tucked her into bed. Turning off the light, he slipped into the bed beside her. Will held her through the night, though she didn't sleep well, or much. He awoke, to find her pale and tired in the morning.
"Good morning you two." Picard's voice was chipper as Will and Deanna walked into the dining room for breakfast. He and Beverly sat across from one another and were sipping their first cup of coffee. Beverly was feeding Chloe, who took her bottle happily, gazing up into her mother's face. Will pulled out a chair for Deanna, then went to the opposite end and sat down.
"Sleepyheads this morning, eh?" Beverly's voice was teasing. She looked fresh and well rested.
"Deanna it's so peaceful here, so refreshing to breathe fresh air. What is that scent in the air?"
Deanna smiled slightly...
"Sorry we were so late...I didn't sleep well. Yes, it is beautiful this time of year. The scent? Oh! You mean the smell that's a sort of a cross between vanilla and cinnamon?" At Beverly's nod, she explained...
"It's the scent of the Jalara...the flora and fauna of the jungle each give off a pervasive scent, that's carried by the constant breezes. You can smell it for miles away from the jungle itself."
Will grinned...
"Yeah, it's one of the things that makes Betazed so special. I took the next best thing home with me." He smiled down the length of the table at his wife...who tried her best to return it.
Beverly had picked up the strain in Deanna's voice and the air of distraction that surrounded her. She was about to ask, if she was all right, when Homn brought in their breakfast. He nodded at Will, Picard and Beverly, but served Deanna first. He bowed respectfully, before placing her meal before her, just as he had always done for her mother. Picard and Beverly looked on curiously, Will watched Deanna carefully. She stiffened slightly, then nodded at Homn. He turned and went back to the kitchen, returning with the rest of the meal, which he placed in the center of the table, then left without uttering a sound.
Will started up a conversation with Beverly and the captain, trying to give Deanna time to recover her equilibrium. They discussed the arrangements for the remembrance, and the party afterwards. Then Picard asked about the plans for their stay until the ceremony.
"Well, we were going to stay here for a few days, and go to the beach house after the remembrance, but we've decided to go..." Will stopped as Deanna stood up,
"Please, excuse me...I need to get some air." She all but bolted from the room, nearly upsetting her chair. Will was half out of his chair, when Beverly said,
"No, let me...I think I can help. Jean Luc, will you give Chloe the rest of her breakfast please?" She handed the infant to her father, who took her and continued the feeding, looking very comfortable doing so. Will was amazed at the change in his former commander. Picard grinned...
"One doesn't have much choice but to get comfortable, when there's a screaming infant around, Number One...you'll see. Don't worry, Beverly will help Deanna. She's gone through this herself."
Will nodded...
"She cried herself to sleep last night, and was up and down most of the night. She says she feels as though she's losing herself here, that's why we're going to the beach."
Picard nodded...
"Good plan, she'll be fine once she's away from all this." He looked around the room..."The whole house speaks of Lwaxana."
Will nodded...
"Yes it does...but the ceremony is going to be even worse. The whole thing is about Lwaxana. I hope that I'm strong enough to be of help."
"I don't think there's any doubt of that in anyone's mind Will, especially Deanna's. Right now, you ARE her strength...though she's a very strong young woman in her own right."
The two men sat quietly, both thinking about what was happening in the garden; Picard thinking that Beverly was the perfect person to be with Deanna right now, and Will thinking that he was glad he had friends like these.
In the garden......
Deanna sat on a bench in her rose garden...Beverly sat beside her, one arm across her shoulders, the other atop Deanna's hands. Tears slipped down her cheeks, as whispered words expressed her sadness.
Beverly knew what was at the heart of Deanna's difficulty adjusting to her mother's death...and she was sure that the counselor knew it too. She just hadn't admitted it to herself yet...
"Go on, Dee. Don't feel you have to hold anything back...losing someone you love is the hardest thing there is to adjust to. I still cry over Nana...and even Jack, and it's been years."
Deanna drew a deep breath, and wiped her eyes.
"I know that you're right Beverly. But I'm trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. I'm having a very difficult time. Will tells me that it's probably because of the baby." Beverly nodded, and patted her hand...
"He's right, Dee. Pregnancy wreaks havoc with the emotions...I drove Jean Luc crazy. Bursting into tears for no reason...flying off the handle over little things. He was so patient...to make things worse, I was sick for the first five months...and then I ate like a horse!" Deanna chuckled...softly and nodded...
"I know that I'm overly emotional these days... I cry over nothing. I had to go on maternity leave early, because I was having difficulty separating myself from my patient's problems and emotions...even though I can barely sense them. And I sleep all the time. I was sick almost constantly for the first two months or so...I had to take two weeks leave. And now that my appetite has kicked in...well, Will doesn't say anything...but I've already put on almost twenty pounds...and have 4 1/2 months to go. Poor Will...my empathic sense is really focused inward now...which makes me uneasy...I don't know what people are feeling...remember the way I was when I lost it?"
Beverly nodded, and took a good look at her friend..
"Aside from that Dee, you look absolutely gorgeous. It isn't fair. I was a cow!" Deanna laughed lightly...feeling herself relax...as her friend brought things back into perspective by just talking about normal things...It made Deanna homesick for the girl talks they used to have. Then without warning her face was serious again...
"I didn't have the chance to say good-bye to her. She died all alone."
Beverly's heart ached at the sound of the raw grief in Deanna's voice. It was plain on her delicate features, as she said the words that would be the beginning of her healing. Beverly reached out yet again, and drew her into her arms. She held her friend tightly..
"Oh baby. I'm sorry. Just let it all go...you'll be fine now. She knows...trust me Dee. She knows." Deanna would at last able to see the root of her difficulties...and having said the words aloud...would begin to heal.
Will emerged from the house and walked across the lawn to where they sat, drawn by the intensity of his imzadi's grief. He knelt beside Deanna and took her hands in his. Beverly stood up at him, letting him know that Deanna was fine without speaking a word. She turned and walked back to the house. He sat on the bench beside his wife and drew her into his arms, letting the calm, quiet solitude of the garden soothe them both.
"Let's get packed and head for the beach...I'm looking forward to walking on the beach with you. OK?" He looked down into Deanna's face...all red and blotchy...her eyes swollen, and felt an intense need to protect her. Then she drew a tremulous breath and sighed...
"I'm ready to go..."
The beachhouse was a short drive by transport...and it took no time at all to air it out. Soon the soft lace draperies were billowing in the salty air...and the sound of the ocean was providing a soothing background for the four of them. Beverly felt a strange sense of deja vu, when they entered, since she and Picard were with Deanna for several days, when her mother died. It had been a very emotional time for them as well.
Deanna moved through the rooms with a sense of sadness, but peace as well. Her mother was gone...but her memories would sustain her in the days to come. She felt a sense of urgency, as though there were something she needed to do...
~~~~Why now? Why alone? Deanna I don't understand, the ceremony is two days away...can't you wait until then? I don't think that this is a good idea."
Deanna stood with her back to him, her arms crossed, holding herself. There was no way to explain...not with words, so she simply focused her mind on Will and shared her feelings. The singularly gentle but intense probe slipped unexpectedly into Will's thoughts. A wave of intense grief, followed by a need...a need to see HER, burst upon his consciousness.
~~~~ I have to go...do you un
derstand now?
~~~~ Yes....oh Gods Dee, I didn't know...
~~~~I know...it's all right. But I need to say good bye to Mother, privately. If I don't do it this way...I won't make it through the ceremony.
~~~~ I think I understand Dee, but at least let me take you there.
~~~~ All right.
Will embraced her from behind and pressed a long and tender kiss on her hair. Deanna sighed and relaxed against him...he felt a rise in her pulse as she took his hands and shaped them over the curve of her belly.
~~~~ Our little one is very busy this morning...he's getting much stronger.
Will curved his big hands over the taut mound, and sighed...
~~~~ I don't think I'll ever tire of this, Dee. It feels so amazing. Deanna smiled as he slipped his hands under her tunic...slipping his hands under the waistband of her leggings to touch bare flesh. His hands were warm and gentle on her skin. She turned her head and looked up into his eyes. Will bent and pressed a tender kiss to her parted lips, pulling back in surprise at the flush of arousal that flashed through him. Deanna's eyes were wide and sparkling...her cheeks flushed, lips parted.
~~~~ Make love to me.
~~~~ With you.
She smiled slightly and nodded, as Will slipped his hands from beneath her top and lifted her into his arms. He crossed the hall that led from the living room to the stairs, meeting Beverly Picard on her way down from putting Chloe in for a nap.
"You all right, Deanna? Anything I can do?"
Deanna had the good grace to blush...
"No Beverly I'm fine, I..."
Will smiled innocently...
"She just needs a nap...I'm taking her to bed." With that he continued on up the stairs to their bedroom. Beverly's laughter followed as he closed the door.
Later...
Will drove the transport back to the Troi family mausoleum later that same day...He and Deanna had spent a very tender yet passionate hour in their room earlier that morning...and then he had driven her here. He knew that she needed to say goodbye to Lwaxana privately, away from the well meaning but prying eyes and minds of all of both hers, and Lwaxana's closest friends. He smiled a pained smile. Deanna had finally admitted to him the night before, that she felt guilty having been away from Lwaxana when she died, especially since her mother had died alone...in her sleep. She'd been denied the opportunity to say goodbye...to tell her mother that she loved her. Will knew exactly how it felt...he too had been unable to tell his own mother..since she had died when he was so young. It helped in a way to know that he'd been able to give his wife the a chance to do just that.
He found Deanna sitting in the small meditation garden in the rear of the family plot. It was a beautifully landscaped area in the rear of the mausoleum grounds. Will stepped out into the sunshine squinting at the brightness. He'd paused long enough to view Lwaxana and what had to have been Kestra, entombed in the clear glass stasis chambers, commonly used by Betazoid noble families. Both were perfectly preserved, their nude bodies swathed in white gauze. Ian Troi's crypt was a shiny black cylinder, starfleet standard issue to the family of an officer killed in action. The stillness of the setting a fitting resting place for Deanna's loved ones.
As he looked over to where his wife sat...Will was stricken with the realization that she was alone...except for him, and for their child...she was lovely, full of life. She was now the Daughter of the Fifth House...and he was the male head of her family. It gave both of them considerable infuence and responsibility in Betazed politics, made more important by the fact that Deanna carried the future of the Fifth House within her.
~~~~ Imzadi........
Deanna looked up, into the eyes and heart of the man she loved; not speaking, not needing to...he knew and understood. Will walked over to the bench where she sat and gently lifted her into his arms. She was completely exhausted, streaks of tears dried on her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew a trembling breath as she relaxed into the crook of his neck and closed her eyes. He carried her back to the transport and set her gently inside...fastening the safety harness in place. They traveled back to the beach house without speaking, and once there, Will carried Deanna inside, to their bedroom.
An hour and a half later, Will headed back up the stairs to check on Deanna. She was still asleep, not having moved from the position she'd curled into when he'd settled her beneath the quilt. Will sighed and smoothed her hair from her face...her slumber was deep and restful, she didn't stir. He recalled the glazed look in her eyes as she'd stood silently allowing him to remove her shoes and stockings. She'd remained mute, as he'd stripped off her clothing and helped her into a soft caftan. A long sigh of contentment slipped from her lips as she settled back into her pillows, and Will covered her with the quilt.
~~~~ Thank you....
The whispered thought startled him as Will bent to press a tender kiss on Deanna's lips.
~~~~ Rest now, Dee. I'll have something for you to eat when you wake up. I love you.
~~~~ K....I...love...you...too. Her voice had faded away as she fell into a deep sleep.
Dinner with the Picards was quiet and restrained, Deanna slept straight through. She slept so deeply that Will had checked on her at least four times during the early afternoon. Beverly checked on her when they'd returned before dinner. They made small talk...laughed quietly over baby Chloe's attempt at talking...she was an adorable baby. Will ached to hold his own child...and knew that Deanna was as eager as he was. They agreed that a daughter would be perfect...but that it really didn't matter. He scooped the infant from her baby seat and cradled her against his chest, chuckling as she gurgled and cooed at him, her tiny hands waving. Beverly cleared the table and brought coffee. while she was in the kitchen, Picard grew serious...
"Number One...Deanna IS all right isn't she? You two were gone for quite a while." Will sighed...
"I think she's fine...just exhausted. She's had so many life changes thrown at her in the last year. I wanted to wait to have a child, because she was just beginning to recover from losing her mother. And with the excitement and sadness of getting married without her mother...well, I just worried that it would be too much for her. But she wanted it so badly, insisted that we had waited far too long already. So we're having our baby. Things were going well, then Chandra called with the announcement of the remembrance. Deanna hasn't slept well for weeks...I think it may have finally caught up with her." Will didn't try to conceal his concern. "You know, being imzadi...well...we're very close...and when she hurts...I hurt. The ceremony will be hell for her...and for me. I'm glad that you and Beverly are here." He looked down into the baby's face...
"This little charmer is just the icing on the cake."
"Cake?? What cake??" Deanna's voice preceded her entrance from the hall, at the same time Beverly returned with the coffee. Will turned to see her come into the room. She'd changed into a one piece jumpsuit, that was loose, but hugged her rounding figure. It was a soft print of flowers on a cream colored background. Her face was flushed from sleep and she'd left her hair loose.
Deanna Riker looked lovely...and very much better. She moved behind Will and slipped her arms around his neck, leaning down to kiss his cheek. She cooed and smiled at Chloe, who beamed a toothless grin. When she straightened, Will handed the baby to her father, then turned back to Deanna, who slipped onto his lap. he wrapped both arms around her and squeezed her gently...
"You look rested...are you hungry?"
Deanna smiled..
"I feel much better, Will, and yes..I'm hungry...In fact I'm starving." She'd barely uttered the words, when Homn reappeared with a full dinner plate. She kissed Will quickly and slipped from his embrace. She reached the opposite end of the table as Homn placed the plate before her. As before, he bowed low...this time, Deanna put a gentle hand on his arm...
"Thank you for everything Homn. You were a good friend to my mother." The giant of a man, smiled down, a tear slipping down his cheek. Deanna wiped it away...
"Go home to your family now." Homn nodded, bowed again and left. Will gaped at her...
"Family? I didn't know he had one." Deanna smiled...and proceeded to eat her dinner.
"We have gathered to celebrate a "First Rememberance"...the celebration of a woman of stature, of nobility, of love, and of grace. The late Daughter of the Fifth House, once heiress to the Holy Rings of Betazed, former holder of the Sacred Chalice of Riix...Lwaxana Troi." Rhianna Grax, the daughter of the Third House, called the gathered guests to order. The daughters of all the Houses, except the Fifth were present as were their families. All wore pristine white...the color of mourning on Betazed. A large cask of pure white roses stood to one side of the door to the Troi mausoleum, outside of which the invited guests were seated. "If you would all rise...we would greet the Daughter of the Fifth House, and her mate."
The assemblage rose and turned to face the center aisle which gradually widened to a circular area at the front of the crypt. Captain and Mrs. Jean Luc Picard were positioned prominently at the front of the group...being the closest friends to the present daughter and her husband. Picard held their infant daughter, Chloe, who slept contentedly in her father's arms. It was the custom among Betazoids to consider friends of this sort...members of the extended family. As such the Picard's were treated with the deference accorded to family members.
At the rear of the group, Deanna and Will Riker stood arm in arm. Deanna wore a simple white sheath, the fabric flowed softly from tiny straps at her shoulders; the roundness of her pregnancy obvious through the thin material. Will wore a stark white suit, with a perfect white rosebud on his lapel.
"They look every bit the "royal" family, don't they?" Beverly whispered to her husband.
"Indeed they do." He whispered back. The Riker's walked slowly through their gathered frineds, family and Betazed nobility. Deanna walked with an ethereal quality, her back straight, chin raised. The upswept style of her hair emphasizing the length and slenderness of her neck. She kept her gaze locked straight ahead, and only her imzadi could feel the trembling of her body against his. Outwardly she looked every inch the Daughter of the Fifth House. Her mother would have been proud.
Rhianna held out a hand to Deanna and helped her to the slightly raised platform at the front of the crowd. She and Will turned to stand before the chairs provided. The gathered guests were given a signal a signal to be seated.
Ladies and gentlemen, as the Daughter of the Third House, it is my duty as Keeper of the Holy Records, to present any new members of the ruling houses of our world. To that end I present to you...Deanna Troi Riker, Daughter of the Fifth House, Heiress to the Holy Rings of Betazed, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Riix, and her mate and husband, Captain William Thomas Riker, of the Federation starship U. S. S. Discovery, Imzadi to the Daughter of the Fifth House, and as such the male head of the Fifth House." The assembled guests rose as one and applauded softly, then sat down once more.
Deanna looked quickly at Will, who sensed her need for his reassurance and strength. He smiled and squeezed her hand...
~~~~ You're doing fine, and you look beautiful...go ahead make me proud.
Deanna took a deep cleansing breath and stepped forward.
"Thank you all for coming. My mother would have been very proud to see such an assemblage in her honor...although secretly she would think it her due." There was a soft ripple of laughter. "Seriously, though she was active in politics, and in the social world of Betazed, and was a gifted diplomat and ambassador..she was also a kind, and loving mother and a trusted friend. She was loyal, generous and intelligent, and she loved her planet. Betazed was one of the most important things in her life, second only to her family. I have but one regret...that my mother died" She turned and looked back at Will, who nodded and smiled, "before my marriage and before the birth of my child. My imzadi, my husband, my mate....a man of honesty, courage and selflessness, was the apple of my mother's eye. She knew from the start that we were destined to be together...I hope that she is somehow aware of our happiness." Deanna paused to catch her breath, and to run a hand over her abdomen, where her child was kicking vigorously. "I am proud to step into my rightful place as Daughter of the Fifth House, Heiress to the Holy Rings of Betazed, and Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Riix. I am honored to have been found worthy, being of mixed heritage." Deanna's voice faded into the background, as Will gazed at her profile. She was breathtakingly beautiful, her face softened by her pregnancy...her figure becoming lush...ripe with the life that was their child. An air of calm serenity had taken the place of the deep sadness of the past few months...she was at peace. Her voice was audible again... "And so I, along with my mate, invite you into the place of remembrance. Come let us view that which was left behind, and then remember Lwaxana Troi, the woman...the mother, the friend, the diplomat. Her spirit lives on in me...and in my child. Come. Celebrate that spirit with us."
Deanna sat down beside Will who clasped her hand in his.
~~~~ Imzadi you are an amazing woman...Lwaxana would have been so very proud of you.
~~~~ Thank you...I hope so. Feel ... She took his hand and curved it over her belly...Will smiled as he felt the strength of their baby's kicking...
~~~~ I love you. Deanna's eyes misted as she leaned to kiss his cheek. Several people amongst the guests smiled as well, having picked up on the exchange.
Will watched as the assembled people formed a single line before he and Deanna. She rose, to stand straight and proud beside the cask of roses, handing one to each person as they filed past. Beverly and Jean Luc Picard smiled and pressed a kiss to her cheek as they walked past. He saw her speak softly to almost every person in the procession keeping her emotions under tight control...only Will knew the pain she felt inside..watching her mother's closest friends file past with tears in their eyes. Homn nearly caused her to breakdown...but to Will's incredulous eyes...Deanna smiled a tremulous smile and handed him a rose.
After all of the guests had placed a rose on Lwaxana's casket...everyone returned to the Troi estate for a garden party. There was music, food, dancing, and celebration...that lasted until well after dark. Will watched his wife move among her guests, smiling, laughing..and yes, shedding a few tears...She was the perfect hostess. Everyone she touched left with a smile. Off and on throught the party, she'd appear at his side. Without speaking he'd offer a hug, a smile, a kiss on her flushed cheek, giving her the strength to continue. Beverly and Jean Luc were among the first guests to leave...Chloe was tired and beginning to fuss. They headed back to the beach house. Slowly, in small groups, the other guests began to leave.
When everyone had departed..Will returned from seeing the last of them out, to find Deanna standing on the deck at the rear of the house. A brilliant meteor shower was streaking across the blackness of the Betazed sky...twin moons hung like silver coins against the darkness.
~~~~ Dee, you ok?
She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing them to chase off the evening chill.
~~~~ Yes. I'm fine...tired though....and my feet are swollen.
~~~~ You've had a busy day...it was a beautiful rememberance Dee. She would have loved it...I'm so proud of you.
She turned to him then...her eyes glittering with unshed tears...
~~~~ Hold me.
Will crossed the deck, and gathered her into his arms...
"Take it easy, love...I'm here."
They stood there for several minutes...and then Will gathered Deanna into his arms and carried her into the house, where Homn was just finishing up. The valet nodded to Riker as he passed him, on the way to the door.
"Thank you for everything Homn. We appreciate it more than we can say." Again the man nodded. Will carried Deanna to the transport, and climbed in beside her. She was asleep almost immediately as he headed for the beach.
Two days later.......
"Thank you for coming to the rememberance, Jean Luc. And for bringing Beverly and Chloe for a visit." Deanna hugged him, and then Beverly. "you've both been wonderful friends."
Beverly shifted Chloe to her shoulder...
"Now be sure to let us know when your little one arrives." She patted Deanna's abdomen gently, then hugged her again.
"Of course we will Beverly. We want you to be godmother to our baby...and you Jean Luc to be godfather." He smiled and hugged her one last time. Will said his farewells a hug for Beverly, a kiss on Chloe's cheek and a firm handshake for his friend and former captain.
"You handled the whole situation beautifully Will. Deanna couldn't have asked for a better partner."
"Thank you sir, but Deanna is the one with the lion's share of inner strength. She's very special."
"Of course, that's why she fell in love with you, and you with her, Number One." They laughed softly and turned to find the women staring curiously. Jean Luc moved to stand beside his family.
Deanna came to stand beside him, as the Picard's dematerialised. When they had disapppeared, Will took Deanna's hand and they turned and went into the house.
"Personal Log, Captain William T. Riker, U.S.S. Disvovery, Stardate XXXXXX.....
"We're back aboard the Discovery...the last three weeks have been a sort of transition for both of us...Deanna seems much happier now...she seems to be adjusting to her mother's death. She's on maternity leave now, getting the nursery ready, consulting with her staff, and helping to organize the preschool and daycare schedules. She's sleeping better, still eating an amazing amount...still beautiful...the baby is growing at an amazing rate, judging from the size of Deanna's belly. I love to lie beside her at night and feel him moving around. She seems insecure at times, with the physical changes in her body...funny I didn't expect that, her being Betazoid and all. She's so beautiful to me, especially now, with her body fairly bursting with life. I find I want to make love often...I try to be sensitive, to let her know that I still find her desirable...I hope that she knows.I have never felt this happy in my entire life...I'm grateful that the Discovery has been put on a mapping mission in a sector of the alpha quadrant that sees little traffic or action...it's quiet."
"Personal Log, Counselor Deanna Riker, U.S.S.Discovery, Stardate XXXXX,
It's been six weeks since the Rememberance, and tough I still feel the pain of my mother's death...it's becoming easier to bear. I'm sleeping better, and my pregnancy is going well. I feel wonderful...but heavy and uncoordinated. I look in the mirror and see my body changing before my eyes...the baby is growing larger, and is very active now. Will has been terrific...supportive of my moods, my insecurities...especially when we make love...he makes me feel beautiful...even though I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant, he still finds me desirable...
We're on a routine diplomatic mission...it's quiet...I'm glad..."
"Personal Log, Captain William T. Riker, U.S.S. Discovery, Stardate XXXXX,
We've put in for a refit at Starbase 515...after a run in with a renegade Romulan scout force...they came in fast and hard...we had some heavy damage to the outer hull and several secondary systems...It was difficult to be on the bridge during the battle, knowing that my wife was in our quarters... 8 months pregnant, scared me to death. Our CMO sent an OB nurse to stay with her, just in case, but every thing turned out fine. When I got back to our quarters, Deanna was sitting serenely on the couch, her feet up embroidering on a baby quilt. She looked up and though I could feel her fear, see it in her eyes...she calmly put her needle down and said,
"Welcome home...how was your day?" I thought she'd lost her mind...then the nurse left, and Deanna pulled herself off the couch, came to stand in front of me. Her arms went around my waist and she held me so tight, I could feel her trembling. She cried in my arms for what seemed like forever. I felt her fears flow out of her, taking mine with them...Being imzadi is an amazing thing...the knowledge that there is someone who understands and accepts you without question...the love we share is limitless."
"Personal Log, Counselor Deanna Riker, U.S.S.Discovery, Stardate XXXXX,
"We are enroute to Starbase 515 for a refit. We've managed to weather our first battle, since our marriage. I was frantic with fear when the Romulans attacked...Will on the bridge, of course, and me here in our quarters. Eight months pregnant, and unable to help in any way. The shuddering, and noise of the battle scared me to death...I kept thinking that it was unfair for something to happen to us now...we'd had so little time together...our baby due to arrive soon...I wanted to huddle in the closet. Our CMO...A young man named Michael Fillmore...a gem who likes to be called "Mickey", sent an OB nurse to sit with me...since he's also my OB/GYN, I shouldn't have been surprised. She helped to pass the time...
I have to admit, when Will came through the door after it was all over...I wanted to run into his arms....and cry like a baby. He looked so tired...smudged and scratched, from helping with wounded and all. The first thing he asked was if I was all right. I know he thought I'd lost my mind, when he saw me calmly embroidering, asking how his day was. He knew though, how I really felt...he always does...my imzadi. I managed to wait until the nurse left, and then he held me close and let me cry. I never understood what my mother meant when she said the bond ran deeper than you could ever imagine. I know now.
"Personal Log, Captain William T. Riker, U.S.S. Discovery, Stardate XXXXX,
"I am a father...our daughter was born earlier tonight. I'm sitting here in sickbay, watching my Deanna sleep with our daughter cradled in her arms. The sight fills me with a sense of contentment, such as I've never known.
The whole process of giving birth had been a nebulous half formed idea all these months...pregnancy: with the mood swings, the physical and emotional changes that Deanna went through...the physical discomfort she experienced without complaint until the very last two weeks...none of it prepared me for birth...
Deanna was calm, throughout her labor, which in turn helped me stay calm...though it was hell to see her in such pain, and not be able to do anything. She was amazing...so tiny, but hugely swollen with our child, she worked so hard...I can still see her, face red with effort, teeth clenched as she bore down again and again, pushing our little girl into the world. She only lost control once...just as the baby crowned. That long, soul searing wail that escaped her lips as the baby slipped from her body, into Mickey's hands, tore at my heart. What an amazing sight to see your child slipping from her mother's body...perfect in every way, and knowing that you had a role in creating that perfection. When he handed me the baby, I cried ...actually had tears running down my face.
When it was over, when Deanna was finally able to relax...she looked up at me...exhausted, her beautiful face tired and damp, her hair a wild tangle, the baby nursing at her breast.....and smiled. Her sweet voice slipping into my mind...
~~~~ Thank you imzadi, I love you...
She was thanking me....when it was I that should be thanking her...she looked up at me..."I know." was all she said...
"Justine Marie Riker...my daughter...7 pounds 9 ozs., perfect...
"Personal Log, Counselor Deanna Riker, U.S.S.Discovery, Stardate XXXXX,
I am a mother...our daughter, Justine Marie Riker, 7 pounds, 9 ozs. was born earlier this evening. I was unprepared for the intensity of labor and delivery, but with Will's calm solid presence, I felt I handled it fairly well. Will was the perfect labor coach...helped me to stay focused...even when I wanted to scream with the pain of contractions...he was there. He stayed cheerful and supportive, never once letting his emotions show...until the baby crowned...I couldn't help it...it hurt...and the look on his face when I screamed out loud! I thought he'd faint. But he didn't...just held me up and we watched as our little girl slipped into Mickey's waiting hands. Will cried when he handed him the baby...We looked at one another...he kissed me so sweetly and I heard his voice in my head...
~~~~ My imzadi, light of my life...thank you.
Imagine HIM thanking ME....
It's very late...I'm exhausted...but I had to record this, while the experience is fresh in my mind. My daughter...Daddy's little girl...I can still see her, sleeping on Will's chest...until Mickey sent him home to get some sleep....
My daughter...finally my dream is reality...I am a wife...and a mother...and a career woman.
I hope that you can see her Mother...she is our future...
With the birth of our daughter...the healing is complete.....end log....