Disclaimer: I don't own LoZ
If you've done this before, I'm sorry, since I never saw it. But I did not copy anyone's work.
Now, what madness erupts when Link travels with not one, but all of his companions throughout Zelda history? This story takes place in "Hyrule", but not any Hyrule you know. It features a Link with all his companions, regardless of where they come from.
What a Motley Crew Are We
There were legends of heroes throughout the history of Hyrule. Legends of Heroes who all shared the same name: Link. Whenever a boy named Link appeared, the dangers threatening Hyrule would wither away and restore peace to the world, and the kingdom would prosper once again. The Hero would have his name carved into stone, maybe chiseled at the base of a commemorative statue, or even recorded meticulously and carefully into the books so Link would not be forgotten.
To be named Link was a great honor.
Honor, my ass.
The newest Link of the lot, Link, trudged slowly towards one of Hyrule's bustling towns, trying to kill time so that he would arrive just as the sun set and the crowds thinned. This particular Link had come, throughout his travels so far, to loathe attention with a passion. And the least of this hatred was the notice he gathered from his garish clothing.
The real problem... or rather problems, came from...
His head,
His hat,
His hat,
His hat,
His pocket,
His shadow,
And just about everywhere else on his person that one could name.
"Link!" squeaked a voice from on top of his head. "We need to get to Castle Town before nightfall!"
Link rolled his eyes heavily and began walking even slower, as Navi the fairy flew out from underneath his hat to badger him.
"Hey! Listen!" she yelled, the big ball of blue getting way too close for comfort, "You don't want to be stuck outside with all the Stalchilds! Ooh, you'll be sorry then!"
"Can it!" Tatl roared from underneath Link's hat. "I'm trying to sleep!"
"Yeah, shut up, Sparkly," Midna hissed, wrapping Link's shadow around her immaterial form and grabbing Navi by the tips of her wings. Navi tugged for all she was worth, yelling, "Hey! Stop! Stop! Link, help! HEY!"
Midna cackled with sadistic glee.
Ciela popped up from wherever she had been, followed by Neri and Leaf. "Midna!" she yelled indignantly, "Stop being mean to Navi!"
"Yeah, listen to her!" Navi whimpered, hanging limply from Midna's hands.
Midna grinned. "If you say so!" Then she dropped Navi into the grass.
Ciela, being self-righteous, immediately began berating Midna for her cruelty, while Navi fluttered up shakily from the grass, straightened her wings, and settled on the tip of Link's hat.
Which snapped at her.
Ezlo's bird beak almost ripped off the tip of her wing, and Navi shrieked, soaring behind Leaf, who was currently trying to help Ciela by "beating some sense" into Midna, which wasn't working too well seeing as Midna was a shadow.
"Who gave you permission to sit on my face, you stupid little sprite?" Ezlo snapped at Navi. He forgot about Navi a moment later when a fairy underneath the hat made itself known by ramming into the hat above it.
Tatl's voice rang out once again. "WOULD YOU ALL SHUT UP? I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"
"Sis!" Tael whispered, worried. He hated it when Tatl got all aggressive, because it usually ended in the two of them flying away from something out to kill them as fast as they could.
Midna snarled and ripped Ezlo off Link's head. Link, who had been taking one step every five seconds and was now much closer to town than he wanted to be, stopped so Ezlo could rant, Tatl could shriek, Ciela could preach, Leaf could think he was strong, Tatl could get into a huge argument, Midna could be violent, and Neri and Navi, being the only two sensible companions in the group, could stay out of it, watching the huge clock in town count how much time they wasted.
"HOW DARE YOU, YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Ezlo roared, hopping around on the ground. Midna began laughing at Ezlo, but snarled when Leaf and Ciela began combining forces to knock her every which way... not that it hurt, but it was annoying. Tatl shrieked angrily, throwing herself at anyone and anything that came into her line of sight, Tael cowering in place on Link's exposed blond hair. Ghost Zelda, who had endured enough of this, popped up next to Link only to find that Midna was tearing after a now terrified Tatl with murderous eyes. Ciela and Leaf were still persistantly hitting Midna, and Ezlo, in a desperate attempt to get back to Link's head, had bit Midna's foot and refused to let go. When Neri saw Zelda's face go from confused to serious, she signed and turned away, covering her ears.
"WOULD YOU ALL SHUT UP AND GET THE HELL TO CASTLE TOWN? BY ORDER OF THE PRINCESS OF HYRULE, I COMMAND YOU!" Ghost Zelda screamed.
"Can it!" Midna yelled, turning her steely gaze to Ghost Zelda. "You're not the only pr-"
"The only what?" Zelda said innocently. Everyone had now frozen, hearing Midna slip something, curious as to what is was.
Midna began shifting her eyes, mind racing. "Um... you're not the only... um..."
"Hey!" came a deep voice. Link sighed and fishing into his pocket, revealing the glowing blue Gossip Stone.
"Link!" the King of Red Lions said, "Hurry up and get to Castle Town! The sun is setting!"
In perfect comical unison, Link and the heads of all his companions slowly swiveled to the Castle Town drawbridge in the distance, as the setting sun bathed the Field in orange.
Link gave a throaty yell and charged, not looking forward to the prospect of spending a night on the field with Stalchilds, Stalhounds, Poes, and other assorted nasties. With a few shrieks, the fairies followed behind him, Tael gripping Link's hair for dear life. Zelda and Midna raced along, trying to keep up. Ezlo, unfortunately, lost his grip on Midna's foot near the gate and fell to the ground, and hopped and squawked indignantly behind the group.
A guard on one of Castle Town's watchtowers was waiting for the drawbridge to be raised, vigilant for any monsters that might try to creep into town. He swept the Field with his telescope peacefully. Then, something caught his attention. Rather, it demanded it.
A child that resembled that strange boy, Link, who had visited several times recently, was sprinting for the bridge, wild-eyed and foaming at the mouth in his desperation. Resting on his bare blond head was a ball of purple. Tailing behind him were five other flying balls of light in different colors, a ghost which reminded him of Princess Zelda, and what appeared to be a flying shadow, in the shape of an imp with horns. What seemed to be his green hat lay forgotten on the ground behind them, hopping behind them and yelling profanities.
The guard looked below, and saw several townspeople gaping at the sight as well.
Needless to say, the disturbed guard did the only logical thing that came to mind and rang the alarm bell.
All at once, the other guards began yelling, and soon enough the creaking and clinking of metal could be heard as the bridge raised. He thought he could hear a yell of "NOOOOOOO!" but didn't want to turn around, for fear of what he'd find. The guard heaved a sigh of relief as the bridge stopped vertical, and went to get another to relieve his shift.
On the ground outside Castle Town, Link fell to his knees, bemoaning his fate as if it were the worst in the world. He stood there yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" for five minutes straight, with the fairies beating on the drawbridge over the moat, and Zelda and Midna arguing over whose fault it was. Ezlo finally reached them and started yelling at all of them for leaving him behind, but Navi sensed something and turned away from the bridge fearfully, looking out into the wide expanse of Hyrule Field.
She shrieked the only thing that came to mind. "Watch out!"
Everyone else's heads whipped around and blanched.
Laughing maniacally, a swarm of Stalchilds crawled out of the ground. A huge pack of Stalhounds followed behind, growling, their unsatisfied hollow jowls quivering. Several Poes materialized from thin air, cackling with glee, and to top it all off, the commotion caught the attention of a group of Bokoblins.
The King of Red Lions stared into his Gossip Stone as Link and all his helpless companions ran for their lives, hollering at the top of their lungs. He sighed as he beheld they exhausted, ragged forms later in the night, the moonlight further accentuating their injuries and fatigue. "My, my," he muttered softly to himself, "What a motley crew are we."
Yeah, so Link and Co. are not exactly what a "motley crew" is, but they look as ridiculous as one. And anyway, the title was too good to pass up...
I randomly thought of this just now and wrote it up in about thirty minutes. Not bad, huh? So, how funny was it?