I've always firmly believed that a single moment could alter a person's life. That's why I hate when she cries, it absolutely breaks me. Its like watching a version of myself crumble and die every time I see even a single tear slip from her eye. I care so deeply about her. I would do anything to make her happy.
I guess she never saw that.
She so beautiful, smart, and caring. She can do anything, because she has so much potential.
I guess she never realized it.
She is loved, if not by anyone else, she's loved by me. She means so much to me that she could never know, because she could never begin to fathom it. She's the only one I trust, because of everything that's happened on this darned meteor. I care more about her than I do myself. If Anything happened to her, it would break me.
I told her this constantly.
Whenever I saw her cry I would tell her. Whenever she drank I would tell her. Whenever I got worried about her I would tell her.
She changed my way of thinking. She changed the order of my priorities. She was my priority.
I guess it didn't matter.
I've always firmly believed that a single moment could alter a person's life. That's why I used to hover over her. That's why I used to badger her to stop drinking.
For awhile it worked. She tried to become sober, and she started being happy again.
Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. Eventually she slipped back into her old habits. I, however didn't notice until it was too late.
One day, the demons in her head became to much.
I've always firmly believed that a single moment could alter a person's life. That's why when I found her body laying lifeless in a pool of blood on the floor in the alchemy lab, I broke down. Not just because she was dead, but because that knife in her hand was hers, and the cuts on her arm were fresh. She had promised she'd stopped, I had finally let my guard down, and she killed herself. She thought she was so worthless, she thought that killing herself was the best for everyone.
It wasn't, not for anyone, especially me.
Five years, however, make it seem like no one cared. Everyone, eventually, got over her death. The only thing different, seems to be the fact no one goes in the alchemy lab anymore.
However, that's not because of her.
That's because of me.
Unless absolutely necessary, I never leave the alchemy Lab. I just sit here, beside where I found her, just thinking of her, drawing her, remembering her. Sometimes Karkat comes in to check on me. After all this time, he still cares to check on me. I always remember to thank him for it.
I told him to not change how he went about things just because of me, because I've always firmly believed that a single moment could alter a person's life. I didn't want him to end up like me. That's why I don't cry anymore, I don't wanna hurt him any more than he already is. Once day, I might leave this room once and for all. However, the scar on my heart will never heal. I'll never trust anyone on this meteor again. Everything has changed.
Except I still love her.
I'll love her always.