Living in paranoia

Chapter 1 – The Shadowy Silhouette

(Angst/Family)

Summary ~

We all froze in shock. Nobody in my family has ever hit me before. Nobody. Warning: Child Abuse, Alcohol use, Attempted Suicide.

There will be some timelines overlapping one another

Disclaimer ~ S.E. Hinton owns the Outsiders, not me.

WARNING: There will be some OOC in this story.

I sat alone. Shivering and cold.

Outside the sun was shining, beating down on Tulsa with its harsh, fierce rays. Outside I could hear people laughing, people playing. Those are the people who didn't have a care in the world - those are the people who will get yelled at for having a B, not beaten. Those are the people who don't have to hold a secret against their will, in fear of losing the only dignity they have left.

I jumped as I heard the door slam open, and I rushed across the floor, crawling in fast motion backwards as a shadowy silhouette appeared in the doorway, the light from the hallway making it look even more sinister.

The figure didn't say anything, it just walked forward. I felt myself shaking and this time it wasn't from the cold, tears rolled down my eyes. My fifteen-year old body was going into spasms from shaking so hard. I shut my eyes.

Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, don't hurt me anymore.

The floor creaked as the figure walked even faster towards me, ignoring my cries and protests. Faint light trickled through the window, casting its eerie gloom over the shadow. Instantly the face illuminated to show none other than the blue-eyed, black-haired Darry.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" My yell echoed off the walls and reverberated in the small room. I sat up in the bed, shaking and sweating. Sodapop sat next to me, looking concerned as he cupped my clammy face into his hands and pulled me over to him.

"You okay Ponyboy?" he asked, stroking my hair and tucking my head underneath his chin.

"N-n-nooo." I sobbed into his shirt. God how babyish was this? I'm sixteen and here I am crying in front of my older brother.

I felt Soda's chest heave as he sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a heavy sigh. I felt his arms clench tighter around me and his hand stroked my hair with more intensity.

"What was it about?" his voice was even, calm. You'd have to know him to actually hear the fear and anger in his voice.

"D-Darry." I admitted quietly through my tears.

I felt him nod from my spot under his head, his arms were now wrapped so tightly around me that I couldn't escape even if I wanted to. I hated the feeling of not being in control, I've been controlled for too long.

"Can you tell me about it?" I noticed that he avoided the Do you want to talk about it? He must've known I would say no.

"It was last year… you were about to leave. You had gone out with Steve for the day. It was the first time he'd started drinking, he…" I stared sobbing again. "He started hitting me over and over and I didn't know what to do…"

"It was last year?" Soda exclaimed, pulling me away from him so he could look me in the eyes. His hands were still clenched around my biceps. It hurt a little, but I didn't voice it. I learned to ignore pain after a while.

"Which means Darry was drinking right after I left…" Now Soda's voice was seething.

"Were about to leave." I corrected him silently. Soda considered me, then shook his head roughly as though shaking water from his head.

"I'm sorry Pone. I – he won't hurt you again. Promise."

I felt new tears spring to my eyes, but I blinked them away. There would be time to cry in the morning, for now I was getting tired again. And I could tell Soda was getting angry that he had decided to go out with Steve instead of staying home with me. He was remembering how I had begged him to stay with me, cause 'Darry looked pretty mad about something…he kept yelling about how monsters were coming to get me'. I hadn't known then what monsters Darry had been talking about. Soda had laughed at me and said I needed to grow up. He didn't mean it though, and I could tell he was really starting to regret saying that.

"Soda?" I murmured sleepily.

"Yeah baby?" his voice was gentle, but he was still mad at himself and Darry.

"Are we safe now?"

(pause)

"Yea hun, we're safe."

(pause)

"Soda?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are we goin to sleep now?"

Soda sighed and pulled me down onto the bed, hugging me close to his chest. "Yeah Pony, we're goin to bed now. Come on let's try and get back asleep."

I was already sleeping before he finished his sentence.

"One…two…three…four…five. Ready or not, here I come."

I let out a yelp as someone grabbed me roughly from behind and threw me to the floor, my head colliding painfully with the wood. Before I had time to comprehend what was going on a coarse hand was grabbing the color of my shirt, and a punch was blown to my face.

I groaned and peered out through half lidded eyes. Darry.

"You aren't too good at this game are ya Pone? Guess we'll have to work on it then. Whad'ya say?"

I groaned again and Darry let out a yell and kicked me in the chest.

I spit out a string of red, and glared at Darry. In my fourteen years I had known nothing but verbal abuse from my eldest brother, and now it was turning physical! I was getting sick of it. "Lay off Dar."

Big mistake. Very, very big mistake. The last thing I saw was a foot crash into my face before colors blurred my vision and everything went dark.

"What happened to your face?" Steve asked.

"I fell." Was my reply.

"I thought you fell yesterday?"

"Yeah well I fell again." I could tell he wasn't gonna believe me, "come on Steve. You know how clumsy I am."

He grinned, "Yeah you are pretty clumsy, I'll give ya that." He laughed and I didn't even try to glare at him. Steve whipped around so suddenly I could even comprehend what was going on until I felt a slap across my face. I blinked in shock, then looked at Steve, who had anger in his eyes.

I braced myself, waiting for the next impact.

It never came.

Steve's eyes were shocked as he breathed, "I knew it."

My heart was beating so fast I was surprised it didn't flutter out of my chest like a bird.

I didn't want to ask him what he knew, because I had already caught on to what he was talking about. He hadn't hit me out of anger, or any of the obvious reasons. He hit me because he was waiting to see my reaction. Apparently I gave him the one he wanted, and the one that I didn't want to give him.

"How long has this been going on?" Steve demanded, grabbing onto my arm. I cringed, "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Yeah bullshit, its Darry isn't it?"

"I SAID, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" I screamed, this time trying to kick at him. He easily dodged my flailing feet and tackled me to the ground. I let out a "oomph" as my back hit the sand.

"Who is it Pony?"

I grinned, finding the situation obnoxiously funny, "Well right now it's you."

Steve groaned, "Ponyboy, so help me god I will call your brother right now and tell him that you told me."

My eyes went wide and I said, "You…shut up Steve."

"You're Soda's kid brother. He's off at war, and now I don't want you hurt. Tell me now." His arms were pressing awfully hard against my chest.

"Please…Steve…you're hurting me!"

"Tell me!"

"GET OFF!"

The pressure intensified until I finally screamed, "YES IT'S DARRY!"

I gulped in all the air I could muster and tried to regulate my breathing again, glaring at Steve from the corner of my eye.

"How long?"

I didn't answer, I just glared. Steve sighed, "look kid I didn't want to do this the hard way, but you were giving me no choice and I'm sorry. Just let me in."

"I aint gonna tell you, now get out of my life Steven Randle and STAY AWAY FROM ME!" With that I punched him in the face and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

That was the last time me and Steve talked willingly.