I look outside my window to see the snow falling, cascading down onto my new home in victor village. The house was nice, and I liked it, but sometimes it got lonely. My family usually liked to stay at the bakery, just in case of an emergency. Usually by result I was left alone, with a paint brush in my hand, but alone. Some times I went over to the bakery and frosted cakes, or made bread, but I usually stayed home to do that. Going out in town I might risk running into Katniss. It's not that I'm afraid of her, believe me I'm still in love, I'm afraid of her response. She usually snubs me, maybe glancing at, a little wave on good days, but nothing more. It's like all that love we had in the arena had never happened, nothing.
I see her every morning, when I go to deliver bread, but usually her mom is at the door, or Prim on the weekends. It's never Katniss saying good morning to me, taking the bread from my hands. Sometimes I wish that she would just realize it was harder for me. I thought she was in love with me, like I had been with her for so long. I thought she actually would acknowledge me when we got home. That we would fall even more in love, and soon enough I would be getting down on one knee. I had imagined all of it, our kids, our house, everything. Yet she left me in the cold. Alone. With no one, but myself.
I finally get up from my bed; it was another night of nightmares, another night of loosing Katniss. Another night of torture. I move to the kitchen, getting ready to bake bread. I do this every morning, bake bread, maybe a cake. Then I take it to Haymitch and the Everdeen's. Making sure to take some to old friends as well. Kneading bread has become therapeutic for me. I let all the tenseness from my scary dream seep in to the bread. Bit by bit it leaves me. The baking is over fast, like it always is and before I know it I'm out the door.
I haven't walked with my new leg in snow yet and it's quite challenging, but I get the hang of it soon enough, only slipping a few times. I make my way to Haymitch's first. I don't even have to knock, I just walk right into the smelly disheveled house.
"Haymitch!" I call from the entryway, "I've got your bread." I walk into the living room. Of course I find Haymitch sleeping and empty bottle beside him. His shirt covered in stains, his floor full of junk. "Haymitch!" I yell. He jumps, bringing up the knife in his hand.
"Who- oh, hi Peeta. Just leave the bread on the table next time. I was sleeping." He leans back, letting himself fall back asleep. Definitely not ready for conversation this morning like he is some other mornings.
"Good night Haymitch." I whisper sarcastically.
On the short walk to Katniss' I actually do fall, cutting my pants and real leg on a rock. Good thing I'm on my way to Mrs. Everdeen. She'll know how to fix it up. I finally get to their door, knocking lightly, because the pain is getting to me.
"Good morning Peeta." Mrs. Everdeen greets. I gesture down to my leg. She sees the blood, "Oh Peeta come on in, looks like that needs a couple stitches. With it snowing like this you should of just called, I could've came and got the bread myself." She brings me in and sets me down on a chair.
"Oh no it's fine, a little cut like this doesn't hurt so bad." She laughs walking into the kitchen to get some supplies.
"Oh Peeta it looks like I'm out of a solvent. I'll sew you up real quick, then I'll go get it. You can stay here. Prim's at school, but Katniss should be home any minute now." She has me lie down on my stomach on her working table. The cut is on the underside of my leg and would be hard to do if I were sitting down.
"Okay, all done with that par-"
"Mom, I'm home." I hear Katniss' voice from the door. Perfect, just like I remember it.
"Okay Honey, Peeta cut his leg, I ran out of a solvent, I was going to go into town to get it. I'll be right back." She goes to get her coat on.
"Mom I can go, it's really no big deal." She sees me lying on the table.
"No, you never really know what to look for, if Prim were here I would have her go, but you know." She hustles out the door before Katniss can say anything else. I pick myself up and sit up right.
"Good morning Katniss," I say, though I try to be friendly she just kind of snubs me off. "I made cheese bun this morning, they're in the bag." I gesture towards the bag on the floor. She's busy untying her hunting boots, but I know she hears me.
"You know it's been ten times harder for me than it has for you." She pauses, listening, but soon goes back to tying her shoes. I don't add anything else. Instead I just sit.
"I know." She whispers a couple minutes later, I wouldn't have heard it if I weren't listening for it.
"Then why don't you at least acknowledge me. You make the cut deeper each time you don't look at me, or just stare at me with that empty gaze. I loved you Katniss, I still do. You know that, but you neglect to do anything about it."
"Maybe it's been hard for me too, Peeta. Ever think about that? I feel so guilty with myself for letting you down. You were so good to me, and all I ever did was lead you on. And Gale, I barely ever see him. He was always there for me and suddenly he isn't there as much. Did you ever think about that Peeta?" Tears start rolling down her face.
"I have, I have thought about how hard it's been for you. I've wanted to be there for you, but you won't let me!" I practically scream in her face.
"Maybe your not what I need!" She gets up and storms out. Leaving me alone again. Of course I'm what she needs, we've been through the same exact thing. We're the only people in this place that can truly relate. I'm sure she screams at night like I do. I bet she walks around fearing stupid things. We need each other. Why can't she see that?
"Sorry that took so long." Mrs. Everdeen walks in, "Where'd Katniss go?"
"She was tired." I whisper, barely audible.