Disclaimer : Rizzoli & Isles is Tess Gerittsen's baby, adopted by Janet Tamaro and is currently in a serious relationship with Turner Network Television. The English language is pretty much public domain though. I hope.

Jane & Maura Make A Porno

"Is it on? How do I know if it's on?"

"The red light. Is it flashing?"

"Uh… yeah. I think we're good to go."

"Are you ready?"

A chuckle. "Are you?" Deep breath. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Okay, yeah. Ready. So… what now?"

Rustling of sheets. "Now you come here and make love to me."

"Just like that? Shouldn't there be a story or something? Like, I'm the pizza delivery person and you don't have cash so you're gonna pay me in another way… kinda?"

Gasp. "I would never do that. Even for you, Jane. What would your boss say when you got back without the money?"

Groan. "It's not supposed to- Jesus, Maura this is why we don't watch porn together. It's not supposed to be some well thought-out narrative."

"Then what's the point of there being a backstory?"

"It's just a fantasy kinda thing, I guess."

Snicker. "You fantasize about delivering pizza?"

"That's it; I'm turning these cameras off."

"Jane, no. Honey, wait." She catches Jane before she does what she's threatening to. "This is for our viewing pleasure only. Just for those lonely nights when I'm away or when you're not around. It doesn't have to be some elaborate production. Just act natural." She rubs up and down Jane's back, calming her. "Now, if I remember correctly, you have a surprise for me."

Jane smirks down at the lovely woman before her, wearing nothing but lingerie. She licks her lips and slowly unbuttons her shirt, humming some cheesy bow-chika-bow-wow melody, before twirling it around like a helicopter and throwing it across the room. A soft crash rings out as something falls over onto the floor. "Oops."

Maura can't help but laugh at Jane's attempts to be smooth and suave.

"Really, Maur? You're laughing at me now?"

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Way to build a woman's esteem, babe."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Just forget about the cameras. Now get your tight butt over here and… surprise me." She shimmies her shoulders lying back on the bed.

With a final deep breath, Jane drops her pants and frees her not-so-little friend.

Pause.

A loud gasp echoes throughout the room right before…

"Ma!"

Angela whips around with a wild wide-eyed stare at the high-pitched voice when her daughter and her girlfriend walk into the living room.

"Janie! What is this?!" she exclaims with her voice pitched just as high, gesticulating outrageously at the frozen image of a prosthetically erect Jane on the huge plasma TV screen, making the toy look even more substantial.

All she wanted was to spend a nice day in, relaxing with some movies, but had no new releases in her own personal collection. She was flipping through some titles in the main house's DVD rack when she pressed play to see what was already in there, and as the movie went on, she realized who those voices belonged to. The remote controller chose that exact moment to perform its disappearing act. Angela scrambled to the player, pressing every single button on it until it finally stopped.

"Oh my God, Ma! Why are you watching that?!" asks a mortified Jane as Maura quickly takes the disk out and puts it back into its cover.

"It was marked Jane's Big Surprise! I thought it was a birthday video!"

"Oh my God! Oh my GOD! Ma!"

"Jane, calm down," says Maura and both Rizzoli women look at her like the word calm is some blasphemous expletive.

"Calm down?! My mother just saw our sex tape!"

"Only the first few minutes," Angela is quick to impart before clutching her chest, "Thank God."

Jane's eyes turn back to her Ma. "The fact that you know we have a sex tape is bad enough, Ma."

"You think you're embarrassed, how do you think I feel?"

"Angela, do you mind giving us a moment?" Maura cuts in trying not to laugh.

Angela holds her palms up, "Gladly. And next time, could you two keep your bedroom souvenirs in the bedroom? For the love of-"

"Next time keep yourself out of our house, how about that?!"

"Jane! Calm down."

When Angela is safely out of earshot, not before serving a final withering look and slamming the back door shut, Maura watches Jane as she paces up and down.

"I knew that was a bad idea. I knew it!"

"Clearly you don't believe that," smirks Maura.

"What do you mean? Ma just- God, Maur! I'm never gonna be able to look her in the eye again."

"The disk wasn't in the DVD player when I left for New York." Jane stops pacing. "Were you watching it last night?"

Jane gulps. Busted.

"So not the point."

Maura laughs but her movements are seductive as she slowly wraps her arms around her lover's neck. "Aww, honey… don't sulk."

"I'm not sulking," sulks Jane.

Maura places a light kiss on her dimpled chin and whispers, "Next time, just watch it on your laptop like I did."

Jane quirks her eyebrow as her arms slowly encircle Maura's waist. "You watched it too?" she husks and Maura bites her lip, nodding shamelessly.

Brown orbs darken as the detective thinks back to how much fun she had that night once she forgot about the cameras, and how turned on she got watching herself and Maura in the heat of passion.

For a moment, the embarrassment of having her Ma find the tape outweighs the excitement of celebrating Maura's return with a reliving of that night. Jane comes to a decision.

"How about a sequel?"

A/N: Thanks for reading! If you liked it, I recommend reading S&M by Ink-About-It (me).