My Letters To You
`I miss you...I miss YOU. I know it sounds lame and lacks any real emotion. It's such a bland over used term tossed around just like the word love.
Used in so many meaningless situations. I bet you'd be frowning at my limited vocabulary if you could read this.
But in my defense I don't know what word to use to describe the way I feel. I miss you ,is all I can think of.
I miss being able to talk to you, to listen to you, to be able to share those sacred memories and secrets with one another once more.
I crave to be able to simply sit by your side and inhale the very scent that is you. Various types of tea's and jasmine. The combination so calming , so warm and inviting -and you. Always you.
I never knew you in a romantic sense. I only knew you the way you let me. As a best friend , a team mate, and a brother.
But you were always more than that to me.
Always so much more. You were this graceful dark mysterious goddess, you were so elegant and refined. Something so pure .
Your way up there , and I'm way down here at the bottom line. And I never quite understood how it was that I managed to fall into place beside you. I fell in love with you before I ever even knew you.
I never knew the true meaning of greed until you either. How could a person be so greedy , to be able to want and want and always want more? I didnt understand. But then I always wanted more from you.
I wanted you to be able to love me as much and as strongly as I did you. I wanted you to feel the passion and unconditional love I held for you. I wanted to be the one to make you smile. And laugh. To be involved. I never stopped wanting. I was greedy.
I am greedy.
I have so many regrets . So many things I wish I could've said.
I wish I could've told you how much I love you. How I Compleatly and utterly adore you.
How I cherish you.
I have been in love with you for the last thirteen years. And I will continue to be in love with you until my last breath , even after. Ever since I was fourteen I've loved you. It was never a crush. Never simply liking you. There's never been anyone else. No one could ever compare to you. It just always been you for me.
You were it.
You ARE it.
Their was a time were I couldnt even fuction with out you. It was pathetic. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. Ever since that day ,it was as if I had death clinging to my skin , his bone chilling breath rolling down the back of my neck. And every breath I took was short, and tight. My chest felt heavy and laden with pain.
It took me awhile to figure out that it was my heart that hurt.
It's light now. So light. Like its not even there.
I'll see you soon Raven. these past seven years have been hell for me. I simply want to lay down and just let go.
I love you.
-Gar. '
Setting down the letter , his fingers slid over the cool surface of the head stone. His fingers tracing the deep grooves carved into it. Tracing her name.
"Hey Rae..." His voice was raw and raspy as he spoke, cracking on his word's. Flinching at how loud his voice sounded in the silence. Even to his own ears it felt far too loud , even though it was just about a whisper.
"I'm sorry for not getting here sooner. It's just that-" He gave a shuddering breath as he tried to reign in his emotions.
"-it's just that I was tired. I've been so very tired." He whispered was the most he'd spoken aloud in years, yet his voice felt gruff like gravel. He'd cut his self off from their friends. He'd secluded himself from the world. The isolation reminded him of her . Of basking in her silence as she flipped through the worn pages of a well read novel.
" I finally figured out what word to describe how I feel." He murmured as he slipped his newest letter under neath the band that held the rest of the letters he'd wrote for her. All 2,555 of them. Some short. Some pages long. But no matter how much he wrote he always felt like he had more to say.
" I feel empty inside. And I have since the day you died.".