Hey guys, again, someone said sequel, so here I am. I dunno how excited you should get about this, so for the record, I'm gonna say... don't hold your breath, because you need to breathe to live, and you need to live to read, and you also need to live to watch Grey's Anatomy, which I never disclaimed in 'Tiny Human Steps'. I do NOT own [GA], this story is of my own imagination and as such has taken the 'fair use' thingy and put it to good use because I am not now, and nor will I ever accept, or solicit monetary gain from this story. Wanna know why, money is cheap, Calzona is pure, and should be kept as such. Money would just scandalize it. I'm gonna go all Criminal Minds on y'all and start this one off with a quote. Just to give you some of that delicious possibility that I love.
Also, don't go rewatch the scene, you know what I'm talking about, it'll just break your heart.
Happy hunting, rawpotato
"Now she's here, suddenly I know, if she's here, it's crystal clear, I'm where I'm meant to go." -Zachary Levi: 'I See the Light'
She was smoking again. So the cigarette wasn't lit, and the lighter she had in her hand was soaking wet from the rain, it didn't stop the fact that she was smoking again. Arizona Robbins was slightly disgusted with herself. Here she was, standing in the rain, holding a soaked lighter, a damp and disintegrating cigarette and staring broodingly up at the surgical floor, wet and cold and being so not awesome.
Yup, she was way more than slightly disgusted at herself.
And it wasn't as if she could, in all honesty, say this had come out of left field, she knew what stress did to her, she knew that if she was being honest she wanted another pseudo cuddling session with Callie. Instead of a rainy afternoon excursion where she could see the nurses and orderlies staring at her from the multitude of windows of Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital.
Dropping the wet mass of tobacco and paper into the ashtray beside her, she was about to abandon her desire to smoke and head back inside to start work again, when she noticed a lone figure coming towards her.
"You smoke?" Teddy's voice was punctured by the rain and the far off sounds of thunder rumbling over Seattle, and Arizona couldn't suppress the smile that spread her cheeks at her friends words.
"Depends." She called back, taking shelter under the umbrella that her friend had brought with her.
An eyebrow raise and a sceptical look were aimed her way along with the words. "On what?"
"The weather, my mood..." She trailed off, not wanting to add the most recent set of catalysts for her bad habit. The number of times Calliope looked at her in the day. The number of times Stark crossed her path with a degrading look, and finally the number of times she looked at Calliope.
"And..." The cardio thoracic surgeon prompted.
Arizona hesitated, Teddy was the only person that she had confided in about the on-call room, now only referred to out of need rather than desire, and then only as 'that one time', and Teddy was still the only person that Arizona trusted at this point in time.
Though no one said anything to the different, the SGMW staff had been divided on her return. There was a very definite line drawn in the sand, and though the opposing factions had so far gotten along quite peacefully, furtive glances were passed her way, and whispers were passed between patrons behind hands and files. Though others were on her side, not that there should be sides, this was a personal issue, Teddy was the only person that Arizona trusted with her secrets.
"And that's it Teddy." She started, deciding that laying loose all her cards at once is what had landed here in the rain in the first place. "What kind of weather is this anyway?" She asked lamely for a subject change. "Rain in January, shouldn't it be snow by now?" Even the weather was determined to spite her.
"Nice try Arizona, but I'm your friend, and I can see past that super lame attempt at changing the subject." Arizona couldn't help but laugh at the blatant jab at her vocabulary and the intense emphasis on the word 'super'.
"I missed you Teddy." She said on her laugh. It had been a long time since she felt like laughing, and she was glad that it was with Teddy.
It had been over a week since Calliope had corned her in the on-call room and it was a moment that she had relived over and over the past nine days, and she was just waiting for a repeat. They had fallen asleep after Calliope's confession of love, and had laid that way for long time until the incessant beep of a pager filled the room, and Calliope was called away to an emergency.
All that was said for goodbyes was "Never again Arizona." And a quick kiss on her cheek, and then she was gone, leaving a trail of cold and emptiness in her wake.
"I missed you too Arizona." Her friend whispered, wrapping her in a one armed hug. "So do you wanna tell me about why we are freezing out asses off in the rain while you were sort of smoking?"
"Do I really need to tell you or can you guess?" Arizona knew that her friend hated guessing games, and this was just one of the many ways that Arizona was still very much a child. Sure she went into paediatrics because of the difficulty and prestige of the position, but really it was because she loved kids and the games they played.
"Is it because the chief gave you your job back?" Another eyebrow raise.
She just shook her head, loving that Teddy was as willing to play this game as she was.
"Is it the rain? And you're, only now realising that you should have stayed in Africa where it was warm, and sunny and you wouldn't freeze your cute little dimples off should you go outside for a cigarette?" Arizona couldn't resist laughing at the mention of her dimples, but she shook her head once again.
"Is it Callie?" Serious. No eyebrow raise, no joking tone, and no subtle hint at laughter. Just straight seriousness.
Words failed Arizona as she opened her mouth to respond, so instead she just nodded. It was always Calliope. Since the first time she had laid eyes on her in the crowded and busy pit, then surreptitiously asked about her, she knew that it was always going to be Calliope. The one that she compared other girls to, the one that she would look to when she was having a bad day.
Even when they weren't on, with the babies, and the fighting and the shooting and all that, it was still Calliope. The way she moved, the way her eyes lit up when she was looking at a particularly gruesome set of bones that she would have to put back together, the way she loved everyone, the way she mourned when that love was lost. Arizona just couldn't get enough of her.
"Have you talked to her?" Concern laced Teddy's voice, and Arizona felt tears spring to her eyes. She would not cry over Calliope anymore. At least not in front of Teddy.
"I've tried, but she always ends up walking away, or even when I think she's about to talk to me, something happens." She sighed. Something always in the form of Mark Sloan.
"Something in the form of Mark Sloan?" Teddy asked, her words oddly mirroring her own internal tirade against the man. Not that Arizona could blame him, he was, after all, Calliopes best friend. She couldn't begrudge Calliope anything, and if Mark Sloan was what she had needed, then Mark Sloan is what Arizona would learn to love. Boob glances aside.
"Yeah. He's always there." Protecting Calliope from her, in his own, annoying and protecting way.
"He is annoying." Arizona wondered if Teddy was speaking of her own personal relationship with the man, or the role that he was currently playing in the life and times of Callie and Arizona. "But his heart is in the right place. I think. I dunno if he has a heart. Or one that isn't shrivelled and black. Can a black and shrivelled heart be in the right place? Black and shrivelled just screams 'wrong place' to me." She paused in her rant on the ins and outs of Mark Sloan's thoracic cavity. "What about you?"
"I'm sure he does. Have a heart I mean. But color and texture aside, why does he think he needs to protect her from me?" She's given him reason to, that's why. She knew all that she had done wrong, she also knew what Calliope had done wrong, but why on earth did Mark have to intercede.
"Do I really need to answer that, or do you already know the answer?" Once again, Teddy was right on track with her own thoughts.
"You were a really good choice in a friend you know. We think the same things." Arizona replied to her friend, without answering her question, about the question.
"So are you also thinking that we should stop being fools and get inside out of the rain?" Once again the heart surgeon's eyebrow raised and laughter filled her voice. "As my friend, I think you should respect that I'm cold, and come inside with me." Blue eyes met blue and smiles were shared before Teddy spoke against the silence of pounding rain. "I'll even buy you lunch."
Arizona nodded and step out from under the shelter of the umbrella and offered Teddy her hand. "I'll take that deal."
Once Teddy took her hand, she lowered the umbrella and they ran hand in hand in the rain back into the hospital.
"No Mark. I do not want to have a drink with you and little Grey." Callie Torres regretted her tone, but not the words as he best friend, and resident ex man whore, followed her through the cafeteria. She was happy for him, really, that he'd finally kissed Lexie and she'd kissed him back and they were together in happy bliss, but oh my god, he really just needed to shut up.
And stop asking her if she wanted to go out drinking. No. She didn't want to go out drinking with a happy couple, would couldn't take their hands off each other, who would probably steal kisses from each other, stare longingly at each other. Again, no. She didn't want that.
She'd had that. Had it with a beautiful, perky, bright and shiny, blond hair, blue eyed, dimpled cheek, fair skinned, absolutely gorgeous woman. And now, she didn't have anyone. Besides Mark, who had Lexie. She wanted it again. With the same blond woman who's been on her mind for the last nine days.
That had been her own fault. Practising avoidance had been doing wonders for her. She had even been able to convince herself that all the avoiding had been doing wonders for her heart and mind, but when she had seen Arizona walk into the on-call room and shut the door, her mind and heart had leapt into overdrive, running through what might happen, what had happened, and what wasn't happening between them, and after a brief, but violent, internal debate had followed her in and taken her into her arms.
That had been a mistake. A wonderfully nostalgic, finally peaceful sleep, which had led to what can only be called an apoplectic break down, of massive proportions mistake. Then it was back to avoidance. Luckily they hadn't been thrown together on any cases, that might actually be her undoing.
"Okay. So, no drinks. You, uh, you doing okay Torres?" Mark had finally caught up to her and sat across from her, placing his tray lightly on the table, despite his usual slam, bang, boom.
"I'm swell Mark." She replied sarcastically. He knew that she wasn't all right, he'd been butting into her life enough recently, to know that she wasn't all right.
"Blondie?" He asked, his soft attempt at brotherly concern touching, yet his complete lack of tact not enough for her to let go.
"Mark, seriously, I love you and everything, but drop it. I do not, I repeat," she punctuated each word with a jab at her salad, and her best Bailey glare directed towards him, "I do not want to talk about Arizona."
"Speak of the devil." Lexie's soft voice added to their conversation, and Callie was sure that she would require traction for whiplash from how fast she turned in the direction of Little Grey's gaze.
Callie felt her heart start faster, despised the wetness of her palms, rued the blush of heat that roamed up her cheeks, and cursed the fact that her entire body betrayed her at the sight of Arizona. She looked awful, and Callie wanted to rush over to and hold her, but she knew she couldn't.
She still didn't trust her. Didn't trust that she wouldn't leave again. She loved her still with all her heart, but with that came the anger, and the remorse and the need to hold her again, none of which she would allow herself to give into. She was going to work hard at getting over Arizona, but even in the back of her mind, she knew that there was no getting over Arizona Robbins.
The trio watched in silence as Arizona and Teddy got their own lunches, and made their way, Teddy's leading, across the room, as far away from them as they could possibly get, yet Arizona sat facing Teddy, her entire profile available to Callie.
"We can switch... if you want." Lexie offered, gesturing between them with her fork, and stealing a glance at the other pair of surgeons over her shoulder.
"Thanks, but that'll just be childish and immature." She paused and took a deep breath, wondering if she could make it through the rest of her break looking at Arizona. Since the on-call room, it will be the longest time that she will have had to look at the object of her life. "Besides... it's not like... you know."
What the hell was wrong with her? A lot, that's how much.
It was at this moment that one of their mutual friends walked into the cafeteria holding their own tray aloft. It wasn't that Callie had asked her friends to choose sides, in her mind there were no sides to chose; this was between her and Arizona, and no one else. Despite Mark and his popping up everywhere thinking it was not a personal issue.
It was comical the way Owen Hunt stood in the middle of the cafeteria. There were open tables between them, there were even nurses and hospital patrons between them, but it was between the two tables that he looked. Like a deer caught in the head lights, he took a step one direction and stopped. The other direction and stopped again. His eyes darting between them like he was watching a tennis match.
Towards Teddy he went. Callie wouldn't begrudge him the choice, he and Teddy went way back to the war, and he knew what true loyalty meant. Though the apologetic smile he sent her way warmed heart some. She had to stop thinking of this as a 'my side her side' thing. Lunch was lunch, they weren't in high school anymore, and she didn't hate Arizona. She loved the her.
Which was probably her problem.
Going back to her food, she noticed that the conversation had dropped to a halt.
"What?" she demanded.
"It's just..." Mark started, looking at Lexie as if he wanted her to do the talking. She shook her head and looked like she'd been kicked under the table.
"It's just..." She paused too, looking over her shoulder at the other group of surgeons, and Callie followed her lead and looked at them. Arizona's deep, endlessly blue ocean eyes were staring back at her and for a moment, brown eyes met blue and locked on each other. "It's just we were wondering if you had talked to her yet."
Callie heard the words, but couldn't understand them as she was looking at Arizona. It was a long moment while they looked at each other across the room, and as the corner of Arizona's mouth turned up in a smile, Callie couldn't repress her own.
"Callie?" She tore her eyes away from the ones she loved and looked to Mark and Lexie and saw that they had been joined by Derek.
"What?" she asked lightly back.
"Have you?" this came from Mark.
"Has she what?" asked Derek, the new comer to the conversation.
"Talked to Dr Robbins." Explained Lexie.
"Oh yeah, have you?" Once again Derek spoke.
Callie was starting to realise that she lived in a freaking soap opera. Not that she would complain, she loved her friends, her family really, but man they were a gossipy bunch.
"No." She calmly replied back, mentally chiding herself for spreading gossip. She was glad that no one, to her knowledge, knew about the on-call room.
A chorus of 'why not's' met her ears as Meredith joined their table and Karev and Yang joined the other table.
"I'm afraid." She whispered , looking over Meredith's shoulder at Arizona, hoping that she would once again see the small smile that Arizona had given her.
"Afraid of what? Roller girl?" Mark laughed and suddenly four pairs of eyes were looking at her, and just as quickly she had the urge to run away. How could she explain that George and Erica had ruined her from moving on? Because no matter whom she moved on from, besides Mark and like that ever had a real chance, the person she moved to left. George had cheated on her, ruining her trust, Erica had disappeared without a word stoking the fires of fear on abandonment, and even Arizona had left once. Then again a second time.
"I'm afraid she's going leave me again." She expected her friends to laugh, to mock her fears, they all knew what had happened between her and George, most of them had an idea about Erica, and again they all knew about Arizona leaving. The chief made that happen.
"Yeah... but she came back." She could hear the hesitation in Meredith's voice. Which was odd, because of all the people in her world, she expected the worst from Meredith. And though their history was behind them, and Callie still held that grudge, she could hear the sympathy mixed in her light voice. She looked at all her friends, then snuck a peak at Arizona who was absorbed in her conversation and smiling, god she loved that smile.
"I mean she came back, right. She's here. She's back." Lexie added helpfully.
Callie couldn't take it anymore, standing quickly and leaving her tray on the table with the shocked looks on all four of her friend's faces.
"Doesn't mean she won't leave again." She dropped in a deep voice as she turned and walked away. Callie wanted to let her back in, to allow Arizona to love her again, to share a bed, to hold hands, to love, but Callie wasn't sure she would survive if the blond were to leave again.
I'm vain, so here's a second authors note, if you want to see more... let me know. Peace y'all.