Prologue
AN: I do not own any of these characters from the Narnia series. They belong to C.S. Lewis and his estate. I also do not make any profit off of this.
Brushing her hair in the mirror, Susan Pevensie hummed along with the radio that was playing in her bedroom. It was American music, which she had found herself really enjoying when she had gone there with her parents. It was not as beautiful as the music from Narnia though. The festivals among all the creatures, the fauns, centaurs, woodland animals for miles…
"Stop it," she frowned in the mirror. She could still not get Narnia out of her mind. It had been about nine years now since they had ruled and eight years since she had last been there. While she knew that all of her siblings were now too old to return, the pain still was fresh. For, while she hid it behind make up and dancing, Susan had a soft heart that had been broken by this. Yes, it had been discussed, but that did not make it easier.
She forced these thoughts from her mind as she looked back at the mirror. She was twenty one years old now, and looked quite beautiful. Many suitors had come to pay her a visit and she often had numerous invitations to parties. She studied her reflection and gave a small nod. Her blue eyes were bright, slightly enhanced by the make up she had applied. Her raven colored hair tumbled past her shoulders, curled.
That was why she was at home instead of at the train station to meet her family. Her younger sister, Lucy; her parents; her cousin, Eustace; her cousin's friend, Jill; the Professor Kirke and 'Aunt' Polly, who wasn't really their aunt, but they all called her that. Her two brothers, Peter and Edmund had gone to get them so that Susan could get ready for the party tonight. It was supposed to be the party of the season and no one had begrudged her this night. After all, she promised to stay in during the days the followed to visit with everyone. She herself had just gotten into back home two days before from university. She had one more year left there, though she did not know her plans after that. She had time though. She wanted to spend time with her friends while home.
She hummed to herself and danced across the room to her closet. She took out the dress she would be wearing that night. It was a beautiful blue that brought out her eyes and it was very stylish at the time. It would be the first time she had worn it and hoped it would not be the last. At the parties she could lose herself and imagine herself back at one of the balls she had enjoyed so much.
She stopped humming mid bar as the music also ended quickly. She frowned slightly and glanced over at it. It was still on, so what was going on?
"Attention. We interrupt our program with an urgent message. British Railways train number 38 has just crashed into the platform in the London station. We have no confirmed numbers as to those injured in this accident. We advise all persons searching for passengers to contact the London police and that those traveling find alternative routes that do not go near this area of the city…."
The alert continued, but Susan had already tuned it out. Her dress, so important a moment ago had fallen from her hands and now was at heap on the floor. She didn't notice that though. All she could think of were the people there. Her mother, father, Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, the Professor and 'Aunt' Polly. They had to be alright. They just had to be.
Susan pulled on her shoes quickly, tying them quickly as she ran down the stairs and to the front door. She took her jacket off the coat rack, for while it was warm, she felt so cold that her entire body was shivering and her teeth were chattering. The radio announcer had not said that anyone was hurt, or killed, but she had a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach that grew to encompass her entire body.
While Susan had not been known to run to many places, for it was much more sophisticated to take a cab, Susan ran as fast as she could. She did not care that some were looking at her strangely. She had to get to that station and if traffic was being told to divert from that area, the only way to get there would be by foot.
Her lungs were burning and her legs felt like lead when she finally saw the station. She had been there numerous times, but this time it was different. While there were often many people there, the panic and worry was clearly sensed, even from a distance. There were ambulances there as well as police officers who were trying to control the crowd that had formed there.
Susan picked up her speed even though her heart felt as it if might burst, whether from the run or fear, she did not know. She would give up her party tonight; in fact, she would give up all parties if only her family would be okay.
She joined the crowd of people who were all shouting out names. A man with a clipboard stood there with a few other officers.
"You must remain calm. We are unsure of the state of all individuals as our rescue crews as still going through the debris in the area to find those wounded."
"What?" Susan could barely hear her own voice over the shouts of the crowd. All she could think of was the fact that rescue crews were called in. They would not be called in if there were just injuries. She attempted to push herself closer to the front. She needed to talk to someone. Anyone who could tell her about her family.
All of a sudden there was a rush of people and the young woman stumbled and barely managed to stop herself from falling onto the hard pavement. The second oldest Pevensie then found herself being caught in the crowd, and could only move with it. It was like trying to fight a giant wave on the ocean.
She could feel herself being shoved against others and for a moment, feared she might get trampled to death and the crowd was trying to break through the barrier of police. She was pressed forward and could feel the change when the crowd seemed to weaken the barrier.
Being in the front of the crowd, she noticed a small opening between two of the officers. One was busy trying to keep a man close to his own size back and his attention was on this task. As the crowd surged forward once more, Susan felt herself stumble once more and instead of staying there, she slid between the two officers and started to run. Others in the crowd saw this and they started to shout at her, though she could not tell what they were saying. Even though her lungs were still aching, she pushed herself to run. A police officer shouted at her to stop, but the crowd was trying to fight through the human barrier even more now, and it took all of the officers to keep from them getting through as well.
Susan's feet flew across the ground, but she did not feel them even touch as she ran into the station. There was chaos all over as medics, officers and rescue crews were digging through the debris. She stepped short seeing this. The very platform that she had stood on with her siblings when they had left London was now in only splintered pieces of wood. The train no longer even looked like a train. Instead there were just twisted pieces of metal.
"Peter! Edmund! Lucy!" she shouted loudly for her siblings, searching over those that had been pulled from the wreckage already. There were a few injured that were nursing what looked like broken arms and legs, as well as numerous wounds covering their bodies, being tended to the three medical attendants there. However, many of those already pulled from the wreck lay still and some were even covered by blankets and jackets. Susan already knew their fate and it was not remaining on this world. It made her stomach clench, but she hurried to a fairly cleared away area that ran along the tracks.
"Peter! Ed! Lu!" she shouted again. "Mum! Dad! Eustance! Jill!" Her shouts were causing workers to turn and look at her. It was clear that she was not supposed to be there. Susan didn't care though. She tried to pull away wreckage, shouting repeatedly for her family and friends. Each beat of her heart brought heartbreak and hope. She wanted to see them to be sure they were alright. However, since she hadn't seen them yet, she could only hope it was because they were calmly awaiting rescue. In her heart though, she was certain that would not be the case.
She heard some of the rescue workers call to one another. They must have found someone. Susan scrambled over the wreckage to the other side of what was left of the train. A piece of metal cut at her leg, but she barely noticed. She knew the pain would set in, but right now her only concern was finding her family.
Scrambling over the rest of the debris, she reached the other side. She glanced down at the cut on her leg. It was almost a surprise. It didn't hurt, yet there was a fresh gash on her leg that was turning red from the blood.
Susan did not focus on this though. The glance had been enough to prove that she had indeed cut herself, but she was not worried about herself. She didn't see anyone she was looking for. She did see a few more workers going to what looked like the remains of a train car.
She rushed to where the men were pulling back another piece of metal. She stopped a few feet away, giving them room to work, but staying close to see what, or who they had found. Something was telling her that the next few seconds would change her life. She was right.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Another man moved forward and all Susan could see for a moment was that of a hand. A hand that was small, looking as if it belonged to a young woman, and it was too still and pale.
Then, as the worker carried the person out, one arm under the person's knees, the other under the person's back, Susan felt her heart jump into her throat. It was a young girl, whose fair hair was messed, matted and bloody. Another man carefully brushed back the girl's hair to see her face.
Susan's felt as if the entire world was collapsing around her as she saw the familiar face, brown eyes closed, looking peaceful as if she was sleeping. She was not sleeping though. She was dead. Her sister, Lucy, was dead.
She heard a cry, almost animalistic full of grief. She did not know where it was coming from until the workers all turned to look at her. She was the one making that sound, but she couldn't stop. She felt as if her heart was breaking and the pain was too extreme to bear.
"No!" she stumbled to the man holding Lucy, pulling her sister into her arms. "Lucy! Lucy! No!" Tears were falling, hard and hot on her cheeks, sobs wracking her entire body. She clutched the still form of her sister, hugging her close. "I believe…Lu, I believe. Don't leave me!"
"Lu! Lucy!"
Susan sat up in bed with a shout, her heart racing so fast she felt like it might leap out of her chest. Her breathing was labored and her throat felt raw as if from screaming, or the weight of unshed tears. Her entire body was covered in a light sheen of sweat, chills running through her even though she had a blanket over herself.
One hand moved to push back her hair and she was surprised to feel some of it sticking to wet cheeks. Her cheeks were tear stained, and she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.
She pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them, rocking slightly back and forth. A small whimper escaped and she quickly tried to muffle it with her fist, shutting her eyes tightly.
It had been a year. A year of nightmares that woke her in the middle of the night. A year of seeing faces of those familiar in the crowds as she walked down the street. A whole year of crying and pain that did not seem to be lessening.
She reached her hand beside her, searching for something in the dark on the bedside table beside her. Her hand brushed over her journal, which she wrote in almost every night. She made sure to keep it locked and to keep the key close to her so that others could not read it. They were too personal to share.
Her hand continued to move, touched the cord of the lamp, but not pulling it. She was sharing a room with her schoolmate, Elizabeth and if her screams that not had not waken her, she did not want to do it by turning on a light.
Then her fingers brushed over something soft and furry. She picked it up and pulled it close, hugging it. It was Lucy's stuffed dog, the one she had received from their father before he left for war. Lucy kept it with her the entire time, sleeping with it and keeping it close when they had traveled to the Professor's.
Susan shook her head, cheek pressed against the dog's soft cloth fur, willing herself to stop thinking about them. She couldn't though. Whenever she walked past a school yard and saw a brown haired girl, images of Lucy came to her. Every time she saw two boys together, joking, fighting, interacting in anyway, she thought of Peter and Edmund. She sometimes even thought she saw the others; Jill, Eustace, the Professor, 'Aunt Polly', and of course, her parents.
Even though her thoughts were dwelling on her nightmare, she was still aware of her surroundings. She was no longer in England, moving to America about six months after the accident, to continue schooling in a place that was not full of ghosts of her dead family and friends. It helped in some ways, but she was very homesick for her island nation. She planned to return when the pain did not wake her at night and when the memories would become bittersweet. That day had not come yet.
"Susan?" a sleepy voice asked and she could hear movement as her roommate shifted on the bed that was set across the room from her.
"Yes?" she managed to answer after a moment.
"What is wrong?" Elizabeth asked. Her American accent was almost as familiar now to Susan and the English accents she had been around most of her life.
"Just a dream," she answered.
She could hear the sound of the mattress moving on the other side of the room, and then the almost silent footsteps as Elizabeth walked across the room to Susan. The mattress made a creaking sound and she felt a comforting arm around her shoulders.
Susan looked up, blue eyes wide red rimmed; meeting Elizabeth's concerned green ones in the dim light that managed to sneak in from behind the window.
"The one with the train again?" she asked. Susan often had nightmares and would awake screaming. Some nights were worse than others. This was a bad one.
Susan just nodded in response, still holding the stuffed animal close. It was somewhat faded, but in a comforting way. However, it was a reminder of Lucy, her brothers, her parents and friends. It reminded her of Narnia. Of Aslan.
"Aslan," the pain gripped her heart as she whispered. "Where are you?" she managed to finish her soft question before she could not hold back the tears anymore.
The tears started to fall as a sob escaped and she felt Elizabeth hug her. In the beginning, Elizabeth had just let Susan be. Now, though, knowing how she had lost her entire family, Elizabeth wanted to help her best friend, even though she could not understand how hard it must be. She had heard Susan at night crying out for her family. However, she also sometimes heard her call out the words "Aslan" and "Narnia". She asked about that once, but the pain in Susan's eyes was enough to stop her from asking again.
Susan's head fell on her friend's shoulder, tears flowing freely as familiar pain ripped through her heart.