If you do not have a sense of humor, turn back now. If you do have a sense of humor keep reading and prepare to enter the worst part of my mind…the comedy section.
?: …It is time… SNAP!
(Jenna, Mia and Sheba appear in a large concrete room.)
Jenna: Where the %@&* are we!? Huh a %$^&*#&^ censor? You gotta be kidding me!
?: …Attention those of the female persuasion!
(Jenna, Mia and Sheba Salute.)
Mia: Reporting for duty sir!
?: …Good…your mission is to infiltrate a reality show called "The Bachlorette" …we believe that it is the front for a top secret EVIL organization bent on world domination!
Sheba: (Blinks) Could you repeat that? (Sheba is a blond…nuff said.)
?: NO! SNAP!
Jenna: …What's that snapping noise?
?: Damn…SNAP! …POW!…ouchies…THUMP
(Jenna, Mia and Sheba shrug.)
POOF! (Odd guy with brown hair in white cargo pants, a white shirt, and sun glasses appears.)
Jenna: Ahhhhhhhh! A contemporary villain!
Odd Guy: I'm not a villian! Baka! I'm the author…Sol Sabre!
Sheba: Author? What's an Author?
Sol Sabre: A super powerful being who controls all he or she sees.
Sheba: How? You don't even have psynergy!
(Sol Sabre snaps fingers and Sheba is launched into the air like a friggin rocket.)
Sol Sabre: I'm an author! SNAP "Yo kiddos this is the disclaimer thingy it states that I don't own any Golden Sun stuff…however I do own author powers, so I own all that I see! SNAP Golden Sun is now mine! Mwehehehehehe! (Only in my dreams actually) Now on with the story!
(The girls and Sol are in a large fancy room with TV cameras and stuff.)
Jenna: Hey this looks like a reality TV show set.
Sol: -_-; (She dyed her hair…she must be a blond…)
Sol: Let me introduce you to the reality TV show…"The Bachlorette!"
Sheba: What's a bachlorette?
Sol: -_-; (Maybe my author powers could make her smarter? Nah…) SNAP
Sheba: …
Sheba: !!!
Jenna: What's wrong with Sheba?
Sol: She's a mute! ^_^
Mia: How could you do such a horrible thing to her!?
Sol: I can't stand her stupidity and if she can't talk I don't have to type as much! ^_^
Sheba: !!! (Bastard!)
Sol: SNAP
Sheba: (…#%!&)
Sol: Alright girls there are ten eligible men for you to choose from…you must spend one day with each of them, at the end of the ten day period four of them will be voted off…by the reviewers!
Jenna: Who are the men!?
Sol: First off my staff… my personal enforcer…Kain! (A guy in black with a mask and many sharp pointy objects steps in and does a little bow.)
Sol: Tell us about yourself Kain.
Kain: I enjoy causing immense pain through stabbing soft fleshy things with my swords…my favorite color is red…I love being mysterious and stabbing my comrades in the back multiple times when they least expect it.
Sol: Which is why he's my enforcer! I'll explain his duties later! Now my Co Host and fellow fan fiction author, Icy Cake!
(Girl with fiery red hair, crimson eyes, black shorts and a blue tank top walks in.)
Icy Cake: Hi everyone.
Sol: Tell us a little about yourself.
Icy Cake: I write really good fan fiction with ZERO spelling errors! ^_^ Unlike certain authors…
Sol: _ Grrrrrrrrr…
Icy Cake: I also burn those who piss me off with my flamethrower! (Pulls out flamethrower.)
Sol: 0_o! (Note to self…stay on her good side…)
Sol: And now the eligible bachelors! The best of em all! Felix!
Felix: Yo…
Jenna: Ohhh…he's my kinda guy! (Swoons)
Sol: He's also your brother…
Jenna: …I can still dream…(Faints)
Sol: -_-; Next up is the hero of the first Golden Sun game…Isaac!
Isaac: !!!
Sol: He's a mute too…(shrugs) Next up everyone's favorite idiot! Garret!
Garret: Help me! I set myself on fire! (Runs around burning…)
Sol: I'm not saying anything except that he's the perfect match for Sheba or Jenna! …Kids if you're on fire don't forget to stop drop and roll…Garret is setting a bad example by running around wildly and not doing so.
Garret: ARGH! IT BURNS!
Sol: Please also note that trying to set yourself out with Gasoline, Propane, Paint thinner or any other flammable liquid is not a good idea…now please welcome POW! POW! PICARD! (Random fan girls cheer wildly!)
Picard: Ahhhhhhhhh! Fan girls! (Runs away.)
Sol: …As you can see he has no trouble finding woman…now…Ivan the mighty midget!
Ivan: I'm not a midget!
Sol: Yes you are…now bug off until you reach puberty! …Now, no reality show would be complete without…the master of all bad and mysterious things…the coolest villain of em all! ALEX! (Alex fans burst through the doors trampling random people in a violent rampage.)
Sol: Alex has locked himself in the back room until we can get this under control…now the coolest warrior from Prox…please welcome Saturos!
Saturos: Yo! Wazzup! Look at all the lovely ladies! (Slicks back hair) hehehehehe…
Everyone: …
Sol: I'm seriously considering replacing him with Kain…(Hears screaming and begging in the back room.) That would be Kain torturing Alex…Saturos you can stay for now…
Saturos: Yay!
Sol: Now the ugliest man ever…Agatio!
Agatio: I AM NOT UGLY!
Sol: You look like a body builder…and what's worse is that you're in tights…
Agatio: These? (Lifts the little kilt like thingy.)
Sol: AHHHHHHH! MY EYES! IT BURNS! LOWER THE KILT!
Agatio: Sorry…(Drops kilt.)
Sol: (I think my eyes have been fused open…) That image will never leave my mind…(Looks at list) Next we have Menardi!
Menardi: I made it on the show! (Starts dancing.)
Sol: You're a female though…
Menardi: Only on the outside…
Sol: 0_o; Ummm…that explains an awful lot…next up it's the ruler of Tolbi, Babi.
(Iodem drags in a coffin and puts it in Babi's spot)
Iodem: It took awhile and a lot of perfume, but he smells nice now…
Sol: Oh yeah…he's dead… (Shrugs) Stick him in the freezer for now. Finally our most respected senior citizen…KRADEN!
Kraden: I may be old, but I'm not cold! Yo!
Sol: 0_o; You'll scare my readers away…
Kraden: Wasn't that the point?
Sol: No…(DAMN MY SICK MIND TO %#!!)
Sol: These are our contestants…the show starts next time! Now for some behind the scenes look at what our contestants are up to!)
(The Females Dressing Room)
Jenna: %&@ *&@*^* @%#$*$ %!$@#!!!
Sheba:!!!
Mia:I can't understand you two.
Menardi: Come here little girls… ^_^
(Mia shoves Sheba and Jenna at Menardi) Mia: Keep her busy! (Runs away)
Jenna: Ummm…stop staring at me like that!
Menardi: You smell like Fritos…
Jenna: So?
Menardi: That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare baby!
Jenna: 0_o! Help me…
(The "SPECIAL HIGH SECURITY ROOM" aka the "BACK ROOM.")
Sol: Alex.
Alex: …Stop the pain…
Sol: Kain opened the door didn't he?
Alex: Uh huh…
Sol: Hmmm…
Icy Cake: Alex! …Kain did this, didn't he?
(Alex and Sol nod.)
Icy Cake: I hope he's ready to burn! (Pulls out flamethrower and walks into the next room.)
Kain: Hi Icy Cake…what! AHHHHHHHHH IT BURNS! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! ARRRRGH!
Sol: Keep him alive, I need him for the next chapter of "The Final Trial!"
Icy Cake: Fine…I'll give him second degree burns and call it good!
(The Male's dressing room)
(Isaac and Garret are stuffing Ivan into a small box.)
Ivan: Don't put me in the box!
Garret:Hehehehe…
Ivan: HELP!
Isaac: ^_^ (Tapes his mouth shut and closes the box.)
Garret: Lets stuff him in a locker!
Isaac: ^_^
(They stuff "Ivan in a box" into a locker and leave. Saturos walks in a hears muffled screams from the box.)
Saturos: Hmmm… (Uses Pyroclasm to launch the screaming box into orbit.)
Saturos: Hehehe…
(Space)
Ivan in a box: I don't wanna be a midget!
Picard: Yo! Box!
Ivan in a box: What are you doing here Piers?
Picard: It's Picard!
Ivan still in the box: Sorry…hey could you let me out?
Picard: Sure! (Opens box and Ivan gets sucked out into space.)
Picard: Oh…sucks to be him.
(Coffee Room)
(Sol and Icy Cake are sitting around doing nothing.)
Icy Cake: Shouldn't you be working on the next chapter?
Sol: I don't have enough energy to write more…
Icy Cake: Well have some coffee!
Sol: I've never had coffee… (Takes cup and downs it in one gulp.)
Sol: Hmmmmmm… 0_0 WOOT IMSOFRIGGINWIRED!WOW! ICANSEETWOOFYOU!AWSOME!
Icy Cake: -_-; Bad idea on my part…
Sol: (Running around the room causing a small tornado with winds clocked up to 200 mile per hour. "YA!THEBABOONISAFTERME!HELPMEICYCAKE!
Icy Cake: …
Sol: IGOTTAGOIMGETTINGMYWISDOMTEETHREMOVED!IMIGHTNOTBEABLETOUPADATE FORAWHILECAUSETHEREGONNADOPEMEUPONPAINKILLERS!WEEEEEEEEEEE!
Icy Cake: For those of you who don't know what he said he's having his wisdom teeth torn out of his face and he's gonna be on pain killers so he might not update for awhile…
Sol: REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! WEEEEEEEEEEE!
Icy Cake: -_-; (Pulls out a tranquilizer gun) Stop moving for a sec Sol!
Sol: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Icy Cake: Also if you review you get the opportunity to appear in the fic! Review then send an email to Sol Sabre and he will get back to you!