Consumed
by eternalshiva
Disclaimer - Mass Effect, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3 is not my property, but is the property of Bioware and the writers who created them. It is not the intention of this fan fiction author to participate in financial gain through this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
AN - Prompt on Tumblr by rewindedmiracle, this is angsty, full of feels.
The stench of blood poured from every corner of the battle field; heat flared around Kaidan as he staggered awake, his body ached - every muscle burned as he moved to stand. His amp fizzled and sparked as he reached for it and dislodged it, replacing it just in case.
The world was silent.
He couldn't hear anything but the slow thundering of his heart beat as he watched the beam still streaming to the sky. Why was it so silent? He reached for his ears, the ringing came suddenly and sharp enough to make him side step and trip over something... no, someone. He looked at his gloved hand, the armour was melted in some areas, he almost wanted to laugh - he couldn't feel the pain but there was fresh blood coming from his ears.
His eardrums were busted. That explains the silence, he thought. He rubbed his face of grime, looking around him and he couldn't see anyone else alive. Everyone was down, burnt or partial.
Where was Shepard? Did she make it?
His face twisted in a grimace as he briefly grieved the bodies that littered the debris. He found his heavy pistol laying close and began his slow and stumbling trek to the Reaper beam, to the citadel. He needed to get to it just in case she hadn't... no, he couldn't think like that.
She had made it. She was Commander Fucking Shepard.
Regardless - he made his way through the broken city corpse that surrounded the reaper technology. The cold night made him shiver, the sweat on his brow was dry and his skin itched from the blood.
How long had he been out?
He paused a moment, he could feel eyes on him - he pulled up his heavy pistol into combat position. He still couldn't hear and his eyes blurred against the pain of his body. This was dangerous, he had to find cover - he was exposed.
The world stilled as the beam brighten momentarily.
Kaidan shaded his eyes, he could see something step out from the light, he narrowed his eyes. They followed the quick and determined step of the shape and recognized it immediately.
Shepard.
His heart fluttered, relief flooded him and he called out her name. The figure froze, mid step, her head looking from side the side. Shepard turned towards him and for a moment, Kaidan smiled.
Shepard ran, arms out, fingers spread into sharp and foreign claws. Kaidan felt confusion as she came into his focus; there was something wrong with her eyes.
No, there was something wrong with all of her.
His heart clenched as realisation dawned on him, dread paralysed him and grief crushed him.
Her face wasn't sun kissed and freckled, it was grey. Her green eyes were gone, replaced with a light and ominous blue that spread out her eye sockets like spider webs and etched themselves among the hardware of husks. Thick and ugly wires ran from her mouth and wrapped themselves down the length of her neck and shoulders, her lips pulled back in a permanent grin that exposed her teeth - her beautiful lips were gone. Her cheeks sunk into her face as she screamed, screeched at him in her haste to reach her target and kill him.
He couldn't hear her, thank god he couldn't hear her.
His amp sprung to life, the warmth of his biotics buzzed and made his teeth rattle as he lifted his hand towards her. Tears blurred his vision as he captured her into a stasis field, sweat poured from his brow while he stumbled forward from the simple effort to keep her still. Anguish vocalised itself in a low guttural moan as he watched her struggle to free herself and he confirmed that it was indeed his Shepard.
He stood before her, soft brown eyes met empty blue. They were cold, devoid of her careful determination to protect all that she loved. Her eyebrows were gone he observed absently, her hair clung to her scalp in weird clumps - the fiery red against the blue gray of husk skin made him ill. He reached through the field to touch her and wept when he couldn't feel the warmth of her skin. It was like the dry leather of a corpse out in the sun too long.
He fell to his knees, one hand covered his eyes when he realised that her armor was melted into the skin, her N7 emblem still visible and proud above her breast but there was nothing under that but wires, lights and death.
Shepard was dead. He had failed to protect her again, she had died under his watch and now, Harbringer had turned her into a husk that still looked like her. Kaidan laughed, a bitter sound echoing across the battlefield when he came to the realisation that Harbringer planned to use her to lead his armies on earth, to defeat their morale and to destroy all hope they had left.
No. No!
He shouted, a scream filled with agony, heart ache and anger - tears blurred his vision again as he stood, reaching for her once more but this time, a pistol met her forehead. His other hand reached out, cupped her cheek tenderly. He could feel the vibrations through her as she screamed and he was thankful that all he could remember was the sound of her voice from this morning when they made love before the final push.
Her whispers, their promises sealed away in her cabin - a memory they cherished from this life into the next. They were supposed to retire together, they were supposed to have a daughter named Ashley and a son named David. He was supposed to build her a home on the land he bought in Vancouver.
They were supposed to live.
His finger squeezed the trigger lightly but he stopped, sobbing harshly once before dropping the weapon to his hip as he tried to process what he was doing, what had happened - how did it all go so terribly wrong?
"Shepard... Shepard," He whispered harshly, accusingly. "You were supposed to come back alive, you always listen to orders," he shouted at her but the hollowed version of his love only stared, her mouth agape in a snarl, mindless and filled with blood lust.
Could he really do this? He watched her struggle again in the field and he knew that he couldn't see her.
She was gone.
He raised his hand again, barrel against the leathery skin and he pushed the tip forward hard enough to mover her head back - he looked into her eyes, searching them, hoping to find her - hoping she was resisting, that she could be saved.
No. She wasn't there - his lips pressed together in a thin and determined line.
"I love you, Shepard." he told her with clarity, strength and tenderness. He pulled the trigger.
The force of the pistol's fire vibrated through his arms, the back of her head blew out and the light in her dimmed and went out. He released the stasis field, and before she could hit the ground, he caught her in his arms, her body folding into his. His knees met stone, the pain barely registering.
He had gone numb from the inside out. He was empty and all he had left of her were memories and an unbearable ache that ate at his existence. Grief gripped him hard.
He couldn't breathe.
He looked down, pushed her hair from her face and closed his eyes as a memory fluttered and warmed him. "I love you, Kaidan," her eyes twinkled with unshed tears as they embraced. He had kissed her that morning, tasting life and their future from her lips.
But now, it's all gone.
He opened his eyes again, carefully laid her down and he laid next to her. He removed his gloves and grabbed her lifeless hand, lacing his fingers with hers - his lips pulled into a sad smile as he stared up to the stars.
The world was peaceful, for just a moment.
"This time, you won't leave me behind, Shepard."
He put the barrel of the heavy pistol to his own temple, tears flowed freely as he cursed the Reapers and pulled the trigger.