As I lay on the floor thinking about these entire question in my head. I can't help it but to feel jealous over her. Over Bella. Why did Jake choose her, not me? Why? What did I do to make him do this to me? She has someone that she loves and you know that. Yet you still chase her. I was always at your side waiting if you would notice me but you don't. I try to stay here forever and always but I can't Jake and that's why I want you to notice.
I brought the razor near my wrist and slit my wrist. I hissed in pain. Of course it hurts what do I expect? Hurt is good for me because it helps me forget everything that happens. Every damn thing that Jake and Bella do. I'm also broken. In fact I think I'm almost broken like Bella is but of course don't show it to anyone my pain. I was the cheery kid that always laughs make jokes, the one that is naïve and of course physically and emotionally strong. Now I almost never laugh or I just fake laugh I'm just- not strong anymore I guess. At first I just thought 'oh everything will be alright' or 'don't worry I'm sure he'll notice me soon' I guess at that time I was just trying to run away from everything.
Jake doesn't notice anything because his sweet Bella is improving. He would always go to the pack and say 'Bella is getting better!' or 'Bella is so sweet!' but what he said yesterday hurt me the most 'I kissed Bella and she kissed me back!' Ouch. Of course I just smiled and say 'isn't it great? Probably she'll fall in love with you!' I just wish that only one damn day that I could be his imprint.
Jake being in love with Bella thought "Of course not! I'm your best friend!" Best friends. I kind of hate that word now.
It hurts everything hurts.
But that's how my life is. Slowly I wrapped my hands with the cloth. Since Werewolves heals fast the next morning the pain will be closed.
Slowly I walked over to my desk writing a letter to Jake. Just to say that I to say that I love him….. and that I'm going away.
It just hurts everything hurts.
Dear Jake,
I can't handle the pain anymore or even trying to smile. I can't be like Leah being strong watching Sam and Emily together, because I am not the strong girl at all. I've changed Jake. I can't watch the things anymore because even if I'm there you won't notice me. I also know that you won't ever love me like I love you, because I'm always your sister, your best friend and a pack member. I can't watch how you love Bella so much anymore because it'll just break me more.
Jake, Bella isn't your imprint! Don't worry I know that your imprint will come soon! Even though she's moody, wears black all the time and all her looks shows "what the fu** are you looking at?" She's broken, like you Jake and it's all up to you to fix her and then she'll fix you and don't ask me why I know this but just think that like I'm Alice that is just a version of a wolf. I know this, so please just wait for a while then ka-poof! She'll appear. Don't worry I'm not going to be dead or something I'll just be……gone for a while take a vacation or something like that. Always remember this Jake even when I'm gone for a while don't blame it on yourself.
From: Freya Lucy Roversi