"no one's life seems great between midnight and seven am. go to sleep. things will be better tomorrow."
—
my scottie sister, grendel, when i called her crying in the middle of the night (via koalatea)
Eighteen Hours Before
"I'm depressed," I told them, and I meant it. I felt sad all the time and I wanted to cry the rest of it.
"Are you sure?" asked mama, she was sitting at the table, doing her usual morning crossword. She shared a look with papa, who was standing by the stove, letting the eggs burn.
"I know that I'm not okay," I said, she stood up, but Diana and Nico had beaten her, the two of them wrapping their arms around me. But that didn't stop her, or papa, from joining us.
The only person missing was Esperanza, the only person I could really talk to.
They all pulled away when the fire alarm went off, the eggs were black at that point.
Fourteen Hours Before
"Are you sure that you don't want to go see Will?" papa asked, we were the only two in the shop. It was supposed to be close, being Sunday and all, but papa had a project that he wanted me to help him with. I didn't find pleasure being at the shop like I use to, it's been almost a month since I've wanted to go there.
"I-I can do this on my own," I told him, pulling a wrench out of my tool belt. "I can beat this; it just may take a while."
"I believe that you can do this, it's just that Will may be able to help the process along. Son of Apollo and all," he said, his voice was softer, gentler than normal. I brushed away the tears on his cheeks, papa shouldn't be crying.
"I'll be okay."
"What about Bianca? Does she-" I shook my head, she wouldn't understand, no one ever understood these things.
Ten Hours Before
"Anza? Are you there? Can we talk?"
Clunk, clunk, clunk; the drachmas hit the floor and rolled around, under her bed, behind the dresser, on to the window sill.
Six Hours Before
"Mama, you didn't have to do this," I told her, she shook her head and kissed my forehead.
"I didn't, but I wanted to. Now eat before the food gets cold," she said, and the light hit her face in just the way that I could see she had been crying.
I didn't refuse any of the food put on my plate, and I ate everything, even the pickled vegetables.
"Thank you mama for dinner," I told her, as Nico began cleaning up the table.
She smiled and winked at me.
Zero Hours Before
She had never felt this sort of pain before. It was worse than when Esperanza left. It was worse than when Nico burned her when she was six. It was worse than when Diana accidently shot her with an arrow.
No one had ever hurt her this badly before. No one, expect for herself, right now.
Two slashed wrists.
"Zoe? What are you doing?"
She really didn't expect for anyone to be awake, let alone her brother.
And the shock was enough to make her scream, she was sure that she woke up the whole street.
Two Hours After
"Oh my baby, oh my Zoe, why have you done this?"
I didn't think that it was possible for her to rock me like this, but after papa had pulled me out of the bathtub, mama hadn't let go of me.
"Mama please," I whispered, why didn't she understand.
I was so lost, so scared and hurt and empty.
"Papa, will Zoe be okay?" I heard Diana ask, she and Nico had been sent back to their rooms upstairs, but even mama and papa knew that it wasn't worth it.
"She'll be okay, she just needs a little help," explained papa, "I went through my own bout of depression, it's a fight that I know she'll win."
I buried my head into mama's chest and cried harder than I knew was possible.
Four Hours After
I laid in their bed between the two of them, mama's arms wrapped just tightly enough around me to know that she wasn't sleeping, and papa's arms wrapped even tighter around the two of us.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Eight Months After
It's late, I'm tired, and we should both be asleep.
But Charles Jackson is a creature, well, being, that I need to know more about.
He's smart, and cute, and charming, and funny.
He doesn't know that I'm sick, he doesn't know that I'm crazy, he doesn't know about any of my problems.
And he's willing to talk about his own, his insecurities and fears, his family, the quest, how he feels about everything.
And that's the reason why I kiss him, it doesn't make sense to me, but he's kissing me back so I don't mind.
A/N: I have never been depressed before and I have never cut myself or attempted suicide before. Please call the National Suicide Hotline if you have suicidal thoughts, the number is 1-800-273-8255.
On a different note, Zoe is Leo and Calypso's oldest daughter. I wrote a story about her called The State of Dreaming, but I think I'll be changing the tittle soon. She is self-diagnosed as depressed, but after her failed attempted, Leo and Calypso would have taken her to see Will Solace (who is a therapist) for an official diagnose. Though Zoe would still be determine to fight it on her own, she just doesn't think that her friends and family supporting her counts as help, when it really does.
Charles Jackson, is the oldest of Percy and Annabeth's children, I'm working on a Jackson Children story as I speak.
Please review, thank you for reading, good night,
~WR